I'm starting to realize I have no real friends :( Is this OK/healthy for a 23 yr old?

[JadedStar]

Typically because men care more about attractiveness than personal qualities like personality/ambition, etc. so it sometimes surprises me that girls who are not attractive at all get so much attention...

 

Right. Happiness in a relationship doesn't depend on looks. Sure, good looks help a person get more CHANCES at happiness, as in a higher volume of first dates, but if that is all they got and they are a mess on the inside it will be short lived. The girls you find more unattractive than you who are happy may not have gone on as many first dates with different men, but they are secure on the inside and are able to KEEP the guy they date and be happy much longer.

 

Did you make it home from the library ok last night? I was checking to see if you updated but i think the thread is gone.

[Lily04]

Right. Happiness in a relationship doesn't depend on looks. Sure, good looks help a person get more CHANCES at happiness, as in a higher volume of first dates, but if that is all they got and they are a mess on the inside it will be short lived. The girls you find more unattractive than you who are happy may not have gone on as many first dates with different men, but they are secure on the inside and are able to KEEP the guy they date and be happy much longer.

 

Did you make it home from the library ok last night? I was checking to see if you updated but i think the thread is gone.

 

True... I think I was just ranting that men don't ask me out in general... but I've concluded that the reason for that is that I don't "put myself out there enough" (i.e. I hardly went out this semester... every time I DID I did get some men hitting on me though...not necessarily always wanted attention though, either..) and also because I don't have a close group of friends, that makes it difficult to be introduced to new people and do social activities together. People who DO have friends and a friend group of sorts tend to be more likely to meet potential dates as well. So, really, I think it's external factors.

 

In terms of last night... I found an old friend who works at the library who was able to lend me some cash for the fare. So I was OK. I deleted the thread as I found I was just overanalyzing over the issue of friendship...

[Batya33]

Very glad you got home safely, Lily!!

[Rockchick26]

That is what I was referring to - not the extremes you were referring to in your post.

 

If you had read the OPs many other threads on this subject you would have seen the context in which I meant my comments - you may disagree but my guess is you would see that there was no attack meant and this was not the general concept you refer to.

 

Ok,yeah i get what you're saying. I just think there are more people in this world who judge others' attractiveness,than people who don't. And that alone doesn't mean you won't have any friends. I'd still be friends with someone who called people "ugly",that doesn't mean they're a bad friend,it just means they think that person is unattractive. I would say most girls are like Lily.. comparing themselves to others and wondering why lesser attractive girls can get guys and we cant. I think it's also because men are more looks-based than women are,and will date a hot girl even if she isn't very smart. So,an unattractive girl will be upset about that,especially if she isn't very smart,cuz then she doesn't have anything to offer to guys. Well,i shouldnt say that,everyone has something to offer,but guys usually tend to just want the pretty girls.

[Lily04]

I would say most girls are like Lily.. comparing themselves to others and wondering why lesser attractive girls can get guys and we cant.... but guys usually tend to just want the pretty girls.

 

yep. girls will tend to wonder... especially when I haven't had a boyfriend in 4 years... AND i'm attractive!!!... start to wonder!!! lol

[Batya33]

There's a difference between occasional thoughts and focus on this issue - that is where you again ignored what I wrote - and yes I do think that at a certain level of focus on this issue it will be sensed, and will be a turn off, by people that person tries to befriend, men or women. I am not saying the OP is there or not I am suggesting though that from what I have read she seems to be overly focused on this issue and that can be a turn off when it comes to making friends. It would be for me.

 

Men typically are more visual, I agree. None of my serious boyfriends would have become seriously involved with a woman he did not find intelligent or intellectual, and most of the men I have dated were like that as well. I have seen examples of what you write and also women who go for "boy toys."

 

I also don't think it's about "getting" guys as if a guy was a piece of property. As JS wrote, maybe a "hot" girl can "get" a guy for a night or three, easier than a non-hot girl, but you need to be able to "get" as in understand, have a rapport with, be on the same wavelength as, a person in order to maintain a long term happy relationship. Looks alone won't cut it for the long haul and looks fade.