If you fall out of love...can it come back?

[Batya33]

That's valuable information for you to know.

[Daligal83]

I think it means my heart just isn't in it anymore. We're hanging out on Saturday. I'm going to keep an open mind and see how it goes. Then I'll take it from there.

[Batya33]

Yes, just understand that you're not going to have the perspective from a clear place because you two haven't spent time apart - either in length of time or in quality of time apart - so if it does feel awkward, tense or forced you can't really evaluate that as "falling out of love" because the loving feelings would be overwhelmed by the stress and awkwardness of the situation.

[Daligal83]

That's a good point. I just don't feel like there's the opportunity to get enough time to make that clear evaluation. He made it clear that he's not going to put up with this until May. That doesn't leave much time.

[Batya33]

Yes that is his choice -he may want to move on, unfortunately.

[Jayme]

Hi, I think I'm kinda in the same situation as your bf is right now. I can throughly understand what he's going through right now. Cause I'm having the same problem as he is, as you guys are.

 

I react the same way he does, mood swings and all. Trying to figure it out all the time, but just slaming against a wall of doubts and fears all the time.

 

My gf changed alot since she started this new job of her's, she's constantly tired and emotioally drained. Seems to worry alot about trying to impress her boss, not to mention hitting the monthly targets and stuffs.

 

Sometimes it's just so hard to try to relate to her in anything when she's at work, even if we're meeting up after work. I feel so secondary to everything in her life right now.

 

Can I just tell you how I'd like my gf to react to me, since I think your bf and me, are kinda going through the same things.

 

Basically, I think the trust within the relationship becomes very insignificat. Cause while we're thinking about the problems in the relationship. We cannot factor out the doubt if there's a third party. And becomes like a thorne in the heart.

 

I think talking to him about it seems like the best way to go. It'd be best to spend time with him as much as you can, even though he'd be sulky and stuffs. Reassure him when you see him down, as you do this for him, it's doing the relationship good as well. As it takes 2 hands to clap right? If he returns to normal in due time, the feelings would return indefinatly, as he'd be cheerful and basically back to normal again.

 

It'd have to drain your emotional strength alot more during this time, but be patient and reap what you've sown.

[JadedStar]

I don't even like dating...so it's not really an issue. Like I said, I really am fine with being alone and do think it's a good idea to being alone for a bit after ending a relationship. I'm not going to lie and say there aren't some guys that I would be interested in dating. But I wouldn't go after them so soon. And I'm saying this purely on a physical standpoint...like just guys I've noticed at the gym that I find attractive. I haven't talked to them.

 

I honestly don't think my boyfriend would go for this plan though. He's so fed up with me. He tells me I'm the woman of his dreams and an hour later he's mad at me again.

 

It sounds like your head is on your shoulders snugly. You have a good outlook for the near future.

 

If you have been upset with each other more than happy, or even if the ratio of upset to happy is 1/3 of the time, it is time to move on.

[Daligal83]

Thanks for the input guys. Jayme...I get what you are saying. I just don't know if I have it in me to do that. Jaded...thanks for your input. I don't always feel like I'm mature about this or know what I'm doing.

 

Just an update. We hung out Saturday and talked. He said he's basically given up on the situation but is being optimistic at the same time. He was convinced I was going to break up with him that night and honestly I had thought about it. He's done a lot of thinking over the past week and realized how some of his behaviors don't help. He said that every time he gets out of a relationship, he has to reinvent himself because he loses himself to the girl. I told him I don't think he loses himself to the girl, but more the relationship in general. He basically defines his life by it. I suggested that when he goes back home next month, we use that as a break. He agreed and thought we should see each other every two weeks and talk every couple of days. I'm going to see how the next five weeks goes before he leaves, but I think that I'm going to say that we'll just see each other on weekends that work out for both of us. It doesn't always have to be every other week. That doesn't seem like a break to me. Plus he said that he wasn't planning on going on dates on the other weekends, but I'm thinking I might want to. It all depends on how this goes though. It was nice to see a glimpse of the guy I fell in love with and I started feeling good again, but the next day it was back to normal for me. I'm just so back and forth. The good thing is he said that if we break up, he really does want to stay friends. We've been in each other's lives for too long to just throw that part away.

[Vaglar]

Hey Daligal,

 

It's been 3 years since you wrote about your story. Do you mind giving me an update on how things went since you last posted?

 

I'm in a similar situation actually, I'm in your bf shoes, except that my gf broke up with me 4 months ago, and she lost her feelings around the end of last year. I met her 2 months after the BU and while we spent a good time, she said her feelings didn't really change. I'm now trying to let go but it's hard. Reading relationship stories does help a lot though.

 

Would be great if you could tell me your story, and what happened to him as well. Thanks!

[Daligal83]

Wow, I just had to reread this whole thread because while I obviously remember this time of my life, most of the details had been forgotten.

 

Well we did break up and did not remain friends. He tried at first, but I was too worried about him reading into my actions and getting hope that we'd get back together, which I definitely did not want. Plus his behavior had been so up and down that I really didn't have any desire to spend time with him. I told him he needed time away from me and he disagreed at first and so we still talked, but it was forced and awkward. Then he said he needed to not talk to me for awhile and I agreed. When he contacted me again he again expected a full on friendship, which I just didn't want and he became frustrated with me for not acting the way he wanted me to.

 

Fast forward to now...we don't talk at all. Still friends on Facebook. I've seen him I think twice since the breakup, both times at a mutual friend's home. He's engaged now to a girl that lives 6 hours away, but she's moving to our hometown this fall I think. The last time I saw him his fiance was there, and I'm still glad I ended it. He's just not right for me, even though he's a good guy. My last relationship broke my heart, but it had what I was missing with the ex from this thread. Acceptance. The ex from this thread never really understood me or accepted me for who I am. In retrospect, this was a big part of my loss of feelings. He would constantly question why I do things or how I feel about things and just could not comprehend how my brain worked and it made me feel bad and frustrated.

 

I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this as well. It's definitely not an easy situation. I think you just need to take care of yourself without trying to figure in her coming back into your life in that way.