Jayme

I feel that you being friends with her might work for her only but it just doesn't work for you. I feel that she might be using you as an emotional support for her to flirt around. Like for example, so that she still feels safe that she still can fall back on you when all that flirting with that certain person fails, thereforeeee indirectly affecting you by draining you emotionally and making you miserable needless to say. In terms of having her removed from your watch, is quite a bad thing to do I feel. Yes, it might help you with getting over her, but she might just go around your back during the other shifts that she's in to stab you, know what I mean? So these are things that you can't avoid, like her showing you her discontentment and such, after all, you guys were intimate at one point. Your mum's right, we sometimes feel that we know what we're doing, but in terms of experiences, mums rules on that. And I feel that she just purely do not know what she wants out of a relationship or for herself, don't we all? I'd say, just leave the situation as it is, and get over it and move on. Life goes on after all, do not stop for anyone or stop meeting people. There'll definitly be someone out there for you to trust again, but if you stop meeting people or go into depression and such, no one's going to get attrached to someone feeling low all the time. I believe that it was your confidence and good-going nature that attrached her to you in the first place. Just be careful next time, its never too good to trust someone so soon, but its hard sometimes, when you are in love and all. Its really hard, even if you don't want to trust, it just draws you in. Actually, nothing starts perfectly. Its just that during the inital phase of courtship, we tend to overlook the bad points and just see the good points of the person we're in love with. I'd say when you really do get over her and intend to start off dating again, address every issue that you feel 'weird' about her or the friendship. Yes, it might scare her off, but its only to protect you. And it helps with that if she's mature enough to handle such problems, its always important to listen or address problems with an open view not just in your view of things. Do not get into a relationship on an impulse, always understand your partner's needs and wants first, and decide for yourself whether are you willing to undertake all those under your wings. Well, if I continue, it might just be too long. There are so many things involved that makes it so complicate yet simple in a way that, all you have to think is, you love her, and somehow strenght just comes for you to handle all sort of problems. I hope I helped you with your problems. =)

I think you were wrong in not finding out his true intentions before both of you kissed. But on the other hand, what you thought was going to be fruitful relationship, was not what he wanted. But what's done is done, and you cannot turn back time to undid what you did. But I'd say, stay away from him, someone who's not interested in a relationship but just wants sex from you ain't someone who is worth your time. He wants you to think that its all about you for today, cause he wants your trust to a certain extend. So that you can give in to him without resistance. That's how I feel about your situation.

You are right, there are things that are worth compromising and there are sometimes that are just not worth. Thank you for that emma, it helped me see the light on my situation. I unknowingly decided that my life together with my partner has really alot of unsolved problems that really ain't worth compromising for.

If you don't have anything to talk about, it always helps to talk about past memories. Like your first date together etc. She will praise you for remember little details about her when you first met her, and when you start talking about things like that, she will be the one leading the converseations, she will start asking questions about why you fell in love with her etc. And all you have to do is just add "spice" into the soup by agreeing with her when she says something, believe me, there are lots to talk about in conversations, it only depends on whether the two of you want to.

Hm, I don't know about you all. But I think that sometime having long conversations on the phone before knocking off to bed is quite a good way to improve a relationship. My personal thoughts on having nothing to talk about is that, its actually a direct reflection of a relationship, and how both are as friends. Usually close friends, have like tonnes and tonnes of things to say to each other, even guys. And sometimes girls get real disappointed when they call you prepared to talk, but yet you have to do something else to end the conversation prematurely. There are two school of thoughts to this I feel, is either she can be real understanding and hang up the phone without feeling and bad feelings, or you could on the other hand just accompany her on the phone, sometimes you need not talk about anything but just be slient just to let her feel you on the line, it does help abit I think instead of just giving an excuse and hang up. Let her realise that conversations on the phone aren't a good way for both of you to catch up instead. Instead of you telling her or dropping hints about how its not working for you. What I think. =)

Aren't relationships all about compromising with each other, for example, their passions for different things and such. But when that compromise isn't happening, what do couples fall back on? Can they really simply fall back on love itself? As in the feelings they have for each other? Being in a relationship has become such a chore for me, there are so many aspects to look into. Your personal life is sometimes already in shambles, but in a relationship you have as a guy to look after another person's life as whatever you do with your personal life affects the other, visa versa. How can a human being so imperfect take on so many things at a time? Especially when your partner is so emotionally dependent on you and thereforeeee the relationship, till the point I emotionally drained. I do know that we have to be by each other's side when s**t happens, when one is down, but can we really be supportive when you yourself is down? There seems no emotional support in some sense in the whole relationship for me. If you talk about getting it from friends, I got to be honest with you all and say, we Asians have a peculiar way of love. In our view, a relationship should just involve ourselves and thereforeeee you shouldn't get involved in any "friendships" of our own, expect mutual friends. And we too were caught up with this "system". I don't know where am I getting at, but what can be done to prevent or prepare yourself from going through emotional "drain-ess", and to prepare yourself for a healthy relationship coming from an Asian thinking of possessive-ness and such. How do other couples maintain their relationship till marriage since childhood sometimes? I just do not understand. Does indivuals in the relationship have to be very understanding and know their partner inside out? I've tried so many times, being myself in the relationship but my partners seemed to always like me being more "man-ly" instead of being a person who gives in to their requests and not standing up for my views. But when I finally do change to stand up for my opinions and such, they start complaining about me being too cold, and liked the past me. I'm lost. I've lost myself, I do things that I don't do usually such as feeling unappreicated etc. How can someone truly understand a woman, we can't always compromise with them right? Even when they are truly wrong, they are always right? Have you ever felt being treated like a servant in the relationship? Sigh.

Hi all, we are coming to our 11th month of our relationship now. Been through tonnes of stuffs, both of us. We had a major qurrual over her getting too close for comfort with some of her guy friends. And the day after I kind of got real upset about it and started giving her the cold shoulder. We qurrualled and qurrualled, and suddenly out of no where she tells me that she's getting disgusted and stuffs by me. Then she tells me that she's considering this other guy, saying that she has no feelings for him but at least she knows that he won't disappoint him. The day after the qurrual, it was as if everything was back to normal for her. She started being her ownself again, being good to me and stuffs. After then, we did not bring that guy up again. But till today, about 2 months after that qurraul. I've been very paranoid about her every move, every phone call and we usually do talk on the phone till she sleeps, but recently, we are still doing that, but sometimes for less than 20mins compared to the hours we used to spend on the phone. And my mind really wonders what goes on after she hangs up with me. Thoughts like"is she going to call the other guy and stuffs like that" this is really spoiling the relationship for me at least. The more suspicious I get, the harder it is for me to commint myself fully into the relationship, even though I have been in for 11 months now. My thoughts are really driving me mad. Can someone with the same experiences give me some advice to conquer my inner fears? =( Thanks in advance, Jayme

Thank you for that Prosper!.. =D

Thanks goddess for your insight to my problem... ^^ she tells me its for me too, maybe I'm just not too use to all the attention my gf's getting with other guys. Thank you thank you all~

Ah, both of you really did open up my mind quite abit... sonjam, maybe you're right, my own insercurity's the root of the problem. Maybe its just that she's still in contact with a certain someone that's wooing her, and he's quite a rich guy who drives her around to places and stuffs. But when I compare myself with him, I'm a peanut beside him. Thanks sonjam and Sn0man for your replies.

My gf and I has been together for 5months, come 21st. But for this 5 months, I realised that unknowningly or knowingly, she has been giving out the wrong impressions to other guys. Impressions such as, she's still single, and would like to dress up so as to attrach attention. To her it is being normal, and when I asked her about her dressing, she would say that they can see but cannot touch anyway. But why give the wrong impression in the beginning? Can't quite understand, am I being overly sensitive, or is something really wrong? Guys, please correct my thinking if you think I'm wrong alright? This is really bothering me alot. Thank you, Jayme

Hey why not compose a song for her to tell her how you feel through it?

I just emailed her a farewell msg, with Coldplay's The Scienctist lyrics attached. I guess I'm not going to pursue it anymore, cause her reply was," As much as I dislike your lameness and dishonesty, I still treat you as a friend and wanna wish you a happi christmas, and thanks for the song." When I heard that my heart broken to even smaller pieces. I just can't accept the fact that we're friends now, just a few days ago we were so close. Thank you Prosper. Owe you one. Maybe could treat you to coffee someday, just realised that you're from Singapore too.

Thank you Prosper for your wise advise. As much as I want to pursue, I don't know where to start anymore, she seem so cold and doesn't even give me a chance to meet up with her anymore. Although I know where she stays and work, I dunno whether should I look for her there. Any ideas? Do you think I should wait for her to cold down and stuff first?

I didn't let go of her so easily, I went through all the hard work to find out where she was going, and although she didn't want to see me. And even got my brother to pass her a flower and a written note of apology at her work place as she didn't want to see me. We both had such a great connection between us, its like we literally knew what each of us is gonna say next and stuff. Maybe emotional understanding's not there yet, but we were slowly learning as we go along, but I just don't understand why can't she understand this particular situation and look at it in my point of view for once. We both knew what we wanted before we got together, we both wanted a long-term relationship. And that was part of the reason why we got together. But I wondered how can we have a long-term relationship when we can't work out this problem. No matter how hard we tried to talk it out yesterday, she just was so bent on her own mindset, and not willing to chance her point of view on stuff. Do you guys think that I should continue to persue this relationship that we had? Or just simply let go and take it as a lesson well learnt? Thank you all!

Relationships these days are lasting shorter and shorter. Its not like we don't make an active effort to keep our partner's happy or something, but it just does work out anymore.

Why did you all break up in the first place redline52?

I've been on this forums for ages now, and it has really helped me alot. But looking at the posts that has been posted and all. It really made me wonder, what's for certain now in this modern world. People breaking over reasons unknown, and even long-term relationships that lasted 2 or 3 years could have been broken up through little little things. What is for certain? No matter how faithful one partner is, no matter how good you or your partner treats you, what's the use? It just all seems so bleak now. So dark the world has become. Don't you all agree with me? Are we really forcing ourselves into eternal singledom in the future? Gosh.

Titan, thats what I thought too, it was kinda petty. A couple of days back, she said lets break off for 2 weeks and get back together after that." out of nowhere. She has the ex that keeps wanting to patch back with her, and recently she told me that she has let him down, and didn't want to keep the promise, but don't want to be the one breaking it but wants him to get together with another person so that she don't seem like the sinner. Do you all think that this could one of the reasons too? And the rest of the guys, I know I was rude. And thats why I kept the thought to myself and didn't tell her about it till she asked me. Sorry about it guys, I told her that I'm sorry for being rude too. There was no other reason why I kept staring at her. I know I'm quite a bastard for habouring such thoughts. I admit it.

Guys, I need your opinions and help on this issue. We have recently broken up going into 2 mths. We broke up as she caught me dazing and staring at her cousin and she's unhappy about it. She confronted me about it, and asked me for a reason. I told her that I was dazing at her cause I found it amusing that her cousin had such a huge bum for a v.small frame. She told me that it was not the first time that I did it, and she is v.unhappy with my explaination. And said that she wants a bf that could be open and not hide things from her. But the thing is, that was the truth, I was only dazing at her because for the whole time I was thinking how is it possible that a girl with such a small frame can have such a huge bum. Do you all girls out there find this reason acceptable being the only thought that I had about her cousin? I wanted to meet her up yest, I was waiting for her at a shopping center. I told her that I was waiting there, but after a while, she texted me to ask me to go home as she did not feel like seeing me. But nontheless, I waited. And when she walked through the main entrance, and saw me, she walked away. I felt so hurt that she did that. Why do you guys think that she reacted the way she did? I followed her and finally got a chance to speak to her face to face, and she told me that, why can't we both be friends first and see how things goes from there, let us both cool down and stuff. Before seeing her and talking to her face to face, on the phone thats not what she said, she said I did not even have a chance to proof myself. Really need tonnes of help on this. Thank you in advance love gurus.

Thanks guys for the speedy replies. I seriously do hope that we can sort things out as you guys had said, but a part of me wants to, but the other part doesn't as I'm afraid she'll get all defensive. Knowing myself, sometimes I do get a little heated when I can't get anything accross to someone. I wonder how long can I keep all these couped up within me. Am supposed to meet her tonight actually, but she says she wants to go home and rest early. Gosh, do you guys think that its because of the problem that we had earlier on?

Hey guys, its been a while since I posted. But this matter has really been bothering me for a while. My gf and I knew each other for less than 2 mths and we got together. And since then, things has been great, but we never seem to stop having arguments over small little things, e.g, we were chatting with each other over the phone last night, like 0400. And she said that she's tired and had a tummyache, so I asked her to sleep early but she didn't want to and wanted to continuing chatting. It went well for a while before she complained about her tummyache and tireness again. So I told her to turn in. And she started getting angry, she thought I didn't want to talk to her. And started saying stuffs like, "its not like I can't find anyone else to chat with..." stuff to provoke me. I told her that I was just showing care and concerning in asking her to turn in. But she started giving me altiude and stuffs. I don't understand why is she constantly giving me the altiude whenever I say something that she doesn't like to hear. For a while now, I can't express myself openly, as I'm afraid that I'd angry her with my words. Its been kinda stressful for me. And its like I've been cheating on her or anything like that. This is just an example of what we argue about. It is a problem that I've to address about myself or is it a communication breakdown between us? Everything else besides this is, is really wonderful. I'm always giving in to her when she starts giving me this altiude of hers. What do you think I should do?

Sorry about what happened. I'd say that he is really sad about the break up. And is sallowing all the saddness, hurt, anger etc.. Not showing it in front of you. But behind closed doors, I believe he is really hurting. If you really want to help him. The things you can do to help him is quite complicated. You have to care and help him sliently. You should try not to have contact with him. But yet occasionally, drop him a mail to tell him that you're still waiting for him etc.. its a very delicate operation. I hope you understand what I mean.

Hmm. doorik. You might have a point there, about not being her close friend. But one point that really hits me, is that. After reading so many posts on issues like this. I noticed that girls often go for guys that are bad to them and stuff. Where good guys like xxsupaxeroxx are often the ones that gets hurt and stuff. I'm almost in the same situation as you xxsupaxeroxx. Just that I'm looking at the postive side of things. Although they are together. But they aren't married yet. True loves waits, thats what I always believe in. Continue being friends with her. You won't want to lose someone like her. Try not to think of anything else. For example her sex life etc. It'll just totally destroy you. I've been there, and its killing me every single day. If you really do love her, and planning to marry her oneday. Maybe you could divert your energy to work or something. Making more money so that she can enjoy a comfortable life with you next time. I mean these are just some susgestions. Crappy as it might sound. Hope it helps. Its helping me get out of miserable life, hope it helps you too. Cheers.

Hey Guys, I'm rather new to posting and all. So please pardon me alright? I've known this girl for almost 4 years now. But you kinda lost contact for about 1 to 2 years. We recently contacted each other again, and to our surprise, we click very very well. We've become best of friends, and she is most definitely my soulmate. We talk and share almost everything under the sun. And I think I've fallen madly in love with her. And I think she also has feelings for me. Believe me, I can tell. But here's the catch, she has a bf now. I've asked her about it, she says that she doesn't want to leave him because she doesn't want to leave him with nothing. And that if she had to choose, she'd have choosen me if not for him. She tells me that in terms of character, prospect for the future etc.. I beat him in everyway. And because of that, she can easily make the decision to choose him over me. (I don't really understand*) We're like spending every other day and night with each other. Chiling out at my house, going out to dinner etc... She tells me that she's spending so much more time with me than with her bf. I have never offically asked her to be my gf. But we're very much a couple, just that we're not branded one. Physically, emotionally, I feel that we have a level of understanding of each other. She has been through alot of bad things with her current bf. And I know she wants better in her life. I know that I have the capacity to provide that, she knows it too. After reading my post, I know many will think that I'm the scum, bastard of relationships, coming between 2 persons and stuff. But could we just put that aside for a bit. I'd just like to ask if I should just go ahead and pop the question offically? Or should I just lay off and wait? What do you guys think about her words to me? I believe her words are truthful to me. Thanks in advance!