What now?

[villet_vixen]

Hey Vixen! Have you gone NC too? I have to admit I feel pretty crap now as I've reached 48 hours NC....and he hasn't contacted me at all.

 

 

I've gone partially NC

last week I forced myself to NC for a few days, and only when I had something that really had to be said, I started a conversation

 

sunday I talked to him about the fact that i somehow thought he would still be there for me after we broke up, I mean not in the way he was before we got together (I know that wouldn't be possible, so I'm not expecting that), but just a little bit, just to talk

but we never really got around to have a decent conversation about it

 

and now my rule is: I'm not going to start talking to him anymore

if he wants to talk, alright, I will answer (it all happens on msn), if he doesn't, neither will I

(and strangely enough, yesterday he started talking to me twice!)

it helps me move on and not always rely on him when I need someone

 

good luck, you can do this! he propably at some point will contact you (if you keep not-contacting him) but you have to stay strong!

 

hugs

[Brokenhearted87]

Thanks. Well am starting my 3rd day NC. It's been 60 hours and a few minutes since last contact....not that I'm counting Yeah, I'm trying to do as you are, not committing to an extended period of NC, but going for a few days each time and when we do talk keeping it very LC and casual on my part. Also am intending on not contacting first, leaving it to him to contact me if he wants to. He said he needs space after all. Still hurts that he hasn't been in touch since our couple of texts on Saturday though. So much for caring for me, having strong feelings for me and needing me in his life always.

[Brokenhearted87]

Well I saw he was online for the first time since I've been online at the same time since the split. So I switched from appearing offline to online on MSN. Waited a few minutes. He said nothing. Is he mad at me? Why didn't he talk to me? I didn't formally announce NC or anything. This hurts.

[Brokenhearted87]

After an hour of him saying nothing I cracked. I feel awful now. Here's the transcript:

 

S says:

hello D

D says:

Hey...just in coll at sec. Y'alright?

S says:

just saying hello. cos you hadn't been in touch.

D says:

Oh right, well how ya doin anyway?

S says:

i've been feeling the burn. how are you?

D says:

I'm cool.

S says:

how was your night out?

D says:

Night out?

S says:

Yes. Saturday night.

D says:

Oh right, well I was meant to go out Sat night, but a mate called over and we sat up all night just chatting and boozing

S says:

oh i see. well i hope it was fun.

D says:

It was alright.

S says:

so

S says:

been up to anything

S says:

since you last spoke to me.

D says:

Not a whole lot. I was in St. £*$(** *(hospital I do part time work in at the weekends)* yesterday, with ** (his sister he lives with). She dislocated her knee!

S says:

how did she do that? she alright? sheesh you could have texted. I was in the A and E on Sunday night myself because I had an accident at work.

D says:

Funnily we were gonna go Sunday night, but thought there'd be less people there Monday mornin. Ah she just has to go get an operation on her knee. What accident did you have?

S says:

I sliced my hand and lower arm open.

D says:

Jesus, how'd you you do that?

S says:

A glass exploded in my face. Had to file an incident report at work. There was a lot of blood.

D says:

How'd it get your hand and arm?

S says:

I don't know to be honest. I reached out to pick up a glass off a shelf, and it just burst everywhere, a large piece passed along the wrist of the hand I had gone to pick it up with. They took a blood sample. Yuck.

S says:

anyway it's fine now. bandaged and dressed up good! got a bit of a fright as I hate blood though and everyone came to have a good look.

D says:

Right... * * * *

S says:

no need for obscenities d

D says:

Always a need!

S says:

so can i ask, is there a particular reason you've been not talking to me?

D says:

Just taking time out is all.

S says:

oh. i see.

S says:

i've been trying to give you some space. it's very difficult not to contact someone you've talked to everyday.

D says:

I know...

S says:

so it kinda hurts not to hear anything from you and always me to initiate

S says:

it's been making my mind do overtime!

S says:

i'm like "do i leave him? yeah, i'll leave him till he wants to talk to me" but then I never hear from you despite everything

S says:

ok me shut up now cos I'm making a fool of myself! haha. i just don't wanna be shut out and forgotten.

D says:

You won't be forgotten...don't worry

D says:

I have to shoot here, meeting a friend for coffee. Hope your hand feels better soon. AC

 

(AC=Later....really hurts to have him use that term as it's a term we used very early on as friends)

 

He completely blew me off! Logged off before I even got to say bye! Also we're supposed to meet for his bday on Friday but the way he ended the convo "hope your hand feels better soon AC leaves that completely in doubt in my mind. I was so angry immediately afterwards that I sent him a text which I know I shouldn't have, which read, "wow.u just made me feel like a piece of * * * * on your shoe just now" Why did I do this. Why was he such a * * * * ?

 

I've ruined everything between us now.

[messenger05]

Brokenhearted - i really think you need to rethink if this is really what you want to do here... I'm not in any position to tell you otherwise but I think you should just evaluate what its doing to you.

 

If just talking to him is making you hurt even more, it might be time to let it go or maybe even let it go for a little longer period of time. I've done the 3.5 weeks and now in the middle of a month of NC. I've definitely gotten better over this time. I knew that if I continued to talk to her, I would have been miserable knowing she didn't want to be with me.

 

Just something to think about - its really hard but if talking is making you hurt more, you have to do something to get yourself out... good luck hun

[Brokenhearted87]

It's just now I feel like he was completely bull * * * * ting me and was just being polite so as to come out the nice guy by saying we'd still talk etc at the moment.

 

As if the morning wasn't bad enough, I just received the shock of my life. The hospital rang (they took a blood test when I was in A and E) and as if life couldn't get any more messed up, I'm in the very early stages of pregnancy. Typical. The first guy I ever sleep with. And we never ever had unprotected sex. And now he hates me after this morning.

[messenger05]

Brokenhearted... i'm very sorry for your situation here... I know I get into trouble when I start assuming what the ex is thinking. I know its hard not to do that, but try and focus on your life right now and not try to guess on what he's thinking. All that does is drive you crazy.

 

What do you think you're going to do about the pregnancy?

[villet_vixen]

hey! wow, that's a lot to deal with right now

 

first of all, I kind off understand what you must have felt during the conversation, this just proves you need to stop contacting him, let him do the contacting, and if he doesn't, well then you know he's a big fat lair!

 

and about the pregnancy, think about what's best for you here, it's a very early stage so it's not a too big of a deal if you're about my age (I'm 18 ) and in college, I would personally let my education go first, you're young and have plenty of time to start a family later but that's just my opinion, you do what ever you feel is best for you!!

(I had a bit of a simular problem during my relationship, a tiny problem came along with a condom, but was quick enough to take a morning-after pill)

 

good luck to you!

[Brokenhearted87]

Well we had a very animated messaging conversation for a couple of hours today. It is clear to me he just doesn't want me. Not a relationship ever. He said he never wants one again in his life. I'm not that type of person yada yada. So you basically lied to me about getting back together. No he assures me, I thought that at the time. Now I'm relishing not being in a relationship, the freedom. I just don't want to be in a relationship ever. What a crock of crap. Cannot WAIT to bump into him with his next gf and make him squirm "what happened to only ever wanting casual relationships from now on? oh hi, are you the gf?"

 

I sound very bitter right now. And it's because I feel bitter. I am angry and hurt as hell right now at him. And he basically doubts me about the pregnancy!!!! Which has MAJORLY annoyed me! And he says he has to tell his mother. I said no, please respect my wishes, and he's gonna go ahead and tell her. Oh I am mad right now. I'm only 20 and I'm a full time college student, so I know what I'll have to do like, but he is reluctant to even committing to come with me to do that. Then he tells ME to text him. I said, why don't you text me. Seriously. He can contact me. I am done with him. He has seriously p'd me off. I'll send him his birthday package in the post and he knows where I am if he ever realises how he has treated me./rant over

[villet_vixen]

sounds like he's a bit of an *sshole

not believing you about the pregnancy and all!

 

maybe not a bad thing you're pissed off at him, it will help you get over him more and faster

(which is a very good thing! the guy just doesn't deserve you... what a bastard)

[Brokenhearted87]

Well Vixen I don't know what to think right now. He texts me a couple of hours ago simply saying "y'alright?" !!!!!! I was annoyed so text back "fine". I then just sent a text saying we both said things out of frustration earlier which i'm sure we didn't mean. That I will sort this out by myself and honour his request for space. Not to hesitate to contact me if he ever wants to talk/chat/meet/cry anything, as after all I am closer to him than anyone and we have shared everything. That I will get his present to him and that I will be thinking of him on Sunday (his birthday which we had big plans for). That I still love him, will love and miss him every minute and that he will always be in my thoughts and heart. That I will wait for his call whenever that may be. But that right now he needs space and I will be here when that passes. I said goodnight, that I love him, and wished him good luck with it all.

 

So this is it. He's gone forever. Someone I've never EVER imagined not having in my life (in whatever capacity) has left a gaping void. But I will not contact him without prior contact again. He is done with us, with me.

[villet_vixen]

sounds like you said your goodbyes

 

I think it's for the best

I understand you when you say "Someone I've never EVER imagined not having in my life (in whatever capacity) has left a gaping void" but I think, eventually, the emptiness will go away

I keep thinking: at some point in the future, I WILL be over this, it's only a matter of time!

and the same goes for you!

[Brokenhearted87]

Reviving an old thread of mine, the reason I joined this site.

 

Have been on a three month sabbatical because of work, college.........and I needed to breathe...

 

HOWEVER have missed ma wonderful ladies and support system who truly helped me through a MESSY MESS period: LitGirl, Kuiks, shoefairy, segor......hope I have not forgotten anyone (my excuse is I am having a rather generous glass of our beloved alco-mo-hol )

 

SO I'm back. BUT, I am healed. I can't describe how free I feel. To rarely think of him, and when I do, feel nothing, nothing.

 

It did not happen overnight. 3 months of intense pain and hurt. In July I started to feel a lot better all of a sudden. Not a lightbulb, epiphany or anything, just a big shift in mood.

 

2 weeks ago I went on a date with a boy I met online. We are meeting this week again, hopefully. First kiss since split. And such a refreshing, gentlemanly guy.

 

Happy.

 

Just an update, for myself moreso than anyone. It took 4 months, but I got there, and I am a much, much stronger, confident person for it. I used to be a very shy, timid person. I would go bright red if a boy spoke to me. Now I'm embracing going out, being completely exuberant, my true self, and finding myself being asked for my number which rarely happened before hehehe!

 

Derek who?!