GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Yeah its like they want all the benefits of a girlfriend but they dont want the title " relationship" nonetheless he is not giving me or going to give me what I want. So its time for me to bail. I wont be fool and stick around to see if anything develops further as I think its highly unlikely.. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 So funny you say that, cause that was the case with this guy. He and the ex broke up. That's the reason I posted on ENA since July but now I'm way over it. But yep... I think he also went back to his ex even though he complained about her so much. Deep down he was also pining away over her, while complaining to me... (unknowingly) his stand in relationship psychologist. Ahhhhh....god! This is exactly how I felt -- like his *therapist* or something. He'd go on and on -- "Relationships suck," "I'll never fall in love again," "When I see couples together I just want to go up and smack some sense into them," etc. I'm actually ashamed that I put up with it for as long as I did. But, I hoped he'd SEE how great I am, how NOT like his ex I am, etc. and pull his head out of his ass. Sadly, it never happened. His head is still firmly planted there. Link to comment
luxe_13 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 i think you should back off (we can do this together as i also need to take my own advice!). he may be genuine ( i believe my guy is truly just not ready to commit right now). so... keep busy try to date other guys stay positive and...if it's meant to be, he will come running! if not...that's ok.just means something better is around the corner Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Here is another line that girls seem to not like Go up to a girl at a bar and say "hey, I noticed you are sitting here all alone cause I have been watching you allllll night, are you walking to your car all by yourself later?" I don't know why but it creeps them out. Sigh... You got to be kidding me..that line sounds like a winner..xx Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 You got to be kidding me..that line sounds like a winner..xx I know right? UGH! So..... Ms. GetmeBack.... "walking to your car all by your self later?" Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 I know right? UGH! So..... Ms. GetmeBack.... "walking to your car all by your self later?" No, my boyfriend is coming to pick me up in a minute... No wait...this guy who im seeing " who is not ready for a relationship " is picking me up... Whats your number again? Ha ha Smooth baby smooth. xxx Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 No, my boyfriend is coming to pick me up in a minute... No wait...this guy who im seeing " who is not ready for a relationship " is picking me up... Whats your number again? Ha ha Smooth baby smooth. xxx "Well Honestly... I would love to give you my number.... your beautiful, charming, funny and you get my sense of humor... in short, your AMAZING.... I am just not ready for a relationship though" Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 "Well Honestly... I would love to give you my number.... your beautiful, charming, funny and you get my sense of humor... in short, your AMAZING.... I am just not ready for a relationship though" Ba ha ha ha ha ha ha! Ok that was smoother...you win lol..x Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Ok that was smoother...you win lol..x I try! oh wait... no I don't I am natuarally this smooth. I think... Oh no I've gone cross-eyed Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 So....Getmeback....are you saying you've never ever said this to a guy? Maybe not the exact wording, but the same meaning? Yeah, I like you, AND we aren't going to be having a relationship any time soon. Take it or leave it. Beware if you take it and want more, is all I can say! Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 So....Getmeback....are you saying you've never ever said this to a guy? Maybe not the exact wording, but the same meaning? Yeah, I like you, AND we aren't going to be having a relationship any time soon. Take it or leave it. Beware if you take it and want more, is all I can say! No i havent actually...but maybe I should start using it..lol. x Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 I don't know how any of you guys can have the guts and the courage to tell someone that you don't want them if they can't see having a relationship with you. Like especially when you already started to like them and bond to them. Wouldn't you try to work things out and see where it goes, instead of just giving up and walking away. I would think that would be most painful. I have had a guy be into me and I into him, and then he told me that he wasn't ready for a relationship. I couldn't walk away from that one, because there was something so magnetically attractive about him, it was just too hard to toss away (hard to explain). I don't like to walk away from things and have regrets afterwards. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Oy, I get what you are saying Ren. Really do. My only regrets really have been staying when it was time to leave. Knowing it wasn't right. Honestly not suggesting to use this as a "line" or anything of that sort. Just saying, sometimes it is possible to like and enjoy a person's company - and not just want to get in their pants! or have some creepy reason of liking being around them - but it's just not the right fit or the right time. Link to comment
poloplayer Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Yes, I have said it quite a few times, but with two COMPLETELY different meanings: 1 - I would never consider a relationship with you, but I'm wording this nicely not to hurt your feelings, and 2 - I actually do like you, but I have personal things going on. The best example is if I am still licking some wounds from my most recent relationship and am not ready for anything serious just yet. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 Hi polo player ...I think your second one relates very closely to my situation with the guy who "likes" me.. Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 How do you guys just have the courage to walk away from something like this, especially if the guy means something to you and you have some bonds with him? Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 or they could just be lazy and don't want a relationship because of the work it takes. me personally right now, i say that line a lot. because i don't want to put into the efforts of building a relationship right now. :S regardless, listen to the guy, back off. whether he's geniune or feeding a line, the end result's the same - he isn't relationship material right now. Link to comment
GetMeBack Posted March 21, 2008 Author Share Posted March 21, 2008 How do you guys just have the courage to walk away from something like this, especially if the guy means something to you and you have some bonds with him? I know what you mean renaissance...when you like them its hard but everything I feel for someone I want to be fully reciprocated its the absolute least we deserve... Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Totally of the subject but I get off work in about 10 minutes and I am way excited for this weekend!!!! I get to see the last girl I told that "I love you, your amazing but i am not ready for a relationship" tonight. BTW... we ARE in fact dating and VERY happy! Hang in there ladies... I am on... I mean Prince charming is on his way! HA HA! MUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUAH! OXOXOXOX Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 lol. Ok, don't blow your second chance! That's cool. Be good to the girl. Link to comment
Aviatormy Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 its not my second chance.. its OUR first chance. I sure hope there is never a second chance cause that would mean that I am actually in love with the girl... we'll see So far.... sooooooooooo good. mmmmm. She loves me... I know it! ha ha. But who wouldn't. Link to comment
itsallgrand Posted March 21, 2008 Share Posted March 21, 2008 Woo hoo, somebody's gonna have a great weekend. That evil laugh is ringing in my ears now. lol. Link to comment
annie24 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 i agree. most of the time, it's just that a guy is not interested enough in you, for whatever reason, if he is using the 'do not want a relationship' line. i'd thank him for his honesty and move on. i wouldn't sit around and wait for him to change his mind or to get over his ex or whatever. i have a friend whose boyfriend broke up with her after 2 months saying he didn't want a committed relationship, he couldn't handle it. 6 months later, he was engaged to be married to another woman. just goes to show, when a guy meets the right one, his fear of committment can vanish like that! i had a guy tell me he didn't want a relationship, and then started to explain to me how 'friends with benefits' is the perfect type of relationship to be in. no thanks. i wouldn't overanalyze it. i'd take him at his word and move on. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 How do you guys just have the courage to walk away from something like this, especially if the guy means something to you and you have some bonds with him? Well, in my case, Ren, I had no choice...I hung on for as long as I could, and the longer I hung on, the more painful it became -- far more painful than if I had let him go much earlier, before my feelings for him had deepened. And, the fact that he ended up taking his ex back just exponentially increased the pain. If I had had the courage to walk away much, much sooner -- heck, even a little bit sooner -- I wouldn't have experienced nearly the pain that I did (and still do) over this guy. The thing is, I NEVER pushed him or rushed him. I just wanted to date him to see where it could go, though I admit I certainly hoped it would turn into a serious relationship. I expressed to him that I didn't want to rush, that I was happy to take things slowly, but...he was still hung up on his ex and couldn't give me even that little bit that I asked for. Bottom line: He was still holding out for her to come back. I give him credit for not letting me think he wanted to be serious with me and then dumping me for her when she came back, but still, the whole thing was quite painful, particularly when he announced to me that he had taken her back after she had hurt him so badly, several times. This is why I have decided that, the next time I date a guy and he says he is "not looking for a relationship" or "can't be in a relationship right now" or whatever, I will say "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. I was hoping to get to know you better and see where it could go. I wish you the best," and then that's it. I will not pursue him further. If I really like the guy, I might let him know that, if he changes his mind and wants to explore where things could go with us, that he knows how to contact me. Not that I will sit around and wait, though. Life is too short to put up with wishy-washiness. I'd rather be out having fun with my friends and family and doing my own thing than attempting to date someone who isn't interested enough in me to put in some effort. Link to comment
browneyedgirl36 Posted March 22, 2008 Share Posted March 22, 2008 Exactly, Annie. My ex told me he makes a "terrible boyfriend," that he didn't think he believed in relationships anymore, etc. Funny, though, the minute his ex came back into the picture, he could suddenly be a boyfriend and suddenly believed in relationships. Go figure. At least he went back to her, rather than finding someone else. It made me realize that it isn't about me at all, really. Come to think of it, I had another guy tell me the "I can't be in a relationship right now" thing, a few years back. The funny thing is that, when we were first dating, he was really pushing for a relationship. Actually, what I think he was pushing for was sex, and when I didn't sleep with him immediately, he suddenly cooled off. He actually e-mailed me (even though we'd been dating for almost two months), to tell me "I think it would be best if we were just friends for now." He went on to tell me that he couldn't be in a relationship, too much stuff happening in his life, etc. I found out later that he had a new girlfriend almost immediately. Ha! Whatever. I wasn't really "into" him anyway, but it's yet another example of that line being a crock. Link to comment
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