Pinkbunny Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 So, in childhood I was abused at a young age and throughout my life I was emotionally abused also. Growing up I repressed everything that would happen to me. My parents tended to discount what had happened (I was sexually abused by someone outside of my family). My parents would tell me everything was okay and they never really thought I would ever need therapy since this happened to me at a young age. Now that Im older, 23, I am beginning to realize I did need therapy for what I went through. There are 2 reasons I have avoided therapy: 1) My parents discount that this event would still effect me. 2) I don't even trust a therapist to talk about what happened; I don't trust anyone really. As a child my parents really let me down when NOTHING was done legally to my abuser. It was probably because we were not well off financially to afford a lawyer. Anyway, NO attempts were made to get this abuser in jail or anything. My parents assumed because I was "too young to know what was going on" it didn't effect me. Well, guess what? It did. I still feel mad to this day that I was so helpless and that I was violated. This event has affected me by me having an intense fear of trusting people, a general dislike of people, and I am sometimes uncomfortable around the opposite sex. Anyway can anyone relate to this? What happened? What did you do, to get through the anger and hurt? Will I ever be able to trust? Link to comment
GizMo567 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I'm sorry that happened to you. I think you need to get therapy or something of the sort because if you dont and you let it sit, it will forever be your fear. I had a friend that was raped and can never go to a certain place ever. Happened 15 years ago, still haunts her till this day. I think you should try get help and such, but sometimes the anger and hurt dont go away. I'm so sorry. Link to comment
Mavh25 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 I can relate to your situation, but not to the fact that your parents did'nt do anything about this because of the age, mine did'nt because it was my wish not to. That was a mistake on your parents part if I look at it from your side, but if you think about it, it would of been such a hard situation to put your child through again, to relive the horrific things that happened to them. But right now that is something that cannot be changed and I'm sure they were hoping it would'nt affect you rather than assuming. You need to start to focus on how to become ok with things. At any pace, any way you like. I'm so sorry you went through this, I'm sorry he was'nt punished and I'm sorry you were'nt protected. My mum was in shock, I did'nt want to do anything about it and so I left it, then when I finally got the courage it was too late to try him. It feels like I have a huge piece of my life unfinished by not doing anything, but I'm learning to live with things. Have you tried some counselling? speaking to someone who is'nt involved? it might help to get out your anger. Have you sat with your parents? You have to understand that no parents can prepare themselves for this, no matter what. Their instant reactions are shock, fear, guilt, pain my mum said. It could have been a number of reasons nothing was done. Obviously I or noone else can pinpoint their reasoning. But if this is something haunting you and sitting on your chest you may have to speak to them about it. I know how it feels to have something sitting in the room between you all. Do you think you might want to get some counselling? merely for an outlet? Link to comment
CrazyKing Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 There are lot's of ways how to cope with that - my parents have always been close to divorce and I was very young when it started, my coping mechanism was to write poetry, painting & simmilar activities that make me think about something else... If you could combine that with therapy it could work quite fine... Just keep your will strong enough... Also concentrating on an aim for your life is good to distract that kind of memories... Live now and in the future, past is past... Good luck!!! Link to comment
princess_summer_blue84 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Yes I can relate to your situation through and through. I've been abused more than 1 way as a child. It took me a while to get over it as an adult. My fiance' knows everything about me and he has been by my side with this. But Yes I know how you feel if anything try talking to a therapist. Maybe that will help. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 yes.. i was abused multiple times between age 6 and 13 by different people.. i did suffer from it around the age of 12 because i was starting to really grasp what went on.. i have never told my parents, but i did mention to my dad that i needed some help or therapy one night.. he yelled at me and all that for bringing it up.. i went to bed crying and i never talked about it again. i had panic attacks for the better part of a year i think... then they went away. I still have trust issues with the opposite sex but i am gradually overcoming them. I do realise though that my weariness has gotten me out of a number of potentially bad situations.. so i cant say it was all bad... although i dont think i fully recovered because obviously there will always be some form of emotional damage from the incidents.. i feel that for the most part i have made peace with it. Link to comment
princess_summer_blue84 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Also r u having sex to feel better about ur abuse? I've notice in ur posts and threads that is why I'm asking. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Actually it is very common that children do get abused, emotionally, physically, sexually, or a combination of those. It is also very common that parents try to downplay it or cover it up, because they just don't want to deal with it, or the consequences of it if they go to the police and have a trial, especially if it is family members or relatives doing the abuse. So you are NOT alone, and can live an happy life if you get treatment for this. But you do need to get professional therapy, and should seek it out for yourself. The sooner you get treatment, the sooner you can start to live fully. Recognize that you are not going to get support for this from your parents, nor do you need to discuss it with them or get their opinion or approval. They made their choice to sweep it under the rug years ago, and will not want a reminder of it. So don't talk to them about it, just go and do what you need to do for yourself. The good news about being an adult is that you ARE in charge of your own life and actions, and can do anything you want, go anywhere you please to take care of your own needs. Your need is to live a full and happy life, so consider going into therapy as any other self-care method, like going to a doctor for a broken bone. You wouldn't try to set a bone yourself, so when a grievous harm happens emotionally, it makes perfect sense to have a professional guide and help you get over this. Link to comment
EQD Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Also r u having sex to feel better about ur abuse? I've notice in ur posts and threads that is why I'm asking. I dont think so.. i think i have alot of sex because i have been on the shot for my entire sex life.. which has been the past 4 1/2 years or so.. and when you lose the fear of getting pregnant and couple that with being a highly sexual person with a thick imagination.. i think thats why i have as much sex as i do... hehee.. but that part of me is changing because the shot is wearing off. I do think that my ideals on sex were devalued before i even knew what sex was. And my POV is that its natural and no different than eating. Its enjoyable, but not a big deal. *and its has nothing to do with emotions but rather a physical desire. Link to comment
Pinkbunny Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 i did mention to my dad that i needed some help or therapy one night.. he yelled at me and all that for bringing it up.. i went to bed crying and i never talked about it again. wow. how awful. I'm afraid to bring it up to my parents ever again b/c one of my parents is the emotional abuser (its bad b/c my parents are still together so I never was in a position to get away from the emotional abuse). The person who sexually abused me was a non family member but my parents down played that. Anyway I am planning on living alone after Im done with school. My parents said I could live with them, but why would I want to live and see one of my abusers everyday? I don't think living at home after I graduate would be good for my mental health really. what do you all think? Link to comment
EQD Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 wow. how awful. I'm afraid to bring it up to my parents ever again b/c one of my parents is the emotional abuser (its bad b/c my parents are still together so I never was in a position to get away from the emotional abuse). The person who sexually abused me was a non family member but my parents down played that. Anyway I am planning on living alone after Im done with school. My parents said I could live with them, but why would I want to live and see one of my abusers everyday? I don't think living at home after I graduate would be good for my mental health really. what do you all think? i think you are spot on. create your own environment, it is truly chicken soup for the soul.. *jubilant* Link to comment
handle123 Posted February 28, 2008 Share Posted February 28, 2008 Hi Pink bunny. I can relate. My mother often downplays things. My mother said that if I don't really remember, then it doesn't matter. As for trusting a therapist, it's taken me 27 years to get to a counsellor. Part of that was because I didn't tell my parents and those who did know didn't help me and just judged me for having 'said such stuff'. Part of this was that I expected a counsellor to judge me - but that was me projecting my experience and fears onto a counsellor. My counsellor doesn't judge me. Another counsellor wouldn't judge me. One reason I could go is that through my work, I have got to know the heart of a counsellor and that made me feel safe. If you can bring yourself to take the plunge, I think you'll find it really worthwhile quite quickly. My counsellor is helping me a lot. It's like something that I've carried for so many years is lighter. Because I'd carried it for so many years, I didn't realise how much it had 'blocked' me. I hope you will be able to get to a counsellor when you are ready Link to comment
Pinkbunny Posted February 28, 2008 Author Share Posted February 28, 2008 Thanks everyone so much for replying. I'm feeling better already now that I know I'm not so alone. I know this is a tough subject to discuss. Anyway like I was saying thanks a million!! Link to comment
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