am i wasting my time?

[upset80]

hello. i been dating this girl for four years i'm 22 now shes turing 21. one we one day last september she decided to break up with me. we split up for 4 months during that time she met someone new in collge and started dating him. we started talking and got back together. that was in december. by april she decided to break off again she said she didn't feel the same way she used to. end of may she saw this same guy her last day off school she started talking to him again. end of june she was totally confused she told me she missed me so much and didn't know who she wanted to be with. well she chose him. i didn't talk to her for 6 months i recently made contact with her. she says she is happy in her realtionship she moved to another school and eveything is going good. she say she thinks of me a lot and hopes i'm doing well. she never mentions missing me but my parents and friends she says she misses. so i figure she just don't wanna tell me she misses me. now we started talkin over email and i went to her work to see her. she says alot of things remind me of her still. when she smells colonges it feels like i'm with her. she even looks for me sometimes. she sneakly talks to me behind the new guys back. i received christmas cards and birthday cards from her. she always mentions just being friends and she don't wanna hurt me anymore. she say she don't know about the future between us. then at some point she'll mention movin on. she gets jealous if i mention a girl. i love her so much but i'm thinkin my time has come to really move on. i was her first boyfriend. when she left me in april, "she sad its sounds weird but i think this has to happen for us to be together in the future". but i seems like that went out the window. her birthday is coming up i don't know if i should even send a card. my friends and faimly seem to think shes still confused. it hurts hear to see and hear from me. she sometimes even crys over my letters. what should i do i want her back. anyone been in a sistuation like this?

please i need some advice to anyone who read through this thank you so much

[mermayd]

It doesnt sound like this girl has really any idea what she wants, but yet she cherishes the memories you two shared together. If she want to continue to be so indecicive about whether she want you or someone else, then you have every right to move one and she should not make you feel guilty about talking about other girls. Sure she wants to be the only one you ever love, that what everyone sorta hopes for in the back of their mind, but things dont happen that way. You can see other women and she has no say in it She did, afterall, find someone else, did she not? So she relly isnt in the place to say that you cannot. I don't see any harm in being her friend or sending her a card (only a card) on her bday as long as you are comfortable doing so. I think you should let her know that you are not there to be dragged along on this yo-yo she is putting you thru and if she wants to be with you, she needs to make a decision once and for all..

[SwingFox]

Hi,

 

My believe is that you really need to let go and move on. I have heard of situations in which a person could not stand the idea of an ex partner being with someone else. From what you wrote the signals are pointing towards that, although I can't be 100% sure.

 

I think you should focus on YOU! Focus on what you want in life and what you need in a relation. That helps you in future relations, too. It's fun to think about things like that... I do that constantly. One way or another, I do suggest that you let this girl go.

 

Good luck in what you do

 

~ SwingFox ~

[spiritualtraveler]

You guys may be able to be friends one day, but not now! You are obviously too caught up in each other still, but do remember she has moved on. If you think of getting in touch with her, just picture her in bed with her new boyfriend, and remember that she may miss you, but not enough to give up her boyfriend. My husband and I broke up and got back together 4 years later. The 4 years were necessary, we did not think we would get back together, but it took that time and being apart for it to work. Stop now, move on.

[Pengui6668]

yeah man, picture her in bed with her nwe boyfriend... i'm in a very similar situation... that thought of my ex in bed with someone else so soon after we broke up pisses me off to no end... my walls have so many holes in them it's scary, i've punched them sooooo many times from the pain... do your best to get over her, but don't forget there still might be somthing there... it's all up to you basically, you know yourself and her the best... will she get back with you? i dunno, no one does... til it happens, keep your options open but don't "wait" for her to come around...