Communication between the ex'es

[akatoro]

Hey there.

I'm a bit confused on how to approach this.. But as some of you may already know, my ex and I broke up a month ago today. We still have daily contact via Icq and we can joke with eachother and laugh together when we meet in person..

 

The thing is, she broke up because she didn't have enough time alone. A reason that I understood completely, because I guess that I need a lot of attention and love. Anyhow, now she's working two jobs. One as a waitress and another as a casino-dealer. She also studies to become an archaelogist so she still hasn't got any time for herself. Her away messages are sad and they worry me a lot. This is one, "She shines In a world full of ugliness She matters When everything is meaningless". And that's just one of many. She seems sad sometimes when we talk. Even before we broke up she had problems with her sleep. She could stay up till half past four in the night before she joined me in bed. And she still has that habbit. She has to go up at about ten in the morning so she never gets much sleep.

 

Also, she spends her weekends "relaxing" by going out drinking. A fact that I hated because she put that before spending time with me. Though now I'm only worried that she'll burn herself out. I've told her time and time again that if she wants to talk to me, she can. She just replies that I, "shouldn't worry". How can I Not worry when we've spent so much time together and I've grown to know her far beyond what I've ever known an ordinary friend?

 

Any advice on how I could approach the subject would be make me very, very grateful. I care so much about her and I can't leave this to her alone, because I know that she's hurting. But she doesn't seem to be able to confide in me.. If she doesn't want to talk to me.. I guess that it is ok.. But she needs to talk to Someone who can help her. But even when we were together she refused to visit a proffesional. (She had problems in her youth and she still has problems with her family. I used to comfort her to sleep because she was crying so much..)

 

So please, any advice is greatly appreciated.

[grieving]

Hey,

 

I just went through a similar thing with my ex. He broke up with me because he couldn't deal with me not opening up because I was depressed.

 

I think your ex fif the right thing by breaking up with you - she probably knew that her depression was wearing on you and didn't want to hurt you either.

 

Be patient with her. If she ever expresses a desire to hurt herself, you might want to contact an emergency room. But otherwise, just be there for her without pushing yourself over your limits. She just might not be ready to receive what you have to give.

[ForAnother]

Hey,

 

Yeah I think she is going through a very depressed stage at the time. Again she might have clinical depression. This is something you SHOULD worry about, but don't lay it on her. Cuz that only makes her hurt more and make her have something more to cry about. People with depression can have so many people's arms wide open to them, but they don't ask because they are very subconscious about stuff.

 

I myself have atypical depression. I told my girlfriend about a 2 weeks in so she would know. 2 weeks is good cuz I trusted her. But as a person with depression the most important thing is to let the person I am with know and love that I do have it. That way they are there to watch me. yes its alot to put on a person but I think it works because if you love someone your willing to be there for them. Watch her, careful.

 

I hope she didn't leave you cuz she thought it was rubbing off on you... that only pushes her depression further. Been there done that.

 

Always here for another.

[akatoro]

Thank you both, Grieving and For Another.

 

What you two are saying seems very true. I feel I should have mentioned that she has tried to take suicide at one occasion earlier in her life. She failed and sustained some liver damages..

 

But it's hard to be able to get so close to her. It is still early to pay each other visits and so.

 

I guess I'll just have to keep on and try to be supportive to her. I just don't want it to be too much so that she feels I'm prying into her life.

Once again I thank you both and if you have any further advice, I'd very much like to hear them.

 

God bless!