finding it difficult not to blame myself

[tikkii]

I've already posted my story.. but quick recap..

Moved to UK 6 months ago after 2 year lond distance. Moved into a new house together, I bought a lot for the house etc. Had a few probs getting work but overcame that and just as all was going great a few weeks ago my bf went to London for a meeting, came back smelling of stripper and thanks to my persistence admitted to having been to a strip club, then after more lies admitted to having spent a long time in there, spent £1,700 in there and had texted a stripper asking to meet up again.

Anyway I packed my bags and moved back to Ireland last week.

However today has been a nightmare as I began to blame myself for what he did and I know I shouldn't but couldn't help it. He called too which didn't help and basically treated it like I was overreacting and said 'Let's stop this nonsense and come home to me'.. I'm absolutely heartbroken and that's all he can say.. as if he went out and had a few drinks too many or something.

 

Here's what's driving me mad... this isn't the first time I've been betrayed by a bf... It is in fact the 4th in a row. I'm considered to be a very attractive young lady and have been told I've a wonderful personality. I can't figure out then what keeps going wrong. Why do they feel the need to cheat on me. The last time my relationship broke up I took it very very bad and lost all self esteem, self worth. I'm so scared that's what's happening again. I see absolutely no future for me being 'lucky in love' or ever meeting anyone I can trust. We had planned to get married and have kids and now I really don't think I'll ever do that with anybody. I'm 34, by the time I even consider trusting somebody else it will be too late.

I was trying to be so strong and all he could do today was shout at me down the phone and say 'I made a mistake okay.... now let's sort all this out and you come home'.. I AM at home.. back in my own country and away from him and his horrible family who forced me out of the house so I had to stay in a hotel.

I know things will get better.. I just hate feeling like this between now and then... What have I done that I deserve such bad treatment in every single relationship.

[melrich]

my bf went to London for a meeting, came back smelling of stripper

 

There is a stripper smell?

 

Anyway you have done nothing to deserve such treatment.

[tikkii]

There is a stripper smell?

 

 

 

I didn't know at the time what the smell was only that he smelt of 'other women'.. cheap perfume.. or maybe it was the combination of perfume. He smelt gross

[skyjuice]

Hi

 

You did the right thing by coming back to your own country.

 

Don't blame yourself on his cheating because you are not responsible for his action.

 

You only have to take responsibility on your happiness. This guy is not the one for you, then find another one. Age should not be the sole reason for you to hang on to a guy and settle down. Choose the right one for a better future.

 

It is better to have short term pain then suffering long term for a cheating husband and horrible in laws. You do not deserve that, you deserve better.

[arwen]

Do you think that somehow, who you date, could reflect the way you feel about yourself? Don't give up, girl. I think on the long term, you are way better off without this man. I hope you will soon feel at home.

[Maya_A]

Do you think that somehow, who you date, could reflect the way you feel about yourself?

^^^

That's an interesting thing to think about...

 

Maybe take some single time & do some inner work before considering dating again if this has been a pattern of the type of men that you have dated...

 

Why do you feel it is your fault? Did you see warning signs & rationalize them, or feel that you went ahead with it all too quickly, or other things like this?

[joeshabadoe]

Do you think that somehow, who you date, could reflect the way you feel about yourself? Don't give up, girl. I think on the long term, you are way better off without this man. I hope you will soon feel at home.

 

Stop going after the jerks. You had nothing to do with them cheating. I think you are just going for the wrong type of man. I had a discussion with a couple friends about how women love to date the guys who treat them badly. I don't know what it is but the jerks always seem to get the best girls. I say change your thinking as to what your looking for in a man. Find one who will treat you like you deserve to be treated.

[Hope75]

I had two serious relationships in which the first guy cheated on me, and the second one was on his way to cheating (sending his 'friend' from law school romantic emails). I started to think it was me too, but it wasn't. I'm a great girl and I had a string of bad luck.

 

I've been with a great guy for the last 5 years and we are getting married this year.

 

Where there any indications any of these guys would cheat? Had any of them cheated in the past?

[tikkii]

I honestly thought this one was a good one. I thought he had integrity and I never dreamed I had to worry about him with other women.

I was a complete sucker I guess.

Today is not a good day for me. I've now managed to make it to my parents but feel like such a loser for ending up homeless, unemployed etc at my age. What makes it worse is he keeps calling telling me to go back and that I'm over reacting. I think this is the lowest I have felt in years and I feel scared.. very scared.. I thought I was coping well but I'm not anymore.

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

I am sorry you feel so down today Your life has been turned upside down, but it was for a good purpose, there is no way you could have stayed with this man. You are homeless and unemployed because you were committed to make things work with him- you moved and changed your job for him. This doesn't make you a 'sucker', it makes him a loser who didn't know what he had until it was gone. He doesn't deserve you- and you deserve MUCH better than this.

 

What are you scared of? Scared you won't be able to get past this?