3 way sex and love. Would you share a girlfriend with your mate?

[Poe]

No offense, but are there intimacy issues here? I'm hard-pressed to believe you'll ever find what you are looking for. They are contradictory in nature. Guys tend to distance love and sex whenever possible, and if you weigh heavier on the sex side you aren't likely to make an impact that you are girlfriend material. Granted I am more judgmental than the average guy, but I cannot imagine any guy I have ever met being so much as open minded to the type of relationship you seek.

 

Look at it this way. Whats the incentive to date you? Why take you out? Why bother? If you're going to give it to Joe Blow down the street, hell I might as well line up on his side of the street corner, save my money and my respect and "get it while its free." Thats why guys are very attracted to sexual conservatism, at least in terms of a relationship. I won't date a girl who can't flatter me in showing she wants me more than the next guy. And if she can't hold off until such sexual experimentations might be comfortable, a few years down the line, it's even less flattering. I'm not really interested in excuses or reasons of why she can't be monogamous or who she is as a person. I'm too old to cater to such things (I'm 25)

 

These are the kind of experimentations that grow after years upon years of developed intimacy, where open relationships aren't considered offensive and can develop naturally. I don't believe love exists or can cultivate naturally under the conditions you seek. Most people who are affectionately intimate with their partners are unwilling to share them.

[Lucy__lou]

Thanks for your perspective POE. I know you're only sharing, so I'm not posting to argue or anything, but I personally feel that the monogamous perspective is irrational. There is no good reason that I can see as to why my affections should be considered worth less just because I also have affections for another. Love shouldn't be about being the winner in a competition. If I love a man it's for who he is as a unique human being, not out of some stupid competition with all other men.

 

I think the culture of having to choose, is for the most part, just tradition, and most people don't question it. But maybe we should question it, and if we all questioned it, and questioned it with political history in mind (as in the power at play in past economic, social units), we might see that monogamy (and sexual conservativism amongst women), was based on their economic needs to bag a husband, not out of anything intrisically virtuous or good.

 

But hey, at the end of the day, most guys aren't going to listen to me rabbit on about this stuff before making their judgements, so I'm going to tread rather carefully on this topic, thanks to the warnings of you and the other posters. here. Thanks again....

[tylercdurden2004]

In all honesty Lucy it doesnt sound like you really know what you want.

 

I mean most of your posts are about how you want this certain relationship to work out in a completely idealized manner. Your focus seems to be on what you dont want versus what you really want.

 

As for the culture to choose. Has nothing to do with tradition and everything to do with life. Life is all about choices. Weighing the costs versus the benefits.

 

Its maybe time to start dwelling in reality.

[Poe]

 

I think the culture of having to choose, is for the most part, just tradition, and most people don't question it. But maybe we should question it, and if we all questioned it, and questioned it with political history in mind (as in the power at play in past economic, social units), we might see that monogamy (and sexual conservativism amongst women), was based on their economic needs to bag a husband, not out of anything intrisically virtuous or good.

 

I'm glad you're not taking my comments and my criticisms personally. I have genuine interest in this topic.

 

But, to dive deeper into this topic, monogamy is the inert biological preference of women because of a womans ability to create offspring and her need to have someone protect her, her offspring, the 'family unit.' A womans sense of attraction is attuned to this, and as that possibility becomes more realistic, so does the attraction in most cases. Which is why I believe alot of women tend to date much better guys in their mid-20s and beyond. If you do some research, you'll see that monogamy is deeply rooted in biological nature. It's way more than just society.

 

If anything, men are not biologically designed to be committed. Men can, more or less, spread their seeds and leave without having to deal with 9 months of labor, birth, raising kids, etc... A man can walk away. A woman can't. Biology is well aware of this.

 

It's not my intent to criticize you, but it is my belief to the extent of my knowledge that in most respects any extreme deviation from this tends to be the result of emotional situations. For example, it is widely researched (though too PC to state positively) that interest in S&M is very related to how one was raised; ie, someone who is sexually assaulted or abused as a child is likely to seek that behavior in a mate.

 

There is no good reason that I can see as to why my affections should be considered worth less just because I also have affections for another.

 

Keep in mind what you want is irrelevant; what you can get are the only possibilities. Despite your well-articulated reasons, I still feel you are hard-pressed to find a mate who is willing to believe that your love for him is meaningful and important, despite sharing it with many other people at the same time. Really, It seems to imply just the opposite. Monogamy says "you're really special so that I don't need or want to see anyone else." Unless you're amazing at weeding people out, you're going to find alot of people who are going to take that, make assumptions, and treat you accordingly... which is, to say, badly. I honestly think it's very unrealistic.

 

Basically, in a nutshell... what you are looking for says "You really don't mean **** to me" and I'm curious what you could possibly say or do to convince anyone otherwise considering your sexual appetite.

 

Have you thought about why you need it from multiple people, as opposed to just one person?

[scotty81]

hey lucy Lou,

I noticed your post and signed up so I could respond. I am 28yo and currently in a relationship and am always wanting to try and explore new things. I would love to have a threesome with two females but to be honest, I think it would also be fare on my girlfriend to have one with another guy. We often roleplay with toys and use rubber dildo's pretending it's another guy. I will let her sit on me with her back to me and use the dildo, telling her it's another guy. I love the thought of watching my g/f getting * * * * ed and watching her in so much pleasure. I also love to picture her when im watching porn with two guys and a girl and see how she handles two * * * * s. I must admit I have wanted to surprise her with another guy, maybe one night when drinking at home or something but that is where the problem lies, I find it hard as a stranger is risky as i would have rules and im not sure if i could include a friend. I think what you have mentioned would be great, I would love to be part of that and i reckon if started correctly, it would work great. I am not gay or bisexual at all and am professionally employed and I don't think a sex addict, i just reckon it would be a great way to explore something different. I love my girl and would love to see her pleased that way. Would love to hear your thoughts,

scott.

[Umlunguusa]

to be honest, I'd POSSIBLY do it, but it couldn't be with a girl I loved and just wanted to keep to myself--I am not gay or bi, I just don't care sometimes. these days, I'm losing my ideals towards love, so hell, why not? go for it, you might just have the time of your life

 

hrm, but were it me, that'd be a dillema, I'm always down for new stuff, however...I'm really deep in the belief that sex isn't the same and isn't pleasurable without love...

[anon001]

I would turn down a long term relationship

but I would be down for a good time.

[Rose21]

No, HELL NO, I do not like to share.

 

With someone that I was just casual with and a LTR.

 

I would NEVER share my boyfriend, he is mine and mine alone. He would never like the idea either, even with another girl. He finds it sickening. If I kissed another girl, he wouldn't be turned on, he'd be furious that I cheated on him. (yes he would consider that cheating, as I would consider him kissing another guy so. Even though we are both straight.)

 

Are you perhaps afraid? It seems like you need the comfort of TWO men, incase one doesn't work out, you have a back up since being exclusive scares you so much.

 

Usualy people like this, have deep seeded intimacy issues even if they arn't aware of it.

 

Just my two cents...

[babeebugs]

hmmmmm.... Not for me personally, but thats just me.... But what i would say is, my ex best mate slept with 2 males who are best matessss.. and there have called her the most horrible sick words anyone could possibly say about someone. She got such a bad reputation, she lost her managers job of 3 years!

 

 

Plz seriously think of the consequences of what may happen afterwards...

 

X

[Kantriakhor]

My answer: No.

[Blanco Nino]

I saw a documentary the other day that touched on this a bit. It's called Cat Dancers and hear me out because I'm not making this up. You can look it up. 2 men and a women do a large cat show similar to Sigfried and Roy. After about 10 years they realize they are all in love with one another. The woman was straight, one guy was gay and the other from what I gather was straight but after a long time opened his mind. Oh and by the way 2 of them get killed by a Tiger.

[gilfer]

i would not share at all, i think the chances of finding 2 straight males who would agree to the idea of sharing one woman romantically is about the same as finding a slightly grey coloured needle in a mountain of needles.