confusedmama Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Ok, interesting dilemma and wondering how or IF I should handle it. My ex is dating, i should say again as it is girlfriend # 6 in 2 years, and I let the middle child go to a sleepover b-day party at her house on Friday night (my weekend even that was tough to allow!!!) We actually spoke for the first time more than just 2 words, they've been dating for about 8 months. The issue is I know the ex is on the personnals sites, I get this icky feeeling when he is scoping out women always have but chose to ignore it when we were married. I want to warn her-she seems like a decent person-I know it would look like sour grapes coming from me but it isn't. I would just hate to see someone else go through what I went through. ANd I would want somebody to tell me if the guy I'm dating is still very active on the sites. (yes I looked-once I got that icky feeling I had to check for myself). We don't hang with the same group of people so I can't have a "friend" tell her. Any suggestions? Link to comment
Veroni Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Leave it alone. Believe me she will blame the messenger. I have gone through this...I wanted to do the right thing by my exes new girlfriend. He was cheating on her and lying to her. I spoke up, she stayed with him and then started blaming me. Look at it this way, she is going to find out what he is doing eventually. It will be better if he shows her who he is rather then you telling her how he is. Link to comment
PixelPusher Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I understand where you're coming from, but frankly... you shouldn't. Like you said, she most likely wouldn't believe you. This is something that she will find out on her own. Unless it has something directly to do with your children together, you should stay out of it. Link to comment
melrich Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 Agree with the others. You are so not the person who should be raising this with her. It won't be heard in the way that you mean it. Link to comment
Hope75 Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 I agree- unfortunately even with the best of intentions, your news will not be received well by her. I would keep your nose out of it- chances are she'll figure it out on her own if given enough time. If you give this guy enough rope he'll hang himself. Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted February 4, 2008 Share Posted February 4, 2008 the most important thing is your children. if your ex finds you're stirring up trouble with his current girlfriend, it will lead to more strain with him, and potential impacts on the children. your ex and this woman are grown ups, and as such if they want to date each other (under any circumstances), it is their business. if the woman is smart and nice, she will figure it out herself. Link to comment
confusedmama Posted February 5, 2008 Author Share Posted February 5, 2008 That is what I figured, and what I have done so far. It just irritates me that he takes advantage of people this way. I also don't want my boys seeing this behavior as the "right" behavior. I realistically wouldn't have said anything (too chicken I guess) but I would like to be able to drop a few hints to her friends about it. Maybe if it would have happened during soccer season when the boys were on the same team and we spoke to the same people. Oh well. I just hate it for her and it p*sses me off all over again! Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted February 7, 2008 Share Posted February 7, 2008 Interesting dilemma...I always wondered what I would do when my husband starts to "date real women" again. He cheated on me with strangers he met on the internet and with strippers, and that's what he will admit to. I don't know. I don't feel like "running" up to his next girlfriend, BUT, there is part of me that feels she should be warned about HIV. He flat out REFUSED to be tested. I WAS tested...MULTIPLE times. And I am fine. I begged him to be tested, JUST to ease my mind, and he would not. I really have no idea (and nor do I care to know anymore) how many woman he has REALLY been with, and let's face it, he'll never really tell me the truth. This is a good question. To me, it's kind of a "moral" dilema, but, in the end, I guess it's HIS moral dilema, NOT mine. After all...he couldn't even keep his promise to me so, I can't chase down every girl he sleeps with in the name of humanity. Let it go. He promised you forever. He broke his vow. You're not responsible for his actions. ~Allie Link to comment
confusedmama Posted February 8, 2008 Author Share Posted February 8, 2008 I guess that "moral" part of the dilemma is what is bothering me. I have no idea how many women he had while with me or since me, the 6 I mentioned are the ones he has had around the boys. This one also works in their school, our kids are friends and so the entire web gets stickier. It makes me actually sick to my stomach to think of him doing what he did to me to someone else-that whole I need to save the world complex. Maybe it is worse because I know I can't say anything. Maybe it is worse because with what he is putting the boys and I through I am to the point of actually hating him. Before it was simply indifference, now that he is infringing on my stuff with the boys it is turning into a hatred. I do feel for her-when I picked up the boys last night and she was at his house I simply wanted to go in and confront him for her. (and me) Link to comment
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