Is attraction just something mainly two people share together?

[RedPenguin]

For the longest time, the girls I went after, people have told me that they are not really that attractive.

 

For example this girl (link removed (Left)), at least two people told me she wasn't really that attractive, but I feel she's darn cute, and has an awesome personality. (She treats me with complete respect and actually really talks with me when I talk to her). (I saw the last parenthesis' because many girls never gave me respect and ever talked to me really for that matter. I just ran into many rude and not nice girls for a while I guess.)

 

Is attraction just something that varies from person to person or something?

 

It doesn't really bother me, because I don't really care what other's think, when it comes to a girl I like, but does anyone else ever have people telling them their choices are not that great?

 

I mean, does it really matter at all, even if your choice, you don't consider the hottest, even though I do consider this girl hott? I mean, I thought it was about personality. And this girl has the personality I want.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Yeah, it definitely varies person to person. My mom tells me that my bf isn't good looking at all and that I should dump him. However, I find him attractive and that's all that matters.

[CarnelianButterfly]

Your opinion of her is all that matters.

 

Other people aren't dating her, YOU are. They can say all they want, but seriously, are they going to know what you like or how you feel, NO. She's someone you find attraction, you like her personality, and your friends sound like they are being inconsiderate of your feelings and happiness.

[donebeingtheother1]

I think she's cute.

And who cares what anyone else thinks.

[RedPenguin]

Yeah, two people told me she's unattractive, yet my one friend does find her really cute as well, but I don't like how two people told me she's unattractive.

 

In a way, it makes me kinda mad, because I find her really pretty. So for someone to call her unattractive, to me it's like telling a lie.

[shadesofmediocrity]

I really don't think it matters. Everybody has their own taste, and even if somebody is not conventionally beautiful, the people who love them find them to be so just because of that love. But physical beauty is only one aspect to a person. The person you love may not be tops on your list of attractive people on the outside, but that doesn't mean a thing. Comparing them to others solely on that basis, choosing who to love based on the physical, that is cruel in my opinion. Attraction to somebody superficially is indeed an important factor, but it should not by any means be the only factor!

I'm not able to back this up with much. My life experience is obviously very limited...I have had all of two relationships, the first one being with somebody I found to be basically "hot" from the first time I saw him, but I got to know him and he turned out to be an utter ass and not worth my time, and I heard all sorts of awful stories about him, and ignored them, and it bit me in my ass. The guy I am dating now though, I became friends with him first without having any sort of ulterior interests, and didn't find him all that attractive, but I helped him through a rough patch and we ended up talking and spending time together a lot more, and though he is not my physical ideal I now find him to be very magnetic to me, and part of this is because I know what's on the inside; he is worth that much more to me. And it's great, though at times I get a little jealous because I know I'm not his ideal either, but I think it goes both ways. I trust him and I love him and to me he is beautiful.

As long as you are attracted to somebody, for whatever reason, nobody can really tell you it is wrong. You have every right to be whether everybody else you know says they are ugly or not. I do think it is a personal thing. Hopefully my view helped you in some way...looks are important, but beauty is in the eye of the beholder, as they say. But personality and emotions and a fundamental love of somebody's inner self, that is integral.

[RedPenguin]

I totally agree with the last poster.

 

I totally like this girl and I think she may like me, so I'm talking to her, trying to get to know her better, and hopefully find an ok time to get together.

 

She treats me with complete respect like I said above and seems to love to talk to me and doesn't just rush the conversation like many girls tend to do to me. She even laughs at me jokes, even ones that aren't maybe stand-up comedy.

 

I absolutely love when she gets nervous/embarrassed, because she looks so cute, like she feels like running away. I told her she was pretty and she got all chocked up and shy and when my friend said she probably gets told that all the time, she actually said not really. This kinda surprised me.

[grymoire]

wow... what a fantastic perspective.. i can't believe you are only 15 yrs old.

[watupgangsta]

i'm often attracted to girls who aren't conventionally pretty, and i have at times had to take sh*t from friends who were like come on dude.... but that girl, first of all, is not unattractive, but the bigger thing is you have to be man enough to just say to yourself and possibly your friends... its my choice and i do what i want. i don't care what anybody else thinks.

[Batya33]

Yes, comments have been made about certain people I've dated. What it does do is tell me a lot about the person who would make such a comment. Of course, I am not including times when I have asked what someone thought about my then boyfriend's looks (thank goodness I have not asked a question like that in many years).

[RedPenguin]

In my opinion, you are all right.

 

I don't care what anybody says.

 

They could tell me my girl looks like Frankenstein's girlfriend or some other BS like that, and I wouldn't care.

 

Mainly, in this case, I believe I finally found a girl, that actually appreciates me, wants to get to know me more, and actually doesn't treat me like s***, like for some reason, many girls I ran in to did.

 

So to be, even though I believe she's physically attractive definitely, I find her personality even more and more attractive.

 

I mean, what good would a good that's just physically attractive with no personality possibly do for me, except maybe sex, but what else could you really do? Even sex, how would you truly enjoy it.

 

In my opinion, even though, I wouldn't push her into sex, unless she wanted to, and we were both ok with it, have sex with this new girl I like, than just some girl I just thought was hott.

 

I feel having sex with a girl you actually like vs. just one you find hott, makes a huge difference, and I think you would enjoy a girl you like way more.

[shadesofmediocrity]

I think you are totally on the right track, RedPenguin...wish there were more guys out there who thought that way honestly the world would be a better place. There are just enough to occasionally restore my faith in humanity. haha

 

"wow... what a fantastic perspective.. i can't believe you are only 15 yrs old."

 

I've thought about it, a lot. In fact I over-think everything pretty much. Sometimes it annoys the hell out of people, sometimes it comes in handy. Experience is a high price to pay for maturity, somebody once said. hehe.

[RedPenguin]

Exactly, I can't be intimate with a woman that I can't stand.

 

To me, being intimate with a partner you can't stand, is like rewarding them for negative (at least negative to you) behavior.

 

Let's say for example, it does turn out that this girl does truly like me, and I already like her, I would find it much more fulfilling to be intimate with her, then just girl I find hott.

 

I know many may say I'm strange, but I think a great personality really makes a person hott.

 

I mean, when I just look at this girl, it's like, ok she's cute, and I enjoy looking at her.

But when I talk to her, see the way she acts, see how friendly she is, and more, it's like, she just makes me want to be with her no matter what. She just draws me in with the way she acts.

 

Many men probably would claim, women can just lure men in, my slightly exposing themselves, but I actually find this a turn-off. That's another reason why I like this girl, I mean she looks great body wise, but she doesn't flash any of it off, showing me she's probably more the person who's really only intimate with people she's actually likes and wants to be with, not just someone who says let's go to bed.

 

I absolutely love that way this girl looks at me. I've had women that just stare at me, and for long periods of time. Most of the time, it ends up being a rude or stupid reason that they do this. Yet, she looks at me during class, with respect.

 

I mean, when I talk to her, she actually doesn't get annoyed, doesn't try to overtalk me, or even try to get away from me/out of the conversation when we talk, like for some reason, many young girls, especially in High School that I ran into.

 

She acts like, the girl I've always wanted. Cute, but treats me with respect, doesn't act like I'm not good looking at all, and seems to treat me as if I'm someone actually worth pursuing. Many girls I ran into, just treated me like I was not even worth trying out.

 

I could be wrong perhaps, and maybe she doesn't like me at all, but looking at me a lot, talking to me a lot, laughing with me, and stretching her schedule to go to a party with my friend and I, and giving us her phone number, is a weird way of saying, I don't like you. LoL.

[shadesofmediocrity]

It does sound promising.

[RedPenguin]

Out of curiosity, when girls stare at a guy looking mesmerized, what are you normally thinking anyway?

 

I mean, I've had girls that just starred and that's it. But this is the first time I ever had one looking mesmerized, or like she was daydreaming.

 

I'm curious, because I've been told that, this often means, the girl find's you hott. I'm curious if there really is any truth to that, LOL.

 

Also, if you're (girls) interested in a guy, would you possibly make arrangements with his friend, if you know the one you like is going to be there?

 

It's funny, because this girl seems to pay more attention to me, looking at me constantly, and listening to me more when I was talking, but she didn't seem to mind also exchanging her number with my friend also, but she didn't seem to like him as much, she seemed happier when I talked, like I said, she appeared mesmerized, LoL.

[shadesofmediocrity]

Well, I don't think it's something we really do consciously...haha. Have caught myself once or twice, or embarrassingly, been caught doing something similar though. If it's just glazed staring, whoever it is probably just zoned out for a moment, but intuition is a powerful thing. If it really seems like more it very well may be.

The other thing does sound like something a girl might do. If she has known him longer, this makes sense. Also, I know I hate to be too obvious. Some peoples' styles are more subtle, rather than overtly saying "I like you". I suppose you should go with the flow and see how it pans out.

[RedPenguin]

Well, I don't think it's something we really do consciously...haha. Have caught myself once or twice, or embarrassingly, been caught doing something similar though. If it's just glazed staring, whoever it is probably just zoned out for a moment, but intuition is a powerful thing. If it really seems like more it very well may be.

The other thing does sound like something a girl might do. If she has known him longer, this makes sense. Also, I know I hate to be too obvious. Some peoples' styles are more subtle, rather than overtly saying "I like you". I suppose you should go with the flow and see how it pans out.

 

Yeah, that's what I figured. I guess I was just surprised to see her doing it over and over. LoL. Maybe this girl is an obvious girl, LoL. Maybe I should tell her, I love her looking at me all the time. LoL. Don't mind me, I'm just a funny and silly guy.

 

I've had girls just flat out stare at me for minutes on end, but they usually seem to be smart-alics or something in the end, but this girl, is actually nice to me and treats me with respect, so I guess I'm not used to it. LoL.

 

Again, I'm not complaining, I actually find it enjoyable. HeHe, LoL.

 

I hope something comes out of this, because I think I've been waiting long enough to find a real, true, and down-to-Earth girl that treats me with complete respect and truly does like me. I'm sick of those immature girls who treat me like garbage or feel I'm not "hott enough". HaHa HeHe.

[ghost69]

why are you posting so much about this girl and not making a move? get to it already.