Can't go into NC because we are in the same Uni....

[minigirl]

So we are broken up, but we still goto the same Uni and have classes together.

I can do the NC outside of Uni, but while we are in the same class,

What do i do?

Ignore him totally?

Have LC?

Talk to him like it doesnt bother me?

 

 

I initially ignored him but it was hurtful, now I talk to him like it doesnt bother me.

I'm trying so hard to pretend the breakup doesnt effect me and trying to be the smiling old me.

 

I dont know if this works?

I really want him back, but dont want to appear weak.

What or how should I act?

I dont want to lose again, I already lost once...

Please help........

[arwen]

Hey girl,

 

It's certainly complicated to do NC while you are still in the same class. To ignore him would maybe be difficult- I'd just be civil but avoid any contact that goes beyond 'hello' for a while. If you have shared assigments, seek for another partner to work with. Focus on the work and not on him. Are you friends with other classmates? If so, hang out with them.

 

In addition, I think it could help you to move in different circles outside of classes, for instance by joining a sportsclub or something. Then, you will meet new people and have something to look forward to when you are in class. Are you always in the same classes as he is?

 

Take care,

Arwen

[minigirl]

Hi Arwen,

 

Unfortunately, we have the same classes.

I really considered dropping my classes, sometimes its just so hard.

But I can't,

I can't lose my money,

I can't waste time

I can't show I"m weak

I can't let him win.

 

I've really poured my energy into my assignments.

When there are group assignments, we worked together.

He still sits next to me.

He chose to sit next to me.

Which sends me all these mixed signals.

 

So I keep thinking hes trying to be nice

I try not to think anything more out of it.

 

I try playing the dumper role....

If Iwas the dumper, I would be nice to him too.

It hurts a bunch, but its all I have to go on.

 

I try SO hard to not talk about anything else, just smiling.

But I have to be fake about everything.

When he releases information, I thought I would be ok

But it hurts.

 

NC is good, I thought I was getting better

But once Uni started........

I'm back at square one.

 

I know I have to keep thinking .....

We are broken up......

But because he left an open gap of possibility getting back together....

It prolongs my pain.

[annie24]

Hey girl,

 

It's certainly complicated to do NC while you are still in the same class. To ignore him would maybe be difficult- I'd just be civil but avoid any contact that goes beyond 'hello' for a while. If you have shared assigments, seek for another partner to work with. Focus on the work and not on him. Are you friends with other classmates? If so, hang out with them.

 

In addition, I think it could help you to move in different circles outside of classes, for instance by joining a sportsclub or something. Then, you will meet new people and have something to look forward to when you are in class. Are you always in the same classes as he is?

 

Take care,

Arwen

 

i agree. treat him like you would any stranger in your classes, be polite, focus on the schoolwork, but don't make extra conversation. are there different sections you can transfer into, or is this the only class offered at the only time? it is difficult if you are at a small university. if you are taking a 300+ person class at a large university, it is easier to tune him out.

[arwen]

But because he left an open gap of possibility getting back together....

It prolongs my pain.

 

What kind of gap do you mean? Did he mention getting back together, or do you mean the mixed signals? To sit next to your ex in class must be painful and confusing, I think it's totally normal in your position to tell him that it's easier if you didn't sit next to each other in class.

[minigirl]

are there different sections you can transfer into, or is this the only class offered at the only time?

Our Uni is a small one and there isn't much people in our class.

 

What kind of gap do you mean? Did he mention getting back together, or do you mean the mixed signals? To sit next to your ex in class must be painful and confusing, I think it's totally normal in your position to tell him that it's easier if you didn't sit next to each other in class.

He said he didnt know about now, once he knows he will tell me.

Am I naive to think there is a chance?

I can't tell him to sit somewhere else, I'm afraid Iwill cry.

But I guess I can just get up and sit elsewhere.

It will be such a hard step to sit somewhere else.

 

Im starting to see "No dating in same work, class, building...etc"

Its just so complicated at the breakup.

[annie24]

what if you just walk into class a little late (like 1 minute before it starts) and take a seat at the back?

 

when he sits next to you, does he talk to you?

[arwen]

He said he didnt know about now, once he knows he will tell me.

Am I naive to think there is a chance?

I can't tell him to sit somewhere else, I'm afraid Iwill cry.

But I guess I can just get up and sit elsewhere.

It will be such a hard step to sit somewhere else.

 

Im starting to see "No dating in same work, class, building...etc"

Its just so complicated at the breakup.

 

No, not naive, but of course this complicates moving on. That is not your fault, he is having doubts and broke things off and shouldn't have left you with hope. Basically, you don't want to be with someone that isn't sure they want to be with you- that is the status quo for now and I think it's best if you focus on yourself and not at getting him back as long as he isn't sure.

 

You don't have to tell him to sit somewhere else. You can formulate it as a request, and tell him that it just makes it harder for you to focus on class this way. I am sure he will understand, he doesn't sound like an insensitive person. It's a hard step, sure. I recommend to sit in the front of the class so there is no chance of staring at him during class

[minigirl]

what if you just walk into class a little late (like 1 minute before it starts) and take a seat at the back?

 

when he sits next to you, does he talk to you?

 

Yes, he does.

We have small talk, not alot.

A littel before and a littel after.

THats it.

Thats what I'll have to do.

 

 

No, not naive, but of course this complicates moving on. That is not your fault, he is having doubts and broke things off and shouldn't have left you with hope. Basically, you don't want to be with someone that isn't sure they want to be with you- that is the status quo for now and I think it's best if you focus on yourself and not at getting him back as long as he isn't sure.

 

You don't have to tell him to sit somewhere else. You can formulate it as a request, and tell him that it just makes it harder for you to focus on class this way. I am sure he will understand, he doesn't sound like an insensitive person. It's a hard step, sure. I recommend to sit in the front of the class so there is no chance of staring at him during class

 

Hehehe,

I already sit in the front row.

Maybe time to move to the back side of the room.

Will try tomorrow...

[Emo_gal]

OMG- this happened to me about 2 months ago and it's still weird. We are in ALL our courses together and will be for another year and one-half!

 

I have really struggled - it is very difficult and awkward to not acknowledge someone you shared so much with. However, this is what I've done to manage...

 

Do not sit with him!!! It will hurt to stop this, but you will find in a few weeks, that having your space is better. Go in late if you have to to choose a seat away from his. He will get the idea after a while - no need to explain yourself.

 

Stay occupied with your friends and your work.

 

Be polite but DO NOT feel responsible for his feelings. Sad story - I was doing much better and then began to feel sorry for my ex (he was sitting there alone almost every class, like a sad-sack, had been isolating himself for awhile). I felt like I was being "mean" to be so distant. So I walked up and invited him out to run errands with me and get coffee or something. We end up having a great time, no relationship talk, just me trying to cheer him up... I drop him off a few hours later- but now he has hardly spoken to me. I guess he either thinks I was being manipulative (and perhaps on one level I was, I wanted him to know I did still care about him) or he couldn't deal with the closeness - since then, my one attempt to make small talk was very awkward and I felt bitter and hurting again.

 

Just take care of yourself - if there is a friendship to be found, you will find it later when you are not hurting anymore, and preferably are with a new love interest. Do not hang on to hope - relationships that are meant to work out will, without you having to analyze your every move or his. This relationship is over for now, and now is all that matters. If it is meant to be, things will have a way of coming back around. So let it go, be kind to yourself, find joy where you can. Be patient with your feelings and even your actions. You are just finding your way through a painful time. And remember that you will feel better. 2 months from now, if you make yourself the priority, you will feel SOoooo much better than you do now. I promise.

 

I am sending you lots of good thoughts and energy. ;-) This is a difficult time, but it will not stay this way.

[minigirl]

A little update... or getting things off my chest.

 

I've finally decided that NC is what I need to do.

LC was killing me and I kept having false hope.

I hate myself for hanging onto his words.

I keep reminding myself actions are louder than words.

 

We didnt sit together today. I thought he missed class.

He missed his assignment.

He misses class, lab, hmwk assignment.

 

I need to enforce not caring.

Its not my problem anymore.

I shouldnt show that I care.

But I do.

I keep reminding myself of what someone posted here before.

THink of myself in the shoes of the person who likes me, but I dont like them.

I do that..... that person annoys me and this is what I am doing to my ex.

 

For all the classes we have been together...

I am trying extra hard and am doing better than him instead of relying on him.

But to see him not try and looking like he's giving up.

It sets me back to thinking about how hard we tried to get this far.

This is one of the reasons he gave me for our seperation.

I know not to read too much into it becasue a man will say anything to break up with a girl and from reading other posts, If they want to be with you, they will no matter what.

 

I am so emotional these days.

When I read emo_gal's response, I just teared up and tears came out.

I don't know why.

I'll be semi happy one min and the next just sad.

Like I'm a shell and empty on the inside.

 

A gf told me the 1st you date after a long term relationship never works out.

Also I still have shaodows of insecuritites... I cant stop analyzing and automatically thinking are they cheating?

 

I want to erase the past.

Its like just being cheated on once and Im scared forever.

 

but im just rambling now...