gf has a new man best approach to get her back

[nic2463]

Girlfriend has gone with another guy after 5 years together.

Left last conversation on a beggy note telling her i love her etc

She fired back she wants this otherguy heard him in the background,so im going n/c but left her with

the image of a weak wimp desperate for her love.They have only been

together a few weeks.

If i go n/c now her last image of me is a pathetic wimp.

I may well not want to reconsile after this but what the best way to leave

it before n/c?

[beth116]

Yes.

 

Don't say anything else to her. Anything more you do to contact her will make you seem more desperate and needy. If she is that callous, then probably, you're better off without her.

 

I know it's hard but you have to try and move on.

 

good luck

 

beth

[Ampire]

leave it the way it is....after everything settles and the smoke clears she will remember you for your 5 years together not for your last phone convo. Its normal to beg and wimp out like that, but if you wanna walk away with your head up then go completely NC...and I mean 100% even if she contacts you, ignore it and let go, if she keeps trying and trying then eventually tell her, sorry but if were not working towards a reconciliation then I can't be friends with you right now and end the convo...

 

if she wants to get back together at some point she will make it clear, if she doesn't then shes not worth the fight...

 

keep your head up, think of it this way, even if it may not seem like it right now your one step closer to finding the one for you.

[tylercdurden2004]

So let me get this correct. You will still dating her/with her when she was with this other guy?

[tylercdurden2004]

So let me get this correct. You will still dating her/with her when she was with this other guy?

 

This is a continuation from your other thread. Sorry I missed the name. When did this conversation happen? You told me in the other thread you werent contacting her.

[nic2463]

Thanks guys and gals

I respected her space when she asked for it.When she told me she had slept with the guy i kept cool and accepted we were finished.I wrote a note and when i collected my things left the note.I was calm not emotional but she seemed to get very snappy at anything i said which dont quiet understand maybe she just wanted me out of the way.

 

That evening i called as i had left a few items,asked her about the note and she said it made her cry thats when i went the begging route,she said she txt me in a few days,i couldnt wait and said i was coming to see her i thought maybe shes having second thoughts.I called and she told me the new fella was there and she didnt want to hurt me.I left it that night and called her in the morning before she went to work and that was a big mistake,she screamed i want to be with new guy,i can here him in the background,i shout back im coming to see you it was a bad call.txt her later like a idiot saying i was sorry....that was yesterday and thats how it is up to now

[nic2463]

Hi Tyler

 

I havent contacted her since the last thread.Just got my thoughts less jumbled.

No i am not dating her or speaking

[itsallgrand]

I wouldn't worry about the impression left on her, and would go NC.

 

With another guy while still "tying up loose ends" with you and engaging it (re: "I want to be with this other guy now!" bang bang? lol ). And he was in the back there while she does this. Ouch to him.

 

Consider yourself lucky. That other guy is in for a silly ride. She's still concerned about your impression of her! She's playing a harsh game.

Walk and clear your head. You'll see it for what it is once you are disengaged for a good while.

[Darin]

I think the biggest thing you hate about the whole situation is that shes already slept with this new guy and theres obviously things still needed to be settled by you two. If you still had stuff at her place then its WAY to early for her to be moving on so fast. I covered up my feelings with new relationships growing up and you just end up covering up the break up period when you should be using time to sort out feelings and feel better about what has happened. 5 years is a long time, and i have no doubts that its hard watching her do this. But as everyone said, its best to not push anything here more than you have done bc it could make it worse. good luck

[nic2463]

Cheers Darin..she has moved fast we only slept together for the last time 3 weeks ago

and shes now in a full blown new relationship

[tylercdurden2004]

One you stop contacting her she will see the dramatic change from how you were acting at the end, going from begging and calling and texting to nothing is quite a change. She will naturally assume you got it together and you are moving on.

Yup. Exactly.

 

But Nic I think you are way to focussed again on what she is thinking. What about you? What are you thinking? What matters to you in this situation and in your life?

 

Go pick up that book mate.

[nic2463]

Tyler,i know i am focusing on her but it happened so quickly ,still getting my head round everything,shock is probably the best way the best way to describe how i feel just now

[tylercdurden2004]

Tyler,i know i am focusing on her but it happened so quickly ,still getting my head round everything,shock is probably the best way the best way to describe how i feel just now

 

Hey mate I understand. I say this because for your own sanity you need to focus on yourself and get yourself in order. The quicker you find out what you want the quicker you can start be responsible for your happiness instead of letting other dictate it. The quicker that happens the quicker you find happiness. Happiness and positivity is contagious and it snowballs into more happiness if you will.

 

But regardless look into that book.

[nic2463]

Come on Tyler what book? Im not sat here crying or deppressed,ye im thinking about whats shes up to with the new guy which is naff.Can safely say shes on my mind 90% of the day at present.But im in acceptence of the situation and not expecting her back anytime soon.

[nic2463]

Shock, and denial. Don't forget that one. That's what makes you think the phone is going to ring, and she will be sorry, and you will sweep her back into your arms and it will all be ok again.

 

Must be denial true because i am checking the phone all the time

[tylercdurden2004]

Come on Tyler what book? Im not sat here crying or deppressed,ye im thinking about whats shes up to with the new guy which is naff.Can safely say shes on my mind 90% of the day at present.But im in acceptence of the situation and not expecting her back anytime soon.

 

Nic I am trying to help you here based on my knowledge and experiences. I know you may not be crying and depressed. But its what you are focussing on that is the issue.

 

You refer to not expecting her back. You make no mention if YOU want her back or not. You need to define what YOU want.

 

The book is No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I thought i had recommended it to you before. My bad.

[nic2463]

Nic I am trying to help you here based on my knowledge and experiences. I know you may not be crying and depressed. But its what you are focussing on that is the issue.

 

You refer to not expecting her back. You make no mention if YOU want her back or not. You need to define what YOU want.

 

The book is No More Mr Nice Guy by Robert Glover. I thought i had recommended it to you before. My bad.

 

Sorry i see what you mean,at this moment i want her but after whats happened doubt if it would work long term.When your with someone for years

they grow into your heart and this loss hurts!

[nic2463]

It's part of the grieving process. It's normal, but at some point you are going to have to accept that she probably isn't going to call. Sooner better than later.

 

I understand and hope its soon too

[nic2463]

I feel quiet cheerful at the moment after the last few weeks of panic trying to save us,that was horrible.Now shes told me straight the new kid on the block is the one for her i know its over for now.

[nic2463]

I had a almost identical situation about 10 years ago.You know what did all the begging stuff,checked the the phone for months.I was sure she would be back she didnt.

 

About 3 years later after i was totally over the girl.The email came and from that she wanted to try again.You know what,i met up with her,this was a girl who i thought i couldnt live without and seeing her again i felt nothing.

So yes its time to come through to the other side

[hueman84]

I know how you feel man.

 

My ex straight up dumped me out of nowhere. To make things worse, she dumped me a the lowest point of my life. I thought the person that had been with me for the last 3.5 years would always be there for me, but in the end she was the one that devastated me the most. Within a week of us breaking up she was already dating another guy and kept shoving it in my face. I did things like you and sent her emails and voicemails all full of mush and begging. She would cry about the ones I sent, not because she was thinking about me and wanting to be with me again, but because I was making her feel bad for what she had done and all she wanted to do was move on with her life without me. Sounds like your ex is pretty much in the same position. Just give it time and try to stay strong.

[nic2463]

That is so SCARY that a woman thinks like that.Im sorry for you man.

Yes i think i had the same kind of girl.Out with the old in with the new.

Lifes great for them! apart from us being a thorn in sides spoiling their fun .

It makes you fell sick.

[hueman84]

That is so SCARY that a woman thinks like that.Im sorry for you man.

Yes i think i had the same kind of girl.Out with the old in with the new.

Lifes great for them! apart from us being a thorn in sides spoiling their fun .

It makes you fell sick.

 

Yea definitely man... She broke up with me back in April/May, and I went NC back in August. Went on a couple of dates (nothing happened). Broke NC in early November (HUGE MISTAKE). I went NC again, and started seeing another girl. Been going out with this girl since early December and I can already say that I am in love again. My new gf also seems to have A LOT more in common with me than my ex and definitely seems to care for me more. Just read this and use it as motivation to know that the grass is definitely greener on the other side.

[Mustang]

Wow! It seems this is a common thing.

 

My ex broke up with me because I was "paranoid" about her and a guy that kept appearing in loads of photos on her Facebook page.

 

We were together for over a year and a half but as soon as she got to uni, she threw all the lame "I need space" , "I still love you but I'm too young for a long term relationship" "I want freedom" "You're too paranoid..." She did mention when we split that she loved me and wasn't going to rush into something else so soon because she was with me for a long time.

 

The last excuse has really annoyed me because I have just found out today (on her birthday) that she has a new boyfriend. It's the guy I was "paranoid" about. I asked her when we split and she got angry saying there was nobody else. Hmmm.

 

To be honest, I was a bit paranoid but I was right wasn't I? What is upsetting is that I was understanding about her reasons and we remained friends. I have been working on myself and improving everything that she claimed annoyed her. For what reason?!

 

I have met a lot of girls since we split but none of them have come close to my ex. I still love her so much but she's lied to me constantly since we split. She had plenty of opportunities to be honest with me, which would've really helped. Instead, she just ignored any questions I asked her about "us" and is obviously distracted by the new guy that she blatantly dumped me for.

 

How the hell can girls do it?

 

I couldn't hurt an ex like that and not have the decency to be honest with them if they asked me for answers to help them deal with everything.

 

I thought I was OK. I was contemplating asking her if maybe we could give things another go. What an idiot I have been! She's made me look like an idiot.

 

Do you think she cares? No.

[nic2463]

Women dont like guilt.So they will lie through their teeth and try and blame you for the split.Girls love attention and if your relationship is in a tough patch she will go with the guy waiting in the wings charming her.