Mustang Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Women dont like guilt.So they will lie through their teeth and try and blame you for the split.Girls love attention and if your relationship is in a tough patch she will go with the guy waiting in the wings charming her. I agree. It's so horrible to look at it like that, but that's exactly it. My ex and I talked hypothetically about things years and years in the future. We were best friends. It's just really upsetting to think that somebody that you mean the world to can just slam the door in your face and go off with someone else without a care in the world. My confidence is * * * * ed. I know that her being honest would've been a hard thing to do but it would've made things easier for us both in the long run. Now I'm back to feeling how I did on day one. Confused, hurt, angry, jealous, etc. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 I agree. It's so horrible to look at it like that, but that's exactly it. My ex and I talked hypothetically about things years and years in the future. We were best friends. It's just really upsetting to think that somebody that you mean the world to can just slam the door in your face and go off with someone else without a care in the world. My confidence is * * * * ed. I know that her being honest would've been a hard thing to do but it would've made things easier for us both in the long run. Now I'm back to feeling how I did on day one. Confused, hurt, angry, jealous, etc. Its just scary.Mine was caring etc and in a matter of a few weeks she loves someone else.Just get angry and laugh because you can be sure when the initial exitment of the new guy wears off shell be thinking of us.Im doing n/c after 5.5 years together.During my split all she went on about was the crap times.In time she will remember the good ones and then maybe realise the grass isnt greener. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Guys this is why actions are important and words arent. Not to say that word dont mean anything or that your GF or anyones for that matter doesnt show their love. It means that when someone says something and that something is out of tune with their actions you have to take hard look at that. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS Quick question for both of you guys. What actions did your GF present fairly early on in the relationship that you can now say was a sign of things to come? I am pretty sure there was something if you think about it. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Guys this is why actions are important and words arent. Not to say that word dont mean anything or that your GF or anyones for that matter doesnt show their love. It means that when someone says something and that something is out of tune with their actions you have to take hard look at that. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS Quick question for both of you guys. What actions did your GF present fairly early on in the relationship that you can now say was a sign of things to come? I am pretty sure there was something if you think about it. Mine split with her hubby of 12 years for some fling with a barman on holiday. She falls in love so easily,it took only a few weeks when she met me.She needs the attention,i think this harps back to when she was sent to boarding school as a child and felt unloved Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Mine split with her hubby of 12 years for some fling with a barman on holiday. She falls in love so easily,it took only a few weeks when she met me.She needs the attention,i think this harps back to when she was sent to boarding school as a child and felt unloved It could very well be the reason she does this. Maybe the real issue is her dad didnt love her the way she needed, which is why maybe she was sent to boarding school, because he and her mother didnt care. The boarding school might be one in a long list of what she felt were unloving actions. Like you the girl I had taken issue with last week needs an overwhelming amount of attention. It was just a bit of fun but that need for attention caused her to forget it was only going to be short term. She desparately wanted me to be in love with her. And I guarentee as soon as I was shed be out the door canvassing the neighbourhood for more. Her final thrust of the sword was to try to get me jealous (she admitted later). She showed me great disrespect in this. When we were talking she tried everything under the sun to manipulate me: crying (very common one), telling me she was sorry (even after trying to extend her little charade even longer), telling me I should just leave then (after I told her no I cant be friends with someone who disrepects me) etc etc etc But what things did she do early on in your relationship with her that you can now look back on and see the red flags? I think one is the falling for you in no time flat. What else is there? I always ask people who tell me they have been divorced/broke up whether there were any red flags. At first they say no. But after a little prodding and a little logic is turns out there always was these red flags. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 I seemed to come before everything,her kids and she was very submissive. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 I seemed to come before everything,her kids and she was very submissive. She was afraid you'd leave her? Did her behaviours change over time. She became less submissive and paying less attention to you? Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 She was afraid you'd leave her? Did her behaviours change over time. She became less submissive and paying less attention to you? Yes when i finally totally commited to her and moved into her place. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 27, 2008 Share Posted January 27, 2008 Yes when i finally totally commited to her and moved into her place. Thats what I was thinking. So what lesson can you take from this? Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 27, 2008 Author Share Posted January 27, 2008 Thats what I was thinking. So what lesson can you take from this? Well its sad really,apart from not giving a toss about any women i date,im heading for trouble when i comit to them. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 28, 2008 Author Share Posted January 28, 2008 Any more ideas how i should leave this mess?.Havent contacted since the call last week. Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Any more ideas how i should leave this mess?.Havent contacted since the call last week. With as much integrity and as much lessons as possible. These 2 things are what will allow you to grow and to feel good about yourself. Integrity - because you will have done the right thing especially for yourself. Grovelling wont give you integrity towards yourself. Learning - because its about all you can gain when something is taken away from you. You will learn to be a stronger person for it. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Cheers Tyler.Still feel i left her with the feeling i was desperate which she will remember for a long time. tempted to txt her "I was bummed out the other day to hear new guy was at ur house.I hoped we would work things out beteen us..I understand u have moved on.Guess its now time 4 me too." Im not expecting her to run back to me or anything just removes that sense of desperation i showed last contact.Then i go n/c forever What do you think? Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Cheers Tyler.Still feel i left her with the feeling i was desperate which she will remember for a long time. tempted to txt her "I was bummed out the other day to hear new guy was at ur house.I hoped we would work things out beteen us..I understand u have moved on.Guess its now time 4 me too." Im not expecting her to run back to me or anything just removes that sense of desperation i showed last contact.Then i go n/c forever What do you think? Hey mate I understand you train of thought. Been there myself. I will tell you why I wouldnt send a text like that to her. But first re-read it........ That text sounds like you are basing your decisions on her decisions or what she does. In fact throughout your posts there is a sense that you are REACTING to her instead of being proactive and taking YOUR life into YOUR hands. This is very different. She is gone. Probably for good and if she came back she would be the same (you have to assume that despite what she may say) only her actions will prove that she has changed. But if she came back, the very act of you taking her back after all she has shown (with her actions) and done will indicate you dont have the self respect to get what you want. This will mean it will be worst the second time through. How can it be worst: - The second time around may peak very quickly and die very quickly. The second relationship will be shorter and more fierce. - She will have learned you will always be there no matter what. This will indicate to her she is free to behave anyway she likes towards you. Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Ive had a dumper come back before she was ok but eventually i dumped her because the original issues of the relatonship hadnt been sorted. I see what your saying about that txt but i need to do something about that wimpy image i left her with. Any ideas? Ps ive ordered that book Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 Ive had a dumper come back before she was ok but eventually i dumped her because the original issues of the relatonship hadnt been sorted. I see what your saying about that txt but i need to do something about that wimpy image i left her with. Any ideas? Ps ive ordered that book Personally I think its best to let it be. If her image of you being wimpy is teh last thing she remembers. Well....so what you're moving on in your own direction right? If she decides to change the direction shes currently going and follow you then maybe. But regardless you are making your own direction in life. If the image of you being wimpy is the last thing you remember about your relationship with her. Well...so what you're moving on in your own direction right? And that last image can be used as a learning experience. It didnt kill you it only made you stronger. Correct? PS Fair play to ya Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 I will send a little something including im dating someone. Just to let her know i have worth. Yes its games but im not a wimp by nature so that image cannot be left as the last image Link to comment
tylercdurden2004 Posted January 29, 2008 Share Posted January 29, 2008 I will send a little something including im dating someone. Just to let her know i have worth. Yes its games but im not a wimp by nature so that image cannot be left as the last image Why? Why send that and why can it not be the last image? The last image for who? Link to comment
nic2463 Posted January 29, 2008 Author Share Posted January 29, 2008 Why? Why send that and why can it not be the last image? The last image for who? It just reminds me of a girl i once dumped.She turned up at my door crying her eyes out,i felt guilty sad for her etc but it just drove me further away. Funny enough years later i tried to hook up with but she wasnt having any of it. Im not ready totally to let go of this one its only a few weeks since it happened nearly 6 years together.I have started dating someone so really its not a game! Your thoughts? Link to comment
nic2463 Posted February 4, 2008 Author Share Posted February 4, 2008 Update Sent a txt ,no reply then a few drunk ones.So i messed up. At the end of the day she has moved on and im just a pain in the butt to her. It is truly best to leave it but those weak moments are a real pain. Stay strong with n/c and you wont mess up Link to comment
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