MarkD Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hi everyone, I just wanted to post a short message to give a quick update on how things are going since my ex and I broke up around 8 months ago. It still feels like it was yesterday, but so much has changed since the first months. I owe so many thanks to the wonrderful people on here that helped me get through the hard times. I met some really nice people and still talk to some on a regualr basis. I guess my best advice is to hang in there and let time heal. I NEVER thought I would ever get better. It was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with in my life so far. I lost the love for everything in my life. I lost 30 pounds in just a couple months..I was really not in a good place for a few months. I finally went to the doctor and said I would try anti depressants since I was not getting any better. I was never a fan of medication, but I must say that was the turn around point for me. The medication helped me get a better/clearer perspective on things. It was not a fix for everything, but it allowed me to function somewhat normally. I was able to laugh and smile again and start doing some of the things I loved to do. Since we broke up, I got myself a new car, and I just signed for a new home (move in on June 11th). I am really excited and dont mind looking at the future being on my own. I guess I have to see that everything happens for a reason, and to just move on and keep my chin up. I have been talking to a few girls and was happily surprized that there are many nice, sweet, and good looking single women oout there in similar situations. I know there is a woman out there for me...but I am still in no rush to jump into something serious unless it just happens that way. My ex sent me an email a couple weeks ago asking me how I was and updating me on what she was doing (I really didn't want to know). I emailed back and kept it short and sweet. I still think about her EVERY day...and still ask myself how it could have ended up like this...but I can do it now without breaking down. I just tell myself after, it had to happen. I wish everyone the best of luck for those in a similar situation. I will say it again..time will heal...don't rush the healing process..take all the time you need, do anything that makes you happy...just try to keep being yourself. Most imporant thing...message on this site! It was what got me through those ever so difficult months of pure hell. Please feel free to message or email me with any questions or comments, I would love to help like all those people that helped me. Good luck Mark Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Wow Mark I am so thrilled for you!!You are the epitome of a survivor and are an inspiration to many here.I am now into my third month without the woman I love.I am making progress but always feel vulnerable,as my feeling for her are still fresh.I have taken great inspiration from this post and know in time I will be fine.I am a nice guy and I know love will come to me again. I hope all goes well with your new home.This is a great thing and something to be proud of...a milestone.One of those nice single women you talked about is going to see the magic within you and you will see it within her,and a new love will blossom.I always believe that life moves on,mostly for the better.So now you are ready to enjoy life again,I wish you the best of the best. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 thanks buster...those first months are really rough...I remember I didn't think I would be able to even get out of bed some days. I would cry before going to bed...cry during the day...and pretty much cry all the time! I felt so pathetic...life seemed meaningless without her in my life. There was nothing I could do that made me happy... It does get better,,,and like you said, chances are it will be for the best. The important thing is to try and see the positive in the crappy situation and become even stronger. Like I said..message me anytime if you need someone to talk to Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks Mark. You're giving me hope and pretty much everyone else that's hurting right now... I've only been around 20 days with no contact and maybe 25 or so days since she left... I never got the closure nor did she say we are broken up or anything... She just left to another country, lied to me, and that's pretty much that... There are times that i really feel like not doing anything at all... For some weird reason too, i can't cry... I don't know what's going on there, but nothing is happening even when i feel like crying... I'm glad you are going thru it ok and are actually on the road to recovery... I wander how long did it take you to wake up in the morning and not feel like crap... Mornings are the worst for me. Thanks R Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Mark,I can fully associate with you,the depth of the pain you felt.......not wanting to get out of bed etc.I do believe that we all must feel this profound pain in order to fully appreciate the special gift of love. There are many people I know who treat their partners so badly but they never experience the pain of loss because their partners are happy to settle with second best. Well,personally I'd rather be alone than settle for anything less than true love and respect,and this break up has only strenghtened my belief.I might take you up on the message offer,as I think you are ahead of me in the healing process and you may be able to give me strength.Many thanks Mark! Link to comment
bustertypsy Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks Mark. You're giving me hope and pretty much everyone else that's hurting right now... I've only been around 20 days with no contact and maybe 25 or so days since she left... I never got the closure nor did she say we are broken up or anything... She just left to another country, lied to me, and that's pretty much that... There are times that i really feel like not doing anything at all... For some weird reason too, i can't cry... I don't know what's going on there, but nothing is happening even when i feel like crying... I'm glad you are going thru it ok and are actually on the road to recovery... I wander how long did it take you to wake up in the morning and not feel like crap... Mornings are the worst for me. Thanks R Robert,the crying will come in time.You are in shock right now and are trying to take in what has happened.I remember it took me 6 weeks before I cried,then I cried a river.As we go through the different stages the emotions alter too. Mornings are the worst.Maybe because you had a few hours away from the pain,then when you awaken,you have to face reality again. As Mark stated,time will eventually take care of this.Just hang in there and post as often as you need to.We will be here to lend an ear and hopefully some advice. Link to comment
robert7x Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Thanks guys... I started another thread when i wasn't feeling that good... I guess i am still in the shock stage, but i hope i don't stay there for long... I really need to move on because she sure is... There is no point of me hoping for something that is not possible... Deep down i don't want to give up hope, but reality is reality... she's with someone else and i'm here alone. Thanks Bud Link to comment
Briella Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 THanks for writing this, it helps keep the rest of us going knowing that others are going through it and surviving. I think i'm at a similar stage, it's been bout 8 months and not a day goes by that I don't think about him but i'm not crying or breaking down inside, it's more a reflection. I still miss him as a person but I know I will survive without him. Just a question though, the last time I saw him was recently. I did a stupid thing nd two days later went to apologise. He didn't want to hear it and then I broke down saying I was confused with my life and I was bored in it. He told me that I'm scared of change and I don't have any real passion in my life. He said things that looking back make me really angry. He has no right to put me down. He seems to think he is more mature and knowledgeable than me. Now all I do is replay that in my head and I think of the things I should have said. I shouldn't have broken down but I get emotional around him. I just want to tell him that he is wrong about me. I get so angry. I don't really want to see him though, I just don't want him to look back on me, his first relationship, and think thank goodness I got out of that one, she turned out to be crazy. I just want it all our of my head. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 As far as the morning I woke up not feeling sad...to tell you the truth, it didnt happen like a light switch. I cant even remember when it happened. It just did...slowly, and yes SLOWLY I just started to not think about her so much. Then the times I did and do think about her, it doesnt hurt as much. Trust me, even after 8 months it still hurts...but at a different level. Briella...I guess I would say just to stop worrying so much about anyone else and just worry about yourself. You need to do things for yourself right now. Who cares what you did...you did it because that was what you decided to do at that time. There is nothing you can do now to change that...so I would just keep looking ahead and forget about what has happened. I know you can be the stronger person...just think of yourself. Link to comment
Infrared Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hey Mark. I remember reading your post when I first came here. Our crisis' happened around the same time. The difference in your writing from back in September to now shows how far you've come along. Congrats man. I hope everything keeps working out. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 22, 2008 Author Share Posted January 22, 2008 thanks Infrared...it feels like a lifetime from how I was then. I still have my ups and downs...I still think of my ex all the time. I am in a much better place now though... This site is a life saver! How are things with you? Link to comment
Clabs Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Hey fella! What a great post and what a wonderful inspiration to anyone on here who is having a hard time of it. You sound so much more upbeat and positive - fantastic news. Keep it up fella - you are definitely going in the right direction! Take care mate. Mark Link to comment
Dominic_M Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 Im glad to see the process of healing has shown you results Mark. As other have said, your progress is inspirational to us all. I can say that you have made fantastic progress from your previous posts. And it shows that you are ready to take on life with new fervor and passion, and you know that doing it alone if need be is ok. Thanks for your update, and congrats on your progress! Dominic Link to comment
Infrared Posted January 22, 2008 Share Posted January 22, 2008 thanks Infrared...it feels like a lifetime from how I was then. I still have my ups and downs...I still think of my ex all the time. I am in a much better place now though... This site is a life saver! How are things with you? I'm fine, thanks for asking. I don't come here as often but I still like too everyonce in a while. I think it's perfectly normal for you to think about your ex still, but be in a good place. I have ups and downs too still, but I never have the knots in my stomach I use to get. Instead of feeling like I NEEDED to start dating right away I've found I'm enjoying being single and not worrying about someone else. Like you I'm trying to make myself better and I know that I'll meet someone at some point. When that happens I'm going to be 100 times better then I was before. The anticipation is actually quite exciting. Link to comment
MarkD Posted January 23, 2008 Author Share Posted January 23, 2008 thanks again everyone for the nice comments. I really dont know how I would have gotten through this time in my life without all of you..everyone was so supportive it was unreal. i wish we were all closer to be able to meet in person. I must say...I would NEVER wish this situation on anyone, but at the same time, I think everyone needs to go through something like this in their lives. It is unreal how this event has changed me, but I want to pull out as much positive out of it as possible. I can't wait to be able to love someone again with all my heart. I really wish that it was my ex that would benefit from the changes I have made in my life, but i have to believe that if we are not together, it was not meant to be and she is not the one for me. Thre is some lucky girl that is going to get the crap loved out of her!!!! haha Link to comment
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