so374 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If you read my last post you will know how much my husband made me suffer with his cheating. less than 3 months ago he left me alone for my birthday and he spent it with his mistress….., now we are back together and he apologized about the whole cheating thing …. Which I am not over it yet, Anyway tomorrow is his birthday should I ignore him or should I at least wish him a happy birthday? Link to comment
sunfirechick Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If I were you, leave him a note that says "Happy Birthday honey, gone to the spa, be back in the morning". Go treat yourself for the day/night. Link to comment
Aleadragonhawk Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If you're looking to truly reconcile with your husband, games like this aren't an option. Link to comment
Pocket Rocket Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 It sounds like you still harbor a lot of resentment for what your husband did. If you really want to give your relationship a fair go you need to work through this feeling otherwise staying together is not viable, resentment only breeds anger and guilt and it will lead you nowhere. Perhaps couples counselling is an option or speaking to a therapist about dealing with anger. Good luck Link to comment
DN Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I agree that this would not be a good idea if you truly want to make your relationship work. if you are sure you want to be with him then it is important that both of you work hard at making each other happy - or at least, not unhappy. Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If you're looking to truly reconcile with your husband, games like this aren't an option. That's true. I know you're still hurting, but if you want to reconcile, it won't work while you're punishing him. Link to comment
Crazyaboutdogs Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I am with the last two posters on this. If you chose to reconcile with him and re-build, blowing him off on his birthday is not going to help in re-building. If you still have a lot of bitterness, you need to talk things out and go to counselling...not play "get even" " * * * for tat" games. Link to comment
CallingAllAngels Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 It doesn't sound like you are really ready to reconcile, and I can't say that I blame you. I was cheated on too...in the worst way. You are justified in your anger. You are not going to get over it in 3 months. But ignoring his birthday just gives him something to get angry at YOU for. Don't sink to his level hon.... Swallow your pride...wish him a happy birthday, even if you don't mean it. (I do hope you are in theapy together?) My best to you... ~Allie Link to comment
Rum Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I went back and read some of your previous posts to catch up... i was going to suggest a few things since i've been cheated on as well, so we have some things in common. BUT, i see you mention that he hit you, twice. "he even hit me twice because of her when he never did it before…" If he has touched you AND is cheating on you, i can understand your resentment. Don't play games with his birthday, just leave. Unless he has really changed and you both are in therapy or counselling or something. Otherwise this doesn't look good and no games should be played, serious decisions should be made instead. Games are a waste of time and energy. --Rum Link to comment
TheSmilingTurnip Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Rum is right. I'm not sure if his hitting you is a pattern of abuse including verbal and emotional or if his hitting you is just poor impulse control, but I sure wouldn't feel like giving him a present or anything either. I guess if you're set on reconciling, wish him a happy bday but don't go out of your way to make it 'special'. Just be polite and mannerly. That's good enough for now. More will come, if it's meant to. Link to comment
ftheunion Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I dunno. If you go out and spend the day/night with your sister, mother, or other relative or friend that would get him back. But that could just get him whining and so back and forth the hostility goes. It would be ok, but I dunno. He would feel resentment, but I dunno Link to comment
LostNLuv Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Do not play games like this if you are serious about keeping your marriage on the reconciliation track. The best thing you could do is to give him a great birthday and really show him that you are above trying to "get him back" for what happened last year. You cannot move forward if you are not looking forward. Link to comment
Fruitfull1 Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 If I were you, leave him a note that says "Happy Birthday honey, gone to the spa, be back in the morning". Go treat yourself for the day/night. LOL! I love it! Excellent advice! Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Who cares if it's his birthday. what is worth it when he cheated. I wouldn't even bother saying ''Happy b-day'' if I were you, make him suffer for what he did to you or how about cheat back on his birthday, he deserves it. Link to comment
homeagain Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 though i understand the desire to make him hurt like he hurt you, i don't think you two would be able to be together very long if you ignore his birthday. if you're really trusting him again, don't punish him. you have to move on if he is forgiven. maybe don't go over the top, but acknowledge his birthday or give him a card. treating him like he treated you will only make you feel low, too. if you still feel like punishing him, are you sure you want to try with him again? Link to comment
Rabican Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 If you read my last post you will know how much my husband made me suffer with his cheating. less than 3 months ago he left me alone for my birthday and he spent it with his mistress….., now we are back together and he apologized about the whole cheating thing …. Which I am not over it yet, Anyway tomorrow is his birthday should I ignore him or should I at least wish him a happy birthday? Are you serious? If you are back together theres no more games. Two wrongs dont make a right. The only thing you do differently now, than what you did before is be more vigilant in regards to who hes with, who hes talking to, and where hes at. Example: if he used to go and hang out with his female friend for lunch, or for drinks after work.... well guess what; he doesnt get to do that anymore. But to be petty, and act like a child saying oh he missed my birthday, now Ill miss his... thats just silly, and childish, and not productive towards rebuilding your relationship. Link to comment
yeawutever Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Birthdays are suppost to be important but depending on how the person's been to you. Who would want to celebrate a cheater's birthday, he stood her up for hers. When it was her day, he preferred the mistress, come on how would that not hurt anyone (to be stood up for an important day just to be with the OP), sick. Link to comment
tangi39 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 I wouldn't ignore him, nor would I do anything special, including singing Happy Birthday. I'd maybe give him a generic card and leave it at that. You aren't over it, and rightfully so. But if you don't think you can get over it, maybe trying to reconcile isn't the best option. Link to comment
blue69 Posted January 30, 2009 Share Posted January 30, 2009 Games wont fix anything. It also doesn't put you in the path of forgiveness, which is what is required before this relationship can pull out of negativity. Regardless of the past. You made a decision to try and work on the marriage. If you tried and simply feel that you can't get past things, then make that move. I do want to commend you for trying, sounds like some nasty events occurred that would make that a difficult choice. If you are going to seriously try then you need to make every effort possible. It is the only way to finally come to terms with the events and possibly prepare you for forgiving his actions. Don't play games. They will not help you one bit. Link to comment
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