need2bme Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 So, now I realize that you cannot let someone know how much you still care, when they will have none of it. I have stopped wondering, why...I have stopped fully blaming myself and instead am trying to figure out how and what to change. I have realized that I only want my ex happy and if that isn't with me then so be it...really. However, last night I was looking at my fridge and at her picture. I actually said "Hi" to her. One thing I realized was that even though I realize how and why everything happened the way it did...I really miss my friend. I miss laughing with her and sharing with her...and I think this might be a harder part than the acceptance part... Link to comment
Infrared Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I understand exactly what you mean Need2bme. I miss my friend too. Hopefully, and I know this sounds weird, you still largely do a lot of the things you guys did together. People shouldn't change who they are and what they do based on breakups. Link to comment
justanotherhurtguy Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I feel the exact same way. Sure, I miss having her as a lover. But now I find myself missing her friendship even more. Hanging out, laughing together, watching TV and movies, and talking about everything. I do want her to be happy. But it's close to impossible to still be her friend now that she is moving onto another guy. It's better for myself just to stay away. Link to comment
-BK- Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 How could you miss your friend?! I'm right here, dude! Link to comment
nikkers04 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 I'd agree sometimes its ok getting over the romanticness but you can't get over friendship Link to comment
Ocean 22 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 It sucks doing certain things on my own now that I used to do with him all the time and had a better time. We too were more than bf gf we were great friends too. I hope him all the best too. Wherever and whatever he is doing now. Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 BK: You crack me up brother. Thanks. Link to comment
samantha20 Posted January 15, 2008 Share Posted January 15, 2008 same here! My ex was my best friend, I 've never ever been so close to anyone. She's trying to stay my friend now, but she's going out with someone else after we've only just broken up and its so painful. I feel like im settling for 2nd best if im just friends with her. Especially as she is trying to fit me in around him rather than putting me first like she used to. I miss her friendship so so much though! Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 15, 2008 Author Share Posted January 15, 2008 That is just it Samantha. Don't be 2nd best to anyone. I was friends with my ex, while we were together and I miss us, I miss that. I will not be her friend, if she were to be seeing someone else. Link to comment
circi Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 However, last night I was looking at my fridge and at her picture. I actually said "Hi" to her. Tell me you don't have her picture on your fridge still? Take it down! Take all pictures of her and put them away in a box somewhere. Seeing them on a daily basis is just going to make it harder to move on - you know that. Link to comment
bach Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I was thinking the same thing Circi. N2bme take that picture down now! But i know how you feel dude. I miss my best friend sooooooo much! Link to comment
GottaLetItBurn Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 That is just it Samantha. Don't be 2nd best to anyone. I was friends with my ex, while we were together and I miss us, I miss that. I will not be her friend, if she were to be seeing someone else. Yeah this is what hurts the most. When they are with someone else smiling and you just know and feel they could truly careless about you, regardless or what they say to try and keep you around. Link to comment
Lugh Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I will not be her friend, if she were to be seeing someone else. in fairness n2b if thats the way you feel then i think your not ready to be friends, i was the same way , met up with her but only on her own not with her new bf. if you are really a friend ten there should be no conditions on your friendship. i said i wasnt ready yet to be her friend and told her 3 mths ago that i had to go nc to sort myself out, i now feel that i am ready to be her friend and will contact her today to tell her that. you need to be happy in your own skin first. Link to comment
astrobaby Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Yeah, although im over the loss of the relationship (well i miss it but you know what i mean), i do still often lament the loss of my best friend. We had so much fun. I guess as sad as it is, it's inevitable. oh well. Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Lugh: I hear ya, which is why I am NOT ready to be her friend. I still love her, so why try and be her friend? Besides, I doubt we will ever speak to each other again. Circi: I know, I know. I just can't take the pic down yet. I will soon. I have taken everything else down, except for that. Link to comment
surfjon Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 My wife and I were best friends for so, so many years. I too am reeling from the loss of my backgammon buddy, partner in playing guitar and singing, beach walking sea-glass finding companion, reading friend, concert and music fan, goof-off partner, joking buddy, movie companion, on and on and on...................... It really hurt when I put ALL her pictures away. Even "just one" was too many, it would just trigger a tidal-wave of hurt. I doubt I'll ever really want to look at them, sometimes I think I should just toss them all out but I'll save them for the kids to look at one day. Link to comment
WaterIsLife Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I miss my friend too. Funny though since while we were together I had been going through some of my own "stuff" that caused me to keep her at arms-length at times. Still though, I miss my friend. Link to comment
jettison Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 I think that everyone who was in a longterm, truly loving relationship misses that component of their life when it ends. The first thing we all think is that we need to replace that person, when in fact, no one can ever replace that. I remember my next girlfriend being nervous of my ex and writing me "Look, I can never replace what you to have. You were together for so long. If you should ever decide that what you lost is too important and you have to leave me that I would never try to stop you." At the time, that made me feel so good... that she was so understanding, but looking back on it perhaps it wasn't fair to her. I miss her quite a bit though. I'm lucky that we're still friends, and she's still in my life, but the person that I was with for 11 years, the person I grew up with, the person I loved, that person is gone. She is the past. The woman I know now is really just a reminder of things gone by. Link to comment
circi Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Lugh: I hear ya, which is why I am NOT ready to be her friend. I still love her, so why try and be her friend? Besides, I doubt we will ever speak to each other again. Circi: I know, I know. I just can't take the pic down yet. I will soon. I have taken everything else down, except for that. So you'd prefer to have that constant reminder every time you open the fridge? Do you like hurting? You are choosing to wallow in your pain by doing this. If you MUST have a picture of her out somewhere, put it someplace that you won't see constantly and have to make a special effort to go view it. The VERY first thing I did when the ex left was take down the pics of us and the pics of his nephews that were on the fridge. Link to comment
RedBranchKnight Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hey nee2bme, I know exactly how you feel. Havnt spoke to my ex in about a month, but I really want to. Its weird, its not because of romantic feelings really; its just because I want to talk to her, ask what shes up to, havea laugh, meet up... stuff we used to do. Used to see her every weekend, during the week in university and send each other about 25 texts a day. Days can just feel so long and boring now, which is weird because before I met her I would spend even more time by myself than I do know, and it never bothered me at all! At the same time though, despite not wanting to be BF and GF again, if I was still in her life and found out she had a new boyfriend Id be really hit hard, thats something I know with complete certainty, so I cant talk to her or know what shes up to. Really lousy Link to comment
CatsMeeoow Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 How could you miss your friend?! I'm right here, dude! How sweet and clever is that! Kudos to you BK! Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Circi: Yes. If I were to be totally honest, I would tell you that I DO want to be in the sadness right now. I am a man who finds it hard to change and let go, at times. Some things I can and some I cannot. I really am feeling a lot better, but I think my subconscious knows that once I put that pic away, then it REALLY is over...even though my conscious mind knows it already is. Circi, I know it is sad, but I am working on it... Link to comment
circi Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Circi: Yes. If I were to be totally honest, I would tell you that I DO want to be in the sadness right now. I am a man who finds it hard to change and let go, at times. Some things I can and some I cannot. I really am feeling a lot better, but I think my subconscious knows that once I put that pic away, then it REALLY is over...even though my conscious mind knows it already is. Circi, I know it is sad, but I am working on it... I'm so sorry, I do feel your pain - believe me I do. I didn't mean to be harsh, I was just hoping to jolt you out of it. Link to comment
need2bme Posted January 17, 2008 Author Share Posted January 17, 2008 Circi: I know and I really appreciate it. Ya know, as an aside, Circi would actually be a good name in real life (it sounds different). So, I just got to keep plugging along. I once thought I had a propensity for sadness and thought maybe that is what kept me connected. I posted once about it, a while back, before this ex. IceMotoBoy posted back and I am paraphrasing, that it was the only way we could "stay close" or something like that. It is sad to think that I have relagated myself to her memory and the sadness of it, to stay close to her, but I am getting better with it all... ...at least I am talking to the girls that approach me now and am flirting with them...before it felt like I was cheating on the ex (as weird as that sounds)... Link to comment
circi Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Can't figure out the multi-quote thing but Circe is from mythology. She turned men who made her mad into pigs, heh. I just used a different spelling. It doesn't sound weird to feel like you're cheating on the ex at all. On New Year's I hooked up with an old flame and that is exactly how I felt! Link to comment
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