Fritz The Cat Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 I suppose this happens to every man sooner or later. Last night at a Christmas party, I had a married woman come on to me real strong. Everyone there noticed it including her husband who had words with her. The whole experience left me somewhat bewildered. I still don't know where she was coming from or what her goal was. Anyway, she was extremely attractive and I would have had no trouble slipping away with her had the opportunity presented itself. This got me thinking, if 2 people, one or both being married, met and genuinely fell in love. And if both were honest about it to their respective spouses and asked for a divorce, How would you take it if you were one of the spouses? Link to comment
Papillion Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 i'd give her the divorce and be very upset. Link to comment
Dako Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Being dumped for another is a major betrayal. It hurts like hell. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Honestly, I do not know what I would do, it depends on how I take it. Usually I tend to 'throw the book' at people who cross me (i.e. in the past for people I am was not married to but had feelings for: email campaigns, or saying things that may be 'personal or hurtful' that would be like character attacks). Assuming she is a born-again Christian, of course I'm going to challenge her spiritual convictions by invoking the 'thou shalt not commit adultery' commandment on her and ask her to account if she's choosing to turn away from the Lord or if she was ever saved in the first place and throw the book at her. If she is not a born-again Christian, then I have to accept this as being my fault of marrying a degenerate woman in the first place and that this would be the eventual probable outcome. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 yeah it would hurt but I would say see ya... Now, as for you my friend. My advice-stay away. That road is long, frustrating, painful, and holds no guarantees. I know-I've been down that road before. Met the girl of my dreams, who came on to me hard at her birthday party, she was unhappily married and considering divorce, but she was still married. I didn't do a great job of discouraging her. I should have. She finally divorced, and then I thought I had a chance-we dated for a year, I thought she would marry me. She needed time to be herself again. It is classic, happens all the time. Broke my heart, and this is the reason I came on this site... There are so many girls out there without this, the ultimate "baggage"...I promise you that it's always a bad idea to go down this road. Good luck. Link to comment
Dako Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 If someone cheats with you on their spouse, you may be their next victim. It sometimes comes around. Link to comment
RayKay Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 This got me thinking, if 2 people, one or both being married, met and genuinely fell in love. And if both were honest about it to their respective spouses and asked for a divorce, How would you take it if you were one of the spouses?It does not hurt any less than if they weren't honest, and it came out in the wash. Besides, often they are leaving not for "love" but for the excitement of new infatuation, it is very easy to think of an affair partner as "perfect" when you aren't faced with all the realities of daily life (like bills, mortgage, work stress, children). My father cheated on my mother, and was "honest" and left. While my mother was 7 months pregnant with their third child telling her that he was just not "ready for all this marriage/responsibility". He married his mistress. I don't think his "life" is much different he found out and his marriage soon turned to "reality" too - though they are still together I think it is more because he realized that marriage is not about running away and being unfaithful (finally). Often when we try to "escape" something without looking at ourselves we just take all our problems with us into the next one. My mother on the other hand is much better off and has been with a wonderful (& faithful) man for 22+ years now. Oh, but believe me if a partner of mine "fell in love with someone else" and asked for a divorce....I'd wave him goodbye; I would want no part of him anymore! Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 yes, i've had this situation too, not with a married man, but a man with a girlfriend, such a waste of time. Fritz - i'd stay away. I think it's inevitable in any marriage that their eyes start to wander and they start wondering if they should try out something new. kind of a "7 year itch" sort of thing. don't be part of it - clearly, she has an upset husband, you don't want to get hurt. let the two of them work things out, and if they decide to divorce, well, ask her out after the divorce, but not before. i really do think it's natural for the eyes to wander after a long time together, but married people took vows to not give into those temptations, to work through things instead. and you should just stay out of the situation..... Link to comment
kevinm Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Fritz... a woman came on to you one time at a christmas party and you've got these heavy thoughts in your mind? Have you ever considered that maybe she was just trying to make her husband mad and you just happened to the unfortunate target/tool for her to use? The implications are deep here. As others have said, stay away. Don't get inbetween two people ever, especially if one of them is a co-worker. Put it out of your mind forever, let it go, and move on. -Kevin Link to comment
Fritz The Cat Posted December 16, 2007 Author Share Posted December 16, 2007 Yep, I know the right thing to do. But sometimes, in a moment of weakness, temptation may get the upper hand. I didn't pursue it but that might be because it happened so quickly I didn't have time to get my thoughts together. If it was a one time thing and she was just trying to make her husband jealous, then it over. I will be seeing her again in social settings so time will tell. There was a time when I wouldn't have given her a second thought simply because she's married but that's an outdated concept in today's world. Link to comment
JadedStar Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 I suppose this happens to every man sooner or later. Last night at a Christmas party, I had a married woman come on to me real strong. Everyone there noticed it including her husband who had words with her. The whole experience left me somewhat bewildered. I still don't know where she was coming from or what her goal was. Anyway, she was extremely attractive and I would have had no trouble slipping away with her had the opportunity presented itself. This got me thinking, if 2 people, one or both being married, met and genuinely fell in love. And if both were honest about it to their respective spouses and asked for a divorce, How would you take it if you were one of the spouses? A married woman made a fool of herself (likely after a few drinks) at a christmas party and you are thinking about falling in love with a married woman? She acted very foolish and probably felt embarrassed the next morning. I'd try my best to remove any notions that you might ride off into the sunset with her. On the offchance you did get with her you'd feel pretty disgusted when YOU are in the shoes her husband was in. HOw embarrassed and humiliated he must have been. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 "There was a time when I wouldn't have given her a second thought simply because she's married but that's an outdated concept in today's world." Uh, um, no, it's really not. It's always wrong to become a part of trouble between two married people. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 Believe me I know. Because I did it. And seven years later I still have deep sadness and regrets...and I, like you, was not the instigator-in fact I told her many times that it was wrong and she should stop calling and what not, but the facts remain that I wasn't strong enough to just tell her to get lost. Don't make the same mistake I did. Link to comment
Fritz The Cat Posted December 16, 2007 Author Share Posted December 16, 2007 There was a time when it was easy and natural for me to take the moral high road. Now it's not so easy and doesn't seem to be natural at all. There are plenty of women out there who have no morals. Married and otherwise. What do I have to gain by clinging to mine? Especially in light of the pain and suffering they have caused me. Link to comment
Batya33 Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 I don't think staying away from a married woman or man is the moral high road. It's just common human decency. Link to comment
auburnslp Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 What do you have to gain by taking the high road? No regrets, ever. And that is like a gift from God. For your short time of thrill before the frustration and most likely heart-ache sets in, you will have earned not just those negatives, but also possible guilt, remorse, regret, which will stay with you always. I think that is as clear as I can make it. The only way for you to avoid those feelings, since you seem to have a heart since you have always strived to take the high moral ground, the only way for you to avoid those feelings in the future would be to become callous and unfeeling. And that would really suck out loud. Link to comment
melrich Posted December 16, 2007 Share Posted December 16, 2007 This got me thinking, if 2 people, one or both being married, met and genuinely fell in love. And if both were honest about it to their respective spouses and asked for a divorce, How would you take it if you were one of the spouses? I'd be very upset. I guess it is preferable to them going at it behind your back in the same way it is probably preferable to lose and arm rather than be killed in an accident. Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 GUILTY! I dated a married guy just recently, extended for 2 months then I decided to end it (running away from it actually). At first the attraction and what I thought was "love" was there. But there's also that annoying, lingering feeling that IT'S WRONG!! He said he's miserable with his wife and I totally understand that. But I refused to be a part of his foolishness. There is absolutely no future in dating someone who's married. My point is, if he/she can skillfully cheat and lie to the spouse, you're not that special to receive immunity. You will be cheated on as soon as she gets bored with you. Why did I date a married guy? Honestly, because maybe I was bored at that moment. But I prefer being bored on my own than hurting a family. So my advice, end whatever is going on with her immediately because it will get ugly. You have absolutely no right to hurt the husband. Get yourself out of the picture and start feeling good about your honorable deed. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 There was a time when it was easy and natural for me to take the moral high road. Now it's not so easy and doesn't seem to be natural at all. There are plenty of women out there who have no morals. Married and otherwise. What do I have to gain by clinging to mine? Especially in light of the pain and suffering they have caused me. So, you are desperate right now for any female attention, even if the girl is married, is going to fit the bill because you are just tired of being single and because life is unfair that pretty much justifies breaking the rules yourself. There are levels of desperation - but I think we can live without messing with a married woman. I understand, if you are hungry, you have no money, you steal some bread to eat you will think stealing in those circumstances is fine otherwise you will starve to death...but here you are not starving so find someone who isn't married. Link to comment
Fritz The Cat Posted December 19, 2007 Author Share Posted December 19, 2007 LOL, Thanks for the laugh Luke Skywalker. I am anything but desperate. At the moment, I'm juggling so many women , I can't keep track of what I have told to whom. I have to try very hard to keep one from knowing she's not the only one. I spent this evening on the phone with 2 about 2 hours each. One will call me back in about 30 minutes so I'm killing my time posting here. The woman who provoked this thread is totally different, I saw her as a potential lover, as much in the spiritual sense as physical. It's the spiritual part that made her stand out. Not the fact that she was married, a hottie, or that she came on to me the way she did. It was a spiritual feeling. which, I suspect, is what we are all looking for. If the stars are lined up correctly at the proper time, I would dive in head first without regards to the consequences. This,to me is hat love is really all about. Throw caution to the wind and let destiny run it's course. Link to comment
Chibby33 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Exactly what does "spiritual sense", "spiritual part", and "spiritual feeling" mean? Seems that's been thrown quite loosely but I'm not quite sure what you mean by these terms. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Spiritual all right - must be an evil spirit minion on your shoulder tempting you to commit adultery that's the spiritual connection you are feeling. Link to comment
Dako Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Golly gee Luke, You started a thread about falling for a married woman and go into spiritual moral mode on us. Make up your mind, man! If you don't resolve this problem you have, you'll be a 60 year old virgin sneering at worldly temptations the rest of us handle with aplomb. Women are beautiful, gentle creatures worth bonding with as companions. Parents are our guides until we announce our adulthood. I think you're a good person locked into a conflict that hurts you. Link to comment
Luke Skywalker Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 Golly gee Luke, You started a thread about falling for a married woman and go into spiritual moral mode on us. Make up your mind, man! I never made this thread, Fritz_the_cat did, I have never fell for a married woman. I'm not attracted to married woman because the Bible says to even think about having adultery is sinful - I have no business even in my thought-life - so you wont see me writing threads about this. A married woman is another man's property, just like a car or a house, and you have to respect the other man's property. So, as the Bible says, you dont desire to want your neighbours car or house, similar you dont desire to want his wife. The Ten Commandments, Proverbs, STAY AWAY. Matthew 5:25, Philippians 4:8, -- dont even THINK about it. At least you need her husband's permission to borrow his property, then maybe there may be a grey area, but that's the only grey area that could be entertained - I'm not sure about that - but I wouldn't play with it. If you want to do what is right - you forget about that woman - that's right OP, forget about her. Link to comment
annie24 Posted December 19, 2007 Share Posted December 19, 2007 A married woman is another man's property, just like a car or a house, and you have to respect the other man's property. whoa - be prepared to be plummeled!!! i don't think women have been referred to as property for a very long time!!!!! thank goodness. Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.