SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I have been dating this guy and we just had our first sexual night yesterday. anyway, i discovered he is really aggressive and he seems to want me to "abuse him in bed" (obviously not ABUSE but you know what i mean). I felt stupid because i've never been in that position before. I didnt know how! what does he mean? he seems to like biting me places and sucking on mt tongue till its numb and it hurts (i think he likes some pain in sex). is that sadistic behavior? is it ok? what are some of the "abusive" things guys like women to do to them?? HELP Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I like to have my hair pulled a little, and an occasional hard smack on my booty, but nothing too 'abusive'. I dunno, maybe grab him by the hair and take control. Tell him what to do to you. You'll know more of what he's into after you guys have been physical for a while. Link to comment
LostInMyThoughts Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 It could partly be sadistic, as for it being okay, if thats what he likes, than I see no harm. Pain can highten sexual pleasure. If you are uncomfortable with it, then have a talk with him. Personally I like it when a woman digs her nails into my back...thats just me. Link to comment
someguy88 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 there's nothing wrong with biting and little love smacks. I like being bitten and I like biting as well. One woman I was with loved it when I gave her light slaps on the face and hard ones on her rear. Another one wanted me to half choke her while we screwed but I was uncomfortable with that. Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 would it be such a turn off for him if i wasn't into it? Link to comment
beauty21 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I dated a guy like that a few years ago. He didn't want me to abuse him, but he used to bite me on my back and suck on my tongue. My back used to hurt so badly the day after, I found no pleasure in that type of thing. That type of sex hurts me. I like to be touched and kissed softly. Link to comment
beauty21 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 would it be such a turn off for him if i wasn't into it? It may and it may not. If you are not liking his type of love making then you need to say something about it now. If you think this is something you can get used to though, I don't see a problem. Why don't you try leading the way, the way you like it. Link to comment
intothevoid80 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Funny, I had a simliar experience with a man lately. But I do enjoy that type of sex a lot. But, it was strange to see it right out of the gate. I need to be honest to you here because, I do enjoy this type of sex and he will not be turned off by gentle sex but it will get boring for him. He may say whatever now because, he likes you but in the end he will always want more. He will probably try for more on occasion too and this may totally freak you out everytime he does. But it's up to you to try to find some compromise if there is any... Link to comment
ghost69 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 rip his nips off. i'm not into all that pain stuff myself, but i tug hair a bit and grab necks and hips a bit rough sometimes. depends on my mood. Link to comment
intothevoid80 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 haha - A man like that will want to be dominated from time to time. Just throw him on the bed and hold him down. Do not let him move and just go to town. They love dominating but, they love to be ravished even more. This would take awhile I think as this is a very new relationship lol. Hmm let's leave it at that. Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 so you think showing him some dominance will turn him on?? maybe tie his hands? Link to comment
wiser Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 If he likes the pain, but you don't then make it a one way street. If he's not ok with that, then you have a problem. He should respect your boundaries. If he's sucking your tongue until it hurts then its not working out. Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 but he IS aggressive, and he specifically asked me to "abuse him" when we were in bed. i was just looking for some ideas that are appealing to men? Link to comment
intothevoid80 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Start by getting on top and pinning him down by that I mean holding his hands down to the bed. Tying hands is iffy because, you never know if the person will get upset. That would be more something you should discuss once comfortable. IN all honesty a little domination will turn him on as he will probably really like the fact that you are comfortable and seem to enjoy it as well. Don't be shy I suppose and the human body can take a lot LOL. Link to comment
wiser Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 but he IS aggressive, and he specifically asked me to "abuse him" when we were in bed. i was just looking for some ideas that are appealing to men? I'm not into abuse...but you could try sticking your finger in his ass. That can make for a combination of pleasure and pain, depending on the depth of your probing. Maybe consider using something besides your finger, if he's into pain. Nothing sharp though! Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 can i use a little bit of teeth on his penis? Link to comment
wiser Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 can i use a little bit of teeth on his penis? If he likes pain, that could be just the ticket. Link to comment
jsx730 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Ask him how he feels about slapping? Dig your nails in a bit? Pinching? Link to comment
intothevoid80 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Um - you seriously need to have this conversation with him. You both need to set boundries seriously. Someone could get hurt here. Easy on the sharp objects lol Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 but he IS aggressive, and he specifically asked me to "abuse him" when we were in bed. i was just looking for some ideas that are appealing to men? The best source of ideas is YOUR PARTNER. Seriously, go out some night, have a few beers each, and when you've got the courage, ask him to explain EXPLICITLY what turns him on. Have the conversation in a public but secluded place, where there's no pressure for sex but you can talk uninterrupted. Don't bring it up in the bedroom, don't be judgmental, just be open minded and listen. And then be prepared to talk about what turns YOU on. It sounds like he might be into light BDSM play, which is based on power (i.e. you've got it and you're not afraid to use it). He wants you to be in charge, and he wants you to make him feel naughty. So, you could try some bondage. Try dominating him. You can pinch nipples, slap his butt, pull his hair, etc. To quote Dan Savage: A healthy sexual relationship is one in which both partners are GIVING (i.e. enjoy pleasing each other), GOOD (i.e. know what the heck they're doing), and GAME (i.e. willing to experiment to keep things lively). So, have fun and be safe! But don't be freaked out. Link to comment
yellow_sweater Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Oh, and people: there's a difference between pain as a turn-on and "abuse" as a turn-on. Be sure to find out which one turns him on, otherwise he might end up with some unwanted teeth marks in his penis! Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 can i use a little bit of teeth on his penis? WOAH, I don't think I'd go there! Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 am wont bite it off, just tease him probably! Link to comment
SAMRA2 Posted December 13, 2007 Author Share Posted December 13, 2007 i wont bite it off, just tease him probably! Link to comment
BeStrongBeHappy Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 ok, be a bit careful with the rough sex thing if you don't know him too well... depending on what he wants, it could get out of hand. and NEVER let a guy you don't know really well tie you up or prevent you from defending yourself... it is how some people end up seriously injured or murdered if he's a nut and you don't know him well enough. all kinds of things can be pleasurable in bed, BUT if he is starting straight off with the kinky stuff, that would give me pause, unless you talked about it before you got into bed... when you get into things where there could be injury, you have to really trust the person. also be careful about doing things that exchange blood... wearing a condom prevents AIDS, but if he is biting you and drawing blood, there is a small risk from that... Link to comment
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