She left me

[sadcomposer]

I agree cats. That's why I waited a week to even respond to her that I wanted the letter. I am sure she probably rewrote it a couple of times last night. Whatever is in the letter, I will certainly not answer quickly, especially out of anger. We'll see. She has not responded to my email yet. So I don't know whether she will fax it now or later.

[sadcomposer]

She just answered. She says thanks for letting her explain. She does not think I will be hurt by her letter. She says she loves me too and misses me. But she does not say if she will fax it. So I answered her to ask if she will fax it.

[CatsMeeoow]

Just don't let it control your weekend!

 

Make an effort to do something holidayish all on your own (ok doesn't mean solo - by all means invite a friend.) Go drive around and look at holiday lights... sort through your things - maybe you have some stuff that you aren't using you can donate to a local charity?

 

Good Luck!

[sadcomposer]

I don't know what's worse. She is not answering me. I know she is at work. She is a nurse and sees patients. So maybe that's why. I gotta get a grip and brace myself.

[sadcomposer]

Well I got the letter. She basically says that she just does not have the strenght to continue the relationship. She feels she lost some of her values. I guess she is talking about her friendship with the married man. I am thinking of sending her a letter, but I am not sure how to word it. I want to tell her that I respect her decision, but also leave a door open. I am not sure if that is mistake. If she knows she still can get me back, she'll just put me on a backburner?

[samross]

sad,

 

Sounds a bit like she is upset with herself - but not with you. If that is the reason it may take some time fro her to come around. I guess if it were me I would tell her I respect her decision and would ask her if she felt like talking to me. If she does then reinforce that you respect her decision. See if you can determine what she's really feeling when she says she feels she's lost her values. Sometimes we're hardest on ourselves for no real reason. If she will open up on that and that's what it is I would tell I'm there because I love you. There is the possibility of the backburner but for some time keep yourself in the running with the rest of the world. It sounds like if there is a chance later for now she won't commit yet.

[sadcomposer]

Thanks Sam, this is very difficult. I have a hard time functioning.

[samross]

I'll pray for you, man. It's an old cliche but it is true - Rome wasn't built in a day. Give it time. If she is blasting away at herself emotionally right now she's not ready for you or anyone. She did say she loved you, right? She didn't say never, did she? I always try to be optimistic but this seems to be a situation that will take time if it will work. Unfortunately, that means pain and longing. How long you choose to hang in there depends on how much you love her.

[sadcomposer]

Yes, she ended her letter saying that she deeply loves me and misses me terribly. That she needs time to find her happiness again. But she neither says never or maybe.

[samross]

There you go - give her time. Just be there for her for now. Be the strong one and show her.

[sadcomposer]

I am only there for her in thoughts. I am in NC right now. She has to realize that she ended this and she must see what it's like not to have me in her life.

[samross]

I agree 100%. Hang in there sad, I know what you're feeling.

[sadcomposer]

Ok, I need one last bit of advice. I still have my ex's lawnmower here. A friend of mine has offered to bring it back to her place for me. I know it's winter and there is no rush, but I don't want to put it off. My question is, should he just drop it off in front of her garage door and leave? It's a brand new lawnmower, but I would feel bad if it was stolen. Should he call her to tell her that he will be dropping it off? I told him that I want absolutely no info about her. Wether she asks him questions or there are cars there etc... I really want to get this done and over with, but I don't want to break NC in any way. Maybe just leave it and if it gets stolen, that's her problem?

[samross]

Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. My computer at home has been down. If you know beyond a shoadow of a doubt that your frined will take care of it for you, then have him contact your ex and arrange for a time for her to get it. OR, you could wait until just before spring and see where the relationship is. If it's still down and out then have him take care of it. You never know, things can change and one big mistake I made was burning bridges. In your mind you want to clear everything of her's out but maybe it might be a good idea to wait. Unless she wants to use it to blow snow out of her driveway..

[thinkstoohard]

Sorry about not getting back to you sooner. My computer at home has been down. If you know beyond a shoadow of a doubt that your frined will take care of it for you, then have him contact your ex and arrange for a time for her to get it. OR, you could wait until just before spring and see where the relationship is. If it's still down and out then have him take care of it. You never know, things can change and one big mistake I made was burning bridges. In your mind you want to clear everything of her's out but maybe it might be a good idea to wait. Unless she wants to use it to blow snow out of her driveway..

 

sam, i am not sure how him returning her mower would be burning a bridge. i wanted all of my ex's stuff out ASAP so i did not have to look at it and be reminded of her. i know it is only a mower and sounds silly to say it could remind him of her, but it will and right now he needs to move on as though it is over. him returning it is not going to burn a bridge that could potentially bring them back together.

 

i say w/o a doubt you should have your friend contact her and arrange for a time to meet.

[sadcomposer]

Yes, I will be asking my friend to bring it to her place today. I am so sad.

[sadcomposer]

She just sent me an email:

 

Hi,

 

You can keep my book. I bought another copy. They made it into a film. I think it's in theatres now.

 

* * * ? Not even a merry xmas or anything. I am not answering.

[CatsMeeoow]

She just sent me an email:

 

Hi,

 

You can keep my book. I bought another copy. They made it into a film. I think it's in theatres now.

 

* * * ? Not even a merry xmas or anything. I am not answering.

 

Hmmmm... maybe I"m just a little more adventurous... nothing ventured/nothing gained?

 

My response to that email is... Yes it is playing right now... would you like to see it with me?

 

I guess for me keeping things light hearted and flirty helps someone remember the fun times... not the times that sucked!

[sadcomposer]

There is a part of me that wants to believe she wants me to ask her out. But that's not good enough for me. If she just wants friendship, she won't be getting it from me. I want it all or nothing. So I am not answering.

[sadcomposer]

Well I finally ansered her email. I wrote

 

Hi ****

 

I am almost done reading your book. Sorry, I did not think there was a rush. I can still send it to you if you want. I wish you a good holiday season.

 

****

 

She answered,

 

There was no rush with the book. It's just that after reading the reviews I was really looking forward to reading it and I know that normally you are a fast reader so.... if it's not too much of a bother, I would like it back, I will give my copy to somebody else. I know it's just a book but it has a special meaning to me.

 

I wish you a happy season as well.... as far as mine goes, it will be better next year.

 

****

 

I don't know what to think. I answered:

 

Hi ****

 

Ok, I will send you the book after new years. It IS a very good book. Have a good day.

 

***

 

She then answered:

 

Hi ****

 

Thanks, I really appreciate it. I will let you know when it comes out in theatres or DVD, unless you don't want me to....

 

Good day ****

 

Is she opening a door? Is it only for friendship? I don't want that. I have kept only minimal contact with her, always her initiating it. I have not answered because I'm still not sure what to say. I want to keep a door open, but I don't want her to take it for granted. PLEASE HELP

 

Hi

[CatsMeeoow]

You never know unless you take that leap....

 

Be bold...

 

suggest that you'd love to see it with her since it was such a great book and all.

[sadcomposer]

Yeah, I could do that. But if she only wants friendship I am not interested. I just wish she would be more clear about her intentions.

[CatsMeeoow]

Again... you don't know... and more than likely that info isn't going to get dropped on your lap...

 

I suggest you ask about seeing the movie together...

 

Go and have a great time....

 

Let that great time sink in for a few days...

 

then ask how she feels....

 

Be cool and don't rush things cause timing is everything!

 

Good Luck

[sadcomposer]

Well, one thing is for sure. I have to answer because by not answering she will take for granted that my answer is no. Maybe just tell her, sure you can let me know. So confusing. I don't think I could go on a date with her with all that has happened. The atmosphere would be way to charged. Plus we are both still very sexually attracted to each other. Maybe all she wants is sex.

[sadcomposer]

Well I answered.

 

Hi,

 

Ok, let me know. Thanks and happy new year!!!!

 

****

 

 

The ball is in her court.