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"innocent" flirt


cichlid

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I'm a flirt with guys that interest me. I can't help it. I reflected back on what happened the other day and realize that I am to blame for 60% of it. I'll put a detailed description of what happened in my journal.

 

Right now I flirt like crazy with two of my guy friends. I know one would date me in a heart beat.

 

I have a stable relationship with my BF but I am not as loyal as he thinks. I wanted to confess to him about what happened the past few days with a guy friend, but he wouldn't listen. Once, just once, I wanted to be honest.

 

I wish he would just stop changing subjects on me and let me finish my story. I wish it wasn't so hard to be open with him. I'm not all that innocent and I hate the fact that he assumes I am simply because I am a virgin!

 

I guess the reason I flirt is to make up for the attention that my BF doesn't give me. If he found out what a flirt I am, he would be devastated. The flirting is not that innocent.

 

UPDATE: I became single as of Sunday....

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You sound like a very messed up woman. If your boyfriend isn't giving you attention try....hmmm.... TELLING HIM THAT. Not this bullcrap of "I'm such a victim that I have to hit on other guys behind my boyfriends back". Not only that but you're deliberately toying with someone you claim to be a "friend" just for an ego boost.

 

Grow up, leave your b/f if you don't want to be with him otherwise talk to him like how adults resolve relationship conflicts.

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The flirting is not that innocent.

 

Why are you still with him then? apparently if your flirting is crossing boundaries your b/f is not fulfilling your needs. Next time he changes the topic tell him, "we need to talk" and don't let him do it.

 

I think you should break up with him if you feel the need to have this amount of external stimulation. Maybe if you found the right guy you wouldn't need it.

 

Or maybe you have more insecurity than you realize and you need these boosts to pick up your ego. This happens a lot with insecure people.

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You sound like a very messed up woman. If your boyfriend isn't giving you attention try....hmmm.... TELLING HIM THAT. Not this bullcrap of "I'm such a victim that I have to hit on other guys behind my boyfriends back". Not only that but you're deliberately toying with someone you claim to be a "friend" just for an ego boost.

 

Grow up, leave your b/f if you don't want to be with him otherwise talk to him like how adults resolve relationship conflicts.

 

I agree 100%.

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Are your flirting portrayed in a highly sexual and intimate way? If so... you gotta try and ease that way of flirting out, as you have a bf. It's really not healthy for the relationship. It's fine to be with a bf and flirt sometimes or rarely portrayed in a mild way, not taking it so seriously though.

 

Maybe you shouldn't tell him, because he might think negatively of you and find it hard to trust you. You could tell him you're not a virgin, he shouldn't decline you lol.

 

The only way to grab his attention is at night where the nightlife dies..... Grab him by his arms, shake him a bit and say, "Please listen to me, I really need to tell you something!" Hehe that should work.

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JadedStar, yeah, probably...I need a guy that has a bit more depth. He's kind of pathetic. I feel like I am not getting the emotional attention that I need out of him.

 

I'm still with him because he's a good guy. Still not sexually attracted to him. I tried...I shudder when looking at pictures of us together. He kind of lacks a personality and I feel like he is too brainwashed by religion to think for himself. I guess that's why most my friends are semi-religious liberals.

 

I'm not insecure. I just crave attention. And the relationship is kind of boring when he's not able to keep a conversation flowing and refuses to talk about issues with controversy. I don't get offended that easily and it bugs me that if we disagree, he thinks we are fighting even though it's not.

 

Superfreak, you're assuming I don't like the guys that I flirt with. You would be mistaken.

 

Ellie2006, I have spoken with him. He changes for awhile and then slips back into his same old patterns. I think the next guy I date will be someone that interests me with my heart, instead of logically thinking it is a good idea with my head. This whole situation would have been avoided had I said no since I was never attracted to him in the first place. For some reason I think that if I admit that I am not loyal, he will do the honors of breaking up with me.

 

CandyKins, I would describe my flirts as playful and suggestive, but not all that intimate. I never flirt intentionally, it just happens naturally most the time. I'm a very goofy person. If you read the other comments to others, you will see kind of why I want to tell him.

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Hi,

Instead of trying to "confess" to him about what a flirt you are and how you're not as innocent as he thinks, how about talking to him directly about the issues in your relationship -- e.g. the lack of attention on his part?

 

While I think it's good that you're trying to talk to him to give him a better understanding of who you are, I just dont see how "confessing" to him about your flirting would be constructive -- wouldn't the details only hurt him?

 

Also, how do you feel about him stonewalling your attempts to talk? Does he do this often?

 

I agree - Cichlid - is this the same boyfriend that you were thinking of breaking up with a few months ago? Maybe it's time you did, you two don't sound very compatible. It certainly doesn't sound like he gives you what you want, so you should break up and meet someone more compatible for you.

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JadedStar, yeah, probably...I need a guy that has a bit more depth. He's kind of pathetic. I feel like I am not getting the emotional attention that I need out of him.

 

I'm still with him because he's a good guy. Still not sexually attracted to him. I tried...I shudder when looking at pictures of us together. He kind of lacks a personality and I feel like he is too brainwashed by religion to think for himself. I guess that's why most my friends are semi-religious liberals.

 

.

 

If a guy is a good guy, you don't have to be his gf. you can just be friends. But a lover, boyfriend, husband, you should like them, AND be wildly attracted to them. A guy who is just a good guy, no chemistry, that is a friend. Why force yourself to be with someone you don't want to be with?

 

Take a chance, break it off, be single, and then you'll meet someone who will make you go wild, both physically and mentally.

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For some reason I think that if I admit that I am not loyal, he will do the honors of breaking up with me.

 

 

Oooooh, I just re-read this. This is really key. It seems like you might be wanting to do "bad stuff" like "not-so-innocent-flirting" so that you don't have to be the dumper. You'd rather have him say, "you're a tramp, I never want to see you again" rather than go up to him and say, "I don't think you're the one for me."

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Oooooh, I just re-read this. This is really key. It seems like you might be wanting to do "bad stuff" like "not-so-innocent-flirting" so that you don't have to be the dumper. You'd rather have him say, "you're a tramp, I never want to see you again" rather than go up to him and say, "I don't think you're the one for me."

 

Subconsciously, yes, I guess in a way.

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ok, so what if you tell him about the "flirting" and then he says, "I'll try harder to be a good bf to you!" and then back to the same ignoring you..... then what?

I guess not. I don't have the nerve to break up with him. I want to break it off nice and clean but I know he is going to kick and fight the entire way.

 

I guess I will wait until he gives his really old joke of: "I think we should see other people....because if we didn't, we would be blind." Give it a week...it should be said. It might be easier for me not to let him finish it, and then if he tells me he is joking, I can tell him that I'm not.

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I see what you are saying. No one wants to be the "bad guy" and break the other's heart by saying, 'i'm just not that into you." But, i think he does deserve the truth. I mean, wouldn't you just rather someone breaks up with you, rather than cheat on you, and make you break up with them?

 

I think you will just have to be firm and tell him that it's not working. I know he will kick and fight, but be firm, and then don't take his calls. It's kind of ironic that he will kick and fight to keep you, but he doesn't do much to keep your attention when he IS in the relationship. Tell him straight out. Things aren't going to get better at this rate. You are unhappy, you should leave him. And he does deserve better than to be cheated on (which I know you haven't yet, but you will if you keep things up).

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tell your mom to date him if he is so wonderful.

 

look, I think you just gotta tell him. it's going to suck, but you are an adult, your mommy can't make you date whoever, and this guy doesn't make you happy. seriously.

 

your other option is to have rampant sex with every other guy, and then your bf finds out, and then calls you the town tramp on myspace. I pick option #1.

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This is actually straight forward - you should break up with this guy, not act so that he is the one that will have to break up with you. Breaking up with him will not make you the bad guy, it makes you an adult who has makes her own decisions in life. If pictures of you two together make you shudder its time to head for the door. Staying in the relationship is leading him on. Hitting on other guys while you are in a relationship is morally questionable and disrespectful to him. Its kinder to cut this guy loose.

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This is actually straight forward - you should break up with this guy, not act so that he is the one that will have to break up with you. Breaking up with him will not make you the bad guy, it makes you an adult who has makes her own decisions in life. If pictures of you two together make you shudder its time to head for the door. Staying in the relationship is leading him on. Hitting on other guys while you are in a relationship is morally questionable and disrespectful to him. Its kinder to cut this guy loose.

 

I know...it's so much harder than it looks. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me for not making the relationship work. Like there's nothing wrong like abuse, cheating, fighting, etc. Yet I want out simply because I don't feel in love and I miss the days of being single without a care in the world other than wondering if I will find the one.

 

But life will go on, right?

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I know...it's so much harder than it looks. I keep thinking there is something wrong with me for not making the relationship work. Like there's nothing wrong like abuse, cheating, fighting, etc. Yet I want out simply because I don't feel in love and I miss the days of being single without a care in the world other than wondering if I will find the one.

 

But life will go on, right?

 

I don't think that there is anything wrong with you, it's just not a love match. Ok - think of it this way..... don't you know a great guy and a great girl, each wonderful on their own, but you know if they dated, it would be a disaster, not a match at all? well, kind of like that.

 

You said he doesn't give you enough attention, that's definitely an incompatibility thing. And you just don't feel deeply for him. Love isn't always logical, you don't always fall for the person who looks good on paper.

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There is nothing wrong with you that you don't love this guy - it just has not happened. It seems that you have affection and care for him but this is not enough to sustain the relationship. Your best option is to be kind and respectful to him and break up with him. This is a hard thing, and maybe he will kick and scream, but really, there is not a lot that he can do to change the way you feel for him.

 

1. You don't love him

2. You are not compatible

 

Really good reasons to break up - in fact number one on its own is pretty much enough. And be honest - there is nothing more insulting that "its not you its me" - the truth is that he can't meet your needs - you are looking for something different to what he will ever be able to offer you.

 

Whatever you do, don't do things to make him break up with you - people are likely to judge you harshly for it, and you will prbably wind up with a mess of guilt about your own behaviour. Thats bad for everyone, especially yourself.

 

Life goes on to new and different things, change is inevitable.

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