Not broken up yet, so please help me

[the_01man]

Hi everyone,

 

My situation is slightly different. I have been with a girl now for about a year. We are both 26 and met in grad school. Last June, we graduated and she moved away for further studies while I was in the former city. She lives 3000 miles away now. We used to speak or email everyday.I started work, which was incredibly stressful; this year is really important to my career. We both come from completely different cultural backgrounds and though this did not affect our day to day interaction, discussions about life after a marriage always put us at diverging platforms. Needless to say, all this put a incredible amount of strain on our relationship. We have met twice in the last 6 months. Initially, I was keeping myself distant while she put a lot in us. We also broke up during one of those times when she could not handle my distance, she was shattered, but I asked her to take me back after 3 days.

 

I love her deeply, infact, my love for her has been steadily growing. 3 weeks back we were passing trough a rough phase, I was feeling insecure and thereforeeeeeee slightly emotionally dependent. After that things were OK, but due to some family matter of hers, she was under a lot of stress and since our relationship had been strained somewhat; I guess she was having second thoughts about us though she didn't tell me that. I called her 3 times that day and felt that she did not want to speak to me. The next day, on the phone, she implied she wanted space. Even though she was right, it was difficult for me to accept. But I told her to contact me when she felt comfortable. I haven't called or emailed in 3 days even though it pains me so much. I booked a ticket and will visit in 2 weeks - I haven't told her that yet. I realized I had been selfish earlier and this is having it's effect now.

 

What should I do and not do? Please give advice, because I believe she still loves me but probably does not like me so much. I believe our relationship is salvageble. I love her deeply but will let her go if she wants because her happiness is important to me. I told her that during our last conversation. What should I say or day the next few days and weeks and what should I not do? How should I act? Please help.....

[mermayd]

You need to talk to her. "Communication is the key." Tell her how much you love her. Let her know what you admit to being your fault but at the same time don't blame yourself unecessarily. If she continues to tell you that she needs space then you need to be considerate and respect her wishes, but that doesnt mean you need to cut off all contact with her. Call once a week to see how shes doing. Be there for her. When you visit, go out to dinner and talk about this face to face. Go ahead and bring it up beforehand but dont discuss it seriously until you are physically in eachother's presense. What should you do? Be honest. How should you act? Like yourself. You sound like a kind, gentle and caring person. Let that quality shine through. Good luck.

[the_01man]

Thank you for your kind thoughts. I received a short email today with a hi and some random day to day stuff from her life. At the end was written that she kind of missed me. I am thinking of emailing back a short normal non-emotional email with the impression that I'm busy with work and stuff but I missed her too, nothing else. Will update on developments later.

[hintah]

In your email, please don't say you're busy with work. A short simple and sweet email is enough. Let her know you were happy to see her name in your inbox (you were starting to miss it) and tell her what you've been up to, and that you miss her. If it seems too short, include that you'll write a longer letter later but don't say you're busy--that sounds awful to a woman.

[Lightingbird]

Distance can pull and eventually destroy a relationship

 

Before you make any more moves towards rekindling and keeping this love interest in your life you. You need consider a very powerful thing...

 

Reality

 

Firstly, you need to make the decision of the sacrifices that must be met in order to keep this love going and growing. Telling her how you feel and finding from her what she is willing to do to contribute to this sacrifice.

 

Either way, think this out and make a sound decision and move. Show your love to her by making your presense felt strongly even at a distance with calls, letters, emails and gifts.

 

But I'm sure things will work out for you.

Good luck to you.