I'm a 30 year old virgin man

[kamurj]

Yes, you read right. I am a 30 year old man, and a virgin. What is wrong with me? Nothing.

 

Being a virgin is not by choice. It isn't due to religious beliefs. I am not gay. I've been on a small handful of dates, and only have gone as far as kissing.

 

Is there a logical reason for me still being a virgin at this age? One might say it's because I'm overweight, and I often feel that a woman would not see me as worthy. I have battled with exercise in the last 15 years, and am trying it again to get to an ideal weight. But that might be foolish logic, since there are a number of overweight people who are happily in love.

 

Am I happy with my weight? No. And with a recent health condition, I am fighting more than ever to lose the weight.

 

I used to have a job and had a few friends there. Flirted with a few, but nothing ever happened.

 

Now the other reason. I'm incredibly shy. The few days I've had, it took a lot of courage in me to just open my mouth and say "would you like to go out to a movie?" I live in a small town, and the nightlife here is non-existent. Many of my interests aren't shared by people here. This isn't my original home, in fact I am hoping to move back to the place where I was raised, as that is my "spiritual" home.

 

I sometimes feel if I wait long enough, I will find my soulmate there. My life there will be great, and I will be happy.

 

Because of my virgin-state, I often wonder if I'm gay. I don't find myself attracted to other men at all, but I often feel that if women don't see me as attractive, or even as a being, maybe they see me as something else. Do all older virgins go through this? I love talking to people, but there are no social events here where I could talk, or join a club. I've always avoided the online personals since I once fell head-over-heels over a woman, only for her to tell me she liked someone else (and I traveled 3000 miles to see her, not for sex, but just to finally say "here I am").

 

I often ask myself what do I want. I think like any other person. I want someone to love, I want a significant other, I seek my other half. Maybe more important than this, I seek friends and long lasting friendships. All of the friends I have are online, and I'm from the old school where sometimes I doubt this. These people show me incredible support, and I would prefer to meet them all face to face, rather than have to deal with daily e-mails.

 

Lately, I have thought about going out of town to spend money on an escort. Is sex so important to me? I often wonder. I masturbate regularly, so there are no fears on that end. Like most guys, I do worry if a woman might think I'm too small, but I would say that I'm average. Is it just the pressure in our culture that tells us we must have sex by 14? I want to have a sexual life, so that I can have some knowledge of it and know what it feels like. I know how I feel when I please myself, but there's much more than that. I have fantasies like most people, but I just fear the intimacy of a woman. I fear rejection again.

 

Only two people know that i'm a virgin: my sister, and the online friend that I met 3000 miles away. She knew, I was always open about it with her, and she always told me "once you experience it, you will enjoy it immensely."

 

I guess I feel inferior in that I've never had sex, and I don't want to be 40 and say that I've never slept with a woman. I want to date, I want to enjoy intimate moments, and I eventually want to find the right person for me. Yet my shyness gets in the way, and I feel trapped because of it.

 

Help!

[Petite Love]

Often in times that when we are unable to find love is because we are not looking in the right places or we aren't confident enough to approach a woman to talk to her. physical beauty, wealth, and social status does not effect, sure physical beauty would get the girl to look at you, but it won't actually help the girl to know you. Escort services, Prositution, and other means are not advisable because of disease and uncertainies. Try meeting people online, make sure they don't live too far away like in China or something. now if you want to meet someone you like, as soon as you see her, you go talk to her, it doesn't matter if you have nothing to say, just go and talk to her and be spontanous, a smile on a girl's face is your reward and continued smile sssures you another date.

 

 

[kamurj]

Guest, you need to decide why you should achieve your ideal weight. Forget all that media stuff that makes you feel inadequate. You need to be happy with yourself before you can be happy with somebody else. Remember, it's your life and thereforeeeeeee your choice to decide upon your happiness.

 

You want a deep and meaningful relationship? Then save yourself for someone who will appreciate your virginity. If there is someone in that small town, that you have feelings for, then approach her. Shyness can be an attractive trait and at the same time, an inhibitor. How will a lady know if you like her? Remember not everyone is gifted with telepathic abilities.

 

Sex. Sex is that, just sex. If you wish to experience it, then call that escort agency. Do not fool yourself into thinking that this will fulfill your wishes of an intimate moment, it will not. You know this more than anybody else. Don't sell yourself short.

 

Looks and images do not last long. It's about attitude and how you hold yourself.

 

If in need, make decisions to change your life style so you can achieve what you want.

 

In all, remain true to yourself.

[cindydm]

Guest,

 

Being a virgin and 30 years old is not bad. Making love is something that comes natural. I know someone who was around 30 when that person lost his virginity. It is not a big deal. It is better to save it for someone you truly care about. From my experience sex just does not feel right unless there is a bond. The difference was that sex with someone you have a loving bond with is like an explosion of passion that feels like a delicious melting sensation mixed with a burst of emotions but you have to take your time. Take your time to get to know a person first but before you do that.......take time to know you.

 

Find out what you like to do. Focus on what makes you feel good and happy. Focus on making you a better person. Once you have you together you will feel more confident and it will show. Confidence is very attractive.

 

You say you are shy......read a book from the library about becoming more assertive. Shyness can be attractive but it can also be detrimental in certain situations where you need to be assertive for example on the job. It can sometimes keep you from doing things that you should. I am talking from experience.

 

The man in my life told me he use to be overweight. He has a great body(much better than mine). He eats right and exercises everyday. As for me I just went on a diet but before that ate just whatever. My diet now just consists of trying to eat right and not starving myself. My reason for dieting are health reasons. I my weight is probably 140. As a result I have a large looking chest and a well rounded rear end. An ideal weight for me is around 115-125 or maybe even 130 would be considered healthy. I was a size 5 while breastfeeding my son. I weighed 150 when he was born. So basically I went from a size 12 to a 5. Over the years I picked up weight. Now I am about 140.

 

My sweetheart told me weight loss is a commitment........and it is. You have to be committed to it. What should drive you is that having the ideal body fat is for your health. Overall, the thing to be concerned about is you, your well being, being a better person inside.......then find a mate......let someone see the inner you for how special you are.

 

Learn new hobbies, you may meet a woman at the gym, library, etc. Look in the park district activity guide and pick up a hobby. Also, exercising at those facilities I think can sometimes be free or very inexpensive. Write you goals out and post them up somewhere you see it everyday. If you are like me you eat when you are bored.......that is a no no. Take dancing lessons.......do anything fun that will help you develop new things to do and keep you active. Walk instead of taking the elevator. Vacuum instead of using a maid service if you have one. Decorate your home or apartment. Cook instead of buying dinners. Take fries and chips out of your diet. Make 1 portion no larger than your fist. So one serving of corn is the size of your fist, a serving of meat is the size of your fist, etc........Eat plenty of veggies and fruits. If you are hungry in between meals grab some veggies or fruit. This is what I do.......and you know what........I can bake goodies.......so you know I miss the goodies......so.....occasionally I allow my self some goodies in moderation or substitute it with a low fat goody. I love pudding........so I have a low fat pudding. I love pies so I eat a piece of fruit. I cut down on the breads because that is what created my big, big, big behind anyway. It is kind of hard for me to completely skip the pasta because I have a health condition that requires some starches to absorb the stomach acid.....so I regulate it. Get a low fat cook book and it will help you out. My aunt uses a food delivery service called Seattle Sutton. They give you well balanced meals at appropriate portions.......but watching what you eat on your own is cheaper. Just remember......eat breakfast so you do not starve and end up overeating later.

[bleeder]

Contrary to what some people might think, I think that being 30 and a virgin is not a bad thing. It is an asset I feel! Why?

 

Look around you. Most guys are humping and pumping away without a care for their lives. Fidelity, and staying as a virgin is no longer deemed as important or sacred anymore in today's society. I strongly believe that there's a gal out there who shares your values.

 

Approach a dating agency or something. You will find her some day. Don't lose faith! 8)

[cindydm]

If you get a spiritual person then that may be even better. Oh....and sex is not just sex. Sharing your body with another person has consequences and thereforeeeeeee is best saved for meaningful relationships preferably marriage. My boyfriend and I are not having sex as of now (even thought we use to) and it is not bothering me terribly because I love him. We spend time together without the sex.

[calli923]

Wow. I never do this, but I stumbled accross your entry while I was surfing the net, and I just had to tell you that I completely identify with everything you wrote.

 

I am a little younger than you (24), and female, but other than that, your entry was eerily similar to many pages of my own personal diary.

 

I don't have any good advice, really, but I truly wish you success; porobably as much for you, oddly enough, as I wish for myself. Hang in there. I guess, the best thing for people "like us" is just to live our lives as well as we can without sex (even though it's EVERYWHERE), with work and friends, and interests, and let that be enough while you look for that "other half." All current evidence to the contrary, happiness isn't impossible to earn in one lifetime, or so I find it is best to believe.

 

Anyway, I guess I just wanted to let you know that there is someone in New York City who is in the same boat. Good luck!

[anacro]

I'm 28 and a virgin (female). I'm frustrated as well. Is there anyone else out there who was an older virgin when they lost it? What about people who are in the same boat as we are? Any advice?

[splash]

I happened upon this site and this thread, I guess searching to see if there were others that shared my struggle. I have to admit that I share the same situation as the original post. I am 30, getting close to 31 and am a virgin. Only one person in this world knows, my good friend.

 

I am not having the best of luck either in finding quality women out there and my experience through the internet dating has proven time and time again that that may not be the best avenue to pursue.

 

my life is filled with friends, family, work, and I also coach at a high school which takes up my time.

 

I have been told many times that if you look for it, it will not be there, but in time it will happen on its own. I don't know if I trust that philosophy, but I am diligent and will continue to get close to my goal of a rich, fulfilling life with a loving wife and family.

 

Thanks for having this thread...it is nice to know that I am not the only one out there.

 

Blake

[ravenmex]

Man I just can relate to this so bad, it hurts, I thought I was alone in this, but for me this is a heavy issue, because I always wanted to, and had the chance, and just couldn't break the fear, I hate it, and myself for it.

 

I'm 31, and in a month will be 32, I've read many posts in this forum, I guess I have a lot of this things, but I relate more to this one, I'm just afraid, and haven't had the guts to confess anyone, once I did it and this guy told me, man have u faced the thing you are a gay dude, I have, and I like girls, I'm just to afraid, I read in a reply "you got to love yourself", sounds easy, for me its impossible, I've tried, believe me, and I just can't, I can't love a person that has not lived the most beautiful feeling there is, just cause I'm afraid, and the worse part of it is that it shows, so its hard for me to get someone to get close to me, yes, I've thought about it, I do tend to get people away from me…

 

I guess I'm not looking for advice, just a place to post my thought…

 

Thanks

[Potter]

Found this post with a google search. I can totally relate to this except for the kissing part. 28 here. Haven't told anyone in my family. No one knows, but for the few woman I have been close enough with to the point where I could be intimate with them and haven't (and anyone who knows how to go about tracking my identity through this post). Very uncomfertable being with a girl, and knowing that she wants nothing more than you to lean over, and give her a kiss and not being able to do it. I tried, and will try again sometime. Wish me luck, and good luck to you all.

[Potter]

GOD.........................DAMNIT.....................................no!

[Potter]

Should I use my left hand or right hand tonight?

[ravenmex]

Well, i guess it feels good to not be the only one with this issue , i guess the only way to make xomething about this is to try and try, but well time will tell

[mahima]

I believe that you shouldnt worry because like you i lost my virginity very late in life and sex is still a problem but I've had incredible sex with guys, ok who havent stuck around but the experiences have been mind blowing. We all have to start somewhere so you shouldnt pressurise yourself but, make an effort to get out there. Do you have a hobby or passion, you can meet people through that. Clubs are not always the answer. I've never had a long term relationship with anyone from a club. recognise that you will have to make an effort and that it takes time, but as long as you're socialising and getting out there, being a virgin will not be an issue with the right person. Going with an escort again is not a solution, merely a quick fix. Its all about confidence, so get out there, make some friends, dont beat yourself up and dont worry about your sexual status.

[ravenmex]

Well, I respect ur oppinion man, but to tell u the truth I don't like guys, and beleveme i know (I've tried), I respect your opinion, but this is not so simple at least for my way of thinking, cause Ive been having this issues since a long time ago, and i've been with girls, and i love girls, but im too scared, thats the word, and that transmits to the other person, so, its over, cause its not a "normal*" thing... picture the girl, she is with a 30+ year guy and he dosent know what to do or what he is doing or what he wants...

 

* I think this word is too extence, cause what is normal to someone will not be to another person...

[biddo]

this will get u a chick 100% imagine u have a friend whos everything ure not , and he came to ure life just in time to deliever u form ure misery.

 

[Potter]

slice... slice... drip drip drip

[Potter]

only kidding... just a bad night. Not unlike the night before that, and so on and so forth

[Potter]

Hmm, wow. One would think for 28 years of jacking it, I would be able to last longer than 2 minutes

[Potter]

My life is a black tainted misery. I won't waste my or your time posting here anymore. Best of luck to those reading this board. I TRULY empathise, and can recommend NOTHING to you. Trust in God, pray for others, and don't be afraid to love someone. It's all some sort of weird game, but if you want it enough - if you want to be close to someone enough, someone will take notice, God will work in your favor and make things happen for you. I pray for yall, and myself. Best of luck good patrons...

[Meanie]

I guess I feel inferior in that I've never had sex, and I don't want to be 40 and say that I've never slept with a woman.

Don't ever feel inferior... sex is just an act like brushing your teeth, wot I mean to say is you can have sex tomorrow the next day if you REALLY wanted to, but its not worth it to have meaningless sex I reckon, I am a 26 year old and am still techniqully a virgin lol or not... I slept with woman for the first time recently but my point is, when that right person comes along and you feel totally comfortable with them, it will just happen naturally, you won't have to force yourself, strange I ALWAYS felt almost "non human" because I had never experienced sex, because I wasn't like everyone else, and I know I am a little younger than you but my advice to you is get out and meet people.. as many woman as you can (if you are sure you are not attracted to guys - otherwise try explore that option) eventually you might come accross one with which you have that "spark", that "connection"... its easy to just go around sleeping with people but why would u want to?, I know you are shy but u can work on that... the more you are around people, the more comfortable you will be with them, make lots of new friends etc...

maybe see a psychologist, perhaps there is something stopping you from being with women?

 

and NEVER NEVER NEVER EVER believe that there is anything wrong with you for being a virgin, you are as worthy a human being as any other on the planet... trust me! and when one day you have sex, u won't really be any different a person than you are stitting there today... its will just have been an act you did, I think people make SUCH a bloody big deal about sex that they make you believe you are weird or whatever for not doing it....

I say do it in your own time when U feel comfortable... trust takes a while to build up to, I am sure you will find someone out there!!!!!

 

and after reading some of potter's strange posts I guess I should add that I had never even kissed anyone till I was 24.... made worse by the fact that the first person I told was afraid of kissing?!?!?!?!? so that person and I neva kissed... I finally got the guts to tell another ... and the rest is history.... I always felt like a DOUBLE TRIPLE freak for that (having never been kissed) but l survived.... I believe God helped me and u just have to be patient and never stop loving yourself no matter how freakish / sad you feel inside... Learning to TRUST other humans is the biggest problem Ive ever had in my life... on the other side now I feel free.... there is nothing I fear anymore.... which is SO completely different from fearing everything... just hold in there guys!

 

ps kissing is not such a big deal... just go for it, it will come natrually to you lol I think its like a reflex action or whatever it just happens...

[lily2]

Wow!

 

I am a new member, and I just posted a message about being a virgin at 30 a couple of days ago. I was THRILLED to find these postings while I was browsing. It is so easy to believe that you are the only one out there when it comes to your sex life or lack of one in my case. I haven't always believed that it was okay to be a VIRGIN at this age, but maybe it's just fine. Maybe I'm just going at my own pace liek everybody else. My time will come (as will the others).

 

I commend you for sharing your feelings. Everyone benefits in the end.

[Ross0]

wot I mean to say is you can have sex tomorrow the next day if you REALLY wanted to

 

How?

 

I'm a 30 year old virgin too, if I could just go out and have sex as easy as that I'd be doing it several times a week. For some of us it's not that easy at all.

[mystik]

wot I mean to say is you can have sex tomorrow the next day if you REALLY wanted to, but its not worth it to have meaningless sex I reckon ...

 

I think he means that if anyone really wanted to, they could have sex by paying for it, or going to a bar and picking up someone really, really insecure/desperate for love/ or drunk just for sex [cruel, but unfortunately this happens]....and that's why it's "meaningless."

 

Everyone here who is a virgin says that only "a few people" or "my best friend" knows. I think it's really sad that we live in a society where being a virgin at a certain age is something to hide... don't get me wrong, I COMPLETELY understand why you're not running around and proclaiming it, I'm just saying that it's really unfair. We shouldn't make it something to be ashamed of. You would think that a 30 year old virgin should be more accepted than 13-14 year old sexually active children - because that's what they are still, just kids. It really disturbs me knowing people that age are having sex, and being told by the media and their friends that it is normal whereas older people are made to feel inadequate.