CreoUCLA Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Wow, how so many of you are right that you get this overwhelming rush of emotion when the ex finally does contact you. It was a simple, "Please tell your friends congratulations," but of course I wanted to reply. Timing also always seems to get in the way. I had checked my cell phone to make sure the ringer was off, and right as I was about to walk down the aisle with a bridesmaid, I got the message... Ouch. But, my gut told me that I would be getting a text from her today, because she was supposed to attend this wedding with me. After what I've learned from this site, I knew better than to read into the text. I took it for what it was, a simple "congratulations." I showed the bride and groom the message, and then deleted it. I then proceeded to have a great time at the wedding thanks to awesome friends and an open bar! I stayed over at a friend's place near where the wedding took place that night. Before sleeping, I checked my e-mail, and sure enough there was an e-mail from the ex... "I hope you are doing well. Been busy with call this month, exhausted, drained...but also gave me some time to think. I saw a priest for some guidance the other week. I'm still working on myself. It's been hard, I miss you but I know we can't be together. He recommended the book, Rhythm of Life. . . *some excerpt from a book*. . . i hope that someday you will forgive me for breaking your heart. i haven't made you want to be a better person. I haven't walked with you, perceived your pain and heartache nor comforted your disappointments. i'm still working on myself. if someday you find it in your heart to let me be in your life, perhaps we can be friends again." I wholeheartedly agreed with the first part, because I know that I don't want to be with her (right now) either. She has issues to work out (learning to love herself), and I am starting to put myself/my life together. I disagreed with the last part about not making me a better person, hasn't walked with me, etc. While I usually put her first, I never felt that she wasn't there for me. I am so tempted to reply to her saying that I was growing/learning/had support from her (at the end of the 30 day NC challenge), but I know whatever I say won't change where we are today - broken up. It is me still being more concerned about her feelings, which is something I have to "re-program" within myself. So, NC it is. I am on day 18 of the challenge, and I will not undermine the progress I have already made. I do believe that in about 1-2 months, I will be able to start LC with her (because who knows what the future holds for her and I?). Until that day, I will hold my head up high, smile, and make the most of my life. Thank you eNA for letting me learn from others' experiences, to make better decisions, and most of all, to believe in myself again! The gist of my break-up can be found here; -Mike- Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 28, 2007 Share Posted October 28, 2007 Creo, You're an inspirational story. It's got to be the hardest thing in the world and you're making it look easy. Keep up the good work, you should be proud of yourself. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 28, 2007 Author Share Posted October 28, 2007 Creo, You're an inspirational story. It's got to be the hardest thing in the world and you're making it look easy. Keep up the good work, you should be proud of yourself. Thanks, I appreciate it! It is the hardest thing I've had to do in my life thus far... We all have different situations, but the following is what have been keys to my progress; accepting the situation ("it is what it is") learning to let go realizing that what is happening now is for the best supportive friends/family personal reflection (looking at my role in the relationship, what I want to change in myself to become a better person, writing in a journal, etc.) staying busy with work, hobbies, friends, etc. reading SuperDave71 threads (among others) faith Sure I have lapses, but I remember that I have made a commitment to myself... And that each day is a new day to learn and grow. -Mike- Link to comment
renaissancewoman101 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 Isn't it hard to stay strong like that. If i were in your shoes, I would be really happy to hear from the ex. I dunno. Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 Isn't it hard to stay strong like that. If i were in your shoes, I would be really happy to hear from the ex. I dunno. Yes, it is hard... But, my self-respect/love is more important than anything she can say or do right now - we're broken up. I can either sit and watch life pass me by, or take a running start. I chose the second. Honestly, why should I be happy to hear from her? It's nothing I didn't know since we first split up nearly a month ago. The beginning of her e-mail says it all, "I miss you but I know we can't be together." Remember, you can only go by what you know, not what you think. I already know we can't be together. She needs time to think, sort out her own issues, learn to love herself, etc. I can't/won't be her emotional crutch through this... "A bit of advice given to a young Native American at the time of his initiation: 'As you go the way of life, you will see a great chasm. Jump. It's not as wide as you think.'" -Joseph Campbell -Mike- Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 dude, 'it is what it is' is a mantra of mine. i'm thinking of getting it tattooed on me. lol Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 dude, 'it is what it is' is a mantra of mine. i'm thinking of getting it tattooed on me. lol It was actually a phrase a friend (another groomsman) was telling me over the past couple days when discussing me and the ex. -Mike- Link to comment
buckdawg Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 so true though huh? we get ourselves worked up so much over things that are simply beyond our control. Link to comment
The_411 Posted October 29, 2007 Share Posted October 29, 2007 That's a great e-mail Creo I think she's truly a top notch woman. That's about one of the most mature ex e-mails I've ever seen. Keep up the NC and work yourself into a reformed man. Attack life with a frenzy and take this time to become the best version of you. Either you'll get her back witha vengence or a new beautiful woman in her place. Either way you'll come out way ahead! Link to comment
CreoUCLA Posted October 29, 2007 Author Share Posted October 29, 2007 we get ourselves worked up so much over things that are simply beyond our control. And that's why letting go is necessary, but so hard to do... That's about one of the most mature ex e-mails I've ever seen. While it is, she's still looking for reassurance (from me). A couple weeks ago I would have sent a reply immediately, and she knows this. That's why I can't respond to her... I know that she needs to work on her issues alone right now for her to become the best/healthiest person she can be. Deep down, it really makes me smile that she is working on herself... Either way you'll come out way ahead! Thanks! I'm already learning/growing to become a better person for me... -Mike- Link to comment
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