the WOW! factor

[GuyNamedBob]

everyone knows the type of guy who can walk into a room, he has everyones attention, and will leave having made a load of friends and given his phone number to at least a hundred of the prettiest girls there. (its a very big room lol)

 

why can't normal guys like me attract these girls. and why don't girls ever want to ''chase'' me (or guys in general). not the other way around. (that isn't my main point though).

 

anyone got any tips to help me out?

 

thanks, just thought i mite as well ask as im here already.

[JadedStar]

Hon, I know a lot of you guys here and elsewhere really envy that kind of man but if it helps you any those types of guys are not all that plentiful....

 

Women love everyday average guys. I think the guy who lights up the room with the wow factor might be interesting to chat with, but i wouldn't want to date a man who got that much female attention. LOL

 

As for tips, not all men are "chased" by females but most all men eventually find the right woman for him. Women don't typically chase men just by nature, women are raised to be more demure while boys are raised to be the aggressors.

[GuyNamedBob]

ah ok.

 

is there anything though that would make a girl think ''wow!''? other than what their preferences in men are.

 

like certain things to talk about or things every girl loves?

[Portage]

Most women swoon over a great sense of humour.

 

Work on this part of your package and it will take you far.

[Kelebek]

Maybe you're waiting for the wrong girls to chase after you. Maybe there are a lot of girls who would love to chat you up, but are shy and nervous and are waiting for you to talk to them.

[Toki]

I don't think I would want to be that guy. I find those kind of characters to be fake. I'm not saying all popular people are fake, but a good majority of them are.

[GuyNamedBob]

Kelebek, next time im out, ill keep an eye out for some girls like that. im not the boldest person in the world. are there any tell tale signs that a girl, whether she is shy or not, likes you? thanks.

 

Yeh good point Toki, i know a few that are like that. but one or two aren't and they seem to be really genuine and fun to be with.

 

when im with mates i can make them all laugh, b'cus i know what sets them off. but when i meet knew girls, im cautious of what to say in case i offend them or its one of those tumbleweed moments.

[someguy88]

I'm not "that guy" all the time but I can be when I try. There's really no secret imho. You just have to be happy, confident and have a real genuine interest (or appear you're genuinely interested) in the people you're conversing with.

 

To get the chase going you have to bait them. Your whole attitude is "I'm a fun and interesting guy and anyone who has my attention is really lucky". You're almost putting out the aura that you could leave the conversation at a moments notice, and start a new and better conversation with someone else, but not because you're a jerk, but because "you're a fun and interesting guy".

 

Also, leave conversations on a high point. Kind of like a comedian, you want to leave the crowd wanting more. If you leave conversations when they're dull then you're too late.

[Toki]

(Edit: Great minds think alike someguy88?) haha.

 

-

 

Plus along with it for them to be like that they have to be comfortable with themselves. It's not that they carry a trait thats just forbidden or hard to get. Even some bad people carry around that aurora.

 

It's all in being honest with yourself, being unique and letting your character shine through is what brings people to you.

 

That has always been my firm belief, some people can successfully fake it but constantly find themselves in hard times.

[someguy88]

I don't think I would want to be that guy. I find those kind of characters to be fake. I'm not saying all popular people are fake, but a good majority of them are.

 

hahaha that's kind of true, but if you're good at it then no one knows you're being fake.

[GuyNamedBob]

hey thanks someguy88 some great tips there.

although, most of the time i wont have another person next to me i can just strike a conversation with easily. should i (in a way) fake another conversation. like quickly spot something, maybe a sport on tv and talk about that, if its a guy of course. then return to the conversation with the girl?

 

do you think if i notice the convo is starting to get dull, i should walk away and do something else? to save the, ''how boring is this'' thought.

[Kelebek]

Kelebek, next time im out, ill keep an eye out for some girls like that. im not the boldest person in the world. are there any tell tale signs that a girl, whether she is shy or not, likes you? thanks.

 

 

Eye contact is always a good indicator, but there is nothing wrong with starting a conversation with a girl even if she hasn't been watching you. The worst thing that happens is that she doesn't try to reciprocate the conversation and you say, "Well, it was nice meeting you - have a good night!" And move along.

 

But, don't be the guy who walks around hitting on every girl in the room.

[GuyNamedBob]

oh okay Kelebek.

 

whats the best thing to say to a girl when i first walk up to her?

and whats a good thing to talk about?

[Crazyaboutdogs]

Women don't typically chase men just by nature, women are raised to be more demure while boys are raised to be the aggressors.

 

Oh yes, women do a lot more chasing...they just kid themselves into thinking that it isn't chasing...when a woman goes to a party looking like she is ready for action (short short skirt, plunging neckline), flirts with a guy, bats her eyelashes, plays with her hair, touches the guys arm playful and all the other silly coquettish moves that are cliches that many women do...that is chasing and men know it. Women assume that when a guy goes up to them after they do all that preening, that the guy chased them...but the reality is that the woman chased the guy.

[CarnelianButterfly]

I'm not "that guy" all the time but I can be when I try. There's really no secret imho. You just have to be happy, confident and have a real genuine interest (or appear you're genuinely interested) in the people you're conversing with.

 

To get the chase going you have to bait them. Your whole attitude is "I'm a fun and interesting guy and anyone who has my attention is really lucky". You're almost putting out the aura that you could leave the conversation at a moments notice, and start a new and better conversation with someone else, but not because you're a jerk, but because "you're a fun and interesting guy".

 

Also, leave conversations on a high point. Kind of like a comedian, you want to leave the crowd wanting more. If you leave conversations when they're dull then you're too late.

I don't agree with this at all.

 

You don't want people to feel like you are going to leave. That makes them anxious. You want them to feel comfortable with your presense, you want them to feel like they are the center of your attention. You make eye contact, you keep the flow going, there is no high point, the whole conversation is the high point. You make them want more by having good content and interesting ideas. You have to draw them into your thoughts. Being an animated speaker, hand motions, body language and such, will add to that. There is also a degree of quiet involved, being able to be a listener, not just hearing, but actually listen to the people. Articulation of your mind with more thought to how you say something as well as what you say. Slang and swearing greatly hamper that, if you can't express a thought without such, then you won't ever WOW someone.

[someguy88]

hey thanks someguy88 some great tips there.

although, most of the time i wont have another person next to me i can just strike a conversation with easily. should i (in a way) fake another conversation. like quickly spot something, maybe a sport on tv and talk about that, if its a guy of course. then return to the conversation with the girl?

 

do you think if i notice the convo is starting to get dull, i should walk away and do something else? to save the, ''how boring is this'' thought.

 

Initiating a conversation with anyone can be easy. You just have to practice. Years ago I read "How to Win Friends and Influence People" and it changed my life.

 

When you're out in the world just talk to people and then afterwards think about how the conversation went. I mean, you've got to want to be one of those people that chats with others while in line at the bank. It's not something you do so much as it is who you are. You can change who you are btw.

 

My friends make fun of me because I know the names of all the employees at the convenience store where I buy my cigarettes. I kind of laugh at my friends though, because those are interesting people I've met.

 

When it comes to picking up women, you have to separate yourself from every other guy. She's expecting you to ask "how's your night going?" "where do you work?" "come here often". So instead of asking those boring canned questions and getting canned answers, just jump in with both feet and ask something different. So long as you have a friendly and playful aura and a smile on your face there's really not much that you can say wrong. My dad used to say "you can tell anyone to F off so long as you're smiling" and it's true.

 

One thing I remember from the book "how to win friends.." was to smile at people. Just smile for no reason at all. You'll always get a smile back and you'll start realizing just how important and powerful a smile is.

[GuyNamedBob]

i have a look for that book. there are certain people that i walk by everyday, i have smiled at a few, and now they say hi when we cross paths. but they're not the type of people i could ask to go somewhere, (thats not my opinion, or being arrogant, they are just people a good 20 years older than me).

 

in the past when i have smiled at girls of my age, it is kind of a spare of the moment smile and maybe a quick hi in return. and i am then forgotten about. (i know saying hi and smiling isn't anything special, but i remember them

 

maybe if i tried to bump into them again and try to initiate a conversation, would that be a good idea?

 

as i said to Kelebek:

 

whats the best thing to say to a girl when i first walk up to her?

and what are good things to talk about?

 

thanks.

[GuyNamedBob]

When it comes to picking up women, you have to separate yourself from every other guy. She's expecting you to ask "how's your night going?" "where do you work?" "come here often". So instead of asking those boring canned questions and getting canned answers, just jump in with both feet and ask something different. So long as you have a friendly and playful aura and a smile on your face there's really not much that you can say wrong. My dad used to say "you can tell anyone to F off so long as you're smiling" and it's true.

 

what could i bring up in the conversation that would separate me from this other guy?

[galaxy71]

what could i bring up in the conversation that would separate me from this other guy?

 

What is your identity? Who are you? Some people identify themselves by their jobs. Other people identify themselves by their favorite hobbies or interests. Than there are other people who identify themselves by their character(i.e.being the outgoing guy). For example, one of my friends is extremely comfortable around girls. Instead of talking about his job that he hates, he talks about his favorite hobby(i.e. photography). He will go up to girls and ask to take a picture of them). You don't have to be a rock star or a painter to attract girls right now. You could talk about how you have aspirations to be an artist or a entrepeneur.

 

I also know this extremely thin guy. One time at an art show, a lot of women approached this guy because they were intrigued by his artwork. These women didn't care that the guy is pretty introverted. Rather, they were attracted to the fact that he was a guy who had passion and drive.

 

You can also talk about some interesting things that you did. I saw this one guy pick up this girl while they were both waiting in line to enter this bar. This guy was talking about how there is country dancing at this one country bar. Instead of making up crap about how he was a world-class dancer, he was not afraid to admit that he steps on women's shoes when he is dancing. What made him interesting? It wasn't the fact that he was the next John Travolta. Rather he was able to talk about his feelings and personal experiences regarding dancing.

 

You could also talk about the places that you traveled to. Whatever you do, don't ask the same boring questions like "Do you come here often?" or "You are pretty. Can I buy you a drink?"

[IronHorse]

To the original OP

 

I'd listen up to all these tips your getting everyone is right on track regarding your question.

 

I realize it's a far different thing to read it and understand it on a vocabulary level. Than to catch it's meaning in reality, but you've seen it and you know you have. The real leap to a true understanding is to put it into practice, and that ain't so easy... Don't focus so much on what your going to say because in all honesty it really doesn't matter. The break through is in action, you get that part right the rest will just fall into place. Remember the childhood story about the little train that could? "I think I can, I think I can", it's sort of like that... Except you need to go ever where thinking this, when ever you enter a room, cross a room, exit a room... No matter where you go or what you do, you want to have this one thought in mind. Your the rockstar! So that means you behave like one... You don't take big steps, you stop in the middle of the line, you look around at pictures on the wall, you make bold comments to a complete strangers about something you see, with a smile... Your the one in the pilot seat making all the choices and being the first to greet. Should you approach a woman don't look at it like you going up to hit on her. That's what she is expecting, do the unthinkable and introduce yourself as a new friend, your not looking for a date. Your just out having a good time...

 

It's hard to explain in words how action is far more critical than context. But give it a try and you will soon see for yourself how it really is and why you can't just tell somone this stuff.

 

Believe me I see a lot of men that just don't have a clue what their behavior looks like. I also have see a few men who do have what it takes but they don't have clue what their doing right, they just know that they are... But on occasion you will run into one that knows exactly what he is doing and how he does it. He'll be the first to tell you that he still stikes out but his stike outs come in a different way than out right face to face rejection. He can tell if the woman is going to say no before she knows herself... What you have above with all those helpful tips is a rare breed of guy, one who knows and is trying to tell you without giving away the secret to watchful eyes.

 

Listen to them, I do and learn something everday.

[someguy88]

what could i bring up in the conversation that would separate me from this other guy?

 

Pretty much anything different from what other guys are saying. I can tell you're frustrated that you're not getting any canned lines you can use, but that's the thing. You can't really use canned lines and I can't tell you things that work for me and expect them to work for you. I mean, I'm a pretty playful guy and I like to tease women so I say a lot of really off the wall stuff.

 

It's hard to explain. I'm kind of a story teller so sometimes I'll just make up stupid stuff to get a smile and break the ice. I mean, it really could be anything and when I refer to "stupid stuff", I really do mean stupid. For example, a couple of months ago I was standing at the bar next to some girl I didn't know, she ordered a sex on the beach, here's how the conversation kind of went:

 

me: haha that's funny

her: what?

me: O, I just get a kick out of it whenever I see someone order a sex on the beach... I mean, this always sounds like BS...you probably wouldn't believe me if I told you....

her: tell me what?

me: O, my grandfather actually invented that drink

her: yea **smiles**

me: yea, my grandpa came up with the drink the same week my dad was born. originally it was named "no sex from the b*tch".

her: haha sure

me: I'm not lying. Have you heard of a Fuzzy Navel?

her: yes

me: well, my grandma invented that drink and named it after my grandpa

 

me to bartender: hey, can I get an Ethel Johnson?

bartender: what the hell is an Ethel Johnson? **laughs a little**

me: You've never heard of a Ethel Johnson?....hmmm...don't worry about it. I guess I'll have a beer instead

her: what's an Ethel Johnson? **laughing**

me: O, that's another drink my grandpa invented for my grandmother. I think lamens refer to it as a Slippery Nipple. **smile**

her: haha that's terrible

me: so what would a drink named after you be called?

etc....

 

I mean, that's how lame you can be with your openers. I was acting like I was serious yet I let her know that I was just teasing her. My strength is that I'm silly, yet confident. What works for me won't work for everyone.

[IronHorse]

I agree each person has to master their own twist to it. I'm a bit like you in that aspect. I can come up with this off the wall stuff pretty easily or as I've been told I'm a real good BS'er. Of course I'm a bit of a slick too and can just about sweet talk somone into anything...

 

I'm sort of a comedian, rebelious loner, bad boy, relaxed, layed back, in control kind of guy... But that's not me entirely because underneath I'm a real sweet, honest, decent, respectful person. I'm still amazed how much one's self-projected image can overshadow the reality of the person underneath. I walk into a place sometimes in my leathers (Harley Davidson clothing) and people look at me like I'm going to hold up the joint and when I do the cute women over in the corner hopes I wisk her away on the bike when I make my getaway... It's really weird how people can draw such ideas but they do.

 

Image is everything!

[someguy88]

[hijack]

haha you sound just like my buddy who has tattoos all over, has a shaved head and dyes his goatee red. He's one of the nicest most sincere guys I know, but he looks like a real badazz and does very well with the ladies....hmmm....maybe I should get some badazz tats on my sleeves? lol

 

My nickname in college was "Smooth Operator". lol BS runs in my blood but it's always just for fun.

[/hijack]

 

Come to think of it. If you want to be good with speaking to women or anyone for that matter then I think you really have to be a good story teller. I don't think what you're saying is as important as how you say it. I talk with my hands and adapt my tone to what I'm saying and my facial expressions are more animated if I don't know the person well.

 

I never really consciously thought about it much, but when ever I approach a woman I don't know, I always do most of the talking for the first couple of minutes. It's like your selling yourself to them, but at the same time you have to act as if they're auditioning for you. You're basically just trying to get smiles and nods of affirmation. Does that make any sense? You want to be entertaining, but you don't want to be the court jester who's sole purpose is to entertain her.

 

As for topics, I'm racking my brain trying to come up with something. Here's another example of how I might approach a woman I don't know.

 

me: hey, do you watch "The Bachelor"?

her: yea I love the Bachelor (she'll smile and think you're kind of a geek for liking it and that thought will totally disarm her)

me: great! I'm dying to know what happened the last few weeks. I'm so out of the loop. Mind filling me in real quick?

***depending on the girl, she'll either know you're teasing her or she'll tell you about what actually happened on the show. It doesn't matter either way, because you already got her attention either way. If she continued on talking about the bachelor I'd play it up like I was really interested and ask lots of questions about the Bachelor until the right moment came along and then I'd let her know that I was teasing her. It's not a surefire plan, but I can't stand people that don't know how to take a joke so something like this is a good screening method.

 

Also, if she says she doesn't watch the bachelor, then reward her with a big smile and a hand shake and say that you've just won a bet with your buddies. lol She'll probably ask you about your bet, so make something up quick. lol

[IronHorse]

It's all so true, an image broadcast like a radio beakon. Of all the various ways I've dressed it seems the biker image works best for me. It even comes with the added benefit that when I do have to dress all up for a dinner party. I get compliments of admiration coming out my ears because I'm seen one way and then present a whole other side they haven't seen. those mixed up reactions are excellent giveaways to what they are thinking.

 

That's what I was trying to convey to the OP? I'm not saying make a mockery of yourself or be some clown. Theres ways to be funny without being the jester... You just have to be certain to direct the comedy away from yourself and the subject your trying to impress. It's perfectly okay to poke fun of her but don't do it in a hurtful way. If she's packing a real big purse, trust me she knows it, so ask her in a warped sort of serious way if she's packing a really big gun in there? She'll laugh unless she's with the IRA, in which case duck for cover: LOL

 

Tone, speed, and facial expressions separate a person just rattling off at the mouth and a good story teller. The story really isn't as important as how you tell it. I actually like all the old cheesy pick up lines that people are so afraid to use these days. You know like "What's your sign". The women instantly get that's it's stupid for someone to say something like that these days and if you follow it up quickly with a "yea, I know it's silly but I left my pickup line handbook at home." If you say that in just the right way with a little theatrics thrown in on top of it, everthing seems to work out just fine. because more often than not I've found that all the woman needs is an ice breaker, she will usually steer the conversation in the direction she wants and all you have to do is follow her lead. If she isn't interested then you will never have to ask her, thus your saved the rejection axe. If she is interested then almost anything you say will be funny. believe me I've even tried things I knew weren't funny and they'd be laughing. There is no other explination for it...

[May_It_Be]

 

 

Wow.