someone with NO friends?

[buckdawg]

sport

 

play sport

 

I don't think the issue is with people who have no friends I think it is with people who are too clingy. Tho there may be a corelation. I don't think it is right to generalize such things.

 

yes = clinginess (i.e. codependency) was the primary issue

[Mysterygirl]

This is a very real post! Very well said

 

Thankyou for posting this

[renaissancewoman101]

I would be very concerned that the other person's lack of friends would make my significance in his life too high. I have seen this happen with couples and it seems unhealthy.

 

I guess the bottom line is that humans generally are social creatures. So if a potential love interest is not taking care of that part of his/her life, then it could be a problem in the relationship also.

 

Lack of friends doesn't mean you make your SO the center of your life. When I had a bf, I didn't make him the center of my life. I had a few friends (mostly from school) and we hung out occasionally, but they had husbands and families. I was friends with my bf's friends, but I always carved time out for my best friend, and that helped to keep me from getting too attached to my bf at that time.

 

Unfortuanetly, he didn't take well to my best friend, who is also my first ex, and my best friend didn't like him at all. My best friend doesn't usually like guys I date or like. Don't know why because he's gay.

 

To me, having 1-2 good friends makes up for having a bunch of "so-so" friends. Besides, I also like to be alone a lot of times. I tend to be a loner and sometimes that is hard for people to deal with.

[Batya33]

haha don't get me wrong I really like women. Some of them have fantastic personalities. When it gets to the stage that I want to have a relationship with a girl all the other stuff will attract me for sure, but when push comes to shove its definently all about sex. I'm being honest.

 

I don't care if a girl has lots of friends or if she has no friends. If she has no friends she can be friends with my friends.

 

That's good that you're honest, but if it's all about sex then don't depend on the "some" women with fantastic personalities wanting to be with someone for whom it's all about sex.

[CaptainPlanet]

Thats ok I wouldn't want to do date someone that insecure with herself.

[CaptainPlanet]

That's good that you're honest, but if it's all about sex then don't depend on the "some" women with fantastic personalities wanting to be with someone for whom it's all about sex.

 

What is considered a fantastic personality will be different from person to person.

 

What is considered sexy is almost scientifically defined.

[Batya33]

A woman who expects a man to want her for more than sex is insecure? I would think it would be exactly the opposite. How many serious long term relationships have you had with women who you believed had "fantastic personalities?"

[CaptainPlanet]

What are you even talking about ? Without sex you don't have a relationship ur just friends. If a woman can't accept that the most important thing I want to do with her is root her then she is insecure with herself.

[Batya33]

What are you even talking about ? Without sex you don't have a relationship ur just friends. If a woman can't accept that the most important thing I want to do with her is root her then she is insecure with herself.

 

Well no I disagree - if I met someone and sex was the most important thing in a romantic relationship I would decline to get involved with him because I am a secure person who knows I deserve a man for whom sex is important but not the most important thing in a romantic relationship (i.e. love, laughter, friendship, loyalty - all of those are just as or more important than having sex).

 

Most healthy people - men and women- I know see sex as important but not the most important thing in a long term healthy romantic relationship. I am not saying you are unhealthy but I find that attitude of yours an unhealthy approach to finding a long term romantic relationship.

 

And what is sexy to people varies greatly from person to person. It sounds like you have quite a narrow view of that. You're entitled of course, just like you're entitled to look for a woman who has a fantastic personality, thinks sex is the most important thing in a relationship, is secure within herself and wants to be with you. But I wouldn't be surprised if those requirements leave you with a very small dating pool.

[CaptainPlanet]

Love, loyatly friendship, carebears, and laughter all that teddy bear stuff I can get from my friends and family.

 

With a woman I want something different.

[Sketch]

Love, loyatly, friendship, carebears, and laughter all that teddy bear stuff I can get from my friends and family.

 

With a woman I want something different

.

So you date hookers? Well, technically I suppose they would be called sluts, since they don't charge you anything for the sex, but same diff.

 

I mean, if all you want from your SO is great sex, why not, right? They have a high sex drive, they are experienced, they have a low enough self worth to be used only for their body...sounds perfect.

Emotional connections with women are meaningless. Sex uber alas!

 

 

 

...You're joking right?

[CaptainPlanet]

this all very one dimensional I am sorry to say

 

sex with a hooker is not intimate

 

sex with a SO is intimate

 

relationships are about sex, but, you're still in a relationship - that dance is all about the sex.

 

sex with a hooker is just sex its not intimate. Intimacy is very important and the most intimate thing you can do with a woman is sex. Thus differentiates her from my friends and makes her special.

 

Without sex. I may'd as well call her a friend and go to the hooker, less hassle that way and I'd probably save money.

 

Understand ?

[Batya33]

There's a big difference between saying as you did the sex is the most important thing and that sex is an important part of a relationship. If you are stating the former, that is a very unusual statement if you claim to want a healthy long term romantic relationship with a healthy/stable woman.

[ilovethatgirl]

I would not be bothered in the slightest. But my response is tainted by the fact that I myself am kind of an anti-social, so I'd much rather be dating one person and not a crowd of people at once, if you know what I mean

[CaptainPlanet]

There's a big difference between saying as you did the sex is the most important thing and that sex is an important part of a relationship. If you are stating the former, that is a very unusual statement if you claim to want a healthy long term romantic relationship with a healthy/stable woman.

 

Is it unusual because you do not agree with it ? Or because it is different from what you have been taught to believe ?

 

If friendship were the most important part of a relationship i'd become gay and date my friends.

[Celadon]

Love, loyatly friendship, carebears, and laughter all that teddy bear stuff I can get from my friends and family.

 

sex with a SO is intimate ...

Intimacy is very important and the most intimate thing you can do with a woman is sex.

What's confusing about these posts is that sex is, on the one hand, defined as "intimate." But at the same time it's defined as NOT including "love, loyalty, friendship or laughter" (I'll skip the carebears part).

 

Without love, loyalty, friendship or laughter, there's not a lot left. So what makes sex with an SO intimate and not just a physical act?

[hopefulromantic79]

I recently broke up with a guy who told me he had no friends when I met him. In fact, he laughed about it. I didn't have a problem with it really, but I started to realize why he had no friends ~ he didn't value relationships with people. So there's a fine line between someone who has no friends because they are shy, just moved to a new area, lost touch with people, etc...but someone who does not WANT friends...that would scare me a bit.

 

I was fortunate to have a lot of friends carry over from high school & college..but now that a lot of them are married, etc. I'm finding that I have to make new friends...and at 28, it's hard! So I understand your dilemma...I'm kind of going through a similar thing. Hang in there...just keep going out and getting involved..and the friends will come. Try to spend your time doing one or two activities where you see the same people over and over...that'll help.

[renaissancewoman101]

I was fortunate to have a lot of friends carry over from high school & college..but now that a lot of them are married, etc. I'm finding that I have to make new friends...and at 28, it's hard! So I understand your dilemma...I'm kind of going through a similar thing. Hang in there...just keep going out and getting involved..and the friends will come. Try to spend your time doing one or two activities where you see the same people over and over...that'll help.

 

I agree with you about making friends, and at age 34, it's even harder to make friends.

[Batya33]

Is it unusual because you do not agree with it ? Or because it is different from what you have been taught to believe ?

 

If friendship were the most important part of a relationship i'd become gay and date my friends.

 

It's unusual because none of my happily married or happily coupled friends ever would describe sex as "the most important" part of their relationship. It would be important of course to almost all of them but the most important likely would be either the love they share, their commitment (which includes their friendship, their bond, loyalty, trust), their communication.

 

It's not different from what I've been taught to believe - nobody "taught" me to "believe" anything - rather, I absorbed from my parents' and friends' and siblings' relationships and from my own self-knowledge, friendships and relationships what was important to me in a romantic relationship. Physical intimacy certainly is important but not "the most important" - I dated one man short term for whom it was the most important. Since we were not exclusive I did not agree to be that intimate with him, which he insisted upon starting with date three. He now is engaged with a child and he cheats on his fiancee (and has, off and on throughout their 4 year relationship). Not at all surprised.

 

For some reason you assume that if sex is not the most important thing that it is not important and that thereforeeee the relationship is just a platonic friendship. (and if you were gay, then obviously you would have sex with men so that wouldn't be platonic either). I simply wrote that sex is not the most important thing - that's very different from stating that it is unimportant. Sex is definitely the most important thing in a fling or a hook up because that is the focus of that sort of relationship.

 

good luck!

[CaptainPlanet]

What's confusing about these posts is that sex is, on the one hand, defined as "intimate." But at the same time it's defined as NOT including "love, loyalty, friendship or laughter" (I'll skip the carebears part).

 

Without love, loyalty, friendship or laughter, there's not a lot left. So what makes sex with an SO intimate and not just a physical act?

 

ah I see the confusion.

 

I would think that is obvious.

 

Sex with a prostitute is a cash transaction sex with a SO is a personal transaction. Are you trying to see my point or are you just trying to swist my words around and trip me up ?

[CaptainPlanet]

Bayta why are you trying to argue on a difference of opinion ?

 

Not to mention sex is a broad term.

 

Ofcourse all the other stuff is enjoyable and important just less so.

[Batya33]

Bayta why are you trying to argue on a difference of opinion ?

 

Not to mention sex is a broad term.

 

Ofcourse all the other stuff is enjoyable and important just less so.

 

I'm not arguing a difference of opinion just noting that it is highly unusual to believe that sex is the most important part of a long term relationship. I will also add that any book I've ever read on marriage or relationships (written by psychologists) has never suggested that couples treat their sex lives as the most important part of a long term relationship. In that I know I'm right - that it is unusual to consider it the most important part. you might find it difficult to meet someone who feels that way and/or feels comfortable with your standards in that regard.

my guess is that you have not had a long term relationship like that yet.

[obscurity]

LOL... funny post.

 

But you bring up some good points about friends sticking with you when the going is good. However, it would seem in my case, when the going is terrible for them they stick with you, but when the going gets good, the friend gets going. Is that how the world goes? Hahaha, I suppose in my world and yours alike it is!!

 

I would date someone without friends. I am basised because I dont have any "real" friends either. Its a lonely lonely life (oh and dont start posting, "You havent tried to make friends" or "You dont do enough activities" ... No I have done all of the above, and no I dont want or need anyone pretending to be real). Ive learned to deal with it over the years, sometimes its hard, very hard.

[SinfullySweet]

Personally, I don't need a guy with a ton of friends, but he should have at least a couple. I have a lot of acqauintences and a few very close friends. I'm not a clingy person and I fear that a guy with absolutely no friends would get clingy. My best friends are all long distance right now, but I speak to them on the phone for hours. One of my closest friends is actually one I met through my ex (his best guy friend's girlfriend), we used to double date and take weekend trips together. I think it's important for a guy to have guy friends and a girl to have girlfriends although I think in a good relationship you're each other's best friend.

[ultraviolet]

Lack of friends doesn't mean you make your SO the center of your life. When I had a bf, I didn't make him the center of my life...

 

To me, having 1-2 good friends makes up for having a bunch of "so-so" friends. Besides, I also like to be alone a lot of times. I tend to be a loner and sometimes that is hard for people to deal with.

 

 

Of course it doesn't! That's why I stressed my bf is NOT the norm. But I did want to mention him , because I believe he's a good example of the danger of being too co-dependent.

 

You may not make an SO the center of your life, but for those that would, I think it's important to realize how the other partner feels. The OP asked if having no friends is a turnoff, and I was explaining to her one possible reason why. If she's nothing like that, I'm glad for her. Again, I stress the point that as long as she's happy having no friends, I don't see a problem.

 

I have both: the 1-2 "best" friends and the handful of good friends that are friends based on common interest. I don't think having one precedes the other. To be honest, I have been a loner and the new friends are people I've met within the past two years. So I know both sides of the coin. And here's what I've found: The more good friends I have, the more people I can count on for advice and support when I need it.

 

And secondly, the friends I have are a direct result of how much time and effort I put into the relationships. Because I treat most people like family (until they give me reason not to), I generally get the same treatment back. Maybe because I tend to hang out with people older than myself, the genuine extension of friendship is truly appreciated.

 

It is hard to make friends after college, but that's why I stressed joining an organization you really believe in. Since I already share the same values as those people, they're more like to "get" me and me "them." We find the same geeky things fun, so there's a built-in sense of camaderie too.

 

The best part is knowing that I can count on them if I need help. It's not so hard to ask them or be asked for support or advice, because we work together every week and already count on each other on a regular basis.

 

I only wish I had done this sooner. I'm having a great time and am amazed how easy it's been for me to fit right in to a group of people I not only like and respect, but who genuinely like and respect me too.

 

If I can do this, I think anyone can.