Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 I have been dating this guy for over a year, and last night my mom and siblings met him for the first time... I thought he behaved well, but everyone else did not seem to think so... I asked my mom this morning what she thought, and the only thing she said was "I dont like him, and neither does anyone else"... what do I do? I love this guy, we talk about getting married, having babies and what not. To him, meeting the parents is a big deal. His last relationship (which lasted close to 2 years) he never met her parents.. and now that he has met mine... they dont like them... Do I waste my time trying to convince my family that he is th man that I want to marry? Or do I trust my family, and leave him for the plain and simple fact that they dont like him.. I hear that your family is a good judge of people when it comes to relationships (ie who is good for you, who isnt) like 99% of the time.. is that true? Even though the only thing that matters is how i feel about him... doesnt my families opinion count? Do I take it into consideration? Oh man... what do I do!?! Link to comment
someguy88 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Well I'd definitely ask the rest of the family what they thought about him and why they don't like him before doing anything. Link to comment
Beec Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 I think the third option you have is to go right ahead and do as you want, and ask for their support. But first, why not ask why they did not like him? Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Their reasonings were: 1.) He's too cocky 2.) I'm too good for him/too nice for him 3.) Someone out there will treat me alot better 4.) They just dont like him Those were the reasons... What a first impression huh? But the thing is, they dont know what our relationship is like.. Im not a big PDA fan, so we're not like that... is that what they are going on? I just dont get it.... isnt it what happens behind closed doors that counts? Link to comment
someguy88 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Those are some pretty broad reasons. Care to elaborate on the meeting and what would make them think these things? Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Their reasonings were: 1.) He's too cocky 2.) I'm too good for him/too nice for him 3.) Someone out there will treat me alot better 4.) They just dont like him Those were the reasons... What a first impression huh? But the thing is, they dont know what our relationship is like.. Im not a big PDA fan, so we're not like that... is that what they are going on? I just dont get it.... isnt it what happens behind closed doors that counts? Cockyness is sometimes a man's way of dealing with nervousness. But those other "reasons" are stupid. Do what you want, what makes you happy. Family isn't ALWAYS right. Link to comment
Blackhawk2009 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 dont listen to your family..they are there for opinions not to make decisions for you. If you like this guy then you do what your heart wants you to do Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Well the situation wasnt the greatest... both of my older brothers were home for my oldest brothers wedding... the WHOLE family was there, with their children and wives.. my honey couldnt make it to the reception because he had tickets to the packer game.. (I didnt really want him to go anyways, it would have been an extremely uncomfortable situation)... but he came after the party.. so it was just the fam... he was excited to meet them all, and was glad that he went.. as soon as he got in the car he knew that they didnt like him... so we werent out to dinner or anything, we were all just hanging out with each other at my moms house... This situation just makes me sick to my stomach... Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 And as far as details... we kind of just stood there.. talked with my sister, my brothers wouldnt even talk to him... My honey shook all their hands, including my moms... ya know, the nice thing to do... have a few beers, and then left... he really didnt say too much... he talked with my brothers kids, they asked him about his job... and my sister harassed him.. thats about the extent of it all... Link to comment
tmp0620 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Why do you think he came off the way he did? In what way was he cocky? Link to comment
angelbomb101 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Well, people don't generally dislike other people for no reason. And from my own experience, my family is generally right about the men I date but I don't know your family. So whatever it is that your family says is not "good enough" for you, maybe do a self inventory. Ask yourself if he really truly is a god man, and does treat you like you deserve. Sometimes love is blind and you don't see the little red flags, especially in the first year of being in a relationship. Usually you put the man ur dating on a pedistal for the first year or 2. So just maybe do a self inventory check, maybe start paying more close attention to how he does treat you. Maybe your family is right. But if they arnt, then give them sometime. Maybe they just need some time to get to know eachother and bond? Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Why do you think he came off the way he did? In what way was he cocky? He was stand-offish in the sense that he really didnt say much... other than talking about his schooling and his occupation.. he was cocky with my sister, but just to dish back what she gave him.. which in my family, thats just how it works... maybe because he's more of an outsider, thats not acceptable, I dont really know... so maybe that's how he was perceived cocky, but my sister was the only one around, everyone else kind of had their own conversations going on... we weren't the focal point at all, so I dont understand how they can judge them when they didnt even talk to him... my mother did yes, they talked about "sparks" the alcoholic beverage, and they had that in common, and my mom seemed to get a long with him... well I guess they didnt... Personally I feel as though he behaved himself very well in the situation... he wanted to be there, and he had the suggestion of meeting everyone... I didnt want to force him into doing something that he may not want to do.. Im just not like that... Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Well, people don't generally dislike other people for no reason. And from my own experience, my family is generally right about the men I date but I don't know your family. So whatever it is that your family says is not "good enough" for you, maybe do a self inventory. Ask yourself if he really truly is a god man, and does treat you like you deserve. Sometimes love is blind and you don't see the little red flags, especially in the first year of being in a relationship. Usually you put the man ur dating on a pedistal for the first year or 2. So just maybe do a self inventory check, maybe start paying more close attention to how he does treat you. Maybe your family is right. But if they arnt, then give them sometime. Maybe they just need some time to get to know eachother and bond? I agree with that statement.. to a point... my family has never liked the guys I have dated... espessially my mother (part of me thinks that since the marriage my parents had didnt turn out so well... that she thinks all men are dogs.. for the plain and simple fact that she makes little snide remarks about all males...) I will admit that our relationship is not perfect.. I dont know anyone who IS in a perfect relationship.. we both have things that we need to work on.. both for ourselves and in our relationship... I know this... be we are happy with each other... sure we have our arguments, thats perfectly natural... you have to do that... But shouldn't my family support me in the way that they know how much I care about him, and some-what try? Link to comment
Dako Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Depends on your family's track record for making your decisions for you. If they do a good job of guiding your life, dump the guy. If you're ready to begin a life of your own, decide for yourself as an adult. Link to comment
someguy88 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 Ha! I know why they don't like him. He skipped the reception to go to the Packers game. lol Seriously, that's a really strange thing for a guy to do. What the heck was he thinking? Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Depends on your family's track record for making your decisions for you. If they do a good job of guiding your life, dump the guy. If you're ready to begin a life of your own, decide for yourself as an adult. They've never said anything to me before... but then again, I have never really asked them because frankly, past relationships have not meant as much to me as the current... or they will tell me what they thought after the fact... no only with relationships, but with friendships as well... To them, it seems as though no one is ever good enough.... it stinks Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Ha! I know why they don't like him. He skipped the reception to go to the Packers game. lol Seriously, that's a really strange thing for a guy to do. What the heck was he thinking? ....very funny... him and I are hardcore packer fans, and we whopped on that game... the reception idea was a last minute things, my brother got engaged and married within a 6 week time span... so this was not very well planned.. and to be honest, I knew he would be uncomfortable, and why would I do that to him? And I told him flat out to go to the Packer game... I wouldve went to the Packer game versus going to a wedding reception where Im not going to know anybody as well... I dont discourage him for that, I encourcaged him to go to the game... and plus, he had those plans long before the wedding in Mexico/reception at home was even planned... Link to comment
someguy88 Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 ....very funny... him and I are hardcore packer fans, and we whopped on that game... the reception idea was a last minute things, my brother got engaged and married within a 6 week time span... so this was not very well planned.. and to be honest, I knew he would be uncomfortable, and why would I do that to him? And I told him flat out to go to the Packer game... I wouldve went to the Packer game versus going to a wedding reception where Im not going to know anybody as well... I dont discourage him for that, I encourcaged him to go to the game... and plus, he had those plans long before the wedding in Mexico/reception at home was even planned... Even still. I can see how this would affect your family's perception of him. If I were your brother I'd wonder what's up with this guy. I'd be thinking, "what an * * * *, he'd rather go to a football game then get to know his gf's family." Link to comment
Vikette Posted September 24, 2007 Author Share Posted September 24, 2007 Even still. I can see how this would affect your family's perception of him. If I were your brother I'd wonder what's up with this guy. I'd be thinking, "what an * * * *, he'd rather go to a football game then get to know his gf's family." My family already had their own thoughts about him... purely based on his age, and religion. My family is big into religion, when I am not as religious as they are... I dont think that the packer game had anything to do with it to be totally honest with you... and I told them right off the bat, I didnt really invite him to come because I knew he would be uncomfortable... he was the one who insisted after he got back from the game.. that he wanted to come meet anyone... how what would that tell them? Wouldnt that make the circumstances a tad different? I would think so... Link to comment
SinfullySweet Posted September 24, 2007 Share Posted September 24, 2007 I can't speak for your particular relationship or your family, but family is not always right. Haven't you seen The Notebook! My parents started dating when my mom was 15 and my grandparents hated my dad because of his religion and strong personality. My mother actually turned down some really amazing colleges to go to school with my dad (which drove my grandpa crazy). Eventually my grandma grew to like my dad, but she passed away shortly after their wedding. My grandfather still does not really like my dad, but when my mother got cancer at the age of 23 - it was my dad who worked two jobs to support her, not my millionaire grandfather. I'm close to my grandfather and my parents see him weekly and talk to him on the phone all the time, but we all know he doesn't actually like my dad. My parents are still happily together after more than 35 years. Your family has only met this guy once so they barely know him. You say you talk about marriage with this guy but several things strike me 1) If you've been with this guy for a year and your family has just met him once briefly... how close are you to your family? 2) How much do you really care about this guy if your family's first impression of him (that he's cocky) makes you question ending things? I think that family is very important, but I also feel that you know your relationship much better than your family does at this point. You should really question your feeling for this guy if they're so easily rattled. Link to comment
ghost69 Posted September 25, 2007 Share Posted September 25, 2007 it's your bf, not theirs. otherwise, they'd be dating him. you ever see a reality show on tv where they set up a guy or a girl with the family? nope. Link to comment
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