The meaning of LOVE not relationships just LOVING a person

[everythingchanges456]

maybe you are reliving the pain of when he cheated on you?

 

you seem a bit fixated on the fact that the nice gestures stopped right about the time he got a girlfriend?

 

 

Yes I probably partially do equate that to it in my head. My heart just feels though that when someone is such a major part of your life for so long they don't leave you flat when crisis hits.

 

yes...he stayed last night when he came here to spend the night in the home we live together (instead of sleeping at his parents) and found me here at 11pm but other than that he did NOTHING for me but watch our dog which I could have had anyone do.

[Batya33]

The more you claim he did nothing and then dismiss what he did do the more I have to wonder where you get these types of expectations. I will assume this is just because you are in a vulnerable state. Otherwise, I find it a bit unreasonable and selfish of you.

[everythingchanges456]

I am in a vulnerable state. DEFINITELY I have to ask my doctor if losing an ovary causes emotional roller coasters for a bit.

[Batya33]

Yes I probably partially do equate that to it in my head. My heart just feels though that when someone is such a major part of your life for so long they don't leave you flat when crisis hits.

 

yes...he stayed last night when he came here to spend the night in the home we live together (instead of sleeping at his parents) and found me here at 11pm but other than that he did NOTHING for me but watch our dog which I could have had anyone do.

 

How can you possibly say that is leaving you flat? he took care of you and your dog - big deal that someone else could have done that.

[everythingchanges456]

i know we will have to agree to disagree. He did not take care of me...my dog yes, but not me. Everyone in my life, family friends coworkers were shocked. I was crying when he showed up last night thinking i wasn't here. He started to pack to go since I was home now and I asked him to stay so he did since it was late and he listened to me cry and that was it. Had I not shown up without letting him no i wouldn't have seen or spoken with him at all. Yes he watched our dog and got to stay at our home instead of his parents or a week but to me that's no big deal.

[Batya33]

Yes, I see that to you it's no big deal. To me it would be a big deal if an ex - even a long term ex- who had a new girlfriend took care of my dog and came to see me and agreed to stay with me especially if he knew I was not all alone and had others ready to take care of me.

 

Why not have the same high expectations for yourself that you impose on him? Meaning, expect that if you love and care for someone you cut them slack when they are going through changes as he is in his new relationship, and also the transition of breaking up, that not everyone knows how to deal with illness and surgery especially in a complicated situation like this, etc. You were not in intensive care and you had others to take care of you - that is not leaving you flat by any means.

 

Also consider that you were over him enough to hook up with another guy and be totally smitten with the other guy just a few weeks ago, so to have those expectations when you were clearly ready to move on also seems a little strange to me.

[jul-els]

Just because he isn't caring for you in the way you would expect him to doesn't mean he doesn't care. It sounds like he has extended some caring gestures to you. It's just that the time has come for both of you to go in your own direction.

[jenny_mcs]

Well, first of all, I hope your recovery is going well. Having surgery can make you feel very vulnerable and also make you overly emotional.

 

I do find it odd that you relate the things he has done for you, like stay over to take care of the dog (as a dog-owner, I do think this is a big deal) and in the next sentence say he has done nothing.

 

I'm afraid that like your user name states, everything does change, and you just can't expect an ex to give you the same level of support that a boyfriend/partner would.

 

I think you are going through a really sad time (and this is very natural after major surgery) and have found a target to point your sadness at- and its your ex.

 

I think once you are more recovered from surgery and aren't feeling quite so vulnerable (physically and emotionally) you won't feel so badly about his behavior.

 

Hang in there! I had an emergency appendectomy a few years back, and I was very surprised at how down/blue/sad I was for a few weeks afterwards. My doctor assured me it was very normal, and as soon as I was back on my feet and able to resume somewhat normal living, I felt much better.