Its been 9 months...

[NiceGuy76]

Hello E People! =)

 

It has been over 9 months and I still think about her everyday. There has not been one single day that has passed where I have not thought about her. We had our issues and life for the both of us was not exactly easy when we hooked up...but we did move FAST. We actually moved in together within a few weeks of knowing each other. I was not over my previous relationship at the time and my heart/soul/mind was going crazy. She told me that she loved me within the first month or so...I told her I was not going to say it until I knew for sure, because it is not something that should just be said to appease the other person.

 

We broke up after 7 months together...over a stupid argument. I am the one that ended things...she moved into the spare room. I never made the attempt to makeup or talk for 3 weeks. I guess you could say I was trying to find myself and enjoyed the space. Within 3 weeks she was going out, staying out late, I eventually found out she was seeing another guy, going to him for comfort and eventually led into them having sex. We never got back together, but even after I finally got her to admit what she was doing...I told her I forgave her....broke down and let out my true feelings. For the first time since we met, I felt the power of love take over my heart. I gave her time to find a new place, when I could have easily kicked her out. I helped her move her things into the truck...

 

She moved out...we stayed in contact...mostly it was me telling her I wanted to start over. I loved her with everything inside of me...had to leave town because my grandfather passed away. We were suppoded to hang out the night I was coming back to town. She never answered her phone that night I got back. The next morning we talked (she finally called)...and told me that something came up...she met another guy and fell for him. I was traumatized...begged, pleaded, everything I could think of to get her to give me another chance. Looking back at it now...I was a complete fool for acting that way, but I could not help it because the feelings I had inside me for her was something I have never experienced in my life.

 

A few days later...I tried calling her....number was not in service...I went by her work and did not see her car. She totally vanished and took herself competely out of my life. That was the hardest thing I have ever had to deal with...I cannot explain the hurt I felt and I am still feeling. The only way of contact I have is her grandma. I can send letters...it has been 5 months since I sent something. She did mention that when I was breaking down, that I was just tellingher what she wanted to hear. My love for her is REAL, and so powerful that I do NOT want to ever give up. Each day has gotten easier, but there are times when the pain is still unbearable.

 

How or what can I do to get my point accross??? Do you think that one day she will look back and realize that my feelings and love were pure? At 9 months you would think I would be over a 7 month relationship, but I am not. I do not think I ever will be...there is just something about that woman and I knew it since the first time I saw her. We both did each other wrong...I just wish I would have gotten to tell her I loved her during the times we were together, but like I had mentioned....my head was not clear. I miss her so much...

 

I have dated and nothing can compare to her and the way I felt around her. She was not even close to being the cutest girl in the world, but to me she became the most beautiful person on the planet. Everything about her I loved...even the things that I did not exactly like about her...I loved. Her Personality, Laugh, Voice, mannerisms....EVERYTHING!

 

Thanks for reading...just needed to let some of this out. eNotAlone is a perfect place for this.

[Lana0120]

I'm sad to hear about this. You must have been absolutely gutted. Unfortunately, I think this is one of those situations where actions speak louder than words. She doesn't want to be with you anymore. As hard as it is, you have to try and move on.

[NiceGuy76]

I am "gutted" and have lost interest in everything. I stopped working out and have not been focusing on work either for the past couple months. At first I stayed busy, dated, worked out, tried to focus on work, got involved with a few ladies and broke things off because I could not have any feelings for them. A couple of them were REALLY attractive and successful...but I am LOVE STRICKEN and cannot get passed the love I have inside of me that I was not even able to offer her. All I want is a second chance...and probably will never get it. I know she is in a relationship or at least was the last time I heard from her(email) back in early May. I want to send a letter to her but I do not want to do so if she is still with someone. The problem is, I do not know if she still is or not...What type of letter could I write in hopes that she would get it from her grandmas place???

[servedcold]

A mantra I have adopted that you may want to try, "When they tell you they love you in the first month, don't believe it."

 

Corollaries:

 

1. A person who tells you they love you very quickly, then subsequently hops from relationship to relationship, is not emotionally stable and is incapable of a meaningful relationship.

 

2. The time it takes a person to say "I love you," too soon for it to be true is roughly equivalent to the time it will take them to say, "I don't love you any more."

 

3. A person can be the most wonderful, spectacular companion in every other way, but if emotional maturity is lacking, it is all for naught.

 

4. Those who come after you in the scorched earth wake of an emotionally unstable person are no better off than you are; in fact you are better off because you have been, or should have been, somewhat immunized to this sort of thing in the future.

 

Try to think of the growth you will enjoy, and the heartache you will avoid, by realizing these simple things. Best wishes.

[dan39]

This message might help you: link removed It's been reccomended on here a few times before.

 

Even if you aren't particularly religious (I'm not), it is a very powerful message.

[Desiderata]

I'm so sorry for the pain you are feeling, NiceGuy. But if she has vanished out of your life completely and fell for another guy then it is truly time to move on. If you try to find her or get your point accross to her it will just end up hurting you so much more. It's been nine months and things are not getting any better because you are still holding on to an empty relationship.

 

I realize it's so hard to let go of those feelings and they can stay with you and remind you of that person everyday. But if she has completely written you out of her life, then you have no choice but to move on and hope that if things are meant to be - truly meant to be - she will come back into your life at some point. It's only been two months for me but I was so deeply in love with my ex and he seemed to have felt the same way - yet in the end he could say that "he cared but not enough to stay with me" and that I was "holding him back". But your ex doesn't need to say to you "It's over, move on" or anything like that because - as Lana said - actions do speak louder than words and you just need to try to find a way to start to break away from trying to get her back or pine for her.

 

Don't forget to just vent all of your feelings and your frustrations and just let everything out. That is what this place is for and when you do decide to try to move on we'll all be here for you.

[Lana0120]

I don't think any letter you could send would make any difference unfortunately. Her mind is made up.

[looney tunes]

unfortunatley the harder you try to get her the harder she will try to get away.

you gotta let go or it will destroy you

I'm telling you this from someone who was at the edge ready to go over

[astrobaby]

Sorry to hear this fella. Many of us know exactly what you're going through, including me. In fact, so much of what you wrote could have been me talking.

 

We were also fast, hot, passionate, fell for each other very quickly.

 

I also still think about her each day, still love her with all my heart, as much as a man can ever love a woman, and still fall into such depths of sorrow that words just can't describe. I miss her so so much. I've lost motivation and still at times can find no joy in things i used to love.

 

But as time goes on, it gets less and less.

 

But you've got to fight it my friend. This is your life, and life is short. There will be other loves and joys for you to come. It seems that no one could ever compare to her right? That's just not true, not only will others compare, but will raise that bar even higher. And this is coming from someone who has not come accross a girl i've been the slightest bit interested in since my own break up. But it will happen. My heart tells me no one could come close. But my head knows better, and i sure deep down yours does to.

 

Just rememebr if she was truly right for you, your one and only true love, then you would still be together. Now the way is clear for you to meet the next one, who might just be that for real.

[beebee]

i have a different opinion... is there "pride" when you are in love?... should you allow the person you adore to just vanish without a try?... do you really feel that you tried hard enough to get her back?...

 

i dont know... i get so confused by these things... sometimes i read some posts on here and it seems evident that the "lost love" has truly made it known that they are done with the relationship... then there are other times where i feel that it can be fixed and healed... when we are in the midst of the pain, we cant see whats really going on... we have to "remove" ourselves in order to see what really "is" in order for us to see where all the mistakes were... sigh...

 

 

1. A person who tells you they love you very quickly, then subsequently hops from relationship to relationship, is not emotionally stable and is incapable of a meaningful relationship.

 

2. The time it takes a person to say "I love you," too soon for it to be true is roughly equivalent to the time it will take them to say, "I don't love you any more."

 

3. A person can be the most wonderful, spectacular companion in every other way, but if emotional maturity is lacking, it is all for naught.

 

4. Those who come after you in the scorched earth wake of an emotionally unstable person are no better off than you are; in fact you are better off because you have been, or should have been, somewhat immunized to this sort of thing in the future.

 

dang servedcold... this was as close to my situation as you could get... within the first week he was telling me he loved me... he was so overboard in his actions and his words that he actually scared me!... but i fell for it... sigh... as ive said before on here, i lost alot because of my trust in him... he is now in a relationship (rebound) that has been going on for the past 3 years and loves her as he loved me... devestating...

 

thanks for the wake up call... i needed it...

 

God bless... beebee

[NiceGuy76]

I just want to say thanks for the replies...I was away over the weekend and was not able to contribute to the topic I posted.

 

Anyways...Thanks!

 

I went on 2 dates over the weekend...one of them lets just say went ALL THE WAY...but it still does not keep me from thinking of the "one" I lost. How many women do I have to meet/have sex with for the feelings and memories to stop???? I have went on dates with over 15+ women since the breakup and have gotten intimate with at least half of them. Yet, nothing has gotten my mind off of her...this sucks!

[dan39]

I think it's probably more a matter of time than having sex with women, lol NiceGuy.. although I wouldn't mind trying that tactic myself

[NiceGuy76]

Time??? lol

 

I figured over 9 months out of the relationship that only lasted 7 months would be more than enough time. At this point I am willing to try anything...I am feeling like a "trainwreck". How many women do I have to go thru until I get thoughts of her out of my mind? Thoughts of her have been on my mind every single day since I last saw her. Something is not right...I really think she needs to give me another chance and I need to give her another chance. Problem is...I have no contact with her...no way to get a hold of her except thru sending a letter to her grandma's place in hopes that she will get it...and actually read it.

[Murasaki]

A) I'll be in Norcal in 6 days and it'll be rockin'. Be happy by virtue of the fact that Norcal OWNS

 

B)

 

I can only imagine your pain, but it will get better with time, I swear. If you believe in your mind that you are capable of putting one foot in front of the other, then that and time is all it takes. All you can do is bear the pain and keep going.

 

It seems like this girl doesn't want to hear you. You told her you loved her and she said it was just you telling her what she wanted to hear. That's as good as rejection. Painful, blunt, and unimaginable rejection because it's rejection of a pure feeling. But you are fully allowed to feel your feelings, it's integral to you moving on. Maybe she'll realize it later, maybe not, but one thing is for sure: You did love her. And as long as you know your feelings were pure, that's all you need. I recommend NC because it doesn't seem like there is any real talking to your ex. She knows how to contact you if she ever wants to.

 

Check it: You won't ever find someone like her by looking for it. You have to let them wander into your life. Take it slow, let yourself heal, give yourself time. I'm dead serious: The chances of you not finding someone unique that you want to give your heart to are a million times worse than the chances of you winning five lotteries and getting abducted by aliens. I know that this isn't something you can stomach, but reflect on it because I sincerely believe it. Just like I sincerely believe that with time and willpower you can go on.

 

I might not be on mark at all because I've never been in your situation, this is just my suggestion. But nonetheless I wish you the best and hope you find happiness.

[NiceGuy76]

Thanks for the words!! I hope you have a good time in NORCAL! So many places to go and things to do here!

[NiceGuy76]

I think it's probably more a matter of time than having sex with women, lol NiceGuy.. although I wouldn't mind trying that tactic myself

 

Well, it does not work....it might for some or most people...but not for me.

[Murasaki]

Physical things don't alter mental feelings unless they're connected. For example, getting hit in the face by people that look like a good friend won't make you hate your friend. But getting hit in the face by your friend might.

 

And you're welcome, Niceguy, thanks for the cheer!

[ycmanvs]

I think you might consider counseling at this point. Probably something like cognitive therapy where they teach you skills to stop thinking about certain subjects....like your ex.

I also think that you need a break from dating, until you are able to be by yourself and not thinking of the ex.

[dan39]

Just out of interest NiceGuy, did you listen to the link I posted and what did you think?

[NiceGuy76]

Just out of interest NiceGuy, did you listen to the link I posted and what did you think?

 

I will listen to it this week at some point...I had my volume jacked up here at work and turned it on....then I muted it. LOL It blasted out pretty loud...some type of surmon or something.

 

Thanks for the link and I will FOR SURE listen to it. I am spiritual but not too religious.

[dan39]

Cool I'm sure you need to hear it and will benefit

[NiceGuy76]

Cool I'm sure you need to hear it and will benefit

 

Thanks man...I appreciate it! How long is it??

[dan39]

I think it's about 25 minutes