Bothering to Look Good

[Royale]

I'm not hundred percent sure how to ask this but-

 

I'm not a classically/typical/proto-typically attractive woman. When most think of woman, nearly none are thinking of me in terms of looks. Near nothing in what most guys have said here have wanted in a woman I physically have, the sole exception being I'm thin. Everything else have little to nothing to do with me.

 

Now my thing is that my mom (and I'm supposing all the women that judge other women by these means) goes on and on about how I should try to look more mature/feminine/cute/etc in my dress and manner.

 

Now girly in some ways (bugs ick me to pieces) shopping and all of its wonders never appealed to me. And in shoe shopping comfort comes before style or sex appeal. When I get up in the morning I just pick a top and a pair of jeans before I'm late to class. Makeup only happens when it's forced on me. My hair is . . unfortunately probably another topic entirely.

 

Sometimes I wonder if it's my lackluster dress code is what would make the average guy not want anything to do with me, but honestly I think even if I dolled myself up and dressed as if I walked out of a magazine none of those guys would still pay me any mind. A lot of what men talk about as pluses in women seem to be genetic. Put me in what you want I'm not that woman.

 

Also I don't want to go too far out of myself to attract anybody, nor gyp out any guy into thinking I'm some trendy pretty girl then get mad when I let my real self through.

 

So should I try to dress myself up more or am I just wasting my time?

[irodriguez]

well, it is true that dolled up girls get the attention.

but that is usually because the sun is reflecting off

the makeup of the face and blinding some poor sap.

 

i say be yourself.

i would be much more attracted to a girl with jeans and a top.

why in the world would a person need to make themselves

uncomfortable to attract someone?

 

its dumb.

[Gath]

Royale, please don't take this the wrong way, but it sounds to me more like your problem is one of confidence and approachability vs attractiveness.

 

I totally agree that you should be yourself. . . but I have to wonder. . . you sound a bit uh, thorny is a perhaps the best word.

 

For myself, a dolled up girl isn't necessarily what attracts me (although I do prefer women who dress nice), what attracts me most as a guy is a joyful personality and a bit of flirtatiousness. Both of those when directed towards a man let him know the women isn't adverse to being approached. On the other hand, a defensive and thorny personality tends to tell guys you don't *want* to be approached, and we'll back off. If a guy were to get past such initial thorns on a gal, then things would probably work well, but for most of us the thorns say you don't want us to get close.

 

I do not know you, so in this case I think it would be really hard to answer your question. But I think you should try being more open and friendly, rather than focusing on your looks, which are probably much better than you think. Most people will rate themselves lower on the looks scale than they really are, and a smile and a great attitude will knock anyone up a few notches on the scale anyway.

 

I hope this was helpful. From someone who used to be quite thorny himself, I've found I'm much happier with a more open and friendly attitude.

 

edit: argh. . . it censored my word for someone who acts similar to a rose with thorns. >

 

edit2: ok, instead of p r i c k l y, I'll use thorny. What I'm basically saying is its hard to smell the rose sometimes, when the thorns keep you from getting close.

[itsallgrand]

Ok, are you a total slob?

 

If you're not, I don't see what the deal is. If you don't have the classic look, that can be attractive to others in itself. You're unique, beautiful in your own right. Everyone has good qualities. Do you play those up?

 

These things about yourself that you are saying 'no man would want', might just be some of your most gorgeous qualities. Depending on how you carry it and look at it yourself.

 

No, I don't think you should doll up if that isn't what feels good to you. There's nothing wrong with self improvement though. I mean, a haircut that makes you feel good. Clothes that work for the outside, and feel good to you to wear.

 

I'm not a classic beauty either, and as a general rule you won't see me dolled up. I am "anti-fashion" lol.

Most days you'll find me in my working clothes (jeans, top, boots or sandals). Make up is lip gloss and some mascara, if anything.

And I get plenty of attention. This is who I am, and I look good, if I do say so myself.

 

If you are hiding your natural attributes because you find them not attractive, that will shine through and it might be time to look at how to remedy that.

No biggie, it's about feeling better about who you are and what you have.

 

The idea isn't to fake, but to present your best you. Whoever she is.

 

BTW, I'm not a fan of shopping either. I have to force myself to update periodically!

[StarLily]

There is nothing wrong with updating something about yourself if you're feeling this way. A new outfit and a haircut should do the trick... and it's not hard to do! You don't have to be uncomfortable to look good. There is plenty of comfortable clothes out there that look good too.

 

You don't sound very confident. Believe it or not, clothes can add a lot of confidence, especially if you feel hot. You have to put yourself out there a little too. Do you smile? Are you happy when out in public? Those are the things that really attract guys...

[Weeblie]

So should I try to dress myself up more or am I just wasting my time?

 

I think it depends. You don't have to be flashy to get attention. I remember when I was in high school, a teacher shared some survey she had found...it said something like jeans and white t-shirt was voted to be the sexiest outfit a person could wear. Think...James Dean, Cindy Crawford.

 

Don't know if that was true or not, but it stuck with me. It is a timeless look and those people do look pretty darn good. But then their clothes always fit and their hair was on point. So maybe all you need to do is make sure you're wearing flattering fits and figure out how to deal with your hair?

[Batya33]

I think there's a compromise here. I have "problem hair" but thanks to modern hair products and appliances, a few years ago I found a way to fix the problem without investing more time than I already was (and before that I was on the way to "recovery" lol). I wear some makeup, and I wear clothes that are flattering and often feminine. I do not do flashy or ultra "sexy" because it's not me (ok, maybe it was, a bit, in my teens and part of my 20s when I went clubbing but that's a long time ago).

 

I do not think you need to be all dolled up and dressed to the nines, but putting in a bit more effort plus carrying yourself with confidence can do wonders.

[nightw0lf]

Go with what you feel comfortable with. Dont force yourself to do something you not going to be comfortable with. I personally like a girl who doesnt care to much for make up and can get out of bed and go straight to work or whatever.

 

Then again it doesnt hurt to make yourself look good every now and then.

[Royale]

Thanks for the replies.

 

Yeah, I'm not a complete freakshow (unless after a particularly long study/writing night) I'm just overall an uneventful dresser. I have some cute tops but mainly I'm a jean/top/sneakers girl.

 

I may venture into new waters if I'm feeling adventurous.