angeliamce Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 My ex just left- we are both 36 so I can't say that he doesn't know better. This guy showed up after 4 months- will be a year on the 30th of July since our break-up. He calls once every week just to share how he is doing. I never call him- but, I love when he calls. I have accepted that he didn't want me- basically he said we would never be together- so,we are friends. I was completely shocked when he showed up today- what is so sad is that I have lost over 40 pounds since the last time he saw me, and tanned and toned but, I picked today to wear no make-up or even brush my hair, so I guess this was meant to be. He stopped by because he has a major problem he really likes this girl that is married and he is not sure what to do. Guess what? I told him to go for it. I think he met her at AA they are both recovering from drug and alcohol abuse- he said they have a major connection (I never did drugs and have no alcohol problems, so I guess that is why we never had a connection)-What the hell!! He sat in my living room talking about how every girl he ever dated cheated on him, etc. (does he forget about me- I never cheat or lie, etc. I give-give...) Do I not even count in his memories. He said that they can really talk- we have talked for hours several times over the last 3 years. What is the deal? I know he needed to talk to someone, but why me? At one point, I said that a married woman may be the prefect mate for him because he wouldn't have to make a commiment- he said, "yea, I don't want to settle down- I don't think she would be faithful" I wanted to yell- she's married and messing around- what do you think. I am lonely and now I have to deal with the fact that a guy I really loved doesn't even think of me in terms of an ex. Did I have an imaginary relationship in my head? Do you really think he wanted my advice? Why did he come here? I walked him out- and said, "You got anybody at AA that would be prefect for me?" (I wanted to seem like his words didn't bother me) He said, "Are you crazy? You don't need anyone with a drug or alcohol history." and I said, "I know"- that was it. What should I do if he comes again?? thanks for reading Link to comment
annie24 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 oh crap, I don't even know where to begin with this. ok, he is a total and utter train wreck and I think you dodged a major bullet with the breakup. he is no prize. alcoholic, in love with a married woman, blah blah blah and doesn't feel a connection with the real life, non-alcoholic, single woman right in front of him. this man has problems, plain and simple. (And I happened to date, and got broken up with, by a man very very similar to this so i do know what i'm talking about.) stop talking to him. don't take his calls. he is a trainwreck. i mean that sincerely. And why did you say this to him??? his response was absolutely right on. "You got anybody at AA that would be prefect for me?" (I wanted to seem like his words didn't bother me) He said, "Are you crazy? You don't need anyone with a drug or alcohol history." Link to comment
swtsmr93 Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Is there any reason that you do keeping talking to him at all? Without a child or some extremely compelling reason I would suggest NC would be the route to go. He has a captive audience that he knows will listen to him. I think you went with the friend path because that can be so good in lieu of not having the person in your life. But that doesn't mean it will work out well for you. I know you are lonely and that you really want him to love you. So when the reality is that he has moved on with his life but you are still "stuck" interaction with him will likely keep you emeshed. I know it's just so hard to really let it go. The most painful and awful thing. Now this may not apply to you and even if it does please do not be offended as I am saying this with utmost respect: do you think it is honest that you are filling the role of a friend with him when you want something completely different? It sounds as if the friendship is only a positive benefit to him and not for you. So I see the basic answer to your question of what to do if he comes back as block the door, padlock it shut, do whatever you need to do to stop torturing you! Link to comment
angeliamce Posted July 23, 2007 Author Share Posted July 23, 2007 swtsmr93, Now this may not apply to you and even if it does please do not be offended as I am saying this with utmost respect: do you think it is honest that you are filling the role of a friend with him when you want something completely different? It sounds as if the friendship is only a positive benefit to him and not for you. You're right- he always seems to win in our "relationship". I have tried to move on but I think when you like someone and they never really like you it seems hard to let go. I don't know... annie24, Your right- this guy is not for me and the reason I said the AA thing was to see his response. I know that I don't have the nature to deal with anyone w/ major issues, because I accept all the problems and don't really ever try to change anyone. My ex-husband who is also a drug addict said one time that he loves the way I make him feel,he said even when he was in a major depression about his life I should made him feel good. I guess I go aroung making people that make selfish choices feel good. I am trying so hard to change my pattern for relationships. I finally met someone without drug issues and he has lost interest. It would be really sad if the only people who can want me is people that are using me. have a good night- thanks Link to comment
Daddy Bear Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 That wasn't very enlightened of him, was it? This may sound trite, but it really kind of shows that you're much better of without him. Loved your parting shot, btw. Link to comment
Murasaki Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 Wow, never thought I'd see a fellow Arkansan. I think that you have very amiable personality traits, but that those traits, as you've said, have been exploited by selfish people. First, I agree with others that you should go into NC. Second, I want to extend my belief that there are people out there that can appreciate and not use you. I don't think that you're destined to attract only selfish people. Link to comment
beebee Posted July 23, 2007 Share Posted July 23, 2007 get me the gun angel... sigh... what an *******!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!... is he my ex????????... so insensitive... so immature... not one brain cell in his brain... i could go on and on and on... he is one of those boys that are trapped in a man's body... what did jennifer anistan say about brad?... "he is missing a sensitivity chip"... that about sums it up... my advice?... cut him off completely toots... just my advice... he will be using you as a sounding board for a long time if he gets with her and they start a relationship... i think you know this... if you want to avoid any more hurt, then you will have to tell him to go to a therapist and tell him/her his problems or work them out himself... theres no shame in you still loving him... none at all... at least your a sensitive, loving, caring human being... not like him... an idiot... God bless... beebee Link to comment
angeliamce Posted July 24, 2007 Author Share Posted July 24, 2007 murasaki,t Thanks for the I don't think that you're destined to attract only selfish people I really feel there is something good in my future. I hope all this stuff has happened so I will really appreciate and enjoy a good guy. somebloke- what so strange about this guy is that he always thinks people are being hateful to him. beebee- you have such a positive tone. Thank you so much- I had a terrible day at work, so it was nice to have some positive commuciation.thanks Link to comment
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