TheFoglifter Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies... lets say you are just lying in bed, or you give him a hug, or you brush against him or whatever, and he gets hard "out of context". Does this ever make you mad or uncomfortable? My gf seems to avoid as much contact as possible bc she feels like she can't touch me without me wanting sex. I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? Link to comment
RayKay Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 No, that makes me feel good if I can do that to him with something as simple as a hug! I think based on this and past posts of course, your girlfriend has some serious hang ups about sex. In this context, it almost seems like a "control" thing as well if she gets mad at you for a natural reaction! Link to comment
free2Bme Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 No way would I be mad. I love it when my guy gets hard! He often does when we kiss or cuddle. I don't think he has any control over it though, because he doesn't ALWAYS want me to take advantage of it lol. I have a higher sex drive than he does so him getting hard and wanting it that often would be a bonus! Link to comment
ryan123 Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Im not a lady but my girlfriend would never have a problem with something like that. If anything it's a total turn-on for her when im getting hard just kissing her. Find a girl that appreciates it. Link to comment
pinkelephant Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I don't get mad, but it does make me question.. what he's thinking about? We're sitting there, talking.. and he gets hard... like, okay, why are you always thinking about sex? Link to comment
Mavis VDSande Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 No I don't get mad - why should I? It doesn't mean he wants sex - it's just a natural reaction!! I can't really show affection in public though, in case our unwanted friend says hi Link to comment
free2Bme Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 We're sitting there, talking.. and he gets hard... like, okay, why are you always thinking about sex? It's you that is making him hard, if he is sitting there talking to you and looking at you, take it as a compliment. But yeah does seem to be a natural reaction, often unprovoked as well! Link to comment
beauty21 Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I would LOVE it. What is up with your girl? I agree with Raykay. Seems like a "control" thing. My bf is the same way. He gets hard by kissing me or looking at me and that makes me feel good about myself that I make him feel that way. And he wanted sex I would give it to him anytime. Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hehehehe, I wish she was more like you girls. I can kind of understand the whole "geez, is sex all you think about". Actually one girl described it very well once. She said imagine you are on a date, and enjoying each others company, and feel very comfortable, and all of a sudden he moves in to cop a feel. Well it shuts everything else down. On the other hand, I think she should take it as a compliment. Link to comment
StarLily Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies... lets say you are just lying in bed, or you give him a hug, or you brush against him or whatever, and he gets hard "out of context". Does this ever make you mad or uncomfortable? My gf seems to avoid as much contact as possible bc she feels like she can't touch me without me wanting sex. I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? She should be happy! I would be if just a hug triggered it. Of course all you want is sex if your sex drive is high. That's all I want when I'm in a relationship. If you respect her and don't always try to do the act if you get hard from a hug, she shouldn't get mad.. You're tight, it's a compliment Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 ... you respect her and don't always try to do the act if you get hard from a hug, she shouldn't get ma.." I think this is the sticking point. She is convinced that she can't touch me without me expecting sex. The only way she could have gotten that idea is because the more I go without sex, the more I want it. Link to comment
StarLily Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I don't understand why she thinks that. You wake up with a boner, right? Doesn't mean you want sex right then and there, do you? How old is she? Maybe she just needs to learn how a male's bodies works (at least in this case, lol). Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 She's 25 and has had plenty of sex in her life. In the beginning of our relationship we were like bunnies. Trust me, she knows how the body works... all too well. When it used to matter, she put in lots of effort. We used to have it in the evening and morning. I'd love to wake up and get right into it, but those days are as dead as the dodo. Link to comment
free2Bme Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Hey Foglifter, next time she is having her body image worries, just remind her how turned on and hard she makes you Link to comment
StarLily Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Well then it must be a control thing. She's getting mad for no reason. Do what free2Bme said Link to comment
TheFoglifter Posted June 21, 2007 Author Share Posted June 21, 2007 I have tried all the usual sweet-talking, to no avail. She has convinced herself in her twisted head that she is fat and unattractive. No matter how sincerely I compliment her (she was ALWAYS overweight, even when we got together) she does not believe it herself, and she just assumes I'm buttering her up for sex. I've been down pretty much all avenues trying to fix this problem. The only thing left which I'm going to do for both of us is set up a home gym. Link to comment
StarLily Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I have tried all the usual sweet-talking, to no avail. She has convinced herself in her twisted head that she is fat and unattractive. No matter how sincerely I compliment her (she was ALWAYS overweight, even when we got together) she does not believe it herself, and she just assumes I'm buttering her up for sex. I've been down pretty much all avenues trying to fix this problem. The only thing left which I'm going to do for both of us is set up a home gym. Maybe you can play a guilt game. "Why don't you trust me?" or *disappointed voice* "I'm just giving you a compliment." It worked on me anyway.. I haven't felt this good about myself before those words. Link to comment
ryan123 Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I have tried all the usual sweet-talking, to no avail. She has convinced herself in her twisted head that she is fat and unattractive. No matter how sincerely I compliment her (she was ALWAYS overweight, even when we got together) she does not believe it herself, and she just assumes I'm buttering her up for sex. I've been down pretty much all avenues trying to fix this problem. The only thing left which I'm going to do for both of us is set up a home gym. Maybe her self-esteem is low and she thinks you're not getting hard from looking at her but from thoughts of other women. Seems silly but low self-esteem makes you think crazy. Link to comment
stillwaters Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 While I have never been like really overweight or anything, I will admit to having been, at various times, insecure. Figured the men all wanted the little petite blond chicks that would make them feel like the big powerful man or something, not some 5'10" brunette amazon. Turns out I just hadn't met someone who could appreciate it and actually make ME feel good about it. I am taller than my bf. (Doesn't bother me, because in my eyes he's the biggest man I've ever known-- inside and out.) What does he say that makes ME feel comfortable with myself? ALways tells me how much he likes his "big woman" and that he "likes knowing he can cover it". Hey, works for me. I no longer feel like the big old girl nobody wants because he has made an effort to make me feel special (not only by his silly sayings, but in general). Maybe just try to make her feel special being just the way she is. As to your question about getting angry...heck no. Too much is never enough. I will admit that it is a most wonderful feeling to realize that your presense, your voice, your slightest touch, or the thought of being with you can bring about that kind of response in the other person. Link to comment
ycmanvs Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I would be flattered if that happened to me. After dating someone for a long time, it does not happen as spontaneously as it did in the beginning. Maybe your girlfriend does not realize that you can be excited and not jump her at the same time. Link to comment
amtjrtcet Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 Ladies... lets say you are just lying in bed, or you give him a hug, or you brush against him or whatever, and he gets hard "out of context". Does this ever make you mad or uncomfortable? My gf seems to avoid as much contact as possible bc she feels like she can't touch me without me wanting sex. I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? I absolutely love it when we're close and I can feel him get hard. The other day he came over for dinner. When he walked in the door we kissed and I felt him. I think its cute Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 my boyfriend is hard 24/7. even if we are just NEAR each other and talking about the weather! I don't get mad because he says "it's got a mind of it's own" and I know it's not like is gonna expect anything because of it. I look at it as a compliment BUt like her I also have VERY low self asteem, he's always telling me how beautiful I am but I keep telling him I'm a fat cow. It's all mental, no matter what you say...we'll still think it. I think the home gym is a great idea! Link to comment
veryunhappy12day Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I don't get mad. I like it. I like to play with it and make him orgasm. Or if he doesn't feel like it or either of us is too tired I just like to cuddle against him. Link to comment
Scout Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? It would if I felt that he only equates physical intimacy and affection with sex, and if he was getting hard at even the most chance encounters ALL THE TIME, I would come to that conclusion. But to be clear: if he was ALWAYS like that from the beginning of our relationship, it would eventually turn me off of having sex with him. Because I would start to feel used/viewed as merely a sexual object. However, if he became like that as a result of us rarely having sex, then that would be more of a 50/50 problem that together we would need to work out (the lack of sex). Link to comment
grendel Posted June 21, 2007 Share Posted June 21, 2007 No, his merely getting hard does not upset me. However, I admit that if we are watching TV together and suddenly he is hard and humping against me and breathing hard I do feel bad in a way. I start wondering what I am supposed to do, because this comes out of the blue. At this point, I have not been thinking about sex at all and we haven't been doing any foreplay, but he is already about finished. It feels like I have to put myself in an uncomfortable position. If we do have sex at this stage, lubricant helps to a certain extent but not always. I do start feeling resentful. I'm afraid I don't really deserve to be with anyone, because I was not blessed with a high enough sex drive to turn these situations into the amazing sex he wants. I've got no acting skills and am unable to keep things to myself, so I do tend to wind up letting him know if it is unpleasant, and then he feels terrible and I feel guilty... Link to comment
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