swtbtrflydreams Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Hey i am in the same boat as you, my bf is the same height as me but 30 pounds lighter than me. But he loves me no matter what. He says skinny girls are for wimps lol. He tells me youre not fat your thick. Gotta love him! Link to comment
swtbtrflydreams Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 I know I take it as a compliment when my man gets hard from hugging or kissing. That to means that he is happy with me and the way I make him feel. Maybe your girl is just insecure, maybe its time to find one that can appreciate hmmmmhmmmhmmm your happiness lol Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 I can kind of understand the whole "geez, is sex all you think about". I usually go through reading all the posts before adding my own, but this time I feel compelled to immediately reply -- I would never, ever get mad at that, it is such a compliment to me every single time, whether generated by a kiss, or a hug, or anything! I am single now (going through heartbreak over my ex), and one thing I miss so much is the intimate feeling between us that he could get aroused by just about anything I did to touch him. We had an LDR, and I would write e-mails that he said were giving him "pistol hot boners" and there was no greater thrill and joy for me in the world!! Your quote I've pasted above really doesn't apply to a balanced relationship, where many things are done for sharing and pleasure besides sex. Yes, of course, if you are trying to have a serious conversation, and all your partner wants to do is make moves on you or turn the situation into a sexual one, or if you are out having fun and sex has to be involved all the time, then yes, there is too much focus on that. And, while the analogy your woman friend gave of being out at a movie and the guy reaching over to cop a feel, while she is right that that would kill things, that's partly because he is jumping ahead of the appropriate stages of the relationship just to get to the sex part. So that is not endorsed! But you are her boyfriend who has been with her awhile. So if you copped a feel at the theater once in a while (well, if the movie was boring, lol, I wouldn't want my bf to reach over and fondle me at the climax of Lord of the Rings), that might be a welcome titillation! So it's all about context. You are in a longstanding relationship with your girl, and wanting sex and getting an erection because you have been touching one another is not just normal as a reaction which you can't help, but why should you want to help it? That is a deep-seated problem with HER, though I don't know all her reasons. I have read a number of your posts, and feel concerned about this relationship as a quid-pro-quo arrangement in some ways, that for her sex is a bargaining tool to get some other favors and advantages with you, not for the sex itself. That is very disturbing. But I'm not sure what in this dynamic you feed into, if you use the giving of advantages and favors to "buy" the sex that should be naturally desired by both parties. I think the resentment you feel is entirely justified, and I'm not sure what the whole dynamic is, but based on some of your posts, it seems how much sex your girlfriend is "willing" to entertain with you is directly proportional to some other benefit than sex for its own sake. I don't know why she resents your erections as "all you think about" (since it sounds like you really do love her, and for more than the sex) unless it's deteriorated to the point that you are left begging for physical intimacy and she is withholding it for reasons that are her responsibility to deal with. Since she also had body image issues, my suspicion is that there is a lot going on here that is not your fault, and she does have serious control issues. Sex should never be a bargaining chip on either side. If you have gotten to where you will give her anything else just to get your libido satiated in some way, then no wonder you are resentful. I'm just going off here, but I had to say something because of how this thread ties into lots of others. A WOMAN WHO LOVES HER GUY LOVES EACH ONE OF HIS ERECTIONS, period. In fact, even in public, if I got one going for him, I have sometimes been a little mischievous and enjoyed making him laugh at his having to cover up for a while because he couldn't stand up and not been found out! hee hee, that's the good stuff... Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Fog -- have you discussed with your gf in a non-threatening, non-heated situation that she look for some therapy because you are concerned about her body issues and the way it is affecting her attitudes about intimacy (am only guessing what her reaction might be... ) Link to comment
tiredofvampires Posted June 22, 2007 Share Posted June 22, 2007 Sure everything is happy happy then. But after doing all those things, when I try to initiate some lovemaking, then its "all you want is sex, I feel so used". See, just having read THIS, I feel convinced that she has, as another poster said, some serious hangups around sex. Maybe there are some serious things in her past that you are not aware of? I almost wonder if there was ever some abuse of some kind, something that makes her feel used, angry and avoidant and it's not about you but something much deeper...whatever it is, it didn't start with you. Link to comment
thelonelydoll Posted June 23, 2007 Share Posted June 23, 2007 Do I get mad when he gets hard? Hell no, I get naked. Link to comment
Altruist Posted June 24, 2007 Share Posted June 24, 2007 It's common knowledge that men think about sex every 5 minutes. You gf should understand that. Link to comment
Robinson Posted June 25, 2007 Share Posted June 25, 2007 It's common knowledge that men think about sex every 5 minutes. You gf should understand that. One thing that struck me in this thread is the relation between "thinking" and "intention" and the erection itself. A man might get an erection from his partner's proximity or overall context without actually wanting to consciously have sex or willing to ask her too. It's a phisical reaction, one that sometimes comes before we even notice "hey, I could have sex right now". The ladies taking it as a compliment are the right ones: it doesn't mean your man is a slob, or that he is "thinking" about sex constantly (although if he is a man he probably is but that your presense makes him... hard. Enjoy that and worry on the the day you stop having such an effect, not before it (although if it stops it also doesn't mean he is a cheating bastard that is moving his erection reaction to other ppl's influence Link to comment
Undefined Posted June 30, 2007 Share Posted June 30, 2007 My boyfriend get's hard quite easily but it makes me happy to know 'i'm wanted' and 'am loved' ... I do not get angry- but I don't exactly fill his needs everytime he get's hard... and he knows I won't- otherwise it'd be every hour... but no, I don't get angry- xxx Link to comment
violingirl Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 Ladies... lets say you are just lying in bed, or you give him a hug, or you brush against him or whatever, and he gets hard "out of context". Does this ever make you mad or uncomfortable? My gf seems to avoid as much contact as possible bc she feels like she can't touch me without me wanting sex. I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? That would never make me angry. It would make me feel flattered that I could so easily arouse my significant other and that he desires me that much. Link to comment
Religioux Posted July 1, 2007 Share Posted July 1, 2007 My boyfriend springs to attention fairly easily, lol. Of course it doesn't bother me! It just lets me know that he finds me attractive, there's nothing wrong with that. Now, if he expected something from me every single time he got hard, that'd be a different story. But the most he'll do is want me to rub on it for a little bit or something. No big deal. It's nice to know your guy is still crazy about you after being together for a while. Link to comment
pesh Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 One time, my boyfriend got hard just by me caressing his hand/arm, and on a separate occasion, simply from caressing his neck. at first, i was like "hm, i see where his mind is," but then i thought about it a bit, and i remembered that the male body is turned on by touch.... explain to her that it doesnt necessarily mean that you want sex... there are many guys who want sex and CANT get hard. erections are spontaneous things, and thereforeeee she shouldnt think into it too much, or at least try not to. Link to comment
l0velife Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 I think it's hott, honestly. Is she a sexual person? Link to comment
l0velife Posted July 2, 2007 Share Posted July 2, 2007 My boyfriend gets hard all the time, even with a simple hug. I love it Link to comment
dtgrl812 Posted July 3, 2007 Share Posted July 3, 2007 Ladies... lets say you are just lying in bed, or you give him a hug, or you brush against him or whatever, and he gets hard "out of context". Does this ever make you mad or uncomfortable? My gf seems to avoid as much contact as possible bc she feels like she can't touch me without me wanting sex. I get hard pretty much anytime I hug her or she moves closer in bed, and if she sees it, she gets angry. Does/would that make you mad as well? i take it as a compliment... lol Link to comment
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