Strange feeling about affair

[LubBec]

I came to this site to get some honest opinions about something I have been experiencing.

 

Before I begin, I feel the need to say that I am a normal, heterosexual female with no serious mental issues. However, this has me wondering.....

 

2 months ago...to the day, I found out that my husband has been having an affair. The details are not partriculary important. Like any loving, committed wife, this was devestating for me. It has been difficult to eat, sleep, work, or do any of the normal tasks of daily living. I am better. My husband loves me and says that the affair was over months ago and that he has no feelings for the other woman. He says the relationship was one of convenience and support for one another emotionally.....plus sex. He has apologized profusely and I believe that he is genuinely sorry for his actions. He is doing everything possible to answer my questions to regain my trust. He promised to never contact her again and has offered me phone records, email passwords and to be available by phone 24/7 in an attempt to prove his faithfulness to me. I want to make our relationship work. I love him and want to stay married to him.

 

Heres my question. Is this normal? I can't get the images of my husband and the OW out of my mind. I realize that this part is normal. The part that I'm not sure about is how the images make me feel. On one hand the images bring me great mental and emotional pain..........on the other hand, the images are sexually stimulating. The fact that they are sexually stimulating has me concerned. It seems WEIRD and sort of perverted. Is there something wrong with me or has anybody heard or experienced this kind of thing before?

 

Please help!

[flower99]

I'm certain this is nothing perverted or unusual. I get aroused by the thought of my boyfriend having sex with other girls as well - But I'd never want him to really do that! So nothing to worry ! Sorry to hear about the cheating, though.

 

I agree.

Just now I'm picture my finacee & another women...yeah, It's kinda arousing...However i would Never want him to do really do it. And thereforeee I could understand the mental angious & emotional pain of the thoughts as well. So I think it's normal to have some of both feelings

 

I wish you both plenty of luck & happines while you two continue to work this all out...

[Blazer]

When I went to a psychologist after learning of my ex-wifes affair he asked me about that too. Apparently it is a fairly common response. Although I didn't react in that way he told me that many people do. Also ... I think it is great that your husband has been so forthcoming and eager to earn back your trust. I can't tell you how much I wanted my ex to make even a portion of the efforts he is making. I sincerely hope that this difficult time for you is brief and if you want to remain together I also wish the best to you both.

 

Regards,

 

Blazer

[honest abe]

LubBec-

 

I went through the same thoughts when i found out my ex had cheated on me. Made me question my thoughts. I think it was just a defense mechanism to protect ourselves. The sexual thoughts stopped about 2 weeks after i found out and i moved beyond that and only think of the decieving that my ex did.

 

I hope you can work things out with your husband because if you can, your relationship will be so much stronger than it was before because not only do you both want it to be, it has to be.

 

best of luck

Abe

[LubBec]

Thank you all for your kind and sincere replies. I was hoping to hear that others have had the same type of response. Whew... at least I feel better about my thoughts.

 

I do want our relationship to work....I'm still guarded and will have issues in the "trust" department for a long time. I hope we can withstand the trials that will, undoubtedly come our way in the future.

 

Thank you!

[BeStrongBeHappy]

a bit of jealousy can indeed stir people up... humans are complicated animals emotionally and sexually, so it is not abnormal for you to have these feelings... some couples like to go out and flirt with other people, then come home and have a steamy night because their jealousy and sense of ownership has been stirred up...

 

it is also the same reason why the porn industry is so huge... people enjoy the thought of sex seeing or imagining sex between other people, but the reality of an affair can be destructive, so i am glad you are drawing the line and he is working on the marriage. fantasy is fine....