BILLEON2005 Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 There is a woman that I just found out has a crush on me and I just removed myself from a devistating break up, is it wrong to sleep with this woman to rid the pain of my last relationship? I am so hurt and confused that I would be willing to do anything to dull the pain! All my buddy say the only way to help is to sleep with a new woman. But I am conflicted. I know this is a loaded question but anything to null the hurt I am willing to t](*,) ry!! Link to comment
Honey Pumpkin Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 But then you might potentially make someone who cares about you feel as badly as you do right now, because you cannot offer her what she wants/needs from you. So you might temporarily ease your hurt (not for long though), and make someone else as unhappy as you. I understand you feeling like this, but what advice would you give to someone who posted your post? Would you say that it was a kind or fair thing to do? Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 yes it's wrong! go with your consience (sp?) and you may feel better for th time being, but it will only be very temporary. Don't use someone else like that. Don't worry, your pain will go away! I promise,it just takes time. Link to comment
BILLEON2005 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 This is not a moral question and Iam only asking if I make a dec is this ok? Because she would have to willing for this to happen! this is a question about is this a good idea for my pain?? and has anyone been through this, please share!! Link to comment
Krystal_Ivy Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 like I said. It will help your pain temporaraly. But you will be back to being miserable right after. What you're missing right now, you can't get from this other girl right? so that means you will still feel the same. Link to comment
CarnelianButterfly Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 It will delay you from facing you pain and really healing. Its also a very immature way to deal with the fallout of a break up. It will in no way make the pain go away and can potentially lead to more pain and issues if you sleep with someone who was interested in you. Link to comment
Zackinlaw Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Yeah, but it really IS a moral decision ... even if she totally agreed to have sex with you, knowing specifically that you wanted her to help you get over the pain of your break-up and nothing more, you would still be risking hurting someone who might be willing to do anything to please you because of her "crush." If you expect to be treated decently by the women you are attracted to, then you have a moral obligation to treat women who are attracted to you just as decently!! Zack. Link to comment
Clementine orange Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 It happens all the time. Doesn't make it right of course but it reguarily happens. Does the woman in question know that you are fresh out of a breakup and are still "bleeding"? If she does know then she is taking her chances that she will get hurt. That's life. I've been the recipeint of rebound sex - I knew what it was, I knew what I was in for and I accepted the risks. Sometimes the rebound thing works out. This is the re-bound fling, who among us has not done this? For those who said "no", is there some kind of moratorium on post breakup relationships? Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 This is not a moral question and Iam only asking if I make a dec is this ok? Because she would have to willing for this to happen! this is a question about is this a good idea for my pain?? and has anyone been through this, please share!! It would be akin to a heroine addict who is withdrawing getting another hit to ease the pain. Seriously, it is not much different. healing pain in such ways does not help, and you will likely get depressed afterwards when the temporary euphoria wears off. Again, just like a drug addict. Relationship break up pain is much like a drug addiction in that getting back wtih that person or jumping into it with another is the "fix". You stand making yourself feel even lower after the adrenaline wears off, and you risk hurting her because i must warn you, many women once they have sex with a man it intensifies her feelings. She may even say sure lets have a casual fling, but that is only becuase she really likes you and she will also be getting her "fix" by getting closer to someone she would potentially like to date. I say don't do it. Clemanine Orange wrote: For those who said "no", is there some kind of moratorium on post breakup relationships? When you are in such emotional pain from a break up, I think it is an easy figure that you are not ready for someone else. The moratorium would be different for everyone, but this guy has CLEARLY said he is not over the ex and in a lot of turmoil. Lots of people have rebound sex, yes, and a lot of people get hurt by it. Maybe not even him (altho i think he'll likely feel a huge letdown later) but she could become more attached even if she says she won't. Some women have casual sex easy, but a woman who has a crush on a man is opening up a can of worms by having intimate relations with him. When he is ready to move away she is likely to flip out on him. That happens as often as people have rebound sex. Link to comment
Mun Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 Hey it always feels good to know someone wants us huh? I bet you will feel really great if you sleep with her, I mean what an ego stroke!!! But when she realizes you were just using her to get over your pain ? how will you feel about yourself then? Get a pet, get a serious sport addiction (jogging, weight lifting) , or whatever gets you moving and not sitting around feeling sorry for yourself. Once you get that adrenaline going you will shift focus and may start to heal your heart too. No sense dragging someone down -or breaking someone's heart--my friend. Link to comment
dmtnah Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I agree, sleeping with this girl will possibly ruin her feelings, and you will probably not feel any better in the medium to long term. You already have proven better than a lot of people already by contemplating the decision and being strong by not acting so far. You will be fine. Link to comment
shes2smart Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 There is a woman that I just found out has a crush on me and I just removed myself from a devistating break up, is it wrong to sleep with this woman to rid the pain of my last relationship? I am so hurt and confused that I would be willing to do anything to dull the pain! All my buddy say the only way to help is to sleep with a new woman. But I am conflicted. I know this is a loaded question but anything to null the hurt I am willing to t](*,) ry!! Your friends may have good intentions, but they're a little....misguided. If she's got a crush on you, I'd hazard a guess she might be lookin' for more than a quick roll in the hay as an attempt to ease your pain. Now, I realize that there are folks out there who think it's perfectly ok to use other people for their own selfish reasons without regard to how those others may feel or how their actions may affect others. Dunno if you're one of 'em...but if you seriously think taking advantage of this woman's crush on you for your own purposes is "ok"...well, you probably are. Having sex with a new partner to dull the pain of a break-up is kinda like getting drunk to dull the pain of a break-up -- it might feel like it gives you some temporary relief, but the next morning chances are real good you're gonna wake up feelin' like crap. No matter if we're talking about emotional pain from a romantic relationship that's hit the skids or any other type of emotional pain...the longer you avoid it or try to numb it, the longer it'll stay with you. As I read somewhere a long time ago..."The only way out is through." Link to comment
BILLEON2005 Posted May 22, 2007 Author Share Posted May 22, 2007 How old are you? 30 I asked this question to help make a quality dec not to say that I was ever going to follow through! When a person has just had what they think is the end of the world happen to them, I guess I had all kinds of possible pain Alleviation techniques run through my mind! I have never been that kind of guy but this go around was very very devastating! Link to comment
JadedStar Posted May 22, 2007 Share Posted May 22, 2007 I don't think anyone here judges you, and like someone said the fact that you are ASKING this first on a forum like this shows some integrity. We all had to just honestly tell you what we thought about how it would turn out, and the overwhelming majority all seem to agree - it is a temporary fix that stands a big chance of really hurting a girl who has a crush and who might be a very nice lady. Link to comment
The Wheel Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 All my buddy say the only way to help is to sleep with a new woman. This is very common guy advice, actually. It should go without saying, but I'll throw down the qualifying statement anyway: using another human being, who may very well have feelings for you, is obviously wrong. However, there is something to be said for being intimate with someone after your ex. Depending on how long its been, it can break down one of the mental barriers you've constructed during the relationship (ie, intimacy with that person only). Of course, if you leap into it too soon it's only going to make things a mess for you. The danger here is that it sounds like she probably has something else in mind besides a helping of lust. In that case, doing what you're doing will likely end up hurting her. In all likelihood the last thing you need right now is to feel guilty for misleading someone. My advice would be to get a grip on what she actually seems to want from you. From there you just have to do what you think is best. Link to comment
curbie Posted May 23, 2007 Share Posted May 23, 2007 Yes this is wrong. It's called R-E-B-O-U-N-D R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P They DO NOT WORK! Either you or the other person or both get hurt. I would take the time to start NC and just move on. Link to comment
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