digit

my dad died 6 yrs now and i am having counciling because i cant stop crying about good times and bad, or if anyone mentions him it hurts. because of other things in your life you dont have time to grieve, i didnt.now i am it feels its only just happened and its hard, i am angryand i feel selfish, but its all part of it [feelings, emotions].

the counciling is very hard, going through how my dad died is hurting so much, its like it only happened yesterday.they say it gets worse before it gets better.how worse can it get.

hi rainman, i feel i can understand you lots of my thoughts are like you, is there anything here does anyone really understand,i have lots of pain in my life i have two kids 12 13 my 13 yr old is very depressed had lots of hurt in his life,he told me he got tablets out and sat down with them,it really hurt me especially as i have done the same, i am still very depressed but with another thing to think about, we have lots of counciling, take meds, sometime it works sometime it doesnt.if you understood what we have been through it would make it easier for you to see why. when my dad died i wanted to be with him, when my son wanted to i realised i am needed. he must need me he told me, i couldnt bear the thought of him not being here i feel that would push me over the edge.we are trying to work things out, i think its just picking one thing out of your head at a time and deal with that first, mine at the moment is my son i wont leave him alone not yet but maybe in time.

thanks for your replys, i have started counciling, not sure what i do, i have other problems such as domestic violence[in the past] depression lots, and my kids walk all over me, i just feel i have failed in so many ways.

thanks avman, when i get a bit stronger i will be able to talk to the kids about there grandad because he meant the the world to me. my son had a special bond with him he crys quite often about him, i think we just want the hurt to go away or a least be easier. i am really glad i found this forum i feel everyone is understanding me. jane thanks again.

thankyou mahlina, you have given me somethings to think about i have never looked at it the way you are saying.i just felt when i had the car crashes i just wished that they would let me be with my dad and gran,but god never wanted this. he wanted me to be with my kids. i have and still have suicidal thoughts because i feel i am worthless to the kids.they tell me they would rather have me ill than not at all, kids 12 and 13. i know how i am feeling about my dad no one knows how my kids would feel about me. i am struggling with life but trying to be strong. jane,

thankyou for welcoming me to the board, i am struggling quite hard, i had two car crashes two weeks apart which as caused anxiety, panic and depession. it has brought lots of memories of my dad and gran,they were so important in my life but i do try to think of the good times but i cant the bad takes over. i cant look at photos of them it hurts too much.somebody said i should and talk lots about them,but i find myself missing them more.i think i dont no where to start. jane.

hi i am new to the forum,my name is digit,i am 36 and struggling really hard with my dad dying,he was my world.he was53 when he died of heart failure i was devastated.i was with him when he died, i am angry with him for leaving me.i cant get passed seeing him in his coffin,i wanted him to see my kids grow up. i am getting bereavement councilling. just recently my gran died my head is so messed up i feel everyone close to me leaves me.anyone know how i am feeling and how do you cope. digit