May85

Sorry for being a bit off-topic, but what's the "no contact rule"?

Thank you for your help! It's just sad that i'm always so knowledgeable when it comes to advising another, but when it comes to myself, i know NOTHING. How are things on your side of the fence?? Great, i hope! Keep in touch May85

So do you think it's ok if i continue to date him and see how it goes before i decide to just be friends with him?? To see if he'll wait, if i feel comfortable enough with him etc? He's actually going to sign up for a class i'm in so we could see each other more often since he works all the time. Do you think it's ok to continue to see where it goes?

We've only been dating for three months, so marriage isn't really an option at this point. Neither is sex. So he's going to have to wait it out. If he can't deal with waiting then that's his problem, but i really can't bring myself to think badly of him and i don't know why. Usually i'm very level-headed and aware of negative people, but i've just lost all of my common sense. Does anyone think i'm making too much of a big deal about the sexual aspects of this? Am i being too much of a virgin?

Hi, For those of you who read and replied to my previous post, i got sucked in again. For those who don't know, here is my first post on the subject: link removed What happened was that i did what i said i was going to do and broke it off with him. It was SO horrible b/c i missed him but i knew i was going to get over it eventually. After a few weeks, i was out with my friends and i got the feeling that maybe i'm being too uptight about hooking up with him (not actual sex) and i noticed that i'm just so afraid of everything and i'm tired of being that way. I AM ready to do so, but the only thing is that i want him to know that i want a committed relationship first. I just don't want to get hurt. When we talked, he said that he doesn't want to force the issue and that i can do whatever i feel comfortable doing. He also said that he continued to talk to me after i told him in the beginning that i wanted to take things slowly b/c he really likes me, whereas some other guys his age would have taken off and left at the first sign hesitation. This makes me believe that he's serious about me. I'm also stuck b/c of society. Many people feel that it's ok to hook up or have sex with someone after X amount of dates, or a month, etc. This is definitely not me, but we've been together almost three months now and maybe i am being difficult. I just don't know how to feel b/c i still have the fear that he only wants sex b/c i'm paranoid. I hear about that a lot and i don't want to be one of those people who gets left behind after they open their heart. This would probably help me decide: is there anything i can look for in terms of behavior or attitude on his part that would help me tell if he's only after one thing? And also the opposite, is there anything that he would do or say that would let me know he's serious?? I just don't know what to look for, i'm stuck in the middle. Please help Thanks May85

I've read all of your comments and i'm really grateful that you've all replied. Thanks to all of your support, i've realized that i really don't deserve to be treated like garbage. No one deserves that. After reading and re-reading all of your replies, i decided that i'm going to end things with him. I sent him a message stating that i've thought a lot about our situation and i feel that he doesn't, nor will he ever, care about me and that i don't deserve to be treated that way. I then proceeded to tell him that i don't think we should talk anymore. Every time i was mad at him before, all he would have to do is say one thing and i'd fall back in, swearing that it'll be different this time. But thanks to all of you, you've made me see that he's manipulating me and that he'll never change. I feel good about it this time. I know he won't change and regardless of what he says, i have no intention of going back. Again, i thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel a lot better now and i couldn't have done it without you. I just hope now that i'll meet someone who will respect and appreciate me. Thanks again

I've asked him why he ignores me and he says that that is the way he is used to dealing with things, which is rediculous. My mom knows that i'm with him but doesn't really know much else and i haven't told my dad anything b/c he's really strict and i don't want to deal with that right now. My parents aren't the supportive type when it comes to me and dating. I'm their only girl so they'd rather lock me up than see me with a guy and they've never been the type to openly discuss these things with me. That really is a disservice for me b/c i really would appreciate them offering advice and trusting me to do the right thing. My boyfriend basically takes me for granted. He thinks i'll always be around and put up with all of his mistreatment. The only way i get him to care is if i'm mad at him. I know eventually something will put me over the edge and i'll give him up...but as for the present, i just don't know what to do and how to get through to him...

How do i do that? What can i do??

Hi, I've been with my boyfriend for two months now and i'm really having a hard time. He does things like ignore my text messages and doesn't call me for days at a time. When he finally decides to talk to me he pretends everything is fine. When i ask him why he ignores me he denies that he does and says that he's just been busy. I generally don't believe that excuse because when we first started dating he called me twice a day and sent me messages every chance that he had. He recently did something really hurtful that caused me to stop talking to him for a while (he was supposed to meet me somewhere and didn't show up or return my calls). He started trying to talk to me again and pretended that he did nothing wrong. Only after i told him that he didn't seem at all sorry about what he did, he apologized and called himself a jerk. He says that he didn't know i was already there (and he didn't) and that he thought i was still home and apologized for not calling. Now that he finally got me to talk to him again, he started ignoring me again. It hurts me when he does that b/c i don't know what he's doing and who he's with and it really makes me feel that he doesn't care about me. I think things started to go downhill after we discussed what we both want from each other. I'm 18, a virgin, and he is my first boyfriend. I explained that my parents were strict when i was younger and that's why i'm relatively new at relationships. I explained that i don't hook up with random people and that anything remotely intimate that may take place between us will only take place in a relationship (and when enough time has passed for me to be able to fully trust and know him). He's 25, has been with other women, and says that it's hard for him to have a relationship with someone who isn't willing to do what is normally done with your boy/girlfriend, which basically means everything sexual besides actual sex. Being intimate with him (excluding sex) wouldn't be a problem for me if i was 100% sure that he cares about me but it's hard to feel loved when you're being ignored and are feeling rushed. I just have a feeling that if i comply, he'll get what he wants and leave me afterwards and that's why i refuse to do anything with him. So basically the bad treatment came after he realized that i'm not easy and that i respect myself. He isn't ALWAYS a mean guy and we have our good moments too. I know that every single person will say that i should just leave him, and i know i should, but i can't bring myself to do it b/c i've gotten so attatched to him and i really do care for him. And it's also not b/c i'm afraid to be alone b/c i actually went on a date with another guy to see if i could find someone better. It turns out that this other guy is really nice and likes me, but i decided i didn't want to pursue him b/c i still want to be with my boyfriend (which really really makes me mad at myself). I guess i just feel that things will get better with time and that he'll eventually respect me again. I KNOW this is wrong and stupid...but why do i care so much about and want to be with someone who makes me feel so bad? Maybe i'm naive, but I truly don't want to end it with him b/c i believe that things should and can be worked out. What can i say to him to make him understand that what he does hurts me??? How can i get through to him?? Please help me. Thank you

Hey, I met this guy at a nightclub a month ago (I'm 18 and he's 25). He asked me for my number and against my nature i gave it to him. He called me and we ended up talking to each other everyday, usually twice a day, for the first three weeks. We went out one night and i experienced the feeling that i had when i first met him: he only wants sex. His eyes wandered to various parts of my anatomy a few times (which is nothing b/c men are only human) and i could swear he tried looking down my shirt, but i'm not 100% sure. At the end of the night i was expecting to kiss him so it wasn't shocking when we did. I did, however, pull away when he stuck his tongue down my throat b/c (...drumroll...) that was my first kiss and i hadn't really prepared myself for that. I know you probably think that i'm lying when i tell you that i had my first kiss and relationship at 18, but my parents are really REALLY strict with me and no matter how many times i was asked out, i always said no until now. I basically know nothing about how dating works (how long to wait in a relationship before sex, what's appropriate/inappropriate at certain points in the relationship etc.) b/c i was always kept away from these things. My problems and questions derive from the following: The second time we went out, it ended badly. We met near where i work b/c it was late and we didn't have a lot of time to spend together. He got into my car and automatically sticks his tongue in my mouth. I told him to wait so i could wipe the lip gloss off of my lips b/c i didn't want it to get all over his face and he mistook that as me not wanting to kiss him. Anyway, he kept going with the tongue and it really turned me off (call me old fashioned, but i really find it unnecessary to use porno tongue every single time you kiss someone) so i told him that he needs to chill with the tongue action and he got offended. I explained that i'm inexperienced and that i want to take things slow and that he needs to respect that. We said goodnight, he left, and then the phone calls stopped. He started ignoring me and proceeded to do so for a week. Just when i think it's over, i get a call from him this morning. He was basically acting like nothing happened and said that he hadn't been able to call b/c he was working (which is a lie, b/c he called me from work all the time before this incident). The thing that bothers me is that he NEVER apologizes for anything and hasn't apologized for ignoring me. He also insinuates that this whole thing is my fault. I just have this constant fear that he's trying to gain my trust so that he can get sex and i really need to know from ANYONE if there are things i can look for to determine whether he's using me or not. I like him but i want to know if he's serious before i allow myself to be intimate with him. PLEASE HELP...AND I'M SO REDICULOUSLY SORRY THAT THIS IS SO LONG. Thank you