Gaz

I know what your goin through man, I broke up with my gf after 4 years and it nearly finished me off, but nothing is worth killing yourself over and there is always hope. Life has many surprises for us, its how we deal with them that counts.

Your relationship sounds a lot like mine was with my ex before we broke up.We let all the little things get to us before we could do anything about it. My advice is to treat her as best you can and try to keep both your stress levels down. Be honest with her and patient and really try to find out what she wants out of the relationship and if anything can be done to improve it (maybe she needs a break from things, a holiday maybe). After a while you do get a bit complacent with each other and this is when bad things start happening. Dont let it. Thats just my opinion.

Thanks for the advice. Im going to do just like you both said and not contact her, I just hope she understands one day. And I do need to concentrate on myself more I think. Thanks guys.

My girlfriend of 4 years who I loved more than anything left me in June this year, because I had moodswings which I couldnt control (never violent or abusive though). Im 22 and shes 24. She loved me and wanted to marry me etc and right before we split up we were really happy, she told me she would love me forever. I dont know why but she hates me now even thought I explained I couldnt help it and would never hurt her deliberately. She wont contact me at all except to say how bad I was and to leave her alone and never replies to anything I send her. I know what I did and got help for it but I never ever meant to hurt her but she thinks differently. We had such a great releationship and I believe were meant to be together but because of me now shes gone. I cant get over her and its not getting any easier. I only want to explain to her that Im sorry and that Im better now but I get nothing from her so I told her that Im just going to leave her alone now and not contact her but that I still love her and Im always here for her. Im going crazy because I love her so much but I know she is still very angry. She said she was scared of me when I was moody. Will she ever get over this? What else can I do/not do? Im really better now but fear I have lost her forever. Any help would be appreciated otherwise I might just lose it. And this saying really is true: `You dont know what youve got til its gone`

I was with my gf for 4 years, we were very happy together and I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her but I made some mistakes which she saw as serious but I didnt and we split up in June this year. I tried everything to get her back, flowers, letters, emails but it just made her more angry. Now ive just said I love you and Im giving you space and I wont contact her again. I think thats the best for me. I would say just let her know your thinking about her but dont overdo it otherwise you might push her away further. Im still upset and angry now but it does get easier. If she really loves you she`ll come back. Good luck.

I forgot to say I really hope things work out for you too. We support each other! Thanks

Thankyou so much Bamber. You give me hope thankyou.

Hi, my name is Gareth, im having a big problem with my girlfriend at the moment which I would really appreciate if you could help me out with. Actually I typed a LONG letter in this box explaining everything then hit escape and lost most of it. Damn. So ill explain my problem a bit shorter this time. Making this as short as possible, I am 22 she is 24, I met her four years ago and I love her to bits, she is my soulmate I believe, and she definitely feels exactly the same about me. But in the four years she used to get ill alot, I would work long hours and she would do her uni work, not giving us much time together. At first it was great between us but then it went downhill slowly. I would get moody alot and she would resent me for this and she would get ill and I would resent her for that and it went on and on. I used to be deliberately nasty to her and uncaring, gave her the silent treatment often and even pretended to leave her just to hurt her.I would also be off over the phone sometimes when she called or sent hurtful text messages if I was in a `mood` BUT after being moody or whatever I would snap out of it and be loving and apologetic. I knew I had a problem and I thought I could control it. I believe it was because I used to work long hours as a porter in a hot kitchen which was always run badly, low staffed and long hours. I used to hate the place and I used to leave work angry, stressed and tired. Then I would have to drive over to her to pick her up take her usually back to my place which used to stress me out (damn drivers!) When I used to pick her up straight from work I would be annoyed (stressed) badly and take it out on her (NEVER VIOLENCE EVER) just usually going quiet or being `off` with her. I sometimes was initially happy to see her then on noticing her being `off` with me I would then get angry and be `off` with her worse. But then I would snap out of it. Sometimes she would do or say something to annoy me and I would just switch over being nice to being angry and distant and then again later on snap out of it. She would begin to resent me more and more for this. Everytime I was moody I would feel a lot of pressure in my head, I believe this was stress which at 22 I never thought I would be subject to. So their was that on top of her being ill all the time. I would not see her when she was ill very often and just slipped into a rut of not being there for her and generally being offish, even though she ment everything to me and I to her. Dont get me wrong we loved each other like crazy, but only when I was happy and rested and her not ill or tired. Do you see? It was a two sided relationship, beautiful and loving on oneside and dark and resentful on the other. In this last year of us being together I have done the stupidest things in my life which I regret more than anything..... - I never went to see her when she was ill - I didnt see her on her birthday - i didnt see her enough - I would shoosh her or tell her off - I would get stressed and take it out on her - On our days off I would not want to do much - Feeling tired all the time and not wanting to do anything with her - On a bike ride together I told her to hurry up all the time and raced on ahead of her making her cry ( felt head pressure then) Do you see that most of the things I do are stress related and I firmly believe its because of my long hours working, my driving and genetic disspostion to be moody (its in the family). But sometimes I would just switch from being nice to nasty by her saying something slightly negative. But I would always feel strong pressure in my head, sometimes before her even setting me off. Sometimes I could ride it out by being silent or sometimes I would just get angry. Anyway the final straw was last Friday. We were at my house alone together and we were fine and loving to each other all evening. I picked her up from work no probs and we had a meal. But I had to write something out on the computer ( a time sheet) and I asked for her help because I couldnt draw a line, when she said `i cant do that` I said `well after 3 years at uni youd think you could draw a line, good luck in a job` OH MY GOD WHY DID I SAY THAT to this day ill never know but I switched over into moodyness and argued for 20 minutes with her. she tried to sort it out but I would not listen, she tried to hug me but I pushed her away it was ALL MY FAULT i was completely mad and unreasonable, she got her coat and called a taxi, i said `good!` and she said `im going now`, looked at me longingly upset and that was the last time I saw her to this day (im crying now as im typing this). THIS IS THE BIGGEST MISTAKE I HAVE EVER MADE IN MY LIFE AND I CANT EXPLAIN IT. I had to work the following two days and she became ill again, I phoned her to say sorry but she was very off with me. Then on Monday it was both our days off (supposed to pick her up to go out together in the morning) but I could not face her so I rang her up and said I was busy early and didnt say i love you and hung up(we always say it to each other ALWAYS). WHY DID I DO THIS I HATE MYSELF. I then tried ringing her all day she would not answer till tuesday morning and she said to me the most hurtful things ive ever heard including the moodyness, the bike ride, me not seeing her on her birthday, ME NOT BEING THERE FOR HER, and every little thing ive ever done wrong by her in detail but the thing that hurt me most was she said that she was SCARED of me.She shouted and shouted this and i was distraught, there was nothing I could do she said IT WAS OVER, she kept saying it over and over. At first I was shocked and angry but then I slowly realised it was all true. I admit that everything she said that day over the phone (for an hour) was TRUE. And it all stems back to my inability to control my anger or feelings. I HATE MYSELF FOR WHAT I HAVE DONE TO HER AND I FEAR THAT I HAVE LOST HER FOREVER. She is the only person I ever want to be with and I cant live without her, she is my best friend. I can barely type now crying for remembering her face that night I last saw her. Now she wont talk to me call me or even see me when I come over she just ignores me and I dont blame her because now I realise what a bastard I had become. I would like to say to everybody that you dont know what youve got till its gone and ive realised many things about myself which i hate. She is the most precious thing to me and I know that she loved me the same but she couldnt put up with me. I AM LOST WITHOUT HER I FEEL SICK EVERYDAY MISSING HER AND THINKING ABOUT ALL THE THINGS I DID WRONG, WHY DID I NEVER SEE HER WHEN SHE WAS ILL GOD HELP ME. It has only been a few days but I fear this is the end i dont know what to do can someone please help me. I have since been learning stress and anger management bit by bit off the net and trying to understand. I do less hours now and I try to relax after work. I gave up my car and I cycle to work everyday and I WILL CHANGE NOT JUST FOR HER BUT FOR MYSELF.I have sold most of the expensive bits off my computer and will sell all the other crap which i wasted my money on over the years to save for our own place if we get back together. I feel 200% better already and I no longer feel pressured because I can control My head is clear and im thinking straight, but I think its too little too late for us. I know in my heart I am a good person and have funily enough never been angry with anyone else (maybe because shes so close to me) I always try my best and I love life with a passion, i love walking and cycling and music and always enjoy being with people, life is great but WITHOUT HER LIFE MEANS NOTHING TO ME. Our life together when we were happy was the best you can ever hope for. Can someone please help me in any way possible I would be very grateful. Please dont think bad of me I just never dealt with my problem early enough I know this now. I have never been more determined in my life to make things right its the only thing that keeps me going. Gareth PS I sent her a letter explaining all this I hope that was not a mistake.