Gammy

Hi there; your story touches my heart; because I have been in your shoes! Remember this; "WE teach others how to treat us"; by you taking his abuse, makes him stronger. Also; "No one can do anything to US; that WE do not ALLOW; them to do". I was married to an abusive man (mental; phycial and verbal) for 11 years; and I stayed because of my Son! That is a poor excuse...my son would have been better off; without him. Once I got the courage to leave; it was so easy....all you need is the courage to know...enough is enough. If he Loved you; and was a good guy; at heart...he would not be calling you names. When we are in these kind of situations; we think we are the only ones in the world; to put up with this...but believe me; you are not! Get out....run; for yourself; and you Son! You said you believed he learned this behavior from his Father.....do you want you Son to learn the same behavior? I believe; down deep in your heart; the answer is NO! I will be thinking of you; I am sure you have lots of support; from your family....use it! You are young; and you WILL find someone to Love you and your Son; and treat you the way you should be treated. Just remember: We teach others; how to treat us!

May God bless you and keep you! I just found this sight yesterday; and it was a big help to me. When we think we have problems; we often find someone who is worse off than we are. Your letter really touched my heart; and you will be in my prayers. I lost my Mother; when I wa 13 years old; I am now 58; and I still miss her just as much....but I look for things to remind me of her..her smell...her laugh...the way she sat in the rocking chair and knitted....you will always remember your Mother...now it is painful; but, believe me; it will get better, and you will ENJOY the memories. I agree; with everyone else; you need to seek out a Church; and put your faith in God....HE WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU....God is just waiting for you to ASK Him for help. You are going thru one of the worst times in your life; but you WILL come out on the other side; and you WILL be whole...Just believe that. This Christmas; celebreate your Mothers life, not her death....on the other side of negative; there is always; the positive. On a last note; don't be ashamed from where you came...you are here....you have arrived...wrapp yourself up in the Love of your boyfriend; sounds like he is a winner. Your Mother would want you to build a life for yourself; one brick at a time....and that is what you have to do. If you fell you need to go back home; by all means, GO...and remember all the GOOD TIMES you have had with your Mother....look at it; as a positive experience..not one to dread. I will be thinking of you and praying for you.....MAY GOD BLESS YOU!!

The only thing I can say; you ALWAYS have to be the parent; and not try to be your childs best friend. I had an experience with my daughter; when she was 13....I knew nothing about drugs; I thought the problem was BOYS....I was wrong; it was drugs. My daughter is almost 38 now; and the problem is now MEN...but, now I CANNOT voice my opinion; just have to be supportive...wheather I like it or not! Parenting does not come with a hand book; it is trial and error; all the way...hardest job in the world! We all make mistakes at parenting; but. "When you know better; you do better"; have you ever heard that one? I have a felling you watch Oprah too. Good luck; this is one road you HAVE to go down...won't be easy; it will be bumpie; but you will do fine....God bless you

My daughter is a book smart girl; she is a register nurse; but she does not have common sense. I also worry about my 2 grand daughters..she is dragging them (again) down a road; and they have to follow. I WILL be here; if she falls; and down deep, I know that she KNOWS that; but it still breaks my heart. I just wanted to talk to someone who did not know me or her or our family...and outsider..so to speak...thank you for your kindness.

For a young lady; you are quite wise. Thank you for your post...I have said all that to my daughter; but she still will not talk to me...taking her anger out on me; I will always be here for her; and I have told her that...I just miss her so; and do not want to see her make another mistake...but you are right; she is an adult; and I made my own mistakes; she will have to make hers....I just want the best for her; because she deserves it.

Thank you for your reply; and you are exactly right...my daughter has been married 2 times; both BAD! Our whole family has been there for her; and now she is TAKING this from the new bf; (and she thinks it's funny!) I worry so about her.

Thanks for the kind words! As aMother; this thing is tearing my heart out; but you are right; I know there is nothing I can do...she is a adult and this is her choice. But the family has been with her thru; these kinds of men before; and I worry so about her.

My daughter will be 38 years old; next month; and she is just recently, divorced; from an abusive husband. We had a family gathering in my home on 9/16/06; she brought her new boyfriend; whom she met over July 4th weekend. My daughter has 2 girls; ages 13 and 5. Our whole family was here; everyone was in the parting mood; and there was drinks! My son; who is 34 years old; and the boyfriend were in the kitchen; my daughter was in the livingroom...everyone else was outside...the boyfriend made a very sexually degrading comment; to my son; about his sister; and my son said; "my sister would not do that", and he opened the kitchen door; 2 differenet times; looking for his sister. Finally the boyfriend saw my daughter sitting in the livingroom; and said; "there she is, ask her"; and my son ASK her; and she laughed; and agreed. My son was; not only upset that the boyfriend disrespected his sister; but was upset for the fact; the boyfriend had the nerve to say what he did; to her brother....so he SMACKED him; in the face...about that time; I came into the house; not knowing what was going on; but break up the fight. My daughter took the boyfriend and left...of couse; after my son told me(and the whole family) what was said; everyone was upset. About 2 hous later; I called my daughter; to see if she was ok; and to my surprise; the boyfriend was still there. The next day; I called my daughter; repeatedly, to hear her version of the story....when she finally answered the phone; she told me what happened...the same story my son told me....she said it was a joke between the two of them; and their friends...if it is a JOKE; someone for got to tell the joke; just told the punchline! My daughter has made tragic mistakes; with men, in the past; and I think this is another one...but she says SHE LOVES THIS MAN! HE WAS VERY DISRESPECTFUL to her...and this is not the first time..in just 3 months. Now my daughter will not speak to me; we did talk by e-mail; and I made the mistake of trying to tell her how disrespectful he was of her; and a man that would say such degrading things; can't love her; and that I am very worried about her; and the 2 grandchildren. She said some very mean things to me; and will not talk to her brother; and now she will not answer my phone calls or anything...she lives less than a mile from me. I wanted to go to her house; and talk to her; but I don't think I could take it; if she shut the door in my face or cussed me out....so I have called and e-mailed her; and begged for us to talk this thing out....but ....nothing. I understand her being angrey with brother; but it is thou she wants me to choose between my children....and I can not do that; no Mother could....she even gives the impression; that I owe the boyfriend; an apology. I could apologize to him....I am sorry; all this happened in my home. I do not understand all this; and I need some impartial party; to help me to HEAL this relationship.