JJRadical

The cure for boredom...is interest...

Easy for you to say Nicorrette your dating the Canadian Shaquile O'Neal...

If they ask you to do all sorts of favors for them AND YOU DO THEM.

IF you tell them you are going to call later AND YOU CALL.

If they ramble on in some conversation you hate AND YOU LISTEN.

I'm bald...I went from hating it, to dealing with it, to shaving it, to loving it...self acceptance takes time and he's luck to have a girl to give him a boost thru it....

Listen let me give you the real deal on being short from a guy...

...guys are VERY SENSITIVE about their height...once you go below 5'9/5'8...it gets bad...go look on link removed and almost all the females put the minimum height at 5'10...why do you think its short guys who get into fights at bars all the time...every here of somebody named Napoleon thus the "Napoleon Complex?"...he had to conquer the world to make up for being short...5'6 is nearing this intensity...for him commenting on his height would be almost as bad as commenting on a girls weight...

They are communicating with you in a more powerful way than words ever could...it means your in...don't try to sit next to them...stay where you are...your not moving your chair for some girl...now...girls don't mind alittle nervousness cause it shows your honest and normal and not an evil pimp...now after class go up to them and say "Hi...can you believe Mrs.Smith wore those combat boots to class"...it doesn't even matter what you say...trust me...just start building a bridge and be yourself and everything will be fine...

Its definitly a form of anxiety...the fact that you RECOGNIZED that your view is distorted is a powerful first step...so many go through life letting worry beat the * * * * out of them.. combating anxiety/worry can be done in a variety of ways...

-start challenging these thoughts that pop into your head...ask yourself "what do i know besides my fear?"

-a counselor or therapist could help as many times anxiety is depressions younger brother

-start working on the physcial end of the spectrum...do you work-out...hard not to be in the moment when training

-meditation, focusing on your goals etc...

Worry is about a warped sense of control. You can control nothing in this world...all you can do is give...so let go...

I get up around 11

get on the bus around 9

I don't worry about nothing

cause worry is a waste of my time

-Mr. Brownstone, Guns N Roses

Long distance relationships 9 times out of 10 ( i can't source this statistic,its a guesstimate) come to an end on that fateful first visit. Environments change people...

Don't panic. Slow your communication with her...let some time start to fill between emails, shorten their length, and keep it light and relaxed...respond to her emails about her currrent boyfriend with passive indifference...mention how Starbucks gave you a grande when you asked for a large...give her space so when he starts getting all possessive she'll be thinking about what a great secure guy you are...if she mentions her boyfriend not only are you not threatened or jealous but you are amused...persistance is your enemy and vulgar...absense is your friend and confident...

...6 hour drive?!...if you plan on continuing this you'd better hope biofuels get here sooner...and don't use this as an excuse to not reach out and be social at your school...the more your occupied the less likely are you to give in to freaking out and calling her...

Okay ouch, but I guess it's what I assumed. But then what's up with that - why can't he just come out and say I don't think we're compatible?! I would be totally cool with that - but this "not ready" business inevitably makes me think, oh maybe I should wait it out for such time as when he will be ready.

 

And I only say this because he's the one that sent all the signals - I was catching up to his level of interest and of course, once I got there, I got hit with the "not ready". To be fair, in my case, it was further complicated by long distance.

 

Anyway, thanks again for the input. Always helpful.

 

Sprocket

Maybe he got scared...you'd be shocked at how many guys get near the finish line and don't run that last mile...if he's inexperienced with relationships this could be it...now that he has to put his * * * on the line he's getting scared...

You were in a tough spot with no date...tough call...i would say don't push...but be humble...no more dating guys thru her though...find your own scene...this sounds like that Gwen Stefani song...very sad...i hope it works out for you...but it may be time to step up and be your own person and not be anybody's sidekick.

What a clueless fool...see a lawyer...they won't even go to court...they'll settle.

Yea...if he is basically an honest person i'd believe him...guys are like that...I've gone through times in my life where i've passed on dates not because i didn't think the girl had potential but because i wasn't ready. "Wasn't ready" could mean he's enjoying his alone time, he's focused on a career or goal, doesn't feel like cleaning the dishes out of his sink that have been in there for 2 months, gained 30lbs over the winter...don't interput it as something negative on you...although your "I met a truly great potential life partner" attitude may have rubbed off on him and he ran for the hills sensing commitment (yikes!).

The best way is to expand your social circle. Join a bird watching group, a band, Young Communists for Bush, whatever...don't worry about girls just expand your circle and if you make friends they'll have friends who have friends that are female...

The simplicity of your question shows you don't know what your in for...dating is like a martial art...you can't just go train one day and expect to be a black belt...you have to work at it, put yourself out there, and learn new skills...now start working-out and get out there...

Mr.Obvious says dump her...

I didn't mean to give you harsh advice in your other thread, seeing how you and hoplessxnow are the same person, but you sound alot less crazy here and sound like you are beginning to be responsible for some of your actions...don't feel guilty...every guy goes through what you went thru at some point...this is a great lesson to have learned...now leave that girl alone and move on...

Girls want nice guys but they want nice guys w/an edge...someone who has alittle excitement to them...

...the fact that you have never hit anyone in your life is a bad thing...how you going to protect your girl if you have too...I'm not saying being violent is cool but you sound like a wuss...

...no girl wants you for casual sex, don't lie...

...don't be angry at stunning girls, being a victim isn't going to help matters...

...bottom line...you are boring...when you get some style...that doesn't mean be a bad boy...then maybe girls will pay some attention to you...

Why are you trying to change him...his watching porn makes you feel insecure...why is that his problem?...the silent treatment is a powerful weapon...not to be used lightly...but what?...17?...its hard to take you seriously living with your bf at such a young age...but i gave it a shot kid...just know that to get to point "D" in life from point "A" you might want to go through points "B" and "C"...

There are no "rules" shake. Each one of your questions must take into account the people involved and under what context/situation the action is taking place.

The only one I would answer and with somewhat of a concrete idea is #4...i think the guy should make the first move but in reality the girl has sort of "invited" him to do through various means...

Analyzing the # of X's to determine how much she's into you?

As far as i know X=hug. When you get an "O" you might have something there.

If she was into you you'd know it by now.

Pleading and crying..."she" was harsh to you...you poor victim...doesn't she know that she is your possession for life...

NC is a way of building your self-esteem...not manipulating someone who isn't that into you...she probably likes you as a friend...but there is no * * * *ing way she respects you...respect is what gets the girl my friend...now

quit with the drama and make a life for yourself...

How can you forget an intense one year relationship that was heading for engagement?

Painfully, one day at a time thats how...

...I don't know whats worse...your post where you inexplicably capitalize the beginning of every word or you inability to get it through your head that its over...

...she owes you nothing...this is your chance...to grow up...every time you play yourself your esteem goes down another level into the abyss...NC...for good...

Allow me to answer your questions one at a time just to clarify;

1)You can't "get her back."

2)She doesn't love you.

3)Whether this new guy is a rebound or not its none of your business anymore.

Now before you start stalking her i strongly suggest you check yourself...before you wreck yourself...

When "it" is there, you will know. If you have to question if it's there or not, it's probably not there.

+1

Talking to her everyday...hmmm...usually not a good sign...

...i like your use of the pronoun "it" however...you see "it" will be there...when you are "it"...you've made progress over the summer but your still relying on "strategizing"...if you had "it"...you wouldn't worry to much about her...getting girls isn't a plan or a strategy..."it's" a state of mind.

Not dependent...hmmmm...back-up boyfriends...crying when he's not around...thats kind of sweet actually but of course very intense...

...lying about your happiness levels to protect your boyfriend from what exactly? The truth...is that fair to him...to you?...how considerate...

...love is a freeing emotion...you should be free to be yourself...to have these emotions and him be ok with it...he should be free to know the truth and not have to worry about being manipulated...

...lets get back to the issue at hand...crying...look at this key phrase..."gets me when i'm sitting alone"...it really isn't his love you have to worry about losing its your self-love you have to gain...eventually he will leave you unless you resolve this issue...you can distract yourself with others or 'your own life'...but until you are waiting at that bus stop and are ok you will cling like a treefrog and he will leave you too...its like a self-fulfillinig prophecy...the more you stress, the more you cling, the faster he goes...

..the big question...self-love...start by being honest with yourself/accepting yourself...and honest with others...this doesn't mean self-disclose all your biz...but take a chance on honesty and you'll find that to be a very strong esteem builder...you seem to have a interesting personality...make it work for you...

Your post has alot of extremes in them and intensity...you are suffering...you view the world as hostile to you and paint the issues that surround you as black and white...instead of viewing your problems in isolation you stack them one on top of each other so they appear insurmountable which is a distorted view...

...before i continue my rant i'd first like to say i hope you are getting some kind of professional help...i see a therapist...its no big deal...for you the sooner the better...

...your emotions are strong. That same energy that is destroying you can be used to empower you. Anger is a good thing. Its what gives people in inferior positiions the energy/ability to overcome their circumstances...

...it is time for a re-orienting MiShell. Accidents happen to good people...other people can suck...all you can do is give in this world...it owes you nothing... empty your cup...begin the journey of self exploration...despair afflicts us all...some quietly...others not so quiet...you cannot control anything in this world...all you can do is give...who are you MiShell...what will you give...

Andre the Giant was never hairy...wreslters wax because wrestlilng is well...*insert politically incorrect word here that rhymes with 'hay'*

Listen BeyondtheSea...people here mentioned alot of good TECHNIQUES for dealing with stress and its probably goes to the way you phrased the thread and how you asked for help...and TECHNIQUES are all good but you need to get at the root here...

...you mention a former abusive boyfriend...you mention anxiety, stomach issues, and your body simply shutting down, exhaustion...here is my diagnosis and just remember i may not be a doctor but i am a street-dealer of self esteem...

...you are suffering from a form of Post-Traumatic-Stress-Disorder (PTSD). You don't have to see your friend die in Iraq to be afflicted...as a matter of fact abusive relationships are the # 1 cause of this...you have suffered a psychological wound as if you had been metaphorically stabbed and until you get TREATMENT not only will your symptoms not get better but they will get worse and lead to a whole wide range problems including depression, alchoholism/drug abuse, isolation..etc...etc...You cannot relax because your body is in a state of HYPERVIGILANCE...a learned/normal response to your abnormal stress...

...treatment for this condition is possible and usually successful but it can take alittle time...

1)You need to seek a professional evaluation and start going to a therapist to focus on your condition routinely.

2)You should seek out a support group of other women who have had similiar experiences and need to go to this support group on a consistent basis.

3)You mention "in-laws" so i'm assuming your married. Ironically the family of PTSD victims are usually the least supportive and it comes from a lack of understanding usually.. communication with your husband is very important...the fact that you are married makes me afraid to ask you how your relationship w/your husband is knowing you went in to this relationship with the PTSD...are you connected enough to him to the point where he'll understand and show patience...which leads me to my final point...

4) You need to start saying no to people and start putting yourself first. You need some "BeyondtheSea" time to do whatever it is ByS does to make herself feel whole and connected...and if i look at your signature quotes it seems to me that this is what you really want and need.