justme5

thanks for the good ideas bestrong. I'm a little leery of the blind trust. I'm going to have to look into both though, to see what the benefits are. In addition, not telling my father anything about it and changing the subject should prevent any further discussions on what charities I donate to and who's in my will. His position was that I shouldn't be "giving back" to the community because they never gave to me. In other words, he wants it all. Although I'm liable to die way after him. I had a good long talk with one of two friends of mine that I can still trust. Moving forward, there's no sharing information about it, especially with my father. I sure hope none of my immediate family is nuts enough to try anything stupid. But the woman that killed her husband for a boob job showed how stupid people get over a little money. There's this backwoodsy feeling of entitlement in some people. Most of my family doesn't know, fortunately. Especially since I have a greedy uncle who killed his wife over divorce/money.

Initially I only told my father and my best friend. I've never been specific about figures though. Over time I have told my closest friends, although I've asked them not to talk to people about it. Unfortunately, I've seen first hand that some will tell others that I don't even know in front of me. My father is one of the worst. He's asked about my will (I told him at this point I can't continue without one as there are a couple of family members I don't want in it), who's in it and how much they're getting. He's forceful about a lot of things. This is a man who never lifted a finger to help me on this journey. He's controlling because he believes (rightfully so) that he's the largest beneficiary because I'm divorced. This one will be the toughest to figure out. There's clearly resentment on both sides. I resent him for having to do this all on my own, he resents me for not giving him what he believes he's due. He figures he has a hand in all of this, presumably because he was my father. With everyone else, I'm going to experiment with "I appreciate that point of view" and changing subjects. Last week I used this (not about finances, he was coaching me on something else unsolicited) tactic and excused myself to go to the restroom. When I got back I went somewhere else but he still followed me. To give me some more advice. lol THe planets are just aligned in a funky pattern I guess. I guess I can be grateful that I don't have a boyfriend that will change on me and drive me nuts. The expression "money changes everything" isn't far off the mark. No matter how hard you try to stay the same.

Thanks for the advice. Yeah, at some point when I've had some time I'm probably going to have to make a list of the worst and just be done. It's hard though. I try to be humble and tolerant but it gets ridiculous. People would tell me where to invest, and tell me information (grossly inaccurate) about my company and initially I would smile and nod even though they didn't have the faintest clue about what they were talking about. I work in the investment world. Yet every guy with a 5,000 mutual fund is going to tell me how it's done. sigh. I guess for now I'll stay away for a while. Then take some of these people in small doses. So tough though. I wish I understood what changed almost over night. Me or them?

I've recently had a windfall that turned out to be greater than expected. Things are good, really good. I'm pretty conservative so I have reinvested it and still drive a ratty japanese car from 1994. I got to this success due to hard work and honestly, I'm pretty smart. I also got very very lucky. That being said, I've experienced something that is really bothering me lately in many of my relationships. Some of my family and many of my friends have become overbearing. Everyone with an opinion feels they can cross the boundaries and tell me what I "should" do with my money. They also posture a lot and compete about things they never used to. This has become so relentless that I've shut down and avoided most of them. Having laid back conversations about the weather is a thing of the past. Every conversation I have with many of these involves some sort of competition. I feel that these people are far from giving me credit for the success that I earned. By myself. Without any of their help. There are a couple of friends that have remained positive and the conversations are pleasant and rewarding, but they are the minority. I've come to the conclusion that I have an awful lot of negative people in my life, and some are looking for a hand out. My father went as far as to joke that if I died the first thing he'd do was buy himself a brand new car. He was fishing for me to buy him a car. I haven't even bought myself a new one, but he hints at the car. I know he's not that heartless, but money really does bring out the control freak in people. I feel better today because I've basically cut most of these people out for the past week, but I was headed for a melt down. Every time I talked to one of these people, it was just filled with negativity and control. These people aren't letting me live my life, so the only thing I know how to do is withdraw. I don't know what else to do. I can't cut then out forever. Some I think I have to because the negativity is just too much. I don't know where it's coming from, but it really is overwhelming. I could really use some serious advice on how to deal with these people before all of my relationships dry up due to something that was supposed to be the best thing that ever happened to me. thanks

In my experience, people don't change that much. If they have addictions or treat you poorly, they generally stay the same. Little things change. People mature to a certain degree. But I rarely see someone change their personality significantly. That being said, when a guy has been burned (i.e. a girl dumped him and moved on with someone else shortly or cheated on him and dumped him) he has more of a chance of changing. Whatever he did that he felt was the reason she dumped him will change for the next woman if he was really hurt and learned from it. It usually doesn't change for the woman that dumped him though. Otherwise, sadly I see a lot of immature guys that don't learn. They'll just keep finding a new girl to put up with bad behavior.

indespair, I strongly agree with starfall and scout. Starfall has the benefit of experience and seriously, when people behave this way it will happen again. Do you want it to be to you? Shady actions by shady people. Your boyfriend included.

thanks Teddy. And no, I have no intention of telling him to get my pound of flesh. Some people think the same thing when they find someone else. It's a natural response when you feel taken for granted. Money doesn't bring happiness. It would nice to have someone to share it with.

wow, it's amazing what people with very little information will surmise. Should I be as depressed as I have been for hte past month and feel like I don't know if I can open myself up to another person? Should I feel sorry that I came into a stroke of good luck? I appreciate the way that the two of you like to bring down someone when they ahve one moment of happiness. And out of ignorance no less. Bravo. I thought this was a support board. My bad.

You're so right mgirl. I have only told my father and my best friend. It's extremely tough to not just start singing about it. Even to the new guy Ryan. But if I had told him I couldn't date him so I kept my mouth shut.

tyler, I'm not going to even bother trying to explain how wrong you have the situation. I can't explain myself since I post under another id and it would be obvious. You look for too much negativity in other people's posts. It's like you see your ex in everyone. icemoto, I know money doesn't buy happiness. I had money already before this windfall. I haven't sacrificed anything. I believe I've known what was important for a long time. I was the only one who got it though.

I could use some old fashioned courting from a Brit.

Since I'm not planning on telling him, this is the only way I'd go back. I think everyone's had that fantasy when they've been dumped or taken for granted that if they won teh lotto everything would be dandy and the ex would lament. I won't lie, it does make me feel better about things. I do, however, still miss him and wish it could have worked out.

iam, thanks! I'm working on it. I've had 5 different guys interested since the break up and I'm not worried. I know, however, that it will be tough to find someone that I connect with and feel compatible with. the girl, I broke up with him because he said he didn't know if he could fully invest himself in the relationship since he doesn't know what he wants. I told him to go find what he's looking for since if it were me, it wouldn't be that tough to figure out.

I feel fortunate enough to be in the position I am today. Maybe it'll change tomorrow, but it's only likely to improve. Even though I ended it, my ex let me go as he didn't really know what he wanted and didn't want to put forth the effort to make me happy. Today, I found out that I'm a millionnaire. It's like winning the lotto and being able to say "up yours buddy." And he doesn't even know. He had some suspicions, but I didn't even know until today. I'm sure when the rush of adrenaline goes away I'll be disappointed that I have no one to share it with. But I'm grateful that I never told him because now I know what I really mean to him. And considering he's not gainfully employed, I'm extremely glad about that.