metal999

1. 5 Years 2. 2 1/2 Months 3. Needs to do her own thing for awhile and we didn't get to see each other as often as we would have liked 4. Me= 27, Her= 22

Well I wrote her an email basically saying if I was such a great guy and a great boyfriend to her, and that we got along so well together then what the hell was the problem. I ended it saying either you care about me and love me and want to be with me or we're done and to please never contact me again. I feel much better after sending the email as I feel I'm holding some of the cards now. We'll see what happens but I can say one thing, even if she decides to come back there's a good chance I'm not going to be there anymore.

You can read my past posts to see what I'm talking about here but I'll give everyone a brief overview. Well my girlfriend of 5 years broke up about 2 onths ago, she initiated the break up. Her reasons for leaving were that we didn't get to spend much time together and that I was always making her angry. Now not to say I don't do idiotic things every so often but I was a great boyfriend to her and I know I was and she even acknoledges that fact. But anything that she was angry at me for she would never tell me about it or let me know that she was angry, even when I would ask her if everything was going good and is there anything that she wants to talk about blah blah blah. Well we were still talking the whole time and all she kept saying was that she wants some space to do her own thing(she's 22, I'm 27) and that she got freaked out a little when we were supposed to get a place together. She says she doesn't want to end up like her parents and be divorced. I was ok with that and said that she can have all the time she needs because I love her and want nothing more then for her to be happy, I don't like it but I have to live with it. We talked pretty much the whole time we were broken up, and everything seemed to be good, at one point we had a really good talk and it seemed like we worked everything out and we were going to get back together. Well that went up in a big puff of smoke. Now the latest news... Last weekend I had plans to go out on my first date with another girl(nothing serious, just friends) but I decided to go out with my ex instead. Well we had drinks at her place and then went out to a bar for more, talked, laughed like we always have togther and really just had a good time together. After the bar a small group of us went back to her place and contiued to socialize and have fun until the wee hours of the morning. Her and I were the last two awake and I decided to crash on the pull out couch. She decides to put her two friends in her bed and crash on the pull out with me. I promptly went to sleep as much as I wanted to hold her I didn't. She wakes me up a few hours later and she's all horny, so we end up having sex and laying there talking for a bit, then we fell back asleep. Again she wakes me up and again we have sex, and once again we lay there talking and laughing as we always do. We talk for awhile and then have sex again, and again we lay there talking and laughing. We got up in the late afternoon and spent the day together just laying around watching T.V and talking. I leave in the early evening as she had to work and before I go she kisses me goodbye on the lips and tells me to call her. So I call her the next day and I go over for coffee and we continue to talk and then she tells me that she still wants to do her own things and that we're not getting back together. So now I sit here feeling like a piece of meat and wonder what the hell I should do. I'm lost, I miss her so much and for the one day that we spent together I felt like my old self again and was happy for the first time in 2 months. Any advice would greatly be appreciated Thanks for listening, I hope it's not too long of a story.

Well I spent the night talking with my ex last night and we ironed out many issues that led to our break up. Mainly not seeing each other very much due to both of us in school and working(we also live 45 mins apart). But we both realize that we want to be together and have decide to get back together after school is done and we have time to spend with each other. I am also moving to her city to get a place with her and I will commute back and forth, as I'm the one with the car lol. So all in all I'm very happy, it's the first day in 4 weeks that I've woke up in a good mood and happy for what the future holds for the two of us. Thanks for all your support, it really did help me make good choices on how to approach the whole situation.

It's been tow weels since my ex and I split and I feel like it's only getting worse, all I ever did was love her and try and build a future for the two of us. I'm having a real hard time with this NC thing I feel like I'm going through withdrawl for something. I mean all I think abou is her, I dream about her it's driving me nuts. Five years together and she just up and leaves. I can't seem to get my head around this whole thing, I'm usually a very strong person but I can't seem to control even the simplest of things. I feel as though I'm missing a part of myself. And it hurts so much. I haven't had anything to eat since we broke up and I'm starting to notice the difference in the mirror. This is driving me up the wall. I try to get out and the whole time I can't think of anything but her. I've tried to go out on a couple dates with a girl that I know is interested in me and I feel like I'm being unfair to her by thinking of my ex the whole time we're together. I just don't know where to turn, I haven't had to deal with anything like this before and it's killing me. I hate to sound like such a dramaqueen but man if this isn't the most difficult thing I've ever had to deal with. Thanks for listening everyone, I really need to vent.

Thanks man...I guess I'm not thinking clearly with everything that is going on. Your right it's not fair to split my attention between them. Thanks again man, your a really good source of advice.

Do you ever feel like you made the wrong choice Lenami? cause it's not like she says she doesn't love me cause she still does but is afraid that it will not work out. I mean I'm not waiting for her by any means but it's nice to get a woman's point of view, especially one that was the one that left. Althought I do not go and see her we talk on msn and the phone once in awhile, which is her choice. She still wants to talk to me and keeps telling me that i'm still one of her best friends and it would really hurt to lose that. As I'm starting to see another girl I'm wondering if I should be honest with her about it and tell her. I'm only thinking I should as we have the same friends and I would rather her hear it from me and not someone else. What does everyone else think about it?

My current situation is getting alot easier to deal with, a friend from work just recently reveled that she has been interested in me for some time, but never said anything do to the fact that I had a gf. So tonight we're going to the movies and i'm pretty excited about it. I just hope that te feelings I have for this new girl arn't partly due to the fact that my ex and I just broke up, Cause I would really hate to lead this other girl on as she's really nice. I'm not saying I want to jump right back into a relationship but it makes me feel good to know that other women still find me attractive. Should I take it slow or just let the other woman set the pace? I'm new to this game, I've been out of it for 5 years lol..

Thanks man i appreciate your bluntness. I guess I tried to do things different then the relationships in the past. I tried to be alot nicer and do the right things, I know I failed but I hope I can learn to be a better boyfriend from this. I just wish this was a little easier to deal with but I giess I have to just suck it up and deal with it.

I'll try to answer your scenerio.... She says "I'm hungry" I would say well lets go out for something to eat, where do you want to go" she would say something like "I don't know where do you want to go" I say "I'm good with just about anything so if there's something you feel like we can go there". It usually goes like that for a couple minutes then I throw out some places I'm intested in and she will usually decide which one she feels like going to. But I mean there are times when I take her out for dinner and all I tell her is to dress nice or something then I take her to some really nice resturant. But I no doing no contact with her, as much as she says she doesn't like it she agree's that is prolly the best for me. I just told her to not contact me unless she is willing to work things out. So now only one of two things will happen, I'll either get over her or we will get back together. It's still really hard because I thought she was the one, I was planning on proposing to her this year, I was just trying to figure out the right time to do it. She knew I wanted to marry her and we talk about it sometimes, like what it would be like and other things. There's not much I can do now except get past it and try to do what I need to do for myself. She really is a great person and I had alot of fun in that relationship, she says the same. But I think every little thing compounded and just made her fed up. The NC thing is going to suck because she was the only one I could really talk talk to and vice versa. But it needs to be done.

I can't PM for some reason...Anyways I'm living in Oshawa. email if ya want..

Big time out of the blue. A week before it happened we were doing great she told me how much she loved me and how I was the only person who she could really talk to. Then a couple days before she got angry with me for not saying happy birthday(previous two days in a row I called her and wished her a happy birthday) and only because when she called I was napping after school, so I was half asleep when she called. then a couple day after that she says she doesn't want to be with me anymore. She's a very stressful person so it or might not have to do with her being stressed out about her own life(ie school, work etc) and I'm sure our small problems just compunded that. At any rate I know she misses me and none of either of our friends are happy about this, even her brother told her he thinks it's ridiculious(she told me that last time I talked to her). I just hope she comes around but I'm not banking on it either. It sucks but it's somethig I have to face. Thanks again for the quick replies.

LOL trust me I'm not some pansy who comes at her beck and call, but if there's a problem and I can help her with it ya for sure I'll help. I don't mean to say I'm some maid/cook who does it all the time, I'm just trying to say that I pull my own weight and so does she. Ya I know the defensive part is a killer but I don't get angry or fight with her, in fact in the 5 year relationship we had I not once even raised my voiced in anger, frustration at her, more like keeping quit, thats my defensive reaction. No I don't slack on my school work, I study as much as I can in between seeing her and working a part time job at a bar as secuirity. But yes you are right on not being able to spend alot of time together, that was one of the reasons she was upset so much. But at this point in both our lives it was not easily changed. But I figured we would stick it out and when wemoved in together in the fall(sorry fogot to mention that)everything would be worth it. I hope that fills you in a little more. I have to say I'm feeling alot better just getting my thoughts out here, I really appreciate it.

I feel for ya man, I'm going throught what appears to be the exact same thing. I am also having trouble fighting the urge to call her. But it's prolly for the best. If you call her it won't make your situation any better and as much as I know that I find myself still wanting to call my ex(broke up a week ago)it hurts man I know but like someone in a previous post said if she misses you and wants you back she will call you. Nothing you do or say will change that. Which sucks big time but it's something that needs to run it's course. Keep strong man.

The problem with me is yes I'm occasionally messy, but not at her place or even mine really. Just usually my room with some clothes lol. As for not helping I don't believe thats the case, it's hard to get accross to someone else a relationship they didn't see, I still appreciate the advice even if some doesn't apply. Anyways not helping wouldn't be the case, I cook dinner, do the dishes, drive her around, paint her new apartment, fix her computer, you name I was willing to help her with. Not once have I or would I not help her. I enjoyed making her smile, it made me happy just to know that I made her happy. I'm prolly not the easiest person to talk to, I get a little defensive, and with her not being a confrontational person it made it worse. Her main gripe and a valid one at that was that although I'm in school I wasn't sure until recently what I was gonna do for a career. Thaks again for the support everyone it helps.