deep_mode

With all due respect StarSteel, when someone kills your wife in the years to come you may get an understanding of how I feel, until then please don't tell me how I should or should not grieve. I am doing the best I can. I was not angry with the original poster, I was merely tying to get accross my point that 'Grief, loss and bereavment' was for people who have lost someone through death so sorry if I came accross that way but I feel I was correct in my thoughts on the subject. But I AM happy to see that my post has had a positive effect and this thread has been moved to the correct place, so thank you to the Moderators who understood what I was trying to say and why I said it.

Hosswispra, There are plenty of forums e.g. relationships, breaking up, cyber relationships, etc, etc etc but only one truly for the Bereaved. So what about us? Should we have to discuss our loss, the fact that we saw them lay dead,were shot, took their own lives,and the horrors we have lived through, should we look for support from people who have felt the same 'in the middle' of a forum full of break-ups even though this forum is actually designed specifically for the bereaved? That is unfair and I am actually put off by your attitude in even discussing my loss and horrendous emotional pain, my childrens pain and our lives falling apart when he died now. I would also like to say that 'grief is NOT just grief. Losing my husband of 24 years is a trauma beyond anything you can imagine, it's nothing like a break-up or rejection AT ALL as I'm sure you're Mum will tell you. All I am saying is please consider us the bereaved who are looking for support and help from likewise people when picking the place to post your break-up etc and I am sorry you felt offended by me and my opinion but now I feel the offended one for speaking up for myself and others who may feel the same.

As a widow, I would just like to say that if you have not been bereaved, please don't post in this forum. I find it upsetting and slightly bizarre that you consider breaking up to be grief and I am almost offended by your comparison. I come on here to give support, to offer my condolences to the bereaved etc as others do. Trust me on this one, you may feel that you are grieiving but to the ones who have lost a life partner or a child through death know exactly what I mean. Grief is a million times more distressing and shouldn't be compared to a break-up or rejection. But also, when you put your post in this forum, you may not get the reponses from those who understand your situation. Thanks.

I disagree. When my husband died, it helped me greatly to numb the pain and got me through some serious grief. I don't think I could have coped without it. I am not a loser and I am not in serious need of help, I am someone who holds down a responsible full-time job in charge of many people, and I am someone who USED it, it most certainly did not use me.

Metal, the death of a grandparent is upsetting but it des not compare to the loss of a life partner. Even coupled with the dumping by your girlfriend x 1000, it's a poor comparsion. Forgive me, but in 30 years time when if you're unlucky enough to survive losing the person you loved for those 20 years, you will understand. And Blue, I've been widowed for 3 and a half years, I've experienced rejection and a dumping by someone I cared for and IT DOES NOT COMPARE so please do not patronise me. Think of it this way, a dumping is like a splinter being removed from your finger, whilst death of a spouse is like having your heart ripped out through your chest without anesthetic. God help you all in the future is all I can say.

OK, First of all, the first most stressful event that can happen to you is the death of a child, and the second is loss of a spouse or life partner. Someone rejecting you and moving on, in my opinion AS A WIDOW of 28 years to a man I loved very deeply and who loved me back is a very tiny drop in the ocean compared to the pain I have and other widows/widowers have felt and I am deeply offended that you use you inabilty to get over your ex and justify your obsession of him by saying that you would be better off being a grieving spouse. Think of all the lonely widows alone at the age of 80 afraid and sinking to depths you can only imagine, having being married for more that 56/60 years and the total devastation they must feel, the overwhelming grief and helplessness the feel now he has gone and you compare your loss to that? I'm sorry if I come accross strongly but I am as calm as I can possibly. The loss of my husband took me to places where you can only imagine and you have NO right to compare a broken-heart and your ex's rejection of you and a grieving spouse. Forgive me, but when my husband died, I turned his brother and siad " I feel like I have just joined an elite club I didn't even know existed", and you quite frankly metalheart, are NOT a member. Seek help for your obsession.

Thanks, you did. He's just come in through the door, time for that talk. Thanks again.