OutingMyself

I second all that Ballys has just written. And yes, do keep us posted please.

FoxLocke, what can I say? You brought tears to my eyes. I am so happy for you. Hugs to you and your mom

Adoracion, don't label yourself. For me, what I felt for this girl was so strong, so real, that I really could not push it away. And well, I had been waiting to feel like that for someone for a long long time. I don't know if this is the case for you, but the thought that i might be gay had come up in my head sometimes over the years. Yet, i was not convinced, not until I met her and my feelings went ballistic. It took me awhile and it was a complex process, for me to consider myself gay, to shift my identiy from considering myself heterosexual to lesbian. And there was a certain point when I felt stuck in the middle and I felt lost and confused. I had all these wonderful feelings for a woman and that just forced me to put together all the clues I had gathered over the years on my sexuality and stop finding other explanations for them. I mean, I really have always liked girls, but never allowed myself to put the pieces together. I would just justify it with stuff like, 'I really admire her', 'I really would like to be like her' It was all B.S. I liked them, but the more I liked them, the more I kept them at a distance. Oh and then there was the fact that I did date and sleep with men. I mean, if I were a true lesbian, would that not make me sick? BS a lot of BS again, the first time I slept with a men, I cired because it proved I was heterosexual and I felt like this weight had be lifted from me, that after all I was "normal". But, again, all BS. Reality is that the most I'ìve ever been able to feel for guys was affection, and that having sex, to me, was just physical - no emotional connection to it - and that is because i don0t like guys, I am not turned on by guys in that emotional sense. SUre, I can have sex, it's physical, I can do that myself, but is it really sex or is it just mechanical satisfaction of sexual impulses? Anyway, having all these emotions for this girl gave me the last shove I needed to face my sexuality. But, it was confusing and tough. ANd, as I said, I was stuck in the middle for awhile - could not go back to consider myself heterosexual and, frankly, did not want to! In 25 years I had never felt anything even remotely to what I was feeling, not only I had been craving to fee like this, like all my firends said they had felt, like I read in books or heart on the radio and I wanted a life where I could feel like this, fall in love etc.and so I was so grateful for having met with this girl. But it took me awhile to identify as a lesbian. To me, it was because I knew nothing about it. So, surfign the net, reading stuff, seeing movies helped. I came to know this other life that was possible and it fit like a glove. I felt at home. It was only then that I could finally identify with being a lesbian. Since I have done that, I have started to come out to others. but, to me, first it was important to know what and who I identified with, but I never forced myself. When I was in the muddy inbetween phase, I did not categorize myself. Now, I feel I can say i am a lesbian. Six motnhs ago, I would have not said this, I would have said I was hetero (though i was questioning myself). Three months ago, i would have told you I did not know anything anymore. There are people who might prefer not categorising themselves at all. I need to, but I can respect those who do not wanto to, or do not feel it is for them. I guess it is up to what the individual feels works for them. Don't pressure yourself. Jut go with what you feel. WHen I was very confused, I would just close my eyes an listen to my emotions. Those had known all along I liked girls. it was my brain that was not ready to accept it. I don't know if this is your case or not. But, give yourself time and be patient. It will all work out in the long run, rest assured of that.

Adorazion, I am not saying that this is going to be the same for you, but... I too have dated only guys, though it has never worked and I actually never really managed to really really like the (the most I felt was affection). But when I met this girl at work I felt like I had never felt before. At the beginning I was not sexual about it as well, but slowly I started to have the urge to be near her and touch her. I had to catch myself twice, when I realised I was invading her personal space - I swear my body was literaly going to her! And soon after I started fantasing of kissing her...on the mounth and then I wanted to all over and so later my thoughts did become sexual, as I just ahd these thoiughts of undressing her, kissisng her um etc. (i bet you get the picture). It ptobably took me two months to get to this point, maybe a bit less. So, I guess you should wait and see what happens, but it sucks for she is married and has two kids...

Hey, thanks for the advice. And good luck to you too

Hey Hanged Man, what about talking to your brother about this? Does he know that you are also gay? I mean he could be a good ally - give you support, advice and, actually, help you with what you are already helped him with! Hang Man, I hope you don't mind asking some advice for me as well since it has to do with coming out to parents. I am going home for Easter and, yes, I have decided to come out to my parents and my brother (my sister has known for a couple of months now). Fact is, do I tell my parents together or do I talk first with one and then to the other? Hang Man, what were you thinking of doing? And who has alredy been through this, any advice? THANKS-

Adoracion, how long has this been going on? OK, you have never though about her sexually, but do you feel like touching her? Kissing her?

Adoracion, I too think you should keep in mind she is married AND has two kids, but I also think you should clear your mind up with regards to what you feel for her. I mean in terms of your sexual orientation. Do you like her? What do you feel for her? How have you felt towards men up to know? How does it compare with what you feel for her? It's just that you say you are not attracted to her sexually, but are emotionally. It was the same for me, at the beginning. It was only an emtional attraction, but very very strong and I too dismissd it thinking that since I was not thinking of her sexually, it was nothing. Fact it, shortly after, I did start to feel sexually attracted to her as well. It might be different for you, but thought I'd share.

Rob, since coming out to myself, I have never lied. I would never lie, because that would be denying a part of who I am, and, thereforeeee, denying myself. Yet, I do believe that it is up to the person in question (me in this case) to decide when, how and whom to tell. i don't like people talking behind my back in any circumstances, but what makes it worse now is that it is a delicate issue, at least for me, and that is why i felt a bit violated. I think I will go to that dinner and have fun. It's just that I just got this news and well, kind of freak out a bit! But no, I'd never lie.

So...I've been outed. I am just barely out to myself and...well now more people than I care for know. I feel violated. I have explained this to the persons in question, and they seem to have understood why it was not there place to out me to others, no matter what, but still what is done is done and I am going to a big dinner this week and cannot but think that I'll be quite nervous about all this. Has it ever happened to you? How did it make you feel? How did you handle it? Did you confront the person (people) who outed you? Why or why not?

Hey FoxLoke, now you are the one bringing tears to my eyes! I guess many of us have an "epiphany" of sorts when we finally realize, "hey I'm gay!". I've also come to realize that I was not ready before and that, it was once I started looking for a serious rrelationship, for "love", that I finally admitted to myself what I knew all along. I've always like girls...but I guess it was fine to date guys for "fun", Craving for a serious and long term relationship really gave me the courage to look inside myself and fear no longer. I do feel so much better now. It really has been a hell of a process, but it really feels GOOD to have finally embraced all of ourselves, doesn't it? I know I will still have many challenges ahead, but it feels as if I've done so much already and the rest are details that will fit in. Now, we just have to find a special girl for me (who requits my love!) and a special boy for you, don't we? I really cannot wait Good luck!

"Forgiving" myself for denying it for long was probably one of the hardest and most important things to process for me. Anyway, thanks Tigris. I will. And CONGRATULATIONS - hope all goes well.

Hey FoxLocke Thanks for your reply. It feels good to have input and response. I see that we are about the same age...I am wondering when did you start to finally out yourself? Have you been as furious with yourself as I have been for having denied being gay for so long?

I don't know...she was calm and sure about the fact that she likes guys, but...I remember her sparkling eyes when we used to talk at the beginning, is that normal? And I saw her at a party just this past week, she was going out of her way to avoid speaking to me unless she really had to, and by then I knew for whatever reason she was not into me, so I observed her a lot. She was all over this other girl. that same sparkling eyes when she talked to this other girl, this prolonged eye to eye contact, and then when this girl got up to go to the toilet, M. checked her out...I mean I saw it, she looked at waist. I don't know, do straight girls to that to other girls? I am sure M is sure when she says she is straight, but I wonder...just over a year ago, wouldn't that have been my answer to? I wonder if I could go back in time and observe myself, I wonder if I acted like this as well, checking out girls without even noticing it myself? Or am I just wishful thinking agian...just liking M so much, that I am trying to find her not straight? Tigris...I think I am not as confused now. Maybe it was just an immediate response to the rejection. I mean, it would have been so much easier if we had just kissed and been together...aahh..i so wished.

I saw her today. I told her what I feel. She was real nice to me, but told me she is straight. that she started pushing me off, because she suspected i liked her and did not want to illude me. I feel horrible. And I feel confused all over again. I mean, with her I acted as if me being a lesbian is a well proven fact and that I am absolutely OK with it, but am I? I don't think so. I am not sure anymore. what am I???