moosarm

Thanks for your reply, Yeah, I've been working out extensively, paying a little more attention to how I dress, etc, and it all helps. I just have those up and down moods I guess, like everyone - those relapses where one day you're FINE and other days you're a mess.

Hey everyone, You can read my previous posts for a complete in-depth look at my ex-relationship, but here's the short story: I'm currently 20, she's 19 - met when I was 15, her 14, started dating when I was 17, her 16 - had a solid two year relationship that went awry because she started flirting with another guy at a camp, two consecutive years straight for a weekend at a time, to which they ended up 'dirty dancing' and he thought she liked him (this was 2004); she also started to drink and decided to keep that from me - broke up with her immediately and was devastated, she cried and begged enough and three months or so later, we got back together - started hitting the bricks again as her grad rolled around (I was in second year) and she was acting distant and weird - by August of last year she broke up with me, saying she had "lost the spark" for me, and she broke up with me over EMAIL and said that we needed to cut contact now in order to be friends later, and that she genuinely wished us to be friends (was evident that she didn't care enough to meet me in person to end it) - entire relationship was 4 years in the making - two months after she broke up with me (btw, we ended up at same university) she told me she missed me, missed what we had, was spent in tears in front of me, etc. and wanted to be friends - in the meantime, however, during those two months, I'd gone through the heartbreak of seeing that she was befriending the guy she dirty danced with yet again, that she had become a party girl into drinking and flirting, posting up pictures on her MSN space of her hammered with her friends, flirting with guys, etc. - we ended up in a same class together at university, and I avoided her at all costs during those three months - 6 months have gone by since, and I just found out that she is seeing someone else; my friend saw them together at the mall holding hands, and once she saw me friend, she turned around and fled At this point, although it doesn't hurt AS BAD as it did before, it still stings. I've realized I'm a little more immune to things because I've already been presented like four times with the scenario WHAT IF she's seeing someone else and so that heartache isn't so bad anymore. But I'm really having trouble moving on and getting over her, regardless of the fact that she has been completely reckless with my heart. If I were her priority, she wouldn't have danced with that guy, nor befriended him in the wake of our breakup to a point where I'd obviously catch on, etc. I actually don't think she's the nicest person, as she's always had a chip on her shoulder being young, beautiful and rich. I just want to know what I can do to move on and what sort of MINDSET I should have in order to move on. Up until now, I've had 'hope' that she'd realize what she gave up and come back, but now that I've been confronted with the situation that she has actually moved on and is seeing someone else, I'm sort of overwhelmed. What should I be THINKING and DOING in order to REALIZE that it's OVER? What tactics have you all undertaken in order to fully accept that the relationship is not stalled or on hold, but actually FINISHED? I enjoy not having to look over my shoulder anymore to see what she's up to, nor worry about trust and she's no longer my "obligation" but I still miss her, in the most basic, puppy love kind of way. Thanks for all your advice, sorry for the read.

Thank you both a million for your replies. It's definitely tough but I suppose a decent time away from her will help. I will be backpacking Europe with two close friends this summer for a month, as well as other long-term projects that should be fun. Hope it helps! Another thing I was thinking of was what another friend said about confronting the issues, rather than hiding. As in, expose myself to what she's up to and doing so that I can make my skin tougher so I don't hide in denial. I'd rather not - I'd rather be NC. Out of sight, out of mind. But how do you guys actually physically ACCEPT that it's over?

Hey everyone, I guess you can read my other posts but hell, here I go again. I'm having tons of trouble moving on after being broken up for about 8 months with a girl I had a relationship with for about 4 years total. By coincidence we were in a class at univ. together, and I made sure to have NC during the three months or so, but I'm not too sure whether it's SEEING HER that has held me back from moving on or what. Since we broke up, we probably haven't gone a solid month without seeing eachother in some capacity, and I think my only resolution will be to go this summer vacation a solid 4 months in her absense, do you think that'll help? Any other tips? thanks

If you can check out my previous posts, that'd be awesome, for the full story (long read if you're interested Anyways, my ex and I are in the same class at school now and I've done a greab job of keeping no contact and bulleting out of class as fast as I can. However, last week I was walking out of class and got stuck behind the logjam at the door and she exited her row after seeing me come up the line, at the same time I was there, thus a forced "Hi, How's it going, Good you, Good" - that sucked. Today I saw her again and I think we made eye contact but she looked so DAMN BEAUTIFUL, man it hits me hard. Any advice? On a further note, I have deleted her from MSN and blocked her as well, and through the amazing link removed, she has done the same. What I don't understand though, is when she broke up with me after losing feelings for me, she said she knew that we "can't be friends now, but hopefullly down the road I sincerely hope we can" - so she understood NC. But now she's coping with it the same way I am. Ugh, so hard to figure out.

Dear god dude, I think you need to less this woman go. Marriage is a binding trust between two people, and trust is the foundation! Without it, there's nothing! Not only did she cheat on you once, but twice? AND still not guaranteeing she won't do it again? I don't have a lot of respect for those kind of people. Seems she still has a bit of "fun" to get out of her system. That's dirty my friend, I think you need to love someone who will love you back and not cheat on you. You deserve better.

Hey people, If you've checked out my other threads then you'll know where I'm comin' from on this one. My ex broke up with me after 2.5 - 3 yrs because she "lost the spark" and we both knew we had to cut contact to move on. My birthday rolled around a few months later and she gave me a card, made me a little clay pony, and did some other nice things. It opened up a can of worms, lotsa crap happened and we went back to NC. Now, i asked her out 3 years ago yesterday (V-Day) and today is her birthday (15th Feb). I don't know if I should say Happy Bday or not - I'm not over her, and I don't want to overanalyze her actions if I DO say happy birthday, and I don't kno how she'll react. What do you guys think?

I'm not sure I'm too satisfied with it though but oh well. I keep telling myself even if there IS a possibility down the road, it's best we break now and see other people before it comes back, but I don't know - seeing her is hella tough. Her birthday is rolling around next week - should I email a Happy Birthday?

Thanks for all the replies! They really helped. Update: Well I still see her every class but I avoid her at all costs, if I can get away without saying hi, I do my very best to. I think she's got the message because she doesn't try anymore to say hello - fine by me. I guess that's the only way to go!

Hey everyone, Brand new to these forums, thanks a lot for your reads and replies; this is a great place. My story is that my ex-girlfriend and I met out of very tragic circumstances, at a very young age. I was in grade 10 and she was in grade 8, and her sister died suddenly in a tragic car accident - I was good friends with her sister. As time passed, we became friends but we both knew immediately that there was an attraction between us, and so we talked, we flirted, it was one of those young puppy love relationships. I was always there for her when she was down, and I was proud to be there for her too. She was really clean too, great looking, didn't drink (never saw the point in it, never into that hardcore partying) and just a sweet person. We started dating when I was in grade 12, she was in grade 10, and we had a great time. I suppose that routine 'lump' hit the relationship and she did some regrettable things - she befriended a guy she met at a camp and they started getting a bit too friendly - they ended up 'dancing' together at a dance (by this time, she was grade 12 and I was 2nd year Uni) and I heard bad things through the grapevine. Well I confronted her, she confessed and I immediately dumped her, and she couldn't understand why - yeah, she flirted extensively with a guy but didn't get why I would toss away such a long and deep relationship. Needless to say, I was devastated and so was she. I wouldn't go back, and she did a lot of things to get me back - apologized endlessly, wrote me letters, always tried to be where I was, made me gifts, etc. A few months rolled around and I was convinced she had changed, I took her back. ](*,) So things were good, but simultaneously it was her grade 12 year and she was beginning to see that there were other people in the world other than me. At the same time, I was accepted into a really prestigious law school overseas and I was torn on my decision to leave or not - stupidly enough, she factored into my decision. Summer went by and things were alright, we hit a few more bricks concerning her trust, yet again, but we worked through them. She was nervous to tell me she had been invited to go to a grad ceremony with a guy we both knew, and I had to hear it through someone else, I was pissed but we argued it out and got it off our chests. By this time, I'm going into third year and she's going into first year - at the same univ. I went on vacation to Toronto for 10 days, and prior to leaving everything was dandy. While in TO, I called her a few times and she acted really distant and shady over the phone, very irregular. Over my trip I was supposed to call my school overseas and see if I could defer entry, I found out I couldn't. I called her one day and the first question she asked me was "did you call them?" and I told her I had, and the answer was no. We talked, it was fine, but it seriously felt the relationship was drawing to an end because I knew I'd have to leave. Then, I got back home, I saw her, she hugged me, kissed me and missed me. But it was dangerously close to me making my decision final and we both knew that I would be leaning towards leaving. She started acting distant again, really shady and basically stopped acting enthusiastic at all upon my phone calls. Then, boom, one day I confronted her and she ended it - she had "lost the spark". So, through a total of about 5 years, it was done. It was horrible and she acted like she didn't care. I was a wreck so I obviously called her immediately after her wonderful breakup EMAIL, and she said "I've made my decision, maybe we can be friends later, but for now it's done" and well, yeah. I ended up not going overseas. I think the damage was too harsh. A week after breaking up I called her and met up with her in person, gave her a long poem and tried to see if there was anything there, she was totally unafflicted - it killed me. She said "things might change in the future, but for now I've made my decision". So she obviously left room. Well, I had to cut contact from the advice of a friend, and school started soon after. We ran into eachother a few times, but nothing more than a little conversation. I saw her having lunch with an acquaintance of mine which really bit, but I got over that and I was alright. By birthday rolled around, I turned 20, this was in Nov. last year. To my surprise, she met up with me, gave me a little nice card, and started trying to rekindle our friendship. She studied with me, and broke down crying randomly becuase she listened to a song that reminded her of me. She kept bringing up past memories, flirting with me and claimed she had "made a mistake". One day in the library she felt so comfortable with me she left her arm around my shoulder and just stood there. I pulled away. She wanted to meet me in person and talk things out, actually "work things out". I obviously took that as she wanted to get back together. She said "but if we do end up working things out, would it be weird?" So I mean, I took things badly. I was excited that she wanted to work things out but I was unsure too. Finally, I asked her what was up and she said she just wanted to be friends and enjoyed what we had. I said, but all that flirting and memories, what was that? she claimed she just missed what we had and made a mistake. I immediately right there cut contact with her and said we can't do this, not now. She was upset but said fine. Since then, we only talk when we see eachother. However, a few weeks ago, I was in my class and saw her best friend in it too, and soon afterwards my ex transferred into the class, so now I have to see her thrice a week. It's tough. I don't want to smalltalk and be friends, she seems to want to. My friends think she's just staying in my face as much as possible in order to make me not forget her, while she goes out and has her fun, so that I'm on reserve or something. I hate smalltalking and I don't want to be friends with her - she's changed. She gets drunk now, flirts with guys, and I have to be victim to see it. I'm not sure how to act, and I just want to know if any of you can make sense of this. Thanks so much. I'm so sorry about the long read.