Lykke 32

Hi again! Totally understanding, you might have days, when the temptation to answer her is stronger than another days.... Especially when you got messages like that (Uff, your ex is soooo good with words - I definitaly tend to anwer her myself ) But you are doing well and didn´t contact her for 3 weeks! Well done! And see, you must admit yourself, that it´s going better, then you would ever imagine.... You feel more free without all the stress, don´t you!? Stick with that! Don´t forget to remember all the situations, when you were hurt, lost, confused, crying.... It´s important for you to repeat some of those most painful moments, ´cause that helps to deal with the temptation to reach her again.... It would be another waste of your feelings, tears, love.... Safe all that for someone, who is worth all that! I was given an advice, that at those moments, when I sudenly tend to do something nice for her again, I should do it for myself.... Like... Wanna buy her a present? Buy it to yourself!...Wanna write her something nice? ... (Well, wonder how my cell would actually deal with that , or else should I end up writting postcards to myself??)... But you got the point, right? You are not callous to her. It was working that way, that she made you think about her needs at the first place. And as you were doing it for so long, you kind of forgot, how it felt to think about your needs.... That´s why you have those persistance feelings of guilt, when you are finally again thinking a bit more about yourself in a normal, healthy way after the years.... (Make sense, ha? I was told that as well....) About her point of view....Those people have a different kind of logic and they would never see it the way, you or others see it... I guess, they truly believe, that others are betrayding them.... But in the end it is a good thing, ´cause abuser, who is convinced, that the situation is fault of somebody else, drops that somebody unbelievably quickly and never turn back.... Which is, what you need right?.... She is never gonna come and thank you for all, you did for her, for all the love and care, she is never gonna say sorry for all those lousy days, you´ve had, because you couldn´t deal with the way, she has treated you...She is never gonna admit, it was her fault.... Let´s face it and add this scenario into that science fiction aswell..... It´s sad though, I would wish for that too.... Take care and hold out! It´s gonna be better and better!

Well, I have posted here on the forum about my friendship couple times. With the help of others here I came to the conclution, that my ex-friend mentally abused me... Ok, that was kind of unbelievable to me and hard to soak up. I´ve read a lot about the mental abuse since and can definitelly point at some of the signs of it in my friendship, not all though.... So sometimes I am hasitant and come to the conclusion, that it wasn´t that bad, that, what went wrong, was all my fault, that she is too good to treat me bad, that I overreacted, when I told her goodbye, enought is enought.... Today I´ve got en e-mail from my another friend. She knows my ex-friend, but only as an acquaintance. They live in the same town, while I moved away... She wrote, that she thinks, that my ex-friend is really nice and sweet and that she can´t understand, what kind of an argument we could possibly have, that we can´t get along anymore...She suggests, that whatever it was, it can´t be anything, we can´t fix. That I should call her, mail her or text her, I should get over my pride and make it work again.... So now I am sitting here all confused again and hasitant. Moreover I don´t wanna reveal to people from the town, I used to live, what the problem really was between us. I think, it wouldn´t be fair to my ex-friend. I see no point to talk bad about her (only couple of my really good friends and my parents know the whole story). So what am I suppose to answer to that mail? What hit me the most is, that my ex-friend is always gonna be the nice, wonderful girl for everybody else.... Maybe I am the only one wrong here.....](*,) Thanks for any input. Have a nice day or evening, depends....

Well, I was once the 25-year old girl and he was 17.... We saw each other occationally and I told him right away, I am not interested in anything more then fun. He was aware of that, but soon after he totally fell in love with me. I didn´t change my mind though, I told him that, but he had this big project in his head, that he´s gonna convince me, we´re ment to each other..... We were 7 months together and I still think, he was kind of amazing and he definitelly was more then mature for his age.... But still, he was 17! That put a lot of pressure into this realtionship. In my country it´s against the law to be a treat to the moral development of the youth under 18. Well, I´ve just finished the law school at that time, so I was more then aware of that... I enjoyed his love really a lot, but I knew, it´s not mutual. It was unfair...I brake his heart in the end, I know.... Last but not least (!!), his parents got involved into this relationship. They were totally against it... They would call me, showed suddenly on my workplace, would want to meet my parents to do something about it..... Who needs that in the age of 25? I had allready my own life... So all in all it wasn´t worth all the stress, however he almost succeded to convince me, that he might has been the one.... So think about it really carefully from your point of view (you might be heartbroken easily), but also from hers... The age difference wasn´t the real problem here though....

Well, StandtheRain, great, you didn´t answer her message.... And if you did, still good, that you at least considered and tried not to.... I know, how hard it is to struggle with the temptation to do so, especially, when she left a message, that sounded a bit desperate... Now you have read the artickle about the "loser" and you can see yourself, that she is the case. I can see, that you are questioning now the possibility, whether she could change after reading it.... Well, I would say, the chances are pretty low, if any at all... And for your better, you shouldn´t concentrate on that. "Losers" never change... I must laught now, ´cause I sound so wise, giving you those smart advices, and you know what? Yesterday I had one of those "let´s be friends again" days and I thought exactly the same thing, like you did: Now, that I know, who she is, I could handle it, we could make it work, she would change and bla bla bla..... Well, you and me, we could write science-fiction one day As you´ve read my story, you can see, that she treated me badly and she would do it to anybody again... And I´ve read your story and I so clearly see, that you should do nothing else, but get out of any relationship with your ex .... I guess, we have a problem to see the things, as they really are, when it comes to our own cases..... We need to learn to see it more from the distance... Deal? Stop beeing afraid, whether she hurt herself or not.... It´s not your fault, that she could act destructively, when something doesn´t work the way, she wishes.... Yes, contacting her would be a bad choice, once you´ve decided to detach from her completely... It´s a good decision and you should stick with it. I would recommend not to talk with her on the phone anymore, as you more likely end up in the fight and she would manipulate you and try to make you feel quilty again.... Try the "boring" taktics again and if you feel like to explain something, do it throught the mail or MSN... Good luck and write again, whenever you need a bit of support...

StandtheRain, read this It´s a great article about, what is going on in your life now. There are really good advices about the detachment from an abuser. The "image of a dead slot machine" - really helpful! About your worries about your ex. I think, she is letting you know about her deppressions, ´cause she knows exactly, that this is the way, how to make you feel sorry for her and that you are gonna support her again, that she is gonna have you back for a while again. Is she threatening you with some kind of self-injury? We are back with the question, how far she would go, how probable it is, that she is gonna do it... Her messages, she is sending to you, only show, that she is trying to make you feel guilty. With the first one she was trying to get in contact with you, the second and third she tried repeatedly and gradually to make you feel bad and guilty for not aswering.... She is trying everything... When I was all confused about my friendship and, on one hand, I wanted to ended it , but on the other, I didn´t want to lose her, I sat down and tried to imagine, what was the future of it... I projected in my head the story from the start and realized, how strange impact she has had on me, how I was doing things, I didn´t want to, how I changed myself in believe, that it´s gonna be as great as it was in the beginning... And still she treated me bad... So I saw myself hurting all the time in the future... I started to think seriously about leaving this relationhip actually about half a year before I was actually able to do it. But I believe, it would be sooner, if I knew all, that I know now.... Well, not sure.... It´s still difficult. Every other day I have temptation to contact her, but then again: where is the future? Besides, I´ve experienced several times, how "nicely" she spoke with her friends, when she was mad at them (and I thought, that they were kind of right to say, what they said in those particular situations), moreover I am sure, she´s allready replaced me with someone else - that one really hurts, ufff (I was also quick replacement for somebody...). All in all it still hurts, but luckily enought for me less and less... I wish you to be strong and make the right decissions! And learn to be selfish quickly!

StandtheRain, Hoping for a good times? Ohh yes, I was stuck in this hope all the time....But it was a false hope. As I wrote before, I´ve realized in the end, that I´ve loved this perfect picture of her, I´ve made in my head. She was never real. She never was and never WILL be the way, I would love her to be.... She could´ve treated me so bad, but I´d still love her so much. My mentor here wrote me about the "betrayal bond" (#12 in my other thread) and it so explains it. She could have soooo lift me up with her love and care, but I´d never needed that lift, if she wouln´t have put me down and deeper and deeper in the first place..... So, if you think about it, it should be plus - minus, end of story.... But sadly enought feelings are involved, it´s an awfull game.... Ohhh yes, I miss her. I still do.... But I definitely don´t miss the stress, that was present all the time. Like for instance, we were living nearby and we went to the same fitnesscenter. She was trainer there and I am kind of fitness freak, working out almost every day, so the possibilities, that we meet there were pretty high. But soon going there became a nightmare to me. I was always shaking on my way there, thinking of, in what kind of mood, she is gonna be today.... Sometimes she could be so into me, waving to me, hugging me, telling everybody I am like her sister.... But other times she would ignore me, didn´t talk to me at all, didn´t even say hi.... I was going nuts.... And then I would get sms like "Sleep well my love, hope to see you soon!".... What????.... I was confused all the time... She was so good with the nice words, and yeah, I so loved them.... But where is the reality? I don´t think, that being a friend with your ex is a good idea. You´ve tried that, it didn´t work.... I would say, that your ex doesn´t care, how you would call the relationship. As long as there is some contact between you, she is gonna treat you awfully (and afterwards nicely) again and again....And you are stuck... Maybe you don´t like the idea, that you would hurt her, but , as my mentor recommended me as well, it´s time to think more about yourself. Life puts us to the situations, when we have to be selfish and do things, we don´t like to do, but they have to be done for our own sake (for once!!) People on this forum are amazingly supportive. If you decide to go to NC (no contact) with your ex (and I really think, you should do that), don´t hasitate to write here for help. You might feel like contact her again, but you will get all the support here, that you are gonna need. Share your hasitations, your backs and forths... You don´t have to be in this alone.... I don´t know though, if you should explain yourself to her once more. For me it seems like you did it several times with no effect, so why do that again.... Write her, you would appreciate, if she doesn´t contact you anymore, ´cause you are not gonna answer anyway... Or just let it be and ignore her. In the end it doesn´t matter, how you end it. With her it´s never gonna be nice and smooth and both-sides-agreement end of it. I think, you´ve been throught enought of the fights allready.... Good luck!

Miss M, I wish you good luck with solving the situation with your sister. It seems, like I was in really simple situation, comparing it to yours. I know, I don´t have to see my ex friend ever again and my healing process seems to go quite well by now(I am not crying every day anymore, jubiiii ). You must be much more stronger, to handle this circumstances in the family..... You take care! I referred StandtheRain to your very helpful replies about abuse in my thread.

Well, my situation was somewhat different from yours. My ex-friend weren´t as much mean and aggressive to me, she never threatened me. That´s my story, if you din´t read it already. It was very confusing relationship and I decided to end it, ´cause I couldn´t stand it anymore. I´ve found the answers, what went wrong, with the help of this forum after we split. So, I was dealing with an emotional abuse, while I had no idea, that this was the case. I am not in the position to give you some smart advices, ´cause this is all new for me as well. I could only see couple similarities with my case, I knew, how you felt. Althought I think, your gf is obviously abusing you. If you read the replies in my other thread, you can see, that what she is doing to you, is definitely abuse. Read it again everytime, you start to hasitate about it. I did that too. It´s hard to believe it in the start, I know. About the thing, that she is threatening you with "outing" you to your family: this is horrible! The question is, if she would be really able to do it.... Try to write a simple question about it to the other category here on the forum (Abuse and violence). I am sure, people are gonna share their experiences with you and tell you, how probable it is, that she is gonna do it. `Cause I think, this is the main thing, why you are stuck in this relationship. You must end this relationship. And I think, it´s easier, if she is not living next door. For me it´s easy to say, that she is treating you awfully bad, but it´s you, who has to admit it and cut the bond. You might think, that you can´t be without her, but believe me, you can and you will be enormously relieved, when all the stress disapears. About "happy" sms after the fight: I´ve got them as well and it made me even more confused. It´s only bunch of the nice words, don´t believe them. She is gonna attack you again. I guess from your post, that this is her daily task.

StandtheRain, it´s good, that you´ve finally decided to share your story. I think, you knew for a long time, that there is something wrong in your relationship, as you are trying for a while to get out of it. She is trying to hurt you very intentionally. How far from you is she living? Do you fight face to face or just throught the phone? Are you afraid, that she could abuse you somehow physically? I know, it´s very difficult to admit, that person you love so much, is hurting you on purpose and treating you really bad. You must now understand, that you are doing the very right thing, if you want to leave this relationship. If you don´t do it, it´s gonna be worse and worse with the time... She hurt you again yesterday and then she pretended like nothing really happened. When I´ve got similar "happy" messages after a fight, which I didn´t think, it was my fault, I thought, that she is kind of admiting, that she made a mistake and she kind of wanna have the record clear to start over again..... So I had the new hope for the good ... And it was good for a while until the next fight..... You have to realize, that this is gonna repeat all over again. She is never gonna change. Don´t apologize to her again, you did nothing, why you should.

Dear Miss M, sometimes I wonder, what would I do now without your help. I would be stuck in an awful mess. I could have never figured that all out by myself. I really wanna thank you for your support and advices. Thanks to you I can move on.... Yeah, I think, she is more complicated, we can´t figure her out completely.... But I am pretty sure, I get over her. I miss her, but now I can realize, that I miss the picture of her, I´ve made. She wasn´t real. I´ve always found excuses for her rudeness... Even if she is not calling or begging now, she did that couple times before. At the times I was fed up, tried to ignore her, didn´t answer her messages, she would call me, write me how much she cares and loves and bla bla bla.... But never "Sorry", she just pretended everything was fine.... And she always get me, ´cause I thought, she would never do that, if her conscience wasn´t clear. So that made me the bad guy (I am into logic, haha...) I joined the picture, when she was in the middle of disappointment with 2 girlfriends of hers. She introduced them and they became best friends. Her 3. girlfriend was often with the other 2... I guess, in the beginning she used me to show them - I was at the wrong place at the wrong time It also crossed my mind, that she might know now, that I´ve realised, she´s not that great and kind, as I thought before.... But as you wrote, we can only guess.... Well, I am gonna be busy now with being nice to myself and spoiling myself.... Uff, tough job Thanks again again....

Happy new year!! This is the last thing, I can´t fit to the picture above. I kind of thought, that abusers can´t let go of their victims, they are calling and begging and promising, when the abused one wanna get out of the relationship, ain´t that true? She never tried to contact me after we split.... Is she gonna do that? (Well, sometimes I hope for that, I know, I shouldn´t -working on that , sometimes I am scared by that possibility...) Honestly, I´ve had a hard time here during Christmas time and NYE, thinking of , maybe I should wish her happy this and that.... But questioning myself, if I really want to do that, ended up always with "no". I didn´t see the point and her answer would be cold (and I would hope for warm and loving, haha). If I imagine to get in contact with her again, I start all shaking inside..... Thanks again. More than a lot....

Hi StandtheRain, I think, you have been throught a lot with her and it´s better for you, if it ends. It´s more painful than joyful relationship. I see couple similarities with my story and I´ve got some really good advices here on the forum, how to spot en emotional abuser. I think, she might be the case. You could read it "Friends in the bad times only" on "Friendship and friends", reply #12 and #16. I think, it´s really horrible, that she is threatening you by coming out to your family. It´s only YOUR decision, when and how and to whome you are gonna tell.... I am really sorry, that you are trapped in such a situation. She is treating you really bad and for so long..... Good luck

Back and forth..... I know I am stupid... It´s like a puzzle, I remember this and that, and hallo, thinking about it differently fits the story quite well.... Miss M, sorry to hear so. Dealing with all this in your own family .... I´ve always felt safe in mine... I can´t imagine, how strong and brave you must have been to finally get throught all this. Any strenght left? I would gladly borrow... On and off I think: "What life is she gonna have, if friendship to her means to use one?" It´s so so sad... And I feel sorry for her.... Sometimes this all scares me so much, I think, it´s impossible, that this must be just wrong angle.... But you know what actually hold me back from this pure fantasy? This stupid "birthday present ´secondhand´ surprice"! Ain´t it funny? This one little thing out of everything else can make me angry and sad and every hasitant time convince me, that she was brilliant at using nice "bestfriends" words, but her actions were quite lousy.... well, towards me, snuf, snuf... Head up, be strong, move forward.... Trying!! Just one "clever" advice from stupid me: you, people, trust your instincts! `Cause several times right from the start of this friendship, I´ve had that "this is a bit strange" strong feeling, but I´ve ignored it..... And I could have spent those 2 years to somewhat much much better than that!

I need you guys again... Ok, so she made me cling to her, used me and hurt me... Got it, reconciling...(Honestly, who knows, how the story would sound from her point of view, right? Unfortunately, there are always two sides.... ) Anyway, I feel stupid, ´cause she was actually trying to tell me about her problems (deppression, anxiety..). That must have shown her trust towards me... Not so good choice, I´d say... First of all, I REALLY had NO idea, what deppression or anxiety attacks can cost the people, suffering from those (I couldn´t even name it right)....The understanding of deppression to me was down in the morning and smily in the evening or next day for sure....And always able to point to the reason. And that was actually my atitude. Second of all, if I asked her to be more specific, she was so hasitant and in the end she said or write something, which seemed like no big deal to me. I always thought "That´s it?" Those last couple days I´ve read plenty about all possible personality or emotional disorders, loads of informations to absorb....And still not sure, if I have got a true notion... But one thing I´ve got for sure. Who should be more supportive to the people with those problems, but family and friends? So!? Where do I stand though? Understanding friend? Don´t think so... Ok, I was confused and hurt and didn´t understand...... But, honestly, I didn´t even try to understand her in the first place....Well, how could I know? But anyway.....](*,) I feel selfish... And considering her having all those possible problems with herself, how could she has taken an argument with a friend leading to the end of the friendship? Wouldn´t it be kind of devastating? Well, it also depends on, how much of a friend she saw in me..... Thanks for any comments, I am bit lost in that right now....

My unbelievable story has even more unbelievable backround.... I still can´t soak it up.... But still, I knew, something was very wrong... I have at least 10 other stories, when she pushed me to appologize in the end. Or if I didn´t (throught the last couple month), she pretended, like nothing happened. I had this strange bond to her ( as you described). I was avare of, that I was saying sorry in situations, I would never say in my other friendships. It´s so strange, I knew all that so long ago.... In the last two mails, I´ve got from her, she was trying to convince me, that I must have obviously felt so bad (no wonder due to my life ...) and that I was letting it all on her..... But it was ok, she was ready to carry the burden..... I was thinking "How my possible lousy life is connected to her acting like a jerk?" Her family was actually manipulating me as well, I think at least in 2 cases.... But enought of this.... Miss M, thank you so much for all your effort. You really helped me a lot to understand, what was actually going on... You take care! Merry Christmas to everybody!

Well, Miss M, still overwhelmed.... I ´ve read plenty today about the codependency, she might easily fit the profil.... And I am sad, ´cause I really thought, she cared about me... Can I ask you a favor? I´ve posted about her here on "Friends and friendship" last week or so: "Complicated friendship"... Can you please read it (sorry, it´s very long) and tell me, if you still think, it might be it? You could see, it´s kind of more complicated. But I would say, I was the perfect target for being saved (almost new in the town, alone in the country, far from the family and friends...) I really used to think, she just wanted to shut me out in the end.... I really appreciate your help The story of this friendship make sense to me from your angel - FINALLY!! I had no idea, that people could have such a difficult life struggeling with all that..... and using others.... I feel for the both sides.... I am gonna try to take seriously your advice about not looking back. I think, I can do it, ´cause this feeling of "miserable all the time" is still fresh and the notion of "relief, relief, nothing but relief!" after the split is still amazingly strong....

Hi, me again I am sure, this is not the case of "growing apart". I´ve experienced that and that feels way too different from, what I was going throught.... Moreover I know her for 2 years, relatively new friendship.... Miss M. This all sounds like it might be the case. It´s kind of overwhelming right now to absorb all that..... She confided to me once, that she suffer some kind of emotional disorder, that runs her family. She had problems with accepting favors, she could feel really restless, when everybody else relax ....When she was invited to some party, it was huge struggle for her...She could spend days thinking of, what she´s done or said....I´ve never actually ask her to be more specific. She was often deppressed and I supported her as much as I could and she appreciated it really a lot (as she told me). This friendship ended up 3 month ago. However I thought, she was the most special gf, I´ve ever had, I couldn´t handle it anymore. I thought, she was shutting me out.....For me it seemed, like I was never good enought, as she hardly ever spent "happy" time with me... You know, I am in general very happy person, optimistic, outgoing....I´ve met her and I started to be sad, down, deppressed.... After 6 months it crossed my mind, I would feel so much better without her... She kept pitying me, pointing out at the bad sides of my life, I´ve never thought before, that those could be problems for me..... After one year I actually told her, I was sick of her pointing out at my lousy life all the time. She replied, she only wanted to help me.... It´s so strange to think about this friendship throught this new angel.... My friends, who know me for years, gave me advice a long time ago to run away from her, that she was using me and making me unhappy.... However this friendship was over, it borthered me not knowing, what went wrong, what I could have done differently....If this was the case, apparently I just didn´t understand her ....Pity, maybe I could`ve handled it better... Thanks a lot.

Thank you guys for reply. It´s really interesting, what you´re suggesting, Miss M. `Cause she actually told me once, that she often felt, like she must rescue everybody.... I never thought, it could be related to her behaviour. She also told me and I´ve experienced it couple times, that she could be very restless in occasions like dinner or party, when people are suppose just having fun together.... I thought, she didn´t hang out with me, ´cause maybe she didn´t like me, but then she always proved me wrong, when I was in troubles.... It´s really confusing.... She repeated often, she has done a lot for me, couldn´t I see it?? Sometimes I didn´t even know, why she mentioned it, but always asured her, that of course she has.... Does it have a name? I would like to know more about this. Thanks

Thank you for any reply I know, your true friends should be there for you throught the good and especially the bad. But what if you have an important friend, who is always there, when you are down, in troubles, deppressed, unhappy..... and almost never (and I really mean almost never!) when you are good and happy and up and wanna have some fun together? Then this friend is always busy and tired and "I would so love to, but some other time"... And then once in a while you are down again (sometimes partly because of that, ´cause you feel refused) and "hallo", there she is again! Always!! Running to rescue you......ready to listen, to support, to spend hours with you... But then it starts all over again...](*,) Ain´t it strange? At least it´s confusing.... I want some fun too... Did you ever experience that? Am I ungratefull, if it´s bothering me?

Hi Cynder, thank you for reading all this, I know it´s damn long....It was difficult to cut the story short I have problems to admit to myself, that she treated me badly. I tend to blame myself for all this.... I did let her know in one of the last mails, that I knew about the birthday present. So now, when I am on my "I should appologize" mood, I often remember it. I believe, she is the one, who should appologize at least for that..... As she never said sorry for anything else.... Never ever... She came up though with this huge explanation, why she gave it to me and bla bla bla.... But no "sorry, it was stupid"... Yes, I would say I need some closure of all this.... And the notion, that I was such rude to anybody makes me sick of myself.... So, maybe I will contact her...Or maybe I won´t.....Hasitant.... Thanks, good luck to you too!

Hi guys. My first post here. I would really appreciate your opinions and advices. The story is complicated and long, so thanks for your time.... I´ve met this girl about 3 yrs ago. Small talks at the gym first. About 2 yrs ago she invited me for a coffee, we became friends. We clicked right from the start: same interests, same backrounds, same values, we even look alike, the more in common we´ve found, the most amazed we were by each other.... We saw each other almost every day, texted daily several times...."Hi, how are you? Miss you. Thoughts of you. You are the best! No, you are the best! Love you! Love you more! Need you! Can´t be without you! See you soon! Hug you really really soon!" such things... I have to mention couple facts, important to know: 1. We are from different countries, we spoke English and later on Danish, which I´ve learnt. 2. She suffers of some kind of genetic deppression desease. 3. My feelings for her were so strong, that I thought, I am in love with her. 4. I have a kid, she doesn´t. We are both married though. After 6 month I had to go home for 4 month, we were pretty sad for that, but we kept in contact throught the net and cell phone. I´ve got the "have a nice trip"present from her - cd with song "Didn´t know, I was looking for love until I´ve found you..." Well, I´ve got back and opened up to her telling her, I am probably in love with her. Believe me, I would never say any, if I wasn´t sure, that it´s mutual.... Well, apparently it wasn´t, even if she was hugging me all the time, touching me... this one kiss, that took my breath away.... Anyway I misread those signs. She took it well, we continued as friends. I told her, I probably misunderstood my feelings, I only love her a lot... Soon after that our first fight started. I invited her and her husband for a dinner at our place, she forgot. She planed to spend some time with me during the weekend, she forgot. I was annoyed, ´cause of me, living appart from my family and husband, traveling quite often, I had to plan everything with having babysitter. She never got that.... I didn´t say a word, but seemed annoyed....Anyway, she wrote me this "assertive" mail, as she called it, that I am demanding and she wanna back off. What was I suppose to reply? I didn´t, I was crying.... Next day another "assertive" one, that she didn´t know what to think about me not replying..... Ended up me apologizing to her... Well, our second fight. About her family. Right from the start she took me for several visits to her parents, grandmothers, sister.... I was quite surprised by that, bit annoyed actually, ´cause I am always trying to keep contact with people, I met, so it ment another 8 new in my life.... But I thought, ok, if it´s important to her.... They all liked me a lot, wrote me mails, letters, stoped by for a coffee. I did the same as return...They treated me like their family.... But all of the sudden it was problem for her.....She accused me of chasing her family - another "sweet" mail.... I was in shock. It was her idea at first place! I called her and just asked, how could she think all those thinks about me...She replied, if I was saying, they were not true, she believed me. Just like that?? Ended up me appologizing to her....And feeling like a crap, ´cause I cut the contact with the people, who liked me, with no reason....I still wonder, if they got, what happened.... Then we didn´t see each other so often, she never had time. Just those small talks at the gym again. Then one day she came by and admited, she missed me a lot and she needed me. It all started again. Million sms, hug you, miss you, wanna kiss you.... Meanwhile all this, if we had some plans, she often cancelled on me, saying, she didn´t feel like, she was tired, deppressed, not in the mood.....Or because of someone else. I was trying to understand and support her.... My birthday party. She and her husband couldn´t come, they had some other friends over. Well, couldn´t they cancell on them for once? No... That time, about 6 month ago, she called me her best friend ever, the one she could never be without, the best best ever...."Thank you for you, you are my love forever!" My birthday present. Surprice, suprice! I opened it and said "Thank you soooo much, you are so sweet!". But crying inside though. I saw this particular thing at their house. I was taking care of their cats during the christmas holiday and it was standing there with other presents, they´ve got for christmas..... What was I suppose to think? That I was worth some junk, she´ve found in the closet and passed to me? I was confused and I was hurting all the time.... Bad news though.... We had to move to another town about 4 hrs drive from her..... We were both devasteted....She run into my place and hugged me and promised to be there for me anytime and so..."Well, you know, I am going out with my friends tonight, sorry, see you tomorrow?" And she left. But she wrote me in the middle of the night, that she would love to be with me....Is it just me, who thinks, this was strange? So I moved. We kept writting mails. I was at school in her town all the previous year to learn danish, so I had to return back for the final exams. (I didn´t actually have to, I used it as en exuse to get back and be close to her for almost a month). She knew, I was coming, we were so excited about that. "Where are you my love?" she wrote 2 hrs before I´ve got there. We met, she was so glad to see me and..... that was almost it..... Throught all this month she found time for me one saturday afternoon... I several times suggested something, she would so love to do that with me, but sorry, busy, tired, not in the mood, some other time.... (Like when?) Then I gave up.... She started sms chat about, how her not having time for me was nothing personal, that we would find a solution, that she loves me loves me loves me.... But this chat ended up again her accusing me of being demanding and that I started all this discussion..... I didn´t start it! So I left again, disappointed and hurt.... After that I tried not to write her so often, not to be hurt again... The final cut... I mentioned to her, that there was this aerobic marathon at the gym in Kbh, where we now live. I also wrote her, there was this dinner afterwards, so it would be nice to go out. Well, surprisingly enought, she wanted to come, but..... she had to return home right after the marathon, ´cause she had "an appointment". Ok, what kind of appointment one can have saturday night? I wrote her, not to come. I knew, it would hurt me, that she would be in hurry to reach the party with others in time..... She did come anyway. Throught all the marathon she was so nervous and checked the time constantly. I was so annoyed, it was so obvious, that she didn´t want to be there at first place..... I was mad.... Why did she come so? She left in such a hurry..... I wrote her, tried to explain, how I felt. That I was disappointed, she didn´t want to go out with me..... She freaked out and wrote. It was her, who came, true, I was demanding, maybe true, I was jealous of her friends, true....Something about her priorities.... I was quite shaking reading all that. And then I wrote her a mail, I regret. It was mean one, you know, when you want to hurt somebody... I succeeded.... I wrote her to have a nice life and ,please, no more "assertive" mails.... I´ve never heart more from her again.....I know, I overreacted in that case, but for me it was just this last straw... more then 2 months ago now.... What I want to know is: was I really that demanding? Going out with her, when we hardly ever see each other now? I was trying to compare her with my other friends, they would treat me differently in similar situations..... For me it seemed, like she was shutting me out. What do you think? What do you think about that birthday present? I feel so stupid.... Should I appologize for that mean mail? I´ve never hurt anybody on purspose and I feel really bad and guilty about it.... I felt nothing but relief though, after we split. She was having this horrible impact on me, I felt hurt and deppressed all the last 6 month, and it´s gone. I am so glad. However I am afraid, that when I write her, those feelings might be back.... I still love her, it didn´t disapear, but don´t wanna be in the middle of such a mess again.....I admit though, that I might love her more then a friend and that makes it all even more confusing (it never happened to me before...) I think, she was giving me really mixed signals. One thing was the hugging and touching, the other, she always promised something, that she never ment to happen. Did she treat me like her best friend? How does she treat the other friends though... I was so confused all the time and I still am. I just hate the empty promises.... She was writting me, how she would like to do this and that, go with me here and there, it never happened...Could her behaviour have something to do with the deppression desease? She could be really down and I was trying to support her all the time. I am afraid now, that I might do some really serious damage by this last refusing mail.... But I thought, if she chose others, then they might as well support her now... Appart from this all, we had also really nice times together, she was way too special girl to me.....It wasn´t just ment to be, I guess.... This is really long, I know. Sorry... But thank you for any comment....