justaman

I tried to get back in the gym while I was severely depressed, but looking at the weights, looking in the mirror at how much muscle I gained, and wondering if anyone suspected anything just added to the depression.... weird I know. Imagine not being able to tell anyone either, and putting my wife through that, who to this day doesn't know what I was doing. I'm back in the gym, have been for a while now. Mentally and physically I feel great! Not using now, won't be using again.

Only a few people know about this, two close friends and now you. To start off, I'd been lifting weights for about 7 years, never tried any supplements other than protein, vitamins, and creatine. Well, a friend of a friend asked me if I used steroids, and I said no. He replied back that he has some and would sell them to me cheap, but I turned him down. Come on now, we all know theyre bad for you right? Well, curiosity got the better of me and I started reading up on them, and turns out health wise they are pretty safe in moderation, so I figured what the heck, I've been lifting for a long time, maybe I'll just see what the hype is about, they can't really be the miracle that ppl make them out to be can they? I started injecting 2x a week with the max recommended amount. By the 4th week, my strength was WAY up, I had gained almost 15lbs, my shirts and pantlegs were getting real tight, and was feeling/looking better than I ever had. I went and had my blood pressure taken, and it was higher than normal, but still pretty good. Heart rate was still normal, cardiovascular was good, I felt perfect. One of my lifting partners who was steroid free, who had always been stronger than me, was now on par with me. It was cool at first, but then something snapped. I cheated. Two more months of this and where would I be, 10-15 more lbs heavier, would I pass my friend up even farther? It seemed so easy, and noone knew! I hate cheaters, and I became one! All of these guys in here busting there asses to get shown up by me who gained more in a month than they do in a year! After I finished the 5th week I stopped. The steroids continued working for another 2 weeks, and during this time I felt fine, everything was fine! Round about the 3rd week, I started taking meds to get my natural testosterone production back up, anti-estrogens, etc. Couple my now low testosterone with breast cancer meds (synthetic engineered estrogens, and estrogen blockers), and I fell into a DEEP depression. I hated myself for cheating, and for the first time felt suicidal. It was a strange sensation, something I wont forget. I realize it was 'only hormonal', but WOW, I had no idea how big a role they play in mental health. Until this time, I believed everyone should be happy, that there is no reason why anyone would ever feel like commiting suicide. I now know different, and I hope and pray for each and every one of you that is going through this, for WHATEVER reason, that you can make it out of this, and your life WILL get back on track. DON'T EVER GIVE UP!!!

How old are you? More than likely the working out IS NOT going to stunt your growth. The way most kids stunt their growth is lifting extremely heavy weight, over and over. For instance, maxing out on bench press every day for weeks on end, or putting 400lb on squats and trying to get it off the rack to impress your friends. In fact, moderate weight lifting (doing 8-12 reps per set with a weight that doesnt feel like it's going to hurt you) can actually increase height by increasing your natural growth hormone and testosterone levels slightly. If you are getting chubby, try eating smaller meals each day that dont really 'fill you up', but eating 5-6 times a day and work out. For instance: 7:00am: breakfast (eggs, toast, milk, orange) 10am: snack between classes, hide a protein bar in your locker maybe. 12pm: lunch (chicken sandwhich, fruit, etc) 4pm: yogurt, fruit, whole wheat crackers 4:30: lift weights or run (dont run more than 30mins, dont lift more than 1hr) 5-5:30: protein shake 7-8pm: dinner (get some veggies, etc) Also dont take that to the T. Be flexible with it, just make sure you are getting in healthy food, and avoid cokes/candy/sweets. When I was 16, almost 17, I was in your shoes. I didn't like how I felt or looked. After 4 weeks of working out and eating NO SUGAR (which was very hard), I was still the same weight but much stronger and could see a little definition, that was the motivation. By the time I was 18, I had a 6 pack and was about 20lb heavier (gained almost 30lb of muscle in a year, and grew ove an inch). As far as supplements, stick with a multivitamin and vitamin c. Get plenty of sleep, and I garantee in 6 weeks you'll be a new man!

Bottom line, it sounds like the guy is using you for sex and you really dont care about yourself or how your husband feels. Being a husband, if I found out my wife cheated once, and felt horrible, told me about it up front, etc etc, I might let it go and just go tell his wife what he did and ruin his marriage. If I found out she did it 5x, wasn't really remorseful except for the fact that she might lose her job, AND would give in again if asked, on top of being treated like crap and putting up with a sorry SOB that cheats on his wife, I'd get their boss involved (can you say fired?), make the news very public (tell their family, friends, business partners, clients, etc)... basically ruin their lives, because now all the time, money, and effort I had invested in the MARRIAGE is gone. Then I would sue for damages, get custody of the children, collect child support, buy a sports car and/or motorcycle, three things I gave up because I decided being married and starting a family with the woman I loved was more important. But now since she disagrees, I would get to be free, have the kids, cars, toys, the ability to date other women. Seems like you are giving him the better end of hte deal. You get to get fresh with a cheating husband once a week that doesn't pay attention to you, and he gets everything. So wait, what was your question?

some_guy, you could not be more correct. And phreckles, thanks again. I am going to try to find a counselor this week. We are going to my sisters birthday party and my brother in laws birthday party this weekend, so hopefully we can just keep things going smoothly for a few days until we can get a counselor to help out. Again, thank you all for listening and talking with me...

thanks for the words. My mom basically took over the wedding planning. My wifes parents (divorced) rarely are involved in our life, and rarely even call us, maybe once every few months, if that much, so they had no part in the wedding at all, other than showing up, nor did they try to take part in it. Her dad was going to pay for most of it, but about a couple months before decided he wasn't going to anymore. Since we were so young (22 & 21), still in college, we had no money, and my parents footed the entire bill, so my mom made sure she got what she wanted in the wedding, and went overboard making that happen. At least we got to pick out her dress and our cakes. =/ They were also involved in helping pay for some of her school/bills, and she hated that too, but what is she going to do, turn down rent money? Shes very independent, and taking money from my family was extremely hard. Now that we are financially set up, it's better, but still a soft spot. We live about an hour from my family now, and are moving 10 hours away in January, where I have two job offers, and she has two very good shots at some decent jobs as well. I'll be going to school full time and working. Hopefully this will get us far enough away to really be ourselves. The last move was supposed to do that for us, but it was only temporary. As for going to the gym at 5am, I actually did that for about 2 weeks, but I found it pointless. The extra time we were going to spend together turned into me bumming around while she studied, then we'd go to bed. So instead of me being bored, I'd rather get that extra sleep, workout while she is studying, then still go to bed together at the same time. She studies at night, so I just leave her in the office at her desk and find something else to do till she is done. I'm not sure why she throws such a fit if i'm gone while she is studying, maybe she just wants me to be around? I have no idea.

Where to begin... I'm out of college (about to go back in January), working at a very good/steady job, making more than enough money to support my wife and I, allowing us to take trips every weekend, camping, visiting family, fishing, shopping trips, etc. I work about 40-50hrs a week, M-F, so I really can't complain about the hours. My typical M-F day is wake up at 6:30am, eat breakfast, pack my food for the day, then go to work. I work till 5pm, come home, cook dinner with my wife, take care of bills/chores if there are any, if not then I just hang out and talk with my wife about our day, then run to the gym at 8pm-9pm, come home shower, and go to bed. Sometimes I forgo the gym if I've had a bad day, so I get a coupld extra hours at the house. My wifes typical M-F day is get up at 5:30am, drive to her campus thats about 45mins away, study/go to class till 4ish, then get back home around 5-5:30. She is taking a lot of hours and graduating in December, but still manages to get her work done along with help out around the house some. Taking 18hours ALONE is more than enough. So here's our PROBLEMS: 1. We dated about a year before we got engaged, things went really well till about a month before we got married. My family got really involved (and nosey) with the marriage, and my wife HATED IT! She has kept that resentment and won't let go of it. It's not totally unfounded, but she can't let that go, to this day! 2. She also doesn't like it when I go to the gym at 8pm, saying that it's too late and will actually create a big deal about it and has even thrown things (and broken them) over me going to the gym at 8, stating that I should just wake up earlier and go in the morning. That's a good idea, but I don't see anything wrong with going at 8, plus I'm not exactly a morning person and I'll just sleep in. That's how I am, that's how I'll always be. 3. I think this is the biggest issue I have. In my family, we've RARELY yelled at each other, as in once every 10 years, and then it's not a yelling match, it's a 'someone gets mad enough to yell then apologizes 2 seconds later' kind of yelling. My wife YELLS, CUSSES, SCREAMS, and THROWS FITS about the smallest things, just about 3-4 times a week. A list of things she can find enough energy to yell and scream about: the credit card bill is due, I have to study for an exam, the house is dirty (which means there are 5minutes worth of dishes, 2 loads of laundry, and we need to vaccuum), and you're not getting paid until when?? And this happens 3-4x a week. Well of course we have to wash clothes 2x a week, our washer is small. We cook 4 course meals 4-5x a week, there's going to be dishes to do, especially if we got 'lazy' and didn't do them the night before. And I am supposed to get paid every two weeks, but this is a very small company going through big changes, so sometimes they get behind a few days, or a week, and she gets thoroughly upset about this one, because she likes to have money at all times, i think it's a safety issue. I can do with $50 in my account for a few days, and hold out until I get paid. We dont live off credit cards, so of course our checking account is going to get low until I get paid again. 4. The worst part is I get cut down during the one sided yelling matches. I get blamed if she doesn't get to study, I get blamed if the dishes aren't done (even if it's 5:30 and I got home at 5:29). When I don't get paid till a few days after I'm supposed to, I'll hear about bills and how much gas is costing these days, and asked 'what do you want me to do, starve', when it is totally outrageous that I would actually be TRYING to starve her. 5. Communication is bad, and she thinks it's ALL my fault, even though I get run over by her, and usually just let her do it, 99.9% of the time. She says I annoy her when I try to make things work. I also get her saying 'It's OVER', then she walks out the door, to return 30minutes later. I can't even think about having children if this is how she acts. I know she's only 22, but wow, this is getting out of hand, and I don't knw what to do. It's like the obvious things that are going to happen are surprises to her, and everytime these 'surprises' happen, she flips out. I get called out on ALL of the mistakes I make, even if I can't help them (like getting paid late), yet I KNOW if I ASK her to do the smallest thing, there is so much resentment for all of these small things built up (that should never be built up in the first place), that she will explode. I'm not sure how to get through this, and I really am tired of walking around on my tip toes so I dont get yelled at or make her get mad. I think our life could be great, I think we have a lot of things going for us, and it seems like she doesn't see all of the good that's around us. PLEASE HELP!!