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Thanks all for the advice and insights... I usually do not play games and he's not a player either and no, he doesn't deserve it. Since I was aware of his situation right from the beginning, I had made the effort to be more open than I usually am, especially about my feelings towards him thinking it would make him feel secure - apparently this wasn't for the better as I thought because he told me a few weeks ago that he doesn't feel the same way as I do towards him at the moment and it maybe unfair of him to keep on hold to me. This was in response to my sms of telling him he doesn't seem to want or need me or the relationship, and I didn't want to be in another one of those relationships. He actually hadn't shown much signs of not wanting me, it's just that since we were given the distance, the contact level decreased significantly and I was unsure about what was on his mind so I nudged him, and yes, it was a stupid thing to have done. I know he is(or was, at least till 2 weeks ago) into me, he does show it by actions, and he's also mentioned a few times that I'm everything that he ever wanted. but perhaps it's the fears blocking the way or the defence mechanism is still in full force that he just can't let go of his emotions... He's always said that he's lucky to be with me and that he thinks I deserve better than him. I've never really known what to say to this 2nd comment or how to make him feel better about it so again I thought by telling him how much I like him and care for him would help, but it seems as though it has put pressure on him. How can I actually let him know that he's all I want, without pressuring him? I completely trust him, and he says he does too, but the thing is I know that he doesn't trust some guys, who would try and go for a girl knowing that they're attached. Not to be full of myself, but there are quite a few guys after me and he's aware of that. Since our 'big' talk 2 weeks back, we've only talked once about the relationship and all the rest has just been catching up - I asked him whether he was still willing to give it a go, and all he said was that he didn't know. He's said he wants to talk about it, but I'm not sure if I even have the guts to bring it up. In a way, if he is willing to continue on and doesn't mention it, I'd rather not mention it either but would that be just running away from it? I don't even know when and how to bring it up as he's flying in tomorrow morning and is pretty much going straight to work and am sure he'll be jetlagged for a few days. Thanks for listening (or reading, rather) to my rant... I've hardly had any sleep so sorry if I'm not making too much sense...

Thanks for the comments... he has told me that he has processed his divorce already and I do believe that's true. Perhaps the distance has made him realise that I'm just not 'it'... he told me a few weeks back that he wants to talk about it when he gets back, but the fact that I have absolutely no idea of what his thoughts are on my or the relationship has been kiiling me. I've always been open and honest with him so I will remain that way. He's coming back tomorrow and as much as I am looking forward to seeing him, I'm really scared as well to the point that I can't even sleep, and it's 3:30 in the morning here... As for why I said 'stupid things'? I don't know. I guess I wanted his attention - he's never been a very 'verbal' person so it was like going cold turkey when he left. I know it was stupid of me and I have been torchuring myself over saying certain things, and although the things I said may not have been the direct reason why he is doubting the relationship, they certainly triggered his thoughts for sure. I would do anything to take those words back but I obviously can't...

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I know it's all upto the individual but I just wanted to try and understand where my boyfriend is coming from... He met his ex when we was 19, got married at 25 and divorced at 28. It's been a year and a half or so since then, and I've been seeing him for 4 months or so, and I'm his first 'serious' relationship after the divorce. It basically wasn't going well, but it all ended when she cheated on him. When we started seeing each other, he did mention that he did have a high wall around his heart because of that, and I've known he's got an insecurity towards being hurt or that someone leaving him. He's been away for about a month now and I've said stupid things that have possibily enhanced that insecurity, and no he's doubting the relationship. Friends say that it's probably his defence mechanism saying 'leave it before you get hurt again'. He's told me that he doesn't think he's capable of loving me or anyone for that matter. Perhaps he's just realised that he doesn't love me, but my question is, is it really that hard to fall in love again once you're badly burnt? Is it something that will heal with time? I care for him a lot and am willing to wait out or make the effort if there is anything I can do...

Thanks DN - I know he is willing to talk face to face when he gets back. It's just killing me at the moment not knowing what's going through his head - I feel like asking him just whether he thinks he is willing to give the relationship a chance or he's already drawn his drastic conclusions... I also would like him to know that I didn't mean the things I said and the last thing I had in mind was breaking up with him. I knew he is fixated on the 'one sided' thing, but the fact is, it wasn't one sided in many ways. I want to tell him these things before he makes up his mind if he already hasn't. I have been corresponding mostly by smses and online with him since then - neither of us touches the subject and it's all pretty much the same as it was before - except the emotional 'i miss you', 'hugs/kisses' and phone calls are lacking compared to before. Should I stop contacting him for a while?

First of all, we haven't broken up yet (but I feel we're on the verge of doing so) so not sure I'm posting in the appropriate section, but here goes... My bf and I both live in a country that is neither of our home countries. He left for a month's break back to his home country 3 weeks ago and has one more week to go before coming back here. We'd been together for nearly 4 months and it had been going GREAT - we both considered ourselves lucky to have met and to be with each other. Although he is not very expressive verbally, all the things he did physically showed how much he cared and liked me. I'm not too verbal myself, but I knew from the start that he had an insecurity - his exwife cheated on him and they split about a year and a half ago - so I decided that it would be best to be open and expressive to him to somehow try and take away the wall that he had build around his heart. We agreed from the beginning that the wall is pretty solid and it may take quite a while to break down. The relationship got serious very quickly - by the 2nd month we were pretty much living together. Since he has left, I've found it very very difficult to cope with - especially without all the attention he gave me not being there anymore. I accidentally sent an sms meant for our mutual friend to him saying that I don't think it's going to work out as the relationship is lopsided - what I meant by this was just in the communication sense. He called me the next day asking me about this - he's not very much of a phone person either so we had a talk about it and he said that he would try and be more considerate - since then he had been calling me at least once everyday and msn-ing whilst at work. Unfortunately...I still wasn't coping well. Everytime I went out with friends, I ended up calling him drunk and embarrasingly not really remembering what I had said. I know how unplesant it is to face someone when they're drunk and you're not, but I just couldn't help it. I did this about 3 times over a week period, and the last time completely blew it - I was probably nagging him about something to the point he told me that he is not going to talk to me when I'm like this and hung up. I was both pissed and pissed off - stupid me sends him an sms saying 'I deserve better than this, bye'. Breaking up with him was the last thing I had in mind. To make it even worse, seeing that he hadn't replyed to that the next morning, I sent him another sms apologising for the previous night's call, but at the same time telling him that I felt as though he did not really need or want me or the relationship. The reply to that was that he did not know what he wanted anymore, that he wasn't so sure about being with me anymore either, and that he has known all the way along that I deserve better than him and that I was right that the relationship was one sided. Anyway, panickingly I called him back. He sounded very distressed and told me that he could just not continue on like this. He said that he's just doesn't know at the moment and that we both should take time and think about it. He told me that he doesn't think he feels the same way I do towards me - he doesn't think that he can love me or anyone else for that matter of a fact - he thought by spending a lot of time with me it would happen, but it hadn't - that I had managed to break down the wall a bit but it was still there. He agrees that we do have a great relationship and the fact is that when we're together we don't have any problems at all, but the problem was about him, rather than me or the relationship. He also mentioned that I'm everything that he has ever wanted, and never thought it would come to this, but something just didn't seem to be right, as well as that we had gotten too serious too soon. Although I completely understand that I am the one who rocked the boat, I am absolutely devistated by all of this I am truly miserable at the moment not knowing what he is thinking or how he really feels about it. I have got other issues that came up recently that I need to settle but I just can't focus on it. I have since then written him an email on a few points that were raised in the phone call and that the bottom line is I do like him a lot, cherrish the relationship and his efforts a lot and am very content with it, would work on the problems on my side and hope that he will find the relationship and me worth the effort to try and get over this first bump in our relationship. So, I'd like to ask you experts this...is there anything I can do to salvage the relationship? What do his words indicate? I'm at a stage where I've over analysed everything and I just can't think or see straight anymore. I'm totally in love with this guy and even though if he doesn't feel quite the same way that I do, I'm content of how we were and am willing to continue chipping on the wall bit by bit. All I want was our relationship back when he was here - I know that's probably not going to happen but any advice on it would be much appreciated. Thanks for reading through!