juniuspamphlet

hey shadow, If you're considering couples counseling, then your level of commitment to this relationship is pretty high. That's a good thing, I think. But if you do go to counseling, you should be aware that this process of trying to work things out with your GF can be a double-edge sword. It can be very helpful, but it can also be a sure way to let go of a relationship for good. What I'm trying to say is that counseling does not always have the desired result (i.e., to repair a broken relationship)...Still, if I were you I would give it a try...After all, it always helps to have a neutral third party listen to your complaints, and help you both understand your invidivual needs. Good luck!

(There ARE a couple of questions at the end of this narration, so please read this whole post...) So, I think it's safe to describe myself as having an attachment disorder, and my domestic patner as sort of a hypochondriac with some selfish and some codependent tendencies...Wonderful combination for a romantic relationship, huh? This weekend has been one of the worst in the past several months. My partner's mom died on october 2004, and due to my own emotional scars surrounding my parents' deaths when I was a little kid, I took her death REALLY hard. Now, the anniversaries of her admission to the hospital (early october) and her death (late october) are coming up, and I have been doing what I can to avoid remembering these anniversaries, but without success. Needless to say, I have been feeling as desperate and depressed as I was last year while partner's mom was still alive but dying. It also doesn't help that I seem to have the symptoms of attachement disorder. I completely dread partner's absense for too long a period of time (for example, if either of us were to travel by ourselves, or if there's a disruption in our weekly routine and we end up not doing anything together durign the weekend). And I can get really jealous of his friends and family...I'm a little too possessive with him, I guess.... My partner's best friend invited him to see a football game with him today, and as he needs to be more social, the rational part of my mind says that it was more than OK for partner to accept the invite, etc. Well, he was gone since 11AM (to secure a parking space near the stadium) and came back at 7:30PM tonight (game went to OT). That's most of the day! And he had tried to make it sound like he would be back soon after 4PM.... I had been a little angry at him for going, but before he left I told him to have fun, etc., and even gave him a "forgiving" hug and kiss. Most of the time he was gone, I was trying to occupy my mind so I wouldn't be looking at the clock so much, and I was mostly successful, I think...But as soon as he came back, I got angry again, and showed it by avoiding eye contact with him while he said "hi". I also resented the fact that instead of "I'm sorry I'm so late, but the game lasted longer than expected", or "how are you feeling right now?" (he's fully aware of my issues), he goes like "I'm not feeling well. I think I need to go to the hospital".... So I was like, "Ok, if you need to go to the hospital, then go!" So he stormed out of the house. Not sure if he went to the hospital, or the "crisis center", which is where he usually goes to vent whenever he feels overwhelmed, or if he feels I'm being unfair or something.... Now, he tends to be a mild hypochondriac...But lately, he's been obssessing more than usual about his health. He went to the dr last week with a complaint of vertigo, and the dr said he should get an MRI. So, after googling his symptoms, my partner decided that he probably has a cancerous brain tumor...I guess it's possible that his vertigo is an indication of something serious, but honestly my usually pretty accurate psychic-like intuition (I foretold his mom's death, among other things) tells me that his condition is not serious or life threatening. When he gets an MRI this coming week, my intuition will either be confirmed or denied, so we'll see....But...partner had an MRI (for something unrelated) earlier this year, and there was nothing abnormal with his brain. So, I think it's highly unlikely that he really has a tumor... Still, he is worried, and I should have been more supportive of him. But instead, I was angry and resentful...So I'm feeling really guilty. Was I too harsh with him? Should I give myself a break, given my own issues? If any of you have had experiences similar to mine, how have you handled them? What has worked for you, and what hasn't? I hope some of you might be able to help with some advice. (Btw, I am already going to see a therapist, but talk therapy is slow work, so I don't expect immediate results from it...)

Celci, even if you're not aware of your prejudice, you do sound like somewhat who could be classified as prejudiced. You might want to work on changing that...But that's just my opinion. But to answer your question: depends on your boyfriend's genetic makeup (dominant vs. recesive characteristics) whether or not your future children will inherit your phenotype or his "ethnic" phenotype. Süsser Tod: I gotta take offense at your statement. I am one of those "latinos" whose faces you find so disagreable, but honestly I have a very pretty face and am also atractive otherwise. I do have an ethnic look that screams of an indian ancestry, but I'm at least 10 times better looking than your average-looking person (whether white, black, or any other so-called race). Ethnic looks like mine don't necessarily mean that we are "not very pretty people"...